


Desires

by A_Million_Regrets



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angry Phil, Angst, Bickering, Bottom Dan Howell, Domestic Fluff, Drama & Romance, Drunk Dan Howell, Drunk Phil Lester, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fighting for Survival, Fights, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sassy Dan, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Stranded on an Island, Top Phil, Vain Dan, Violence, Wild animals, caring and nursing, cute green snake, cute rabbits, lots of Dan and Phil interaction, what am I doing with my life, wolves and tigers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2020-08-11 06:31:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 164,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20149198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Million_Regrets/pseuds/A_Million_Regrets
Summary: What would you do if you were suddenly hauled from your inauspicious life and dumped into an unforeseen catastrophe with your worst enemy?Dan Howell and Phil Lester completely and utterly hate each other. They fight every time they meet, and all of their friends are tired of it. But one day, these two hot-headed, reckless men stumble through a secret passage in a mysterious old house and wake up on a strange island uninhabited by other intelligent life forms. They only have each other and no way to escape. Will they fight to death, or will they learn to trust each other in a world where no one else exists? Can they put aside their mutual hatred for each other to survive this misfortune?





	1. Loneliness and pain

The cigarette touched Phil's chapped lips and he inhaled deeply, taking a long drag before releasing it all into the air. Wisps of grey, silver smoke curled and swirled in front of him before vanishing into the air. The smell hung in the thick atmosphere, settled on the furniture, wrapped around his body like a warm blanket and he immediately relaxed, leaning back on the couch. He took another drag, long and slow, sucking as much smoke as he could into his lungs, and exhaled, watching with bored blue eyes as it mingled with the air and disappeared again.

The room was packed with people Phil barely recognized, laughing, talking, whispering amongst each other. They were all having fun in one way or another, playing stupid party games or engaging in activities that Phil had no desire to partake in. Most, if not all, of them looked happy, smiling widely and displaying perfect white teeth.

Something squeezed in Phil's chest and he released more smoke into the air, watching it with a pained expression on his face and then looking away to stare up at the ceiling instead.

Idle, mindless chatter and raucous laughter rang in his ears, the loud, obnoxious music roared in his mind, the walls were too bland and the ceiling seemed to be coming closer and closer the more he looked at it.

Abruptly, he looked away, frantic eyes searching desperately for something, anything to look at, anything that didn't make his lungs squeeze and his throat constrict.

Another shaky inhalation and more smoke flowed out of his mouth, silvery clouds rising upwards and hanging in the air. It made him feel a tiny bit relaxed but not enough to calm his nerves. Everywhere he looked, people were laughing, singing, dancing and there he was, sat all alone, with no company, no friends, no one.

More smoke twirled in the air, grey clouds forming and dying in front of his eyes.

Suddenly, Phil felt extremely alone. Alone, empty, dead. The loud, noisy music thrummed through his veins, the alcohol in his blood made him dizzy, drowsy and sick. He looked around and all he saw was couples kissing against the walls and friends laughing together, and suddenly the cigarette wasn't enough. The cloud of smoke wasn't enough. The alcohol in his blood wasn't enough.

Nothing was ever _enough_.

Loneliness was something Phil felt often, devouring his confidence and optimism. It was not like he didn't have any friends; he did. He had many friends. But sometimes he just couldn't help but crave for something more, something to call his and his alone.

Phil sighed and huffed, crushing the cigarette on the ash tray and standing up. He immediately stumbled and swayed on his feet, a wave of dizziness hitting him out of nowhere. He grabbed blindly for the couch and leaned against it, breathing deeply and releasing the residual smoke from his lungs.

Phil looked up and locked eyes with Louise across the room. She gave him a knowing sad smile, asking unknown questions with her eyes. Phil sighed deeply and faked a smile, waving absently and turning away. Sometimes he just didn't like the way his friends looked at him. He was fine. He didn't need a babysitter. He was a twenty four year old man, not a child.

Phil pushed through the crowd of drunken people, stumbling his way towards the bathroom. His focus was blurry even through his glasses and he kept staggering and bumping into people, mumbling half hearted and pointless apologies on the way.

By the time, he reached the bathroom, he was heaving and panting, stomach lurching uncomfortably. He stood there, leaning against the wall for several minutes, catching his breath, then he turned around and pushed the door open, teetering inside.

“Oh, fuck!” someone exclaimed and Phil blinked repeatedly, clearing his vision and trying to focus. Once his vision cleared though, he immediately wished it hadn't. Pure, unadulterated rage shook his very core and he glared at the occupants of the room, resisting the intolerable urge to vomit at the sight in front of him.

It was none other than the notorious Dan Howell, standing on his knees with a cock in his mouth.

Anger and hatred mingled and exploded in his stomach and suddenly, he wished he had a cigarette with him so he could take a long drag and forget all about this.

Why did this always happen to him?

The first time he had seen Dan Howell was at a party very similar to this three years ago, in this exact same position, with that same fucking thing in his mouth. The guy was a horny piece of shit and every single time, every single damn time, Phil caught him in this exact same position.

For some reason, it really irritated Phil and he hated Dan right off the bat. From that moment on, they had always avoided each other, but Phil's displeasure must have shown on his face because Dan Howell hated him right back. It was in his every gaze, every glare, every look that pierced into Phil's heart, the hatred, the rivalry. It was all a game, a competition, and Phil had no idea why he was even playing.

In the three years that Phil had known Dan Howell, he had never had a decent conversation with him, it was either fake civility or punches and kicks that hurt for months.

Nevertheless, they were both YouTubers with mutual friends and not spending time with him was inevitable, thus, things like this happened more often than not.

“What the fuck, Lester?” Dan snapped, “Get the fuck out.”

Phil glared at him, gritting his teeth. He really was not in the mood to fight but Dan Howell always seemed to rile him up without even trying. Phil's blood sizzled just by looking at his stupid face.

“I said get out. Is that too hard to comprehend for your pea sized brain?” Dan grumbled, trying to pull the guy's cock back into his mouth, but the guy stepped back with wide eyes and quickly pulled his pants up, looking mortified as he fastened his belt in a rush.

“There's this thing called a private bedroom, you fucking uncultured piece of shit,” Phil snapped, “This bathroom is for everyone. If you don't want people to walk in then maybe you should try doing this in the upstairs bedroom once in a while.”

The poor guy standing awkwardly next to Dan coughed and cleared his throat. “Um, I'll see you l-later,” he stuttered before glancing at Phil in fear and quickly rushing out of the room.

“What? Wait, no!” Dan moaned, “Hey, come back!”

He didn't come back and for some reason, Phil felt relieved and he smirked at Dan, “Thank god.”

Dan glared at him, “Do you even realize what you just did, you bastard? It took me an hour, thirteen minutes and eight seconds to convince that guy to let me suck him off in the toilet and all my efforts just went down the drain because of you. You just ruined my whole fucking night!”

Rage bubbled up his chest and he gritted his teeth. “Shut the fuck up. I don't need to know the details.”

“What? Afraid of cock?” Dan mocked, “What are you? Four?”

That was it. Phil really was not in the mood to argue or fight as usually most of their fights got physical and ended in one or both of them getting badly injured. But Dan Howell was like gasoline against his burning skin and no matter how tired or sad he was, Dan always made his heartbeat quicken, his jaw clench and his eyes burn with fury. It was like a matchstick, every time Dan was around, something sparked inside him, making him momentarily forget all about his lonely feelings. The hatred inside him, passionate and fierce, turned into wild fire in his heart at the sight of him.

Phil closed the gap between them in two quick strides and before Dan could open his stupid, sarcastic and snarky mouth, Phil had him pinned against the wall, his breathing heavy and their noses almost touching as he glared at Dan. “I told you to shut up, didn't I?” Phil growled and it might be his imagination but he felt Dan shiver. “Do you not understand English or am I somehow speaking in Chinese without knowing?”

“Get your filthy hands off me,” Dan snapped, “I'm delicate.”

“Why do you insist on sucking cocks in public?” Phil asked angrily, “We all know you're gay and a fucking whore, Daniel. You don't have to shove it down our throats every single damn time.”

Dan's eyes immediately hardened and he clenched his jaw, but Phil simply glared at him one more time and released him, turning around and deciding to just walk away. This guy was clearly not worth his time. No matter how much Phil hated him, Dan was nothing but a stupid slut and Phil was just wasting his time on him.

The empty feelings were slowly creeping back into his veins and if he didn't leave now, this would turn into a huge fight. He could already feel it, thrumming through his veins, some intense, fierce, ferocious emotion that made his heart pound and his fists clench into tight fists.

He saw it in Dan's eyes. He saw it in the way the veins on his neck stood out, pulsing against his milky white skin. Phil saw it in the clench of his jaw, in the small sound his gritting teeth made, in his heated glare and the furrow of his eyebrows.

Dan grabbed the collar of Phil's shirt before he could move and slammed him back against the wall, his fist tightening around Phil's throat as he leaned in so close, Phil could feel his breaths brushing against his cheeks and ghosting over his lips, warm and soft.

Suddenly Phil wasn't so empty anymore. The world disappeared around him and all he could see, feel, touch was his rival, his arch enemy, the person he hated the most but also the only person who could make him feel alive when everything inside him was dead. Dan made him feel so alive and free, the kind of freedom that settled deep down in his bones and made every single cell in his body alert and active.

“What did you just call me, Lester?” Dan growled angrily, “Call me that one more time, I'll . . . ” he trailed off, tightening his fist around Phil's throat. Phil gasped but Dan didn't stop.

Dan was merciless. Dan was evil. Dan was selfish and Phil loved riling him up, making him angry, seeing that vein in his neck pulse and watching the angry flush creeping up his neck.

It was the only time, Phil felt something other than numbness.

Phil gasped for breath as Dan squeezed his neck, his eyes filled with pure hatred. Phil struggled for air, his lungs squeezed and burned and he choked, fingernails scratching Dan's arms, digging into his flesh as he desperately tried to get some oxygen into his lungs. Black spots danced around his vision and he was about to just close his eyes and die but before that, Dan released him with a warning glare.

Phil coughed and slid to the floor, rubbing his neck and gasping for breath. Dan smirked down at him and turned to leave, but Phil couldn't let him go. He had forgotten how this felt, how much he needed this. It was like a drug, fighting with Dan Howell, addictive and unhealthy but Phil always came back for more.

“W-what?” Phil coughed and heaved, “That's all you can do?”

Dan froze and then he turned around, eyes as cold and hard as a frozen lake in winter. “You never learn, do you?”

“And neither do you,” Phil smirked breathlessly, coughing into his hands, “Does your mom know? That you're a dirty cocksucker? I bet she'll be proud to find out that her son is a cock sucking whore.”

Dan's jaw was clenched and his hands balled into fists as he glared at Phil but there was something in his eyes, something that suggested that he was hurt. Scared and hurt. Phil felt immensely satisfied. It was a well known fact that Dan's family didn't approve of his homosexual lifestyle. It was a huge scandal almost a year ago when Dan came out on YouTube, his mother made a video disowning her own son and going as far as to say that Dan Howell was disgusting and a disgrace to humanity as a whole. Phil knew bringing it up was a low blow but he didn't care. For once, he was feeling alive and free. Nothing was going to stop him.

“It's probably your career, isn't it? Professional cocksucker,” Phil chuckled humorlessly, “If you don't mind me asking, how much do you earn a month? Do they even give you money or do you just beg them to fuck you again as payment?”

Dan's eyes flashed with anger and before Phil could even blink, Dan lunged at him, his closed fist colliding with Phil's jaw. Phil's glasses clattered to the floor and his neck twisted due to the force of the punch. A splatter of blood from Phil's broken nose stained the wall and Dan grabbed the collar of his shirt, slamming his head hard against the wall. Phil cried out in pain, his eyes squeezed shut as a wave of nausea hit him. His stomach churned and it took a while for him to realize that Dan had just kicked him in the stomach, repeatedly. Phil spat blood onto the floor, bright red splashing the dirty tiles.

“I know what your fucking problem is, Lester,” Dan growled, releasing him. Phil immediately slid down to the floor, his jaw throbbing, his stomach lurching uncomfortably. “I know your type. Lonely, depressed little boys with nothing to do, trying to degrade others so they can feel better about themselves.”

Phil's heart sank deep down into his stomach and his breathing increased. Something about what Dan had said made his heart clench painfully and he stared at Dan in disbelief.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Dan snapped at him, kicking his stomach one more time. Phil winced in pain, breathing heavily. “Does the depressed little boy want to die? Did you forget to take your pills?”

Phil just rolled his eyes, “Fuck off.”

“Do you want me to give you a knife? Or a rope perhaps?” Dan smirked, “How about some poison?”

Phil's anger boiled over and he grabbed Dan's leg and pulled, hard, making Dan gasp and fall to the floor. “What the fuck do you think you're–” Dan snapped.

“Fuck you, asshole!” Phil growled and before Dan could get up, Phil climbed on top of him and punched him square in the face. Dan winced in pain and struggled against his grip, but Phil clenched his jaw and grabbed his hair, pulling harshly. Dan bit his hand and Phil cried out in pain, swinging his arms blindly. He heard a crack when his hand collided with Dan's jaw but now that he had already started, he couldn't stop. He was angry and frustrated, he needed to kick, punch, _hurt. _

They rolled on the floor and fought. They kicked, punched and hurt each other just like Phil wanted. They pulled each other's hair and bit each other, they even ripped each other's shirts off at some point but Phil couldn't even bring himself to care. He was warm and hot and sweaty, he was alive and he was feeling all kinds of things. Nothing else mattered and the world didn't exist.

But suddenly, he was being pulled away by two strong arms wrapped around his waist, their grip tight as they dragged him back.

“Stop it, Phil!” Someone said and Phil immediately recognized Chris's voice. He was panting hard and still buzzing with energy and the need to hurt. He struggled, kicked and scratched Chris, trying to get out of his grip. He could only see one thing and that was Dan. Dan was being pulled away by PJ and he was struggling too, panting and glaring at Phil like he wanted to kill him.

“Dan, will you please stop?” PJ snapped, “God, why do you have to fight all the time? Can't you guys at least try to be civil? I'm tired of breaking your fights all the time!”

“He started it!” Both of them yelled in unison.

“You fucking liar! It was you–”

“You're the one who was sucking cock in–”

“Guys, don't–”

“He called me a slut and–”

“–called me depressed–”

“–provoked me–”

“–kicked me in the stomach–”

“Guys...”

“–bringing my mom up, you fucking piece of absolute sh–”

“–not depressed, thank you very much.”

“Guys, stop...”

“Why can't he leave me alone? Why–”

“–bastard. I can't believe he–”

“Can you guys please just–”

“–he fucking bit me like an animal–”

“–pulled my hair like a fucking girl–”

“–asshole! You pulled my hair first and I–”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Both of them stopped at once, staring at the new occupant of the room with wide eyes. Louise glared at the both of them, staring pointedly and giving them both knowing looks. Phil panted and glared at Dan. Dan was breathing hard as well and he glared right back.

Louise sighed, “Stop it and go home. You're both way too drunk to function properly.”

Dan scowled, shoving PJ away, “Whatever. Tell him to stay away from me,” he growled, glaring at Phil.

Phil clenched his jaw and opened his mouth to retort but stopped when Louise gave him a pointed glare. He huffed in resignation, tired due to all the fighting. “_Whatever_,” he mocked Dan's voice, making a face.

Dan glowered at him and turned around, shooting Phil one more warning glare over his shoulder before storming off in anger.

Phil watched him go quietly, embracing the sudden emptiness he felt. Chris and PJ sighed unitedly, looking at Phil tiredly. “Why can't you two try to be friends? Aren't you tired of fighting all the time?” PJ asked exasperatedly.

Chris sighed, “Aren't you tired of repeating those words every time they fight, PJ? It's never going to happen. Pigs may fly one day, but they're never going to be friends.”

PJ pursed his lips and sighed, “True.”

Louise patted Phil's back, “You look tired. Go home for today. We'll talk later.”

Phil rubbed his forehead tiredly and sighed, “Yeah.”

"Do you want me to . . ." Louise winced, concern spreading over her delicate features as she gestured to his bruised face.

Phil instantly tensed, "No. No, I'm fine."

Louise parted her lips and raised her hand to protest but Chris cut her off before she could even speak, "Do you want me to call a taxi for you? I really don't think you should drive in this state . . . or . . or I can, you know, take you back but I'm pretty sure you won't let me so what-"

"Yeah, a taxi would be great, thanks," Phil interjected. 

"Alright, I'll go get my phone from the living room," Chris said, thumping Phil's shoulder and walking out of the room. PJ nodded at him, smiling sadly and following Chris out the door. 

Louise stood still, giving him a small tight lipped smile. Phil felt awkward and snapped, "What?"

"Nothing," Louise sighed, lifting her fingers to brush her long hair back from her face, "You can accept help from others every once in a while. It's just . . . it's not that big of a deal, that's all."

Phil swallowed and stared with empty eyes as she turned cautiously and vanished out of the door. He felt oddly alone but he welcomed the loneliness and walked over to the sink, washing his hands silently and looking up at the mirror. He cringed when he saw the damage. It was at least less than the last time and he sighed in relief.

Phil didn't want to go home yet, so he sat down on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. He dreaded going back to an empty house and a cold bed but there was no where else he could go. At least here, he wasn't completely alone. He could still hear the sound of music and laughter, he felt lonely but at least there was something to hear, some kind of sound.

Phil's flat was completely quiet, so quiet that no one would notice if someone suddenly died, no one would even care.

For some reason, his eyes suddenly burned with unshed tears and he squeezed it shut, wishing for something, anything to feel just a little... _a__live._ The freedom Dan's presence gave him was ripped away from him. The emptiness came back with full force, crashing down on him like a gigantic wave, his eyes pricked with tears and his throat constricted. The world around him turned into this colourless, bleak hell with no escape route. The bland walls were caving in and the colourlessness was consuming him. He was getting submerged in this black and white ocean and he can never _ever_ escape_._

But somewhere in his heart, he still wished he could leave this colourless world behind and go somewhere, somewhere beautiful, somewhere really _colourful_.


	2. Fight and acceptance

Waking up was always the hardest part of Dan's day. There was nothing peaceful about it, his sleep leaden and droopy eyes would snap open abruptly, blinking repeatedly and squinting against the blinding light of the sun bathing the entire room in a soft, flickering orange glow. The last remnants of his sleep and the carousel of dreams would melt away, leaving just a cold emptiness behind.

For the first few seconds, he would enjoy the wonderful ignorance that clouded his mind as an aftereffect of sleep but soon, inevitably, as his mind became aware, alert and active, the knowledge of who he was and the cruel realities of his world would come rushing back to him, accompanied by the empty feeling that the only thing he had to look forward to today was going back to sleep at night.

Then, after the harsh realization shakes away all the happy dreams, he would lie there for several more minutes, his chest squeezing tightly and his heart sinking deep down into his stomach, wishing he could go back to being blissfully unaware of what was happening around him, forever.

The smell of whoever he had brought home the night before would still be hanging in the air and covering the sheets, beautiful purplish bite marks adorning his skin as a proof what he had done with a complete stranger, again.

Dan would trace the marks on his skin with trembling fingers, pressing them one by one and counting them. It was rare for people to be gentle with him, mostly it was just rough and dirty sex, nothing more. After all, no one expected a stupid slut to have feelings. He was just a toy in their eyes and for some reason, it never bothered Dan when they were doing it, but during the empty mornings when he woke up alone and cold in his bed, it made his throat burn and his chest tight.

The next activity was crying, which always came naturally to him. He would cry for a full ten minutes before pushing all emotions forcefully to the back of his mind and dragging himself out of bed.

It was his routine every single morning and today was no different, well, at least not until Dan stretched and heard a faint knock on his door.

“Yeah?” he called, clearing his throat and willing his voice not to crack.

“Dan? Are you awake?” The voice of his roommate, PJ, reached his ears through the door. They lived together but PJ knew his sleeping habits and some days, his one night stands would stay for a bit longer, mostly to thank him or apologize for treating him like a play toy, making excuses about being too drunk or Dan provoking them. PJ knew all about it and he mostly kept to himself, so Dan wondered what caused him to break that routine today.

“Yeah, I am,” said Dan.

“Well, great!” PJ said enthusiastically, “Can you come to the lounge? We need to discuss some things about the short film we're making. Everyone's already here.”

Dan sighed tiredly, vaguely remembering PJ mentioning it the night before. He wasn't exactly in the mood for any kind of important conversation but he agreed nonetheless, “Sure.”

“Okay,” PJ exhaled and Dan could almost imagine the relieved look on his face. PJ must have been his friend but Dan had a volatile temper and everyone knew to stay away from him when he was angry, which was mainly during the mornings. “Oh, Phil's here, by the way. Don't freak out.”

A rush of anger spread through his body and he snapped before he could stop himself, “What the fuck is he doing here?!”

Dan heard PJ sigh. “Look, Dan. I talked to him. He won't say anything to you. Can you please agree to do the same thing?”

Dan grumbled, clenching his jaw. He never understood why Phil Lester hated him and if someone asked, he'd never be able to explain why exactly he hated Phil just as much, if not more. He just knew one thing, Phil was vile, disgusting and homophobic, and Dan didn't want anything to do with him.

Fighting with Phil Lester might be the only entertaining or exciting thing in his life these days, but that didn't mean he had to like it. It was all just desperation, born out of the hopelessness and emptiness that constantly resided in his chest. He just didn't have anything else to do other than taunt his rival.

“Dan?” PJ called exasperatedly. “Are you coming or not?”

Dan huffed, “I am. Just tell him to stay far away from me.”

“Okay. I will,” PJ said quickly, before Dan could change his mind.

“Good.”

*

Dan walked into the lounge almost ten minutes later, after having brushed his teeth and changed into clean clothing. He scowled when he found it empty, walking towards the kitchen instead, from where faint noises of cutlery and angry screeches were reaching his ears. He huffed and stepped into the kitchen only to find everyone lounging around the kitchen table with cups of warm coffee. Phil was the first person he noticed and he looked away before Phil could glance at him. After that, his eyes slowly scanned the room and found everyone. PJ, Chris, Louise, Tyler, Troye, Cat, Anthony and Katie. He liked everyone except Katie and Phil.

“Dan!” Louise was the first to notice him and for a second, all conversations stopped, but it resumed soon enough as everyone briefly nodded or smiled at him before going back to whatever they were doing before.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Chris purred playfully.

Dan rolled his eyes and grunted in acknowledgement. He wasn't especially chatty during the mornings. Louise smiled at him warmly, “Come, sit. We were just discussing the shooting location for the film.”

Dan nodded and walked to the empty chair next to Louise, sitting down slowly. PJ, who knew him very well, immediately handed him a mug of hot coffee and Dan shot him a grateful smile which PJ returned.

As Dan took a sip of his coffee, he tried not to look at Phil who was sitting directly in front of him, Katie clinging to his arm. By the looks of it, Phil was trying to do the same thing. But once the warm coffee touched his lips and slid down his throat, he felt more awake, his worries disappearing from his mind. The fatigue lifted slightly and he felt active enough to concentrate on the conversation, more like a heated argument, happening around him.

“And I'm telling you, I'm never setting foot in that creepy house!” Troye snapped angrily at Anthony.

“We're making a horror short film!” Anthony snapped back, “Not a schoolgirl romance movie with sparkles and sunshine. We need a creepy house!”

“But why that place?” Troye said angrily, “Why can't we do it somewhere else?”

“Because it's cheap. We don't have enough budget!”

Dan looked around him confusedly, wondering why the air seemed tense and awkward. He turned to Louise in question. “What's going on?” he whispered.

Louise sighed, “We've already decided on the shooting location. An old house just a few miles from here. It's pretty cheap and all that but Troye's adamant on not filming there.”

“Why?”

“There's a reason it's so cheap, Dan. No one goes near that house. People died in there and there have been various known reports of strange disappearances surrounding the house. People just suddenly going missing or turning up dead and things like that.”

Dan snorted, “Bullshit.”

Louise shrugged, “It could be. Anyway, Troye's pretty superstitious so he doesn't want to film there.”

“What? He thinks we'll get attacked by a bunch of hidden vampires or something?” Dan asked in amusement.

Louise smiled a little, “Probably. You know Troye.”

Dan smirked, “Yeah.”

Louise went back to listening intently to what Troye had to say but Dan tuned out the rest of the argument, instead focusing on his warm coffee. Dan wasn't scared of a stupid house, and whatever his friends ultimately decided, he'd go along with it. Even if a bunch of mysterious vampires attacked him, he didn't think he'd be all that sad. He wasn't particularly suicidal but if, due to some reason, he died, he wouldn't mind.

After sitting idly for several minutes and for the lack of something better to do, Dan looked up from his mug towards Phil, eyeing Katie's tight grip on his arm. Dan wasn't sure what the relationship between the two was. He had seen Phil dragging Katie away, probably to hook up, more than once, but it didn't look like she was his girlfriend. Katie latched onto his arm all the time but Dan had noticed Phil's annoyed look as well. Katie did seem to think Phil was her boyfriend though, regardless of what Phil thought, if her possessiveness was anything to go by.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Katie snapped at him, narrowing her eyes and holding Phil's arm tighter.

Dan rolled his eyes and was about to retort when he felt Phil's intense gaze on him, burning into the side of his head. He looked away from Katie and shifted his gaze to Phil, locking eyes with him. Cold blue eyes stared him down, ruthless and harsh but beautiful for some twisted reason.

Dan felt a sudden jolt inside his chest, like someone just connected him to a live electric outlet, making his heart stop and his hair to stick up. Sharp tingles ran over his body and he could only gape openly for several minutes, until a particularly loud and angry screech from Troye snapped him back to reality. He blinked, only to notice the smirk playing on Phil's lips. “See something you like?” asked Phil haughtily, making Dan's blood boil.

Dan gritted his teeth and looked back to his mug, feeling extremely angry all of a sudden. He wasn't sure what Phil was doing but he won't let him get away with it. “Fucking loser,” he muttered angrily under his breath, but unfortunately Phil heard him.

“Stupid slut,” he retorted.

Those words pierced Dan's chest painfully and before Phil could even blink, Dan was out of his seat, grabbing Phil's collar, his fist raised and ready to strike in a flash. Katie gasped and all conversations dissolved as they became a spectacle for their audience to gawk at.

Dan breathed harshly, chest rising up and down. His eyes flashed dangerously but Phil didn't look the least bit scared, if anything, he looked smug, like this was exactly what he had wanted and maybe it was. It was the same expression that haunted Dan, it was burned into his mind and he hated it more than anything. He wanted to punch him in his stupid face and wipe that smug, satisfied expression off his face forever.

But they were in front of their friends and some of them were bound to break their fight if one were to arise, so he tried his best to control his emotions, glaring angrily down at Phil, hand still raised. In seconds, like he had expected, his friends were on their feet, ready to pull them away. He felt a cool hand on his shoulder and registered it as Chris's.

“Calm down,” Chris said slowly, “Let him go.”

Dan tightened his grip on Phil's shoulder and glared even more when Phil gave him a smug grin. Dan shoved him back and clenched his jaw. “Fuck you,” he spat.

Phil's grin slipped off his face and he jumped to his feet in an instant, stepping forward in a threatening manner and glaring daggers at him. “Watch your mouth, prick.”

Dan breathed heavily, almost trembling with rage as he stepped forward too, their noses just inches away as they glared at each other. “Why should I obey you, Lester? You're nothing but a fucking pest. Why don't you kill yourself and do us all a fucking favour?”

Phil's eyes turned dangerous and this time, he was the one that raised his fist. PJ and Tyler were near him in an instant, grabbing his shoulders and holding him back. He glared at Dan and Dan glared back, until PJ let out a loud, exasperated sigh. Dan noticed that everyone was now staring at them. “Guys, please,” PJ said tiredly, “Can we all just stop fighting and concentrate? Stop acting like little kids. We're making this film to raise money for sick children. Don't you understand that?”

There was a guilty silence for several slow moments.

“He started it this time,” Phil grumbled finally.

“No, you started it!” Dan snapped in anger.

“No, you did!”

"No, I didn't. You did!”

“Guys..."

“Shut up. You did!”

“No, I did not!”

“Stop lying, you fucking bas–”

“I'm not lying, asshole. It was you!”

“Guys...”

“No! You called me a loser and you–”

“Fuck you. You made a comment on–”

“I didn't make any comm–”

“You're such a big fucking liar, it's–”

“Guys, come on, can we all just please calm–”

“I was just sitting quietly and–”

“Stop acting all innocent. Everyone knows–”

“Jesus, I can't stand you–”

“Neither can I, you dumb fuc–”

“SHUT UP!” Louise snapped loudly and Dan flinched back at the harsh screech, “Both of you. It doesn't matter who started it. Just shut the fuck up, god!”

Chris sighed exasperatedly. “It's impossible to work with you guys,” he huffed, “You too, Troye.”

“What? What did I do?” Troye asked angrily.

“Don't start fighting again,” Cat quipped.

“Look, guys,” Tyler sighed, “Can't we just do the filming in the house we chose initially? Who cares if it's a bit creepy?”

Troye frowned and Anthony nodded. This started the fighting all over again and before anyone could notice, Dan glared one more time at Phil and stormed off, his jaw clenched. There weren't any important discussions going on and he didn't understand why PJ had asked him to come. They were yet to decide the location but Dan knew Troye would agree eventually. He wasn't that stubborn and could easily be persuaded but it would just take some time. They could do all of that on their own without Dan. Meanwhile, he didn't want to spend another minute in the company of Phil. He'd have gone mad if he had stayed there for even a minute longer.

Dan walked into his bedroom quietly, the nothingness grabbing hold of his heart the moment he stepped in. Without the distraction of his friends and the insanity that was Phil Lester, he became aware of his own emptiness once again.

He looked around the empty room with a quiet detachment in his eyes and sighed lethargically. To Dan, every day seemed like another obstacle, another pointless day that he had to tolerate in order to make it to the next pointless day and the next and the next until the nothingness finally swallowed him whole. Nothing interested him anymore. He had no one. His parents disowned him, his friends just barely tolerated his temper and he didn't even have any money. How many more days until he was all alone?

The only time he felt somewhat alive was when he had a thick cock up his ass, pounding into him, lifting the numbness and burning him inside out.

Phil was right, he really was a stupid fucking slut.

Dan swallowed the rising lump in his throat and grabbed his phone from the nightstand, collapsing back on the bed. He pushed the whirlpool of bad thoughts to the back of his mind like he always did, suppressing every single one of his emotions. He swiped his thumb across the screen, unlocking his phone. There was nothing he could do to escape his thoughts, the only solution was to ignore them completely.

However, the moment Dan's gaze fell on the bright screen, his eyes widened. Before Dan's eyes or brain could even register the familiar numbers on the screen, he bolted upright, eyes wide and throat tight. He blinked several times, wondering if this was a dream but the numbers on the screen didn't disappear and he simply stared at it for several long moments.

Three missed calls from his dad. Three.

As he kept staring at his phone in wonder, it vibrated again, another call from his dad. Dan couldn't believe his eyes as he jumped out of bed, heart pounding in his chest. It had been over a year since he last saw any of his parents. They didn't try to talk to him after disowning him for being gay. Initially, Dan was angry, so angry that he had deleted their numbers and cut all contacts with them but eventually, he had fallen into a deep depression, his mother's nasty words echoing in his brain and yelling at him even in his dreams.

Dan had regretted ever coming out but eventually, he just accepted his fate, albeit a bit reluctantly. But this was different, this was the first time he had heard from his dad in so long that tears sprang from his eyes, the massive weight in his chest lifting just a little. He didn't wait to think, the desperation made him swipe his finger over the answer button, hands trembling slightly.

“Hello?” His dad's voice came through the phone and Dan bit his lip, hoping against hope that his dad hadn't called to yell at him some more, that maybe his parents still thought of him as their son. “Dan?”

“Yeah, dad,” he croaked, swallowing his emotions and trying to act like he didn't care. He didn't care, dammit! “What's up?”

“Oh, thank god!” his dad exclaimed, “I didn't think you'd pick up.”

“Yeah, well, you disowned me,” Dan said bitterly, his hands balling into tight fists, “Why are you calling me now?”

“Dan, I'm so sorry–”

“For what?” The lump in Dan's throat grew and grew.

“For not doing anything. For letting you go through everything alone. I'm sorry, Dan,” his dad said, voice thick as if he were trying hard not to cry. It made Dan's heart ache. “I'm really glad to hear your voice. It's been a long time.”

“Why?” was all Dan managed to ask.

“Because you’re my son and I care about you. I always have and I always will.”

Dan’s chest squeezed and he tried hard to control himself. “You didn't say anything when mo– that woman publicly humiliated me. What makes you think I'd give a fuck about what you have to say now?”

“I'm sorry, Dan. I never–”

“Everything can't be solved by a mere sorry, dad,” Dan whispered through gritted teeth. He was torn between wanting to burst into tears of joy and wanting to scream at him. “You didn't stand up for me. No one stood up for me. You're the worst parent in the whole world and I absolutely hate you!”

There was silence for a long time but then in a quiet voice, his dad said, “I know.”

“Then why did you call me?”

“Because I want you to know that I'm proud of you.”

Dan froze, blinking repeatedly as he processed the words. He wasn't expecting it and he wasn't prepared for it. It hit him completely unexpectedly and he felt his anger falling away. “What?” he managed to croak over the large lump in his throat.

“I don't share the same views as your mom. I think you were very brave, son. I'm proud of you and I accept and respect you for not being afraid to be who you are. I just wanted you to know that.” His dad's voice was thick, filled with emotion. “I'm proud of you, I truly am. You're a smart boy, Dan. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.” 

Dan felt something inside him, maybe hatred or resentment or maybe it was regrets, melting away at his father's words. A huge weight lifted off his shoulders and the rope of desperation binding his body loosened slightly, just enough for him to break free. He had been harbouring so much hatred towards his parents, pain of rejection and defeat at not being able to reach the bar of expectations his parents had set for him. But hearing his dad's comforting words, he felt oddly very relieved.

“You're my son and I care about you. I don't care who you love. I want you to know that I'm always here for you. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you, son. It's been over a year since I last saw you and your sister misses you too. She wanted you to know that she accepts you as well. We're family and we'll always be here for you.”

Dan was stunned for several moments, jaw on the floor as he stared straight ahead, clutching the phone so tightly in his hand, his knuckles turned white. “Why now?” he managed to whisper.

“I've been trying to contact you for nine months. You changed your number, your apartment, everything. You cut all ties with us. It took some time to find you again.”

“I was angry,” he whispered.

“It's alright, Dan,” his dad said softly, “I'm just glad you're okay. If you need anything, anything at all, I'm here. I'm always here for you. I'm your father and no matter what you do, I'll never abandon you.”

Dan was shocked, a bunch of emotions crushing him all at once. “T-thanks, Dad,” he managed to croak finally, trying hard to control his emotions. “It... your acceptance means a lot to me,” he whispered, genuine words leaving his mouth. “I love you.” 

“I know,” his dad said softly, “Don't let what your mom said get to you. She'll probably come around but it'll take some time. She's not a bad person, Dan. She loves you.”

Dan scoffed at that, “Right.”

Dan heard his dad sigh and he knew he was about to subtly change the subject. Dan would be glad to go along with it. He believed his dad but his mom was a different case entirely. She didn't love Dan and he was sure that she would never come around like his dad was hoping for. 

There was an awkward silence for several minutes before his dad asked, “So how have you been? Do you have a boyfriend?”

Dan groaned but a small smile tugged at his lips. At least his dad was trying. “No, dad. I don't.”

“Why not?” he asked suspiciously, “I've been watching your videos lately and I've seen some things about you on the internet. I hope those nasty rumours aren't true."

Dan bit his lip. There were a lot of rumours about him sleeping around, he was sure of that but he wasn't about to discuss that with his father. “No, dad. Those are just rumours. Ignore them,” he said, but then he blinked in shock as he properly thought about what his dad had said. “Wait! You watch my videos?”

“Of course, I do.”

“Why?” he asked incredulously, fighting the flush that crept up his neck. His videos were sometimes very inappropriate and he was mortified that his dad had watched them.

“Well, I had no way to contact you. I wanted to know how my son was doing,” he said, “I was worried about you.”

Guilt made his heart clench and he sighed. “I'm sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. After how your mom treated you, you deserved to be angry.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Anytime, son. When you were little and you used to poop in–”

Dan groaned. “Oh, god, stop. I don't need to hear that.”

Dan heard a rumbling laugh from the other side and grinned slightly. "So, how's Ava?" he asked instead.

“She's good, just a little moody after you left,” he said, “When you were here, you guys fought all the time but now that you're gone, she's always grumbling about the house being too empty.”

“Oh,” Dan said in disbelief, "I didn't think she'd–”

“–accept you?”

“Well, yeah,” Dan agreed hesitantly, “We were never that close as siblings and she loves mom so I just thought. . .”

“Dan, you're not alone. There are people that really do care about you. Just open your eyes and look. You'll see.”

Dan sighed, “Yeah.”

There was silence again for several minutes until his dad spoke up. “So, who's Phil Lester?”

Dan blinked in shock, wondering if he heard that right. “Who?”

“Phil Lester? You constantly mention him in your videos.”

“I do not!” Dan spluttered in anger.

“You do,” his dad said coolly, “In one of your live shows, you had a black eye and you said you had a fight with Phil Lester.”

“You watch my live shows?!”

“I wanted to know what my son gets up to these days.”

“God, Dad!”

“Anyway, is he bullying you? Do I need to take out my shotgun–”

“Dad, you don't have a shotgun!” Dan spluttered.

“I'm serious. If he's bothering you or something, I'll talk to him.”

“I'm not twelve, Dad. I'm twenty four. I can take care of myself,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“If you can take care of yourself, how did you get a black eye?”

“It was a fight!” Dan exclaimed, “We were both equal. I gave him a black eye too!”

“Good, that's my boy!”

Dan rolled his eyes again, unable to keep the smile out of his face. He felt content and happy for the first time in over a year and hearing his dad's words and his failed attempts at humour, Dan almost felt like everything was alright, like he was back in the time when his family loved and cherished him.

They talked for a long time after that, discussing anything and everything.

His dad talked about his mom and his sister, some funny stories of Ava trying to sneak out and getting caught. In return, Dan talked about YouTube, his fans and his friends, surprisingly, he even found himself talking about his arch enemy. An amused snort was all he got out of his dad when he unconsciously started ranting about how much he hated Phil.

Talking to his dad after so long made him feel like a small child again, like he was transported back in time when he used to hold up a shitty drawings and stare up at his father, yearning for praise, attention and approval. It was disconcerting how much it meant to him, but by the time the call ended, he felt relieved and happy, like a broken part of himself started weaving back together and fixed itself.

And later, for the first time in nearly a year, he went to bed alone but content at night. He was aware that this happiness was short lived and probably won't last much, but he hoped that it would.

As he fell into a peaceful slumber that night, he dreamed of a beautiful world where he could freely be whoever he wanted to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Hope you're liking it so far! Please leave me some feedback if you can so I know what you think :D


	3. Anger and outbursts

The old house seemed to perfectly fit Troye's elaborate description. Even the detailed, but most definitely preposterous, rumour about the vengeful ghost of a brokenhearted woman permanently residing inside it sounded true when Phil's eyes finally fell on the house in question. The notorious rumour was that a crestfallen ghost haunted the house and seduced little unsuspecting humans into intercourse, killing them halfway as a revenge on her unfaithful lover.

It all sounded like a copied version of a ridiculous folklore to Phil's ears initially, but now it didn't seem so unbelievable anymore. The house had a constant black cloud looming just above and as the sun glided languidly below the horizon, it cast long shadows against the shaggy, torn walls. The ugly paint was chipping away at the sides, the bricks crumbling down at random places, poking from in between eroding cement. The house looked a thousand years old, as if it had been in a million hurricanes, broken and rotting away. 

If the outer part was bad then the inside was even more worse, the broken furniture were scattered all across the floor, covered in thick layers of dust and dirt. The windows looked like they were built sometime around in the stone age, it's frames were broken, shattered pieces of glass lying on the floor below. Even the smallest of breezes rattled it's hanging frames.

Cobwebs were everywhere and it smacked Phil directly in the face. He waved his hands around in panic, spitting and sticking his tongue out in disgust when it went into his mouth. The air had a musky, bad smell and spiders weaved more webs in the deep corner between walls. 

All in all, it was perfect for filming a horror short film, but when Phil looked around, all of his friends were staring at the state of the house with mildly horrified and skeptical expressions. Even Anthony, who had insisted on filming here and nowhere else, quailed after entering the house, or in other words, the giant death trap. 

Phil sighed to himself and leaned absently against a wall, surveying the entire room with half lidded eyes. It couldn't have been more than an hour since they'd arrived but almost everyone had already started to set up the cameras and other equipments. Phil, who had absolutely no interest in the stupid project, watched Louise with bored blue eyes as she stood akimbo at the centre of the room, just below the broken chandelier. For a second, Phil's eyes flickered up at it, concern about it falling on top of Louise's head and killing her instantly crossing his mind. Then he chided himself inside his head and looked back at her.

“Alright, guys,” she said, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention. Everything stopped instantly, even the guys setting up the camera, four bulky guys Phil had never seen before, stopped. Two other strangers moving furniture from one side of the room to the other stopped as well, dropping the large, torn and an ugly red sofa down on the floor with a thud and looking up at Louise expectantly.

Phil blinked in surprise, impressed by how much authority Louise held. He felt genuinely happy for her and he tried to smile but the constant emptiness in his heart was too huge and it came out as a grimace instead.

Louise grinned briefly before starting, her face stern, “We're here for a reason. We're not here to fool around and have fun. We are doing this for a good cause. Everyone that you don't recognize here is a volunteer, even the camera guys and the director. If you're here to slack off then I'll personally kick you off the whole project.”

Everyone was nodding along at Louise's words, including Phil, but as he did this, he made eye contact with Dan across the room.

Dan was leaning against a wall just like Phil, watching Louise with an uninterested look in his eyes. He must have felt Phil's gaze on him at first because he snapped his neck up to look at Phil, glaring at him. Phil glared right back and Dan mouthed, ‘Loser’ under his breath. Phil balled his hands into fists and glared harder, flipping him off before looking back to Louise. 

“We're here because we have all agreed that we need to do something to help those children at the hospital. We're all really blessed to have such a huge and supporting fanbase. We can't let them down. If this turns out to be a success, we'll raise a lot of money. I want you to keep this in mind and, for a few days, put aside all your childish tendencies. We're a team and I want us to work as a team. If you want to fight, you can do it later but not while we're here.” Louise looked pointedly at Dan and then at Phil as she said this. Phil flushed, nodding timidly. “That's all. You can return to your work now.”

Louise smiled, waiting for everyone to resume their work before turning to Anthony, “Okay, now I want someone to clean that sofa so we can all sit,” she sighed, “PJ, Troye, can you guys please clean the–”

“What? Why should I be the one–” Troye started protesting but stopped with just one hard glare from Louise. “Okay.”

“But you're the girl,” Anthony smirked playfully, “You girls should do the cleaning.”

There was shocked silence for several painful moments as everyone waited with baited breath for Louise's reaction but a cold, hard glare was all she had on her face and soon, a chorus of outrage and protests erupted, along with identical screeches of disapproval from Louise, Cat and Katie. Anthony didn't look the least bit remorseful as the girls threw their handbags at him, stomping towards him in anger. Anthony laughed and sprinted out of the room, no doubt trying to escape his impending destruction at the hands of an angry Louise. She followed after him, yelling countless obscenities. 

“So much for putting our childish tendencies aside,” PJ chuckled, walking towards the sofa.

Phil smiled a little at Louise's antics, wondering when Louise was going to listen to her own words. He promptly stood up straighter, deciding to help PJ and Troye in cleaning the red monstrosity. But he stopped when he noticed a certain mop of brown hair disappearing from his peripheral vision. He'd always been overly aware of Dan and whenever he was around, Phil just knew. When he wasn't, however, an incessant twinge of hollowness occupied Phil's chest. 

Phil looked around the room with narrowed eyes, eyes scanning the entire room in pursuit of the object of his hate. When he didn't see Dan anywhere, he furrowed his eyebrows, turning around and ambling in the direction that he was sure Dan had left. 

Louise had said that they weren't here to fool around and he knew this was not the time for immature rivalries, but Dan was always up to something and Phil knew exactly what it was. He wasn't going to let the bastard taint the house with his dirty habits. He was going to be the one to catch Dan red handed and get him kicked out. Phil smirked. Maybe this would make his friends see Dan for who he was, a dumb slut. 

Trying his best to sneak out without anyone noticing him, Phil scampered across the room, cautiously walking out and into the dark hallway. He tripped on a heap of debris on the way, stumbling back against a wall. When he groaned lowly and staggered back to his feet, he noticed that chipped paint and dust from the wall was coating the side of his arm. He scrunched his nose up in disgust, cursing under his breath and wiping it away before trudging down the hallway.

As he slowly ventured deeper into the house through the darkness, he noted that this side of the house was equally as broken as the other side, if not more. Perhaps the layers of dust were thicker around here than at the front, looking unused and untouched for years. There was a severe lack of windows around the house, which Phil observed quickly because of the insufferable darkness. 

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” Dan's unmistakable voice reached Phil's ears, making him whip his head around in panic, wondering how in the world Dan had known his plans.

But Dan was nowhere to be seen and Phil sighed in relief. He stopped and listened for sounds, and soon, he heard a loud thud and heavy footsteps that echoed in the empty hallway, penetrating the silence. With a confused frown, he rounded the corner, only to see a large door ajar. The door was barely standing, it looked old and broken, hanging off it's hinges. Hushed noises and thuds were coming from inside the room and Phil walked in without a second thought. 

“Get off me!” Dan yelled. 

Phil furrowed his eyebrows, walking deeper into the large room which looked like it used to be a library. There were almost ten rows of shelves which contained tons and tons of old, worn out books that would probably tear apart the moment someone touched them. There was a thick, musky smell in the air and Phil wrinkled his nose as he passed a shelf. The room was larger than any other room Phil had come across in the house and Phil was now sure that the original owner of the house was definitely a book enthusiast. 

Another loud slam snapped Phil out of his thoughts and he immediately backtracked, rushing to hide behind a shelf. His eyes slightly widened at what he saw, but other than that, he was used to it. 

Dan Howell was slammed against the wall by a strangely familiar guy and Phil peered at them curiously, smirking when Dan's let out a groan of pain. 

“Why are you resisting?” The guy, who Phil now remembered as the guy who always dragged Dan away at parties, purred in his ear, “Stop resisting, baby. You know what I want.”

“Fuck you,” Dan spat, “Get the fuck off me, Jake. I'm serious.”

“Aw, I love when you struggle like that,” The guy, Jake, chuckled, nuzzling Dan's neck. Phil wondered what the guy Dan fucked on a regular basis was doing here, but then he realized that maybe he had volunteered to help like all those strangers back in the main hall. Phil was furious. While everyone else was doing their best back there, these two were fooling around. That wasn't fair.

Dan tried to shove Jake off, but Jake was way more taller and stronger than Dan, and he slammed Dan back against the wall, so hard that Dan shuddered slightly. Phil felt a small twinge in his chest when he stared at Dan's contorted face, eyes scrunched shut in pain. But he didn't dwell on it, he simply stood there and watched everything with a quiet detachment. Dan probably deserved it anyway.

“Come on, baby. You know you want it. You're literally begging for it,” Jake whispered, trailing his hands down to cup Dan's member.

Dan breathed heavily, looking defeated as he stopped struggling. His eyes glazed over and his shoulders slumped, suddenly he looked very tired, his movements sluggish. “Please, I'm serious,” he murmured in a despaired tone, “Let me go.”

“No, darling. You promised me something and I won't let you go until you–”

“Look, I . . .” Dan swallowed, closing his eyes and speaking lethargically, “I'm sore, alright? I don't want to right now. It fucking hurts.”

“Oh,” Jake said sadly but then he chuckled, an evil glint in his eye, “But I like hurting you, sweetheart,”

Phil's eyebrows rose. Dan was scum and he definitely deserved to be treated badly so he understood Jake, but what he didn't understand was what the notorious slut of the YouTube community was doing with someone like him. Dan could have anyone he wanted, so why was he with this asshole? Phil shook his head and sighed. Dan was a complete mystery to him. 

“Please,” Dan whispered, dropping his eyes to the floor, “I'll let you do whatever you want with me later. Just not right now, not here.”

Jake rolled his eyes, finally losing his composure, “Why the fuck not?”

Dan closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, visibly trying to control himself. “Please,” Dan repeated, opening his eyes. Phil was shocked to notice the tears pooling in his eyes. He was fascinated. He had never seen the heartless Dan Howell cry.

Jake huffed finally, backing off. “Whatever.”

Dan sighed in relief, “Thanks.”

Jake rolled his eyes, giving Dan a cold glare before storming off angrily. Phil watched Dan take a shaky breath and slid down to the floor, hanging his head and pulling his knees to his chest. Phil wondered if Dan was going to burst into tears, if he was, Phil wanted to be there to witness it. For some twisted reason, it was gratifying to see Dan like this. He always looked so calm and composed and happy, like he had everything he wanted in life. Phil hated it and Dan irritated him to no end but seeing such a vulnerable, weak side to him made Phil feel extremely satisfied inside.

The hollowness in Phil's chest lessened and he felt good to know that Dan was as miserable as him. Dan was a pathetic human and he deserved to be miserable.

“I know you're there, Lester,” Dan croaked, “Stop hiding. It's considered socially unacceptable to eavesdrop on other people, didn't you know? Looks like your mummy forgot to teach you proper manners.”

Phil blinked in shock but a slow, smug smirk made it's way to his lips and he stepped away from the shelf, standing in front of Dan and grinning maliciously. He had not seen Dan in over a month, ever since that day they had fought at Dan and PJ's shared apartment. The desire to fight with Dan was like a persistent itch under his skin and he was incapable of making it go away without directly addressing it. The constant emptiness that plagued his existence grew and grew until it piled up, there was no other way to release it all other than fighting with this incompetent prick. 

“What? Did you come here to rub it in?” Dan snarled in anger, rising to his feet gracefully. Phil was shocked once again. Dan had unshed tears in his eyes but he looked more angry than Phil had ever seen him. He was internally very satisfied. This was exactly what he needed right now. “Why can't you fucking leave me alone? What did I ever do to you?”

Phil smirked, ignoring his questions. “How many men fucked you last night for your ass to be that sore?”

Dan's eyes flashed dangerously and he clenched his jaw, that particular vein that Phil loved, standing out and twitching against his pale neck. Phil immediately knew, by that reaction, that this was going to turn into a physical fight and his smirk widened. He needed to feel something, he needed to hurt someone and get hurt in return. Dan was going to give him exactly that.

“At least I'm not a depressed fucking loser that wants to die,” Dan retorted scornfully, “I should talk to Louise and make you play the narcissistic bastard that everyone hates in horror movies. It should be easy for you. You won't even need to act."

Phil's hands curled into tight fists and he breathed heavily, enraged by his words. “And what about you? I think you should be that one dumb bitch that dies first.”

Dan gritted his teeth, stepping so close that Phil could feel his breaths fanning against his cheeks. “What the fuck even is your problem, Phil? I just never understood. Do you want me to hurt you, huh? Is that what you want?” Dan growled, stepping forward with each word. Phil stood, rooted to the spot, heart pounding, adrenaline rushing through his veins, the excitement and energy making his clenched fists tremble. “Is that what you fucking want?!”

“You're the one that likes getting hurt. Isn't that what Jake was trying to do? Are you going to let him? Of course, you are, right? Because you're a slut,” Phil smirked and he saw the exact moment Dan's anger and sadness boiled over.

Dan grabbed the collar of his shirt and slammed him hard against the wall. Phil let out a startled groan of pain as his head collided with the hard surface, dark spots dancing around his vision as he moaned in agony. Phil was not expecting such a sudden, violent behavior. Usually, it took a little more than that to make the ever composed Dan Howell angry but he was pleased nonetheless. 

Dan's face was flushed red with absolute fury, brown eyes cold and hard as he stared at Phil with so much hate that it made Phil almost flinch back. Dan's chest was heaving up and down as he breathed, his body shaking with anger as he glared at Phil. 

Phil gathered whatever courage he had left and tried to glare back but his head throbbed painfully and suddenly, he was hit with lethargy. His eyes drooped and when he tried to speak, to tell Dan to go fuck himself, all that escaped his lips was pained groan. With as much strength as he could gather, he managed to lift his head just a little to glance at the merciless prick. He looked ruthless and unrepentant, and Phil felt his anger surging when he noticed the tiny smirk tugging at his lips. 

“What? Can't say anything else?” Dan grinned maliciously, “What happened, Philip? Where did all the smugness go? Why are you so quiet suddenly? Come on, say something. Call me a slut. Go on. Try it.”

Dan's grip on his neck tightened as he said this and Phil gasped for air, fingers hopelessly clawing at Dan's arms, violently thrashing to get away. Dan's nails dug into his neck and Phil couldn't even scream because he was suffocating. Dan's grin turned evil and he let go with a baleful chuckle. 

Phil coughed into his hands, rubbing his throat and sliding to the floor. His lungs burned and anger filled him head to toe. He was coughing and spluttering but fury made him look up at Dan with a vindictive expression. Apoplectic with rage, Phil clenched his jaw, gathered as much energy as he could muster and spat spitefully, “W-worthless whore.”

The smug grin slipped off Dan's face and with an extremely annoyed, angry countenance, he lunged at Phil with his fist raised and ready to connect with Phil's cheek. With a burst of sudden confidence, Phil forced himself to his feet and shoved Dan back into one of the shelves, books scattering to the floor with a thud as his body collided against it. Phil raised his fist, swinging blindly. But before it could reach Dan, he stumbled to his feet and caught Phil's wrist, shoving him back against another shelf. 

The dust from the books fell on top of them but in their current state, mad with anger, pumped up due to adrenaline, none of the boys were paying any attention to their surroundings. 

Phil's knuckles collided against Dan's cheek and he stumbled back, letting out a pained grunt, but he quickly recovered from it, wiping the blood from his split lip with the back of his hand and pouncing at Phil, eyes stone cold as he slammed Phil against the shelf. Phil's already bruised head collided again against a particularly large book which didn't seem like a book at all. It felt rather like a large, hard rock instead and he screamed in pain, gasping loudly as his head was slammed against it repeatedly. 

It was unlike any of their fights. They fought a lot but none of it caused any of them to be seriously injured but Phil felt like that was about to change. His head throbbed violently and his vision blurred over and suddenly he just knew.

“Fuck you,” Dan spat angrily and Phil tried to retort but suddenly, his lips seemed too heavy and his whole body felt paralyzed. His vision turned black and his head spun, Dan's angry face popping in and out of his vision. He felt blood oozing out of the wound and trickling down his temple, unbearable pain exploding behind his eyelids. 

“I fucking hate you! What did I ever do to you? What do you want from me?” Dan yelled in his face, seeming to be unaware of Phil's predicament. Dan's voice sounded way too loud for his drowsy mind and he tried to utter something but his lips refused to work. He tried to fully open his eyes but his eyelids were too heavy and his vision way too blurry. He fell backwards, his knees trembling as he blindly grabbed Dan's shoulder and tried to heave himself up. 

“What the fuck do you think you're–” 

Phil heard Dan's breath hitch and even in his hazy mind, he smirked at the small accomplishment. Dan was sure to get kicked out now, he had hurt Phil badly. Phil tried to smile in triumph and leaned back against the shelf, but no matter how hard he tried, his back didn't meet the shelf. His hands shot out to search behind his back for the familiar feel of books and wood but they found absolutely nothing. The shelf was gone.

“What . . .”

Phil heard Dan's panicked voice and then a feeling of falling overtook him. At first, it felt like he was falling into oblivion, probably due to the head injury. Everything was quiet and serene, and it felt like he was being consumed by the blackness as the light at the end of the dark tunnel turned into a small dot and then into absolutely nothing as his eyes fell shut, his head throbbing painfully. 

The sensations should've stopped there if it were oblivion but it didn't, instead it increased tremendously. The feeling of falling doubled and he was slipping faster than before. He should have been alone but he wasn't. Loud and terrified screams filled his ears and echoed in his mind, making his head throb even more. 

The pain in his head increased too much for him to bear and before he really fell into unconsciousness, all he noticed was that he was holding on tightly to someone's shoulder and that person was holding him back just as tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading! I'll update this story every thursday from now on. I like to have a schedule so I can work according to that. I'll post every week and if for some reason I miss an update, I'll update on thursday the next week. Hopefully that won't happen because I already have chapters written :D I hope you are enjoying the story. Please leave me some feedback if you can so I know what you think of my story. It inspires me so much and really means A LOT to me! :)


	4. Growls and bites

Unlike most days, consciousness crept into Dan's half-aware mind swiftly and he emerged from the dark abyss of oblivion. Cold and alone like always, he awoke with a flurry of confused thoughts pouring into the forefront of his jumbled mind. The sun was spilling all its light directly onto his face and he frowned lightly, groaning tiredly and shifting to get comfortable. 

Dan didn't notice anything wrong with his surroundings initially, only a distant sound of waves crashing against the shore could be heard which his sleep ridden mind quickly dismissed as his imagination. His body was unusually stiff and his head was resting against a hard surface rather than a fluffy pillow, but he brushed that concern to the back of his mind easily. His nighttime endeavours were no secret and sometimes he woke up with cuts and bruises all over his body. The pain he felt, his mind concluded, was probably caused by one of his usual fuck buddies.

That was when he felt something sharp poking his back, between his shoulder blades, painful and pointy like a broken twig. His eyebrows furrowed and he shifted again, wondering why he felt oddly out of place and strange. He lay quietly, blissfully unaware for several minutes until the feeling of oddity and abnormality grew too strong. 

There were several things that felt unnatural and incongruous. Dan's eyelids were stuck together, too heavy for him to lift, his mouth was dry and his lips tremulous. His body was ice cold and strange little pointy things were poking him everywhere. Everything felt different and panic slowly crept into Dan's bones. 

Dan snapped his heavy-lidded eyes open in alarm, mouth agape and heartbeat quickening as he squinted his eyes. Instantly, the sun's glaring rays attacked his vision and he blinked repeatedly to adjust his gaze. 

Dan stared, eyebrows furrowed, up at the canopy of trees above him for several long minutes. Sunlight poured in from in between the layers of green leaves and he gaped incredulously. Confusion clouded his mind and he blinked again, looking around in disbelief.

For several moments Dan lay still in confusion but then a pained groan from somewhere to his left snapped him out of his confusion and he jolted upright, letting out a gasp as he slowly, sluggishly, scrambled to his feet, anxious eyes scanning the unknown vicinity and hands rubbing the dirt off his clothes.

He was standing in the centre of what looked like a clearing in a dense forest. Everywhere he looked, there were large, thick trees that cast giant shadows on the wet ground. Dead leaves lay scattered all across the ground, broken twigs and branches poking from in between. Large, pine trees towered over him and gnarly vines coiled around the trees which looked ancient and untouched for millions of years. Thick bushes covered the sides of the clearing and glistening beads of morning dew adorned the cobwebs. 

Everything was dead silent except for the melodious chirping of birds, the distant sound of tidal waves and the cool breeze whispering to the tree leaves, making them shimmer beautifully.

Sunlight illuminated the glade and the musky scent of dead leaves and wood filled Dan's nostrils as another gasp left his lips. “What the fuck?”

Dan's stomach curdled in horror as he stared at his inconceivable surroundings. The most probable conclusion was that this was all a very vivid dream, merely a product of his imagination but everything seemed too real to be untrue. For confirmation, he lifted his hand and pinched his skin several times but as he suspected, absolutely nothing happened. 

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and tried to remember where he was before he woke up covered in dirt, inside a forest. He recollected Jake forcing himself on him, Phil eavesdropping on them, Phil's smug smile and the uncontrollable urge to punch him. He recalled fighting with Phil, hitting him, shoving him against the shelf and after that... it was all just a big blur, a wide hole where his memories should be.

Another pained grunt snapped him back to his improbable reality and he blinked repeatedly as he looked around the glade. His eyes observed the area and finally landed on a lithe figure just a few feet away. 

Dan's eyebrows rose and his stomach dropped as the realization dawned on him. Another pained grunt and Dan squinted his eyes to properly see his rival twisting and turning on the ground, letting out a string of pained moans. 

Dan frowned, still not quite understanding what was happening. He couldn't grasp the fact that, for some unknown reason, he was in a forest and his arch-nemesis was also with him. 

Naturally, his suspicions rested on Phil. It all had to be Phil's fault. Maybe Louise decided to change the location after all and Dan somehow hit his head somewhere and lost all his memories.

Deciding to wake the bastard up and demand answers, Dan narrowed his eyes and stepped forward. A small breeze tickled the hair on the nape of his neck as he trudged, feeling incredulous, towards his rival. 

Another pained groan and Dan increased his pace. Leaves crunched and twigs snapped under his feet as he walked swiftly, glaring at the awkward body in front of him.

Dan came to halt next to his rival, looking down at him awkwardly. Phil was lying on the ground on his stomach, his arms and legs spread out, his cheek resting on the wet ground. Dried blood covered his temple and Dan felt a twinge of satisfaction run through him as he remembered that he was the one to cause that. 

Phil groaned lowly and shifted, and Dan huffed, trying to think of a way to wake him up. He was determined to ask Phil why they were there and how, but Dan didn't want to dirty his hands by touching him. Knowing Phil, he'd probably accuse Dan of assaulting him in his sleep and that wasn't how Dan had envisioned his future. Actually, he didn't think he even had a future but that was hardly the point.

Dan cleared his throat loudly, hoping to wake Phil but only an eerie silence greeted him and he cleared his throat again, this time louder than before. 

Phil's hand twitched but other than that, he didn't show any signs of waking up. Dan tried to cough but when that didn't work either, he lost all composure and kicked hard on the side of Phil's stomach, feeling merciless. Phil was an asshole anyway. He didn't deserve his kindness.

Phil gasped in pain and his eyes flew open, blinking repeatedly against the sunlight. He looked around in complete panic and jolted upright, breathing harshly and staring at Dan in utter confusion.

Dan huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring down at Phil who looked like a startled rabbit. “Where are we?” he demanded haughtily. 

Phil panted and furrowed his eyebrows, looking around in bewilderment. “Wha...” he trailed off, his eyes widening as he looked at Dan and then at his surroundings and then back at Dan again. “What the hell?”

“Where are we?” Dan repeated determinedly, “And what is this place? Did Louise change the shooting location again?”

He watched as a look of pure puzzlement crossed Phil's face. He was still sitting on the muddy ground, his clothes and face covered in dirt. He gaped at Dan and then looked around again, eyes wide as he took it all in. He didn't say anything for several minutes and Dan waited impatiently, tapping his foot on the ground. His skin was already itching to feel something and he remembered his promise to Jake. He had to go home soon or Jake would be mad again. 

Suddenly Phil gasped, a look of realization flashing across his face as he rose to his feet hurriedly, stumbling back in his haste. He was staring at Dan in absolute horror and Dan raised an elegant eyebrow in amusement. Phil was an asshole and he was always able to get under Dan's skin effortlessly. This was one of those rare moments where Dan had the upper hand and he was enjoying it immensely. 

“You!” Phil screeched, face twisted in anger as he pointed a finger at Dan, “You kidnapped me!”

Dan's smirk dropped and he stared at Phil in disbelief, “What?”

“You fucking bastard!” Phil shouted, jabbing a finger at Dan's chest, “How dare you kidnap me?”

Dan gaped at Phil in complete incredulity. “Why the fuck would I do that?”

“I don't know,” Phil sneered in disgust, “But probably to fulfil your perverse fantasies or something.”

There it was. The deliberate attempt to anger him. Dan understood it well and noticed it immediately. He had known Phil for three years after all. He could hear the provocation under Phil's angry tone and his eyes hardened. “Shut the fuck up. I have many men willing to fulfil every single one of my fantasies. Why would I kidnap you, a depressed ugly loser for that?”

Phil gritted his teeth and lunged forward, grabbing the collar of Dan's shirt and backing him up against the nearest tree. “I'm not depressed, alright?” he growled, “Now tell me where we are or I'll fucking kill you. Why did you do this? Why did you kidnap me?”

Dan felt the mad rush in his veins and the little inch of skin on his neck, where Phil was touching him, burned. The need to hurt flooded him and he glared at Phil, cursing him in his head for making him feel this way. “Are you deaf?” he snarled, “I don't fucking know! I didn't do anything!”

“Yes, you do,” Phil sneered, “Stop lying. I never thought you could stoop so low but here you are. Don't you have any shame? Fucking whore.”

Dan's blood boiled and he glared at Phil, his fingers curling into fists by his sides. The hard broken branch of the tree he was pressed against pierced viciously into his back and he clenched his jaw to stop himself from hissing in pain. “Get your fucking hands off me right now,” he said through gritted teeth.

Phil's angry face twisted even more and he slammed Dan harder against the tree. A few brown leaves and drops of water fell on top of them as the tree shivered and through the mad rush of adrenaline and the excitement that came with Phil, it reminded Dan again of where they were and why they were fighting. For a second, because Phil's blue eyes glaring down at him was all he could see, he had forgotten all about the forest and their predicament.

“Or else, what?” Phil said smugly, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “What are you going to do?”

Dan was almost trembling with rage. Phil and only Phil ever made him feel this way and he hated it more than anything. He wasn't afraid to hurt others in order to save himself and Phil knew that. Dan knew he was deliberately trying to start a fight and he was going to give him just that. “Let me go right now,” Dan warned through gritted teeth, “I don't want your dirty hands touching me. I'm fucking delicate. How many times have I told you?”

Phil smirked, opening his mouth to retort but Dan's fists shook with anger and he shoved Phil back harshly, punching his stomach while doing so. A gasp left Phil's mouth and he stumbled back, clutching his stomach, his face contorted in pain.

Dan smirked in satisfaction. “What evidence do you have to prove the theory that I kidnapped you?” he asked boldly, “Maybe you kidnapped me.”

Phil sneered in disgust, “Why would I kidnap you? You mean nothing to me. Why would I waste my time doing that?”

“That's what you say,” Dan smirked triumphantly, satisfied that Phil fell directly into his trap, “But who knows what goes on inside your head. Maybe I do mean something to you. Maybe you want me to fulfil your perverse fantasies.”

Phil's jaw clenched as he straightened his back and stood up, stepping towards Dan calmly, his eyes blazing with anger. 

Dan's smirk widened and he snickered. Dan knew Phil didn't like him one bit but it was fun to provoke him, to make him angry by saying vulgar things. He knew Phil was irascible and reckless but so was he. He loved hurting Phil and getting hurt in return as much as Phil did. “Tell me, honestly, do you think of me when you touch yourself? I won't be surprised if you do. I knew you were following me and cockblocking me on purpose, you pervert,” Dan grinned malignantly, “You could've just asked, you know.”

Phil's eyes flashed with anger and he staggered forward, swinging his fist and hitting Dan directly in the face. Dan stumbled back as blood spurted from his nose and trickled down his lips. He gaped at Phil in disbelief for several painful moments, bringing his trembling hand to touch his face. When he looked at his fingers again, it was covered in blood and his anger exploded. 

With an angry growl, he lunged forward and slammed Phil's head against another tree, exhaling in satisfaction when Phil let out a groan. Phil didn't accept defeat though, he kneed Dan and shoved him back, smirking as Dan stumbled back. “Why would I ever think of a slut while I'm masturbating? I'm not a fucking faggot like you,” he spat scornfully.

Dan went completely still at that and so did Phil. Silence enveloped them as they stared at each other blankly.

Dan's chest tightened and he faltered at that word, the word his own mother used against him, his grandparents used against him, his friends used against him. It hurt him badly and it was hard to stop the emotions from showing on his face. For a second, there was remorse on Phil's face and Dan knew that he had failed. 

Dan kept completely quiet, lowering both his eyes and clenched fist to the ground as he stood silently. Suddenly he just felt drained. All anger left his body and he rubbed his forehead tiredly. No one spoke for several long minutes and Dan didn't have the courage to look at Phil. He didn't want anyone's pity, least of all Phil's. The eerie silence of the forest was louder than anything. The only sound was of insects and the low whistling of the wind. 

Phil was always extremely hurtful and antagonistic towards him but he had never used that word before and Dan just didn't know how to react. 

After what seemed like hours, Dan sighed, “I-”

A loud growling sound cut him off and he snapped his head up in a panic to see Phil looking right back at him in horror.

“Did you hear that?” Phil enquired, eyes wide.

“Yeah,” Dan breathed, looking around desperately in fear. “What was that?”

“I don't know.” Phil shook his head as he looked frantically left and right, “It sounded like a li-”

Phil stopped abruptly and Dan furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Phil who looked unusually pale. “What?”

Phil stumbled back, breathing heavily, his eyes wide and mouth agape as he stared at something behind Dan. “Oh fuck,” Phil murmured, sounding panicked, “Oh fuckfuckfuck.”

Dan frowned, “What? What is it?”

Phil swallowed, his face deathly pale. “Don't-” he said slowly, eyes darting from one place to another as if he were looking for an escape, “Don't move.”

Dan rolled his eyes, “What the fuck is wrong with-”

A rumbling roar sounded from behind him and Dan jumped forward in shock, turning around abruptly and whipping his head up to stare at the creature in front of him. It was larger than both Dan and Phil combined and its thick hair flowed down its head and touched the ground. 

Dan blinked in shock and he heard Phil's breath hitch next to him. As both of them stared at the large animal, it moved towards them calmly.

“Is that a fucking lion?” Dan whispered incredulously, paralysed with fear as he stared at the giant creature in front of him, staring at them with narrowed eyes.

“Don't move,” Phil repeated firmly next to him, “Stay still.”

“Don't tell me what to do!” Dan whisper yelled, stepping back in fear. His heart was pounding and his mouth turned dry. All he could see was the lion jumping on top of him and biting his flesh, tearing his insides apart with its sharp teeth.

The lion approached them cautiously, with calm, composed steps, twigs snapping underneath its feet. It was making a low rumbling sound and baring its teeth, four sharp canines protruding out as it roared again, the sound echoing inside the glade.

Terrified, Dan let out a loud scream and grabbed Phil's T-shirt with both hands. Phil jumped in shock, startled as he turned to look at Dan with wide eyes. Dan swallowed and stared right back for what seemed like hours.

Just at that moment, when they were both distracted, the lion thought it was time to attack and leapt forward with a growl, baring its teeth, ready to pierce into human flesh.

Dan gasped, gut-twisting horror filling him. He stared at the lion, feeling paralyzed, rooted to the spot as he stared. His stomach curled and coiled, bile rising in his throat. Fear was all he felt and he could hear his pulse beating in his ears. Everything around him blurred and the only thing he could see was the lion, rushing towards him with pounding feet, its eyes looking into his soul. He could see everything in those eyes, his whole future, his whole life. The reality that he was going to die here, die now, filled him and his heart thudded harder against his chest. 

He wasn't afraid of death. He didn't have anyone who would mourn his death anyway, but the face of his dad popped into his mind, smiling, waving at him proudly and a hard determination grabbed hold of his heart. He needed to live. For him. For his dad.

Suddenly, Phil pulled his shirt hard and shouted loudly, “Run!”

Dan snapped out of his thoughts and instantly turned on his heel, sprinting out of the clearing with his heart in his throat. He ran with everything he had, following Phil close behind. He jumped over a fallen tree and swerved between bushes and trees, running with determination. Phil looked at him over his shoulder and Dan panted, flinching when the lion roared again. “It's right behind you!” Phil shouted, tripping over a rock lightly.

“What the fuck is this place?” Dan yelled as he jumped over another fallen tree, “Where the fuck did that come from?!”

“I don't know!” Phil shouted, tripping over a random plant and staggering back to his feet quickly. “You're the one that brought me here!”

Before Dan could reply, the lion let out another roar and Dan's heart lurched as he pushed his feet faster, passing large trees and plants as he ran, “Fuck, it's going to eat me!”

“Why couldn't you kidnap me and take me to an amusement park or something? Why a fucking jungle?” Phil shouted exasperatedly as he tripped again. 

Dan rolled his eyes and grabbed Phil's elbow as he passed him, dragging Phil with him as he ran. His lungs were starting to burn and he was out of breath, opening his mouth wide and taking in large lungfuls of air. Phil was panting next to him, gasping for breath as he tripped for the hundredth fucking time. Dan steadied him quickly and they ran and ran and ran, blindly, for what seemed like an extremely long time.

Dan's whole body ached with exertion and he felt himself slowly running out of energy. The lion's ear-piercing roar echoed inside his brain and he couldn't believe all that was happening around him. His mind felt fuzzy and he lost the ability of clear thinking. Just when he thought he couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't run anymore, out of pure coincidence, a small dear crossed their path. 

Phil swerved around it and so did Dan but the lion did not. Dan didn't know if it was blind luck or if it was meant to be, but as he looked back in fear and hope, he saw the dear galloping away into another direction and the lion sprinting after it instead, letting out another loud roar.

Relief flooded him and he pushed himself a little more, wanting to be as far away from the terrifying creature as he could be.

The sound of bounding footsteps behind them slowly stopped as they reached what seemed like another clearing in the middle of the forest. This one was smaller than the other one and was surrounded almost entirely by weird bushes and tall trees that canopied above. Dan caught glimpses of clear blue sky from in between lush green leaves and he almost felt calm. The sweet earthy scent of old wood and rain filled his nostrils and he inhaled a large amount of air into his lungs, stopping to catch his breath.

Phil panted, resting the heels of his palm on his knees as he looked over his shoulder, “I think it stopped following us.”

“Fucking hell,” Dan breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly. 

“Where did it even come from?” Phil heaved.

“Look around you, we're in a fucking jungle. It lives here, you insufferable idiot,” Dan snapped, rubbing his elbow where a twisted branch had grazed his skin while running.

“Don't talk to me like that!” Phil snapped back.

“Oh, then what kind of special treatment are you expecting, princess?” Dan raised an eyebrow, trying to look smug but not quite managing it because of how hard he was panting.

Phil glared at him and opened his mouth to retort but another distant roar made him snap his jaw shut and stare at Dan in panic. Dan's eyes widened and he stared back in horror. 

“Shit, it's back,” Phil blurted.

“No, asshole, I told you, it fucking lives here. It'll always be here. We just need to stay away from its territory.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Whatever, smartass.”

Dan sighed and rubbed his forehead, “Where the hell are we?”

Loud growls and snarls could still be heard from a distance and Phil looked at him fearfully, “I don't know, but just . . . like you said, we should probably stay away from the lion's territory.”

Dan's heart ached and he flinched when he heard the distant cries and pleas for help of the poor deer. “I guess, yeah,” he swallowed painfully.

“Just follow me if you want to live,” Phil said and turned around.

“What? Why should I follow you? You follow me!” Dan said angrily and turned to the opposite side.

Phil sighed exasperatedly and suggested, “Maybe we should split up.”

Dan's eyes widened and he turned to face Phil abruptly, “Split up? Split. up?” he emphasised, “That's what dumb people do in horror movies and then they all die!”

Phil rolled his eyes, “But this is not a horror movie and we're not dumb. At least I'm not.” He smirked.

Dan ignored the childish jab, “No, it's not a horror movie. It's a fucking nightmare. Being stuck with you.”

“Yeah, same,” Phil glared.

Dan glared back and opened his mouth to tell him to fuck off when he felt a slimy, scaley something coil around his ankle. His breath hitched and his heart lurched as he looked down sharply, letting out an undignified squeak. “Oh my god, what the fuck!” He jumped, stumbling back in fear.

A bright green snake with a thin, lithe body was twined around his ankle, slowly crawling up to curl around his leg.

Dan screamed, staggering back. “Is that a fucking snake?! Get it off me!”

Phil stared at the snake contemplatively and stepped forward. Dan's stomach twisted as the snake moved upwards, its slippery scales rubbing against his skin. “Help me, you heartless bastard!” Dan yelled, tripping on a rock and falling back on his bum.

“Stay still, idiot,” Phil snapped, “Stop moving. It's just a python. It's completely harmless.”

“Harmless, my ass,” Dan growled, squirming desperately when the snake slithered up to his thighs. “Are you trying to fucking kill me? Get it off!”

Phil smirked slightly and Dan glared at him, “No, I'm serious. Pythons are non-venomous snakes. It's just being friendly.”

“Why do you even know that?” Dan screamed, “Fuck, I'm scared! Get it off!”

“I just saw a video about it on YouTube,” Phil grinned gleefully.

The snake opened its mouth and Dan got a glimpse of its sharp teeth as it moved up his body and the panic in his chest grew. “Whatever. Just get it off! Fuck, it's not being fucking friendly, you stupid fuck! It's trying to bite me and I'm going to fucking die. Do something!”

“Alright, just calm down,” Phil smirked, “Jeez.”

Dan glared at Phil and looked back at the snake just in time to see it closing its jaw around his thigh. Dan's heart dropped and he screamed, kicking his legs and grabbing the snake with his hands, trying to pry it away. Phil shouted for him to stop but blind panic filled him and he failed to notice the snake's distress. As he grabbed it, the snake squirmed and waved it's tail, biting Dan hard on his thigh.

Dan cried out in pain, and the shock and fear was enough to make his vision go black. He heard Phil yelling his name but all he could think about was the snake's bite and he passed out in seconds.

The last thought he had was that the moment he woke up, he was going to punch Phil in his stupid fucking face for putting him through that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! Thanks for reading! Hope you're as excited as I am about this story! I'm always looking forward to posting another chapter. I love writing, really it's the only hobby I have. Please leave me feedback if you can because it makes me really happy to know what you, my reader, like and dislike. It makes me excited to write! And without you readers, I probably would not even exist so ily :) See you next thursday!


	5. Rants and rain

“Wake up,” Phil hissed at Dan, slapping his cheek harshly and waiting with bated breath for the hysterical screech of anger which didn't come. Dan merely groaned in pain, his eyes remaining closed and his face clear of any emotion as he continued to lie on the wet ground, unconscious and comatose.

Phil sighed, stroking the neck of the green python coiled around his arm. He didn't know much about snakes but this particular snake seemed to enjoy coiling around warm human bodies. It had latched onto him the moment he had extended an arm to extricate its slippery, scaly body from Dan's prone form, unwilling to separate from its new, susceptible target. 

Phil gave the harmless, almost friendly python a sycophantic smile and it stared back at him with beady eyes. It looked like a normal green tree python, with bright green scales that glistened mesmerisingly as it slithered up his arm, but it seemed a bit more intelligent and different than normal snakes, with its unafraid and needy nature. 

Phil shook the thoughts of snakes out of his head and turned his head, his eyes searching the observable vicinity for any signs of familiarity. They were occupying the little bit of empty space in the centre of the clearing, devoid of the thick bushes and vines that seemed to cover most of the forest grounds. It was an open, vulnerable area where anyone or anything could spot them without much trouble, and it made Phil nervous.

When he had woken up initially, covered in mud inside a forest, far away from his cold, dirty bed in his shabby apartment, his mind had been a huge, swirling mess of disjointed thoughts, along with a pounding headache that started between his eyebrows and spread to the back of his skull. In a moment of complete panic and confusion, his sleep-ridden mind had accused Dan of kidnapping him. He also might have exaggerated his doubts to make Dan angry.

But now, begrudgingly, he admitted to himself that it was a meaningless accusation. The physical exertion from running had made his mind active once again and he looked around carefully with renewed curiosity. It looked real enough to not be a dream and the negligible pain he felt where he had accidentally grazed his knee strengthened that line of thought. It wasn't a dream, that much he knew, but he still couldn't quite mentally grasp his surreal settings. 

It looked like they were inside a forest but he couldn't fathom that very real fact. After all, there was absolutely no reason or purpose for him to be inside a forest. The last thing he remembered was Dan slamming him against a shelf which promptly disappeared into thin air. His memories were, perhaps, altered or the most feasible conclusion was that he had simply gone insane. He had already been on the brink of insanity and maybe someone had pushed him over the edge, which he would've inevitably fallen into anyway.

The snake hissed and he let it slither its way up to his shoulder, sighing softly. His inquisitive mind slowly calculated all the sensible possibilities but unfortunately, none of them seemed true. The first probable conclusion was that maybe, as Dan had mentioned, Louise had changed the shooting location again and for some reason thought it would be better to travel to a jungle?

That seemed entirely impossible and Phil crossed it off his mental list of probabilities immediately. Another answer was that maybe someone other than Dan had kidnapped them, someone more powerful, but now the kidnapper was nowhere to be seen and they were alone in a dangerous forest with a live lion and a weird snake that seemed to go above and beyond its own nature. It all just seemed surreal. Besides, neither of them remembered anything of that sort.

Phil felt like he was supposed to panic but he was just numb, inside and out. He always felt detached from his reality and this was no different. He just really didn't care about anything anymore.

A grunt and a curse snapped him out of his thoughts and he blinked, turning back around just in time to see Dan twisting and turning on the ground, obviously waking up. 

Phil waited with a smirk on his face and watched Dan who was awakening from his state of unconsciousness with a string of profanities already on his tongue. “Fucking hell. It wasn't a dream,” he groaned, his words garbled and incoherent as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Good Morning, Your Highness,” Phil bowed dramatically, “Did you sleep well?”

“Fuck off,” Dan grumbled without even looking at him, opening his eyes slowly and staring at the trees above him instead. “So I'm still alive,” he mumbled to himself gratefully.

Phil smirked and let his lips curl into a parody of a polite smile. “Are you okay?” he asked with mock concern, “I mean you fainted pretty hard just because of a small snake. How sad.”

“Can you stop being an ass for two fucking seconds?” Dan snapped angrily, rubbing his elbow and slowly sitting up, “We just woke up in a fucking jungle and got attacked by a fucking lion. Do you even understand—” he stopped abruptly and Phil tilted his head in confusion as Dan's eyes widened fearfully. “What the bloody fuck are you doing?”

Phil frowned, “What?”

Dan visibly swallowed in fear and scooted backwards. “Why is that thing coiled around your arm?” he asked and then his eyes widened as he blinked in shock and checked his leg, rubbing his thigh frantically, “Oh god, it did bite me! Fuck, I'm going to die.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “No, you're not. She just bit you because you scared her. She's not venomous,” he said, extending his arm so the snake could slither up to his bicep. 

Dan sighed in relief and then made a disgusted face. “How do you know it's a 'she'?”

Phil shrugged, “It looks female.”

“Why do you know so much about snakes anyway?”

“I don't. I just watched a few videos and my dad had a pet snake when I was young.”

“Ew, gross.”

Phil smirked at that, rubbing the snake's belly. “Aw, ish the little girl afwaid of snakes?” he mocked.

Dan looked at him blankly for several minutes before he sighed and gracefully rose to his feet. “Stop trying to provoke me, alright?”

“Provoke?” Phil said innocently, feeling the flush and rush of adrenaline already. He didn't know why but fighting with Dan always chased away his numbness and made him feel alive again. He could never stop provoking him even if he tried. “Me? Oh no. I would never. I'm just saying the truth.”

Dan clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth. Phil smirked, waiting for Dan to retort but it didn't come. “Can you just shut up and tell me where we are so I can leave your dumb ass behind and go back home?”

Phil's smirk fell, disappointed, and he sighed, “I don't know.”

“Why? I thought you'd know!”

Phil shrugged absently, stroking his newly found companion. She hissed and curled around his neck. “Why the hell would I know?” he muttered. If Dan wasn't willing to fight with him then he was absolutely useless to him.

“I don't know! Because you follow me everywhere,” Dan snapped, “Maybe I came here for some reason and you followed me.”

Phil looked up sharply, “I don't follow you. Stop making things up.”

“You do,” Dan said harshly, “You followed me into the library and that's the last thing I remember. We were fighting and I was with you. You should know where we are.”

“Well, I don't,” Phil snapped, “You hit my head and I lost consciousness. You're the one who should know what happened after that.”

Dan frowned at that and didn't say anything more for five long minutes, then he blurted hesitantly, “I... I don't remember everything, it's a bit blurred but I remember that you fell backwards through a door, and you grabbed my shoulder and pulled me in with you.”

Phil stared sceptically, “Right.”

“No, I remember. You fell back and the door just suddenly appeared out of nowhere,” Dan blurted defensively but then he frowned at himself, “Or maybe I'm going insane.”

Phil rolled his eyes, outstretching his arm and letting the squirmy snake slither onto a nearby tree branch before looking back at a distressed Dan, “So what? Are you saying that we stumbled through an old door that may or may not have existed before and suddenly woke up in a fucking jungle that may or may not be in the middle of absolutely fucking nowhere? Yeah, makes perfect sense.”

Dan glared at him, clenching his jaw. “I don't see you coming up with any better answers. Go on, tell me, what do you think then?”

Phil shrugged, watching with bored eyes as the snake slithered away. “Don't know. Don't care.”

Dan gritted his teeth, “You may be a depressed bastard that wants to die but some of us have dreams and aspirations. Some of us want to live. I know it's hard to believe for someone like you but it's true. So can you please stop being an asshole and help me get out of here?”

Phil recognized an opportunity to rile Dan up handed to him on a silver platter and he smirked. “Dreams of what? Fucking a few more old men?”

Dan's eyes hardened and Phil saw his chest rising and falling heavily, his breaths coming out in angry pants. His smirk widened and he waited for the unavoidable consequences, but once again, it didn't come. 

All of a sudden Dan's angry, fuming expression dissipated into nothingness and he blinked several times, mouth falling open as a look of true realization crossed his face. “My phone!” he blurted, jumping into action and quickly patting his pockets, “I completely forgot about it!”

Phil sighed again, leaning back against a tree, disappointed more than ever before as he watched Dan's antics. He felt like he should do something to make Dan angrier but Dan wasn't even paying attention to him anymore, he was foolishly fumbling around in his pockets for a phone that Phil knew wasn't there.

Numbness grabbed hold of him instantly due to the lack of something else more exciting, which of course was a fight with Dan, and he found himself thinking Dan's words over in his head.

It wasn't like Phil didn't want to live. It was just that there had to be a reason for why they were here and it was probably somewhere just a little away from London anyway. There was no reason to panic, they could just yell for help and if that didn't work, walk until they found a road and then follow the road back home. If they didn't reach home in time, well, someone would call the police and they would be rescued immediately. No big deal.

However, the thought of going back to his cold apartment gave him no joy or relief. He had no pivotal responsibilities in life, no one to go home to. Deep down, he didn't even really want to go back. He felt like he wouldn't even mind if he died here. 

Phil exhaled softly, realising that Dan was absolutely right about him.

“Fuck, I don’t have it,” Dan grumbled in frustration, his hands in his back pockets, “Dammit, I–”

“Louise took all of our phones, remember?” Phil drawled lazily, inspecting his nails, “So we’d stop fooling around and making her do all the work?”

Dan's eyes widened in remembrance, “Oh.”

Phil sighed, “There's nothing we can do now.”

“What? What do you mean there's nothing we can do!” Dan snapped, “Of course there is!”

Phil quirked an eyebrow, “Like what?”

Dan quailed at that and said thoughtfully, “We can... we can just walk and try to find a way out or maybe we'll find someone and we can ask them for help.”

“Brilliant idea!” Phil clapped in mock enthusiasm, “Wonderful!”

Dan stared at Phil with defiant eyes and Phil waited again for any sign of retaliation but Dan squeezed his jaw shut and merely stood still with clenched fists. Phil huffed, “You saw that lion too, didn't you? What if something else decides to attack us while we're wandering aimlessly?”

“Well, do you have any better ideas?” Dan retorted smartly, “We don't even know where we are. We're stranded in a forest with no way to contact someone for help. This is our only choice!”

Phil sighed and bit his lip, choosing not to reply to that. Instead, his eyes wandered towards the sky as Dan rambled on and on endlessly. 

“How the fuck did we even get here? That's what I don't understand!” he yelled, pacing back and forth from one pine tree to another in frustration. The slow breeze ruffled his hair and the sunlight dimmed considerably, covering the glade in dark shadows. Phil furrowed his eyebrows thoughtfully as Dan continued, “We just saw a fucking lion! Can you believe that? I don't understand. Why are there lions here? There are so many unanswered questions. Where even are we and what the fuck is this place? There aren't any forests with live lions anywhere near London. Did we somehow reach the African savannah? Are we in Australia? How is this possible? I can't think of anything that is more absurd than our situation. This is absolutely crazy!”

Dan ended his rant with a heavy pant and grabbed his hair in irritation, “Fuck.”

“Are you done?” Phil asked, stepping away from the tree he was resting against and walking to the centre of the glade, looking up at the dark grey sky covered entirely with thick, black clouds which loomed over them. The soft wind rustled the leaves away from his path and made the grass shiver, the grey, gloomy atmosphere enveloping the whole glade. 

“What are you doing?” Dan frowned.

“I think it's going to rain.”

“Oh, fucking great!” Dan threw his hands up in defeat and anger, “Just what I need right now.”

Phil rolled his eyes, “Can you stop acting like a baby?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Dan grumbled, “I'm covered in mud and stuck in this damned place with you. And my thigh hurts where your new girlfriend bit me. I'm allowed to be upset!”

“Well, great. Then you can sit here and cry and whine all you want. Meanwhile, I'm going to go and look for someplace to stay while it rains,” Phil said smoothly, slowly stepping forward and ambling away from Dan.

The wind picked up gradually and swept the grassy grounds, howling through the trees. Phil walked stiffly out of the clearing as the wind blew his hair to his face, not caring to look behind him to see if Dan was following him or not. Dan wasn't his responsibility and he didn't need another burden anyway. He had plenty already.

An unpalatable smell hung in the air and Phil tried to ignore it as he took the time to carefully observe his surroundings. There were large, thick trees all around them and the ground was covered with mud, broken twigs, rustling leaves and the occasional fallen trees. He had never been in this place before, he was sure of that. Like Dan had said, it didn't look like they were anywhere near London and the thought made him slightly uncomfortable. 

“Where are we even going?” Dan grumbled from behind him, scratching his elbow, “There's nothing around here except for endless trees and grass.”

Phil smirked. Dan had, in fact, followed him after all and he was inwardly pleased by the revelation. He chose not to comment on it though, instead opting to look around for somewhere to take shelter from the inevitable rain. 

They walked quietly through the forest for several minutes, snapping their necks up to inspect at the smallest of sounds. There didn't seem to be any animals in this side of the forest and even if there were, Phil didn't see them. Maybe they were hiding from them, afraid of the two humans invading their calm habitat. However, the noises of insects were ever-present.

A sharp gust of wind whipped through his hair and carried the dry leaves on the ground up into the air with a crackling sound. As they slowly, silently, made their way through the forest which was gradually growing darker and darker, Phil's heart rate slowed down to a steady, calm pace. He felt peaceful and composed in the quietness of nature and when he looked back at Dan, even he looked a bit enthralled. 

“It's quiet,” Dan whispered as if speaking too loud would break the spell. “It's nice.”

Phil looked up at the grey sky and a drop of water fell on his eyelash. He blinked it away. “Yeah,” he mumbled silently, not bothering to say anything else as he once again restarted his search for shelter. 

Dan followed him and they walked silently for several more minutes, passing more and more trees that blended together because of how alike and similar they all were. There was absolutely nothing that they could use to take cover from the rain and soon, Dan said, “This is pointless.”

Phil turned to him, “What do you think we should do then? It's going to start raining in a few minutes and we're going to get completely wet.”

Dan looked like he didn't have an answer to that and he sighed, “But there's no point in walking aimlessly either. We can just stand under a tree or something. Unless you're planning to carry me, I'm not coming. My feet hurt and it's too fucking dark. I can't even see properly.” He grumbled, running a hand through his hair and removing a leaf, staring at it in disgust. “I don't understand why this place is so goddamn filthy. It's full of cobwebs and mud and dirt. I've never been so dirty before in my life. I swear to god, the first thing I'm going to do the moment I get back home is have a long, warm bath.”

Phil rolled his eyes, resuming his walk, “Jesus, you're such a fucking girl.”

Dan glared at him, throwing the leaf away and following him, “It has nothing to do with being a boy or a girl. Stop stereotyping people, alright? It's called personal hygiene, you uncivilised prick, and it's something you don't have, obviously."

Phil grunted in annoyance, “Yeah, whatever. Just shut up. You complain way too much.”

Dan grumbled something incoherent and Phil didn't pay much attention to it as a crack of thunder penetrated the silence, grabbing all his focus. Darkness slowly descended on them as droplets of water fell from the sky, sticking to Phil's clothes in tiny beads. The soft drizzle tickled his scalp and he increased his pace.

“Where the hell are we going?” Dan shouted, his voice barely reaching Phil's ears because of how loud the rain was. Even though it was just a small drizzle, the sound of it plummeting to the ground and lashing against the trees was too much.

“I don't know,” he shouted back, gritting his teeth. The truth was he didn't know where he was going, he just didn't want to get wet but like this, he probably would.

“Wait, Phil!” Dan called, “Come back here!”

Phil ignored him and kept looking around, searching for a tree to stand under until the rain went away. He couldn't find any trees which had thick enough leaves to cover them and he wanted to scream in anger. The rain was coming down harder now and he cursed his luck.

“I found a place!” He heard Dan yell.

Phil blinked and turned around, squinting his eyes to see through the pouring rain. Dan was standing next to a large tree with a thick trunk, waving him over. He couldn't see anything else but he swiftly sprinted towards it, hands covering his head. 

“It's large enough for the both of us,” Dan said as soon as Phil came to a halt next to him under the tree, gesturing to a wide, gaping hole in the trunk, as Dan had kindly mentioned, large enough for the both of them to crawl into. 

Phil nodded and lifted his feet, climbing into it without a second thought. Dan, however, stood there paralyzed, worrying his bottom lip. Another growl of thunder and lightning cracked through the sky and Dan jumped, staring at Phil with wide eyes.

“What the hell are you waiting for? A personal invitation?” Phil quirked an eyebrow, sitting snuggly inside the tree. It wasn't a smooth hole with soft edges but a broken circle with twisted branches poking him everywhere. As he sat inside, dust fell on him and pointy twigs hurt his backside, but it was still better than freezing out in the rain.

Dan bit his lip, his hair already wet. Drops of water slid down his temple as he asked, “Are there spiders inside?”

Phil rolled his eyes and grabbed Dan's arm, pulling him into the space harshly. Dan's lips parted to let out a pained gasp when he grazed his knee against the sharp sides of the hole and Phil smirked. “There's literally no difference between you and a five year old little girl.”

Dan slowly and cautiously sat next to Phil, turning his back against the trunk and his front facing the view outside. He huffed when he heard Phil's insult. “There's literally no difference between you and a drunk old man,” he retorted. 

Phil smirked, a sharp comeback already on his tongue but another crack of lightning and a roar of thunder cut him off, making him snap his head back to look outside. Dan turned as well, blinking and staring at the wonderful view outside.

It was strange. The rain was descending hard, pounding the ground and whipping the trees. Small plants and bushes were bowing to the harsh wind and there was no single creature to be seen outside. Puddles had already formed on the muddy ground and the rainwater rippled the surfaces, making them shiver incessantly. 

It looked like a disaster outside and inside it was cramped. Dust and dirt stuck to their clothes, and they were both sweaty and sticky but for some reason, as Phil watched the rain quietly, calmness spread over his chest. The forest and trees looked beautiful in the rain, a bittersweet kind of feel to it. The thick scent of earth and rain filled him to the bones and he sighed softly, “It's beautiful, isn't it?”

Phil didn't hear a reply instantly, but he could feel soft exhales that matched the steady pace of his heart. They were sitting too close for comfort and their knees were touching just a little, and Phil wondered distantly what Dan was thinking. The thought left his mind as soon as it came and he went back to feeling relaxed and calm.

After a while, Dan mumbled, “Yeah, it is.”

And they lapsed into silence again, but not as uncomfortable as Phil had thought it would be.


	6. Disasters and arguments

Dan watched the rain droplets plummet down to the ground with bored brown eyes, sitting inside the small hole with his knees pressed tightly to his chest. It wasn't a comfortable space to sit for long intervals but he was grateful nonetheless to have found a space at all. 

They had been sitting there for almost an hour, quiet, no more sharp words spat in between. Maybe it was the serenity of the forest, the purity of the rain, it could've been anything, he just didn't know. They were just quiet for no apparent reason, both staring at the heavy rain. It was coming down harder than ever before and the outside world was almost unrecognizable. Every few minutes, a crack of lightning would light up the whole sky, rough brushes of white against the grey skyline. 

It was beautiful but the heavy downpour caused Dan's mind to tumble down a depressing road that he didn't intend on taking at that particular moment. He was already despaired enough as it was, he didn't need a gloomy atmosphere to intensify his inner hopelessness. 

Dan just could not understand or believe his current, utterly unlikely, situation. The things he remembered didn't make any sense and to maintain even just a modicum of sanity, he thought it was best not to think about it. After all, memories of an ancient-looking door presenting itself before him just had to be false, and then being dragged into it by his arch-nemesis was even more improbable, if not entirely impossible. In simple words, it just sounded absolutely crazy, like something a mad patient in a mental asylum would say.

So he pushed all thoughts of the mysterious door to the back of his mind and tried to think of a way out of his peculiar predicament. He somewhat forced himself to accept the fact that they had absolutely no way to know how they came to be here. He could not remember anything specifically suspicious happening except for the stupid door, and that was probably just a dream. The only other person who could possibly know something was his rude companion, but unfortunately, he didn't appear to have any answers to neither Dan's vexed questions nor their implausible conundrum. 

All of these thoughts made him realize an absolute fact.

They were both completely and utterly fucked. 

But even if neither of them remembered anything, it was fine. It was all completely fine as long as they got back home safely, or just Dan got home safely. If Phil died on the way, it wouldn't be Dan's fault anyway. But they were currently stuck inside a tree and Dan was starting to get impatient. After two dangerous encounters with the inhabitants of the forest, he understood enough to know that if he didn't find a way to get out soon, he'd probably die from fear alone and that thought made Dan's stomach twist and roil. 

“Can you please stop shaking your legs?” Phil snapped, “The whole fucking tree is shaking because of you.”

Dan gritted his teeth but refused to acknowledge Phil's accusation. This was another problem altogether, Phil was an utter pain in the ass. He kept gawping at Dan with hawk eyes, waiting to strike at the perfect time. Although usually Dan loved throwing a punch or two at the scantest provocation, right now he was just worried about getting back home and he didn't have the energy to argue. 

Phil was as provocative as ever though, looking entirely unconcerned about the situation. He was known for his angry outbursts and violent behaviour, and being stuck with the psychopath was what made the situation worse. Dan felt like he'd have handled the situation a little more maturely if Phil wasn't here.

“Don't move,” Phil blurted suddenly and Dan snapped out of his thoughts almost instantly, “There's a spider on your head.”

Dan's eyes widened instantly and he inhaled sharply, his heartbeat quickening inside his chest. He was utterly terrified of spiders and all other creepy insects, and he panicked pretty quickly, waving his hands around and slapping his head. “Fuck. Get it off! I hate this place!” he screamed in distress, dusting his head vigorously. 

Almost abruptly, Phil burst out laughing, clutching his stomach and letting out peals of laughter that echoed inside the empty space. 

Dan stilled immediately, staring at Phil in complete disbelief. 

Phil laughed, “See? Fucking girl.”

Anger flooded through Dan's bloodstream and he clenched his hands into tight fists, gritting his teeth so hard it hurt. He tried to control the mad rush that made him want to inflict pain but Phil's ridiculing laughter was just too much and he didn't know how much longer of it he could take.

“You look like a girl. You act like a girl. You fucking take it up the ass like a fucking submissive bitch. God, you're so fucking pathetic,” Phil shook his head and laughed.

Dan's breathing increased tremendously and he just couldn't take the derision and humiliation any longer, he lunged forward in the tight space, grabbing Phil's collar and slamming him against the tree. His hands curled around Phil's soft neck, tightening promptly. Phil inhaled sharply, looking at Dan with triumphant eyes. 

Dan glared. “What the fuck is your problem? You keep calling me a girl as if that's supposed to be an insult. For your information, it's not,” he snapped, “I'll never take it as an insult, instead I'm angry because you're a misogynistic pig. You think all women are submissive, huh? Your mother was a woman, do you even realize that? Respect women, you fucking prick.”

Dan released him with a sharp glare, scooting back on his knees. He breathed softly, trying to compose himself. Phil looked stunned and Dan gave him a warning look before glancing outside at the rain. His chest heaved up and down due to the effort it took to stop himself from smashing Phil's skull. He knew that was what Phil really wanted from him. But he was determined, he wasn't going to let Phil get under his skin.

Dan breathed out softly and let the dripping sound calm him. It was still raining heavily, the wind howling loudly. Dan sighed annoyedly.

A sudden, loud roar of thunder made him jump, and he blinked as a blinding light pierced the whole forest, violent crackles filling his ears. The surface under his feet began to tremble and he looked up sharply, staring at Phil in mild alarm. 

Phil stared back with slightly wide eyes and as Dan watched Phil's dumbstruck face, the shaking increased, along with a loud stretching sound, as if something was breaking apart. 

“The shaking . . .” Phil whispered in fear, “It wasn't you.”

Dan's eyes widened beyond belief and he gasped as the tree itself started tilting sideways, shaking violently as its root was ripped off the ground by the force of nature. Dust and broken chunks of the tree fell from above as the tree tipped back, taking them both with it.

Dan let out a small scream as he tried to hang on to the tree, “Why does this always happen to me, goddammit!”

Phil spread both his arms and tried to grab the trunk, eyes wide, “Fuck, it's falling.”

Thunder rumbled and the sound of the rain made it hard to hear. The tree was rapidly tipping back and Dan's heart thudded violently in his chest. He felt the paralysing fear grip him and he couldn't move.

Another crack of lightning and Dan's heart leapt to his throat. He felt Phil grabbing the hem of his shirt, screaming loudly, “Jump!”

The tree shook violently, making loud ripping, breaking noises as if it were screaming in agony, crying for help. The rest of the forest didn't seem to notice it at all, other trees and plants were themselves struggling to remain rooted, fighting against the screeching wind. 

Among it all, Dan watched Phil jump as the tree fell back, forcing Dan to jump with him. Dan took one last leap and tumbled onto the wet ground as the tree shuddered and snapped, breaking apart and falling to the ground with a loud thud, causing large splashes in the mud puddles. The ground quivered with the force of the fall and then promptly went back to stillness. 

Dan panted and let out a relieved breath, lying awkwardly on the wet, muddy ground, completely soaked by the rain. He stared incredulously at the large fallen tree on the ground, glancing at the broken trunk, still in disbelief. At least it explained the hole and other fallen trees all over the forest, but the constant state of mortal peril scared him. Why was this place full of dangers and death traps?

Phil breathed heavily next to him, “You did find a great shelter, didn't you?”

“Shut up,” Dan grumbled angrily and inhaled heavily, getting up slowly and grimacing down at his soaked clothes, “I'm not a fucking tree specialist or whatever, I didn't know!”

“It's common sense! Who the hell would go near a tree during a thunderstorm? It's literally in the list of things not to do while being stranded in a storm.”

“Oh, yeah? If you're so smart, then why did you follow me inside? You could've told me!”

“Well, it was raining and I didn't think about it! You ushered me inside!”

“No, I didn't!”

“Yes, you did!”

“I didn't!”

“You did! You called me!”

“You lying piece of-”

“You stupid fucking-”

A roar of thunder cut them both off and Dan gritted his teeth, “You're an asshole,” he growled, but then he shivered, rubbing his sides to warm himself. The rain was still coming down hard and it made speaking to Phil difficult. 

“And you're pathetic,” Phil shot back.

Dan clenched his jaw, controlling himself from shooting a retort back. There were far more important things to worry about other than the depressed idiot. 

The air was too chilly, mixed with the droplets of rain, lashing and whipping against his skin, making him shiver and shudder. It was too cold already and his wet clothes made it worse. A safe shelter was imperative now than ever before, but Dan couldn't see any nearby. The rain blurred most of the background and Dan grunted in annoyance, his slightly blue tinted lips quivering in the cold. At least he was grateful that the heavy rain was slowing down.

“Follow me,” Phil said suddenly, gesturing with his hand, “I see something.”

Dan frowned, rubbing his sides, “What?”

“Dunno,” Phil shrugged absently, walking in a random direction. Dan sighed and followed, wiping away the water that cascaded down his face with his hand. He really didn't have any other choice than to follow the insufferable idiot.

Phil walked slowly to a large tree with huge branches and wide green leaves. Dan gaped in disbelief, “Another tree? You just told me it was unsafe!”

“Well, this one looks strong,” he said thoughtfully, inspecting the trunk, “And it doesn't have a hole in it so it's unlikely to fall.”

Dan narrowed his eyes sceptically, “Are you sure?”

“No. But we don't have any other choice,” Phil shrugged.

“How the hell can you be so calm? It's raining and it's cold and we're stuck in the middle of nowhere! Are you suicidal or just stupid?”

“Neither,” Phil shrugged again. “Just brave.”

Dan snorted, following Phil to stand under the tree. Phil was right. They didn't have a choice. “Right.”

Phil whirled around to quirk an eyebrow at him, “What? Don't think I'm brave? If you remember, I'm not the one who fainted after seeing a snake.”

Dan glared, “Wanting to die is not brave, you loser.”

Phil glared right back, “I don't want to die. I'm just not afraid of death like you are. I'm not a coward.”

The wind howled softly and the leaves of the tree they were standing under shivered and shook. It was still raining but at least under the tree, they were mostly safe. It wasn't protecting them completely as stray droplets still came pouring down to Dan's head but it was still better than standing directly under the rumbling sky.

“Being afraid of death is not a bad thing,” Dan snapped, “It's not being a coward. It's called survival instinct.”

“Survival instinct?” Phil smirked, “You fainted because of survival instinct?”

Dan gritted his teeth, keeping his mouth shut as Phil leaned casually against the tree and arched a mocking eyebrow, “No answer?” he grinned, “Where is your survival instinct now?”

Dan clenched his fists but refused to answer. Even though it took him a little more time than usual to realize it but he already knew where this seemingly harmless banter was going. Phil was trying to provoke him again, this time slowly, in a more subtle way. He wasn't going to fall for it. First, he needed to find a way back home, he reminded himself. Phil was unimportant, probably the most insignificant person in his life, so it was time he stopped deliberately falling into Phil's traps. 

Phil frowned at the sudden silence and change in attitude, confusion etched across his face, but then he sighed deeply, turning back to the rain. Silence wrapped around them, the only sound being the rain drizzling down noisily. Everything was calmer now, the vehemence of the rain before was nowhere to be seen now. It was as if the rain had only come to rip the tree apart and now that it had done its job, it was content. The trees and plants looked relieved, merely shivering in the soft wind. 

It all looked beautiful to Dan. He had never bothered to observe nature so closely before. 

“I'd have enjoyed this scenery better if your ugly face wasn't in my line of vision,” Phil quipped scornfully. 

Dan snapped his head back to look at Phil who was standing arms crossed against the tree and huffed. “I know I'm pretty,” he batted his eyelashes and grinned when Phil grimaced, “It's probably your ugly heart.”

“Pretty?” Phil wrinkled his nose, “Yeah, right.”

Dan rolled his eyes and rubbed his sides again, feeling cold, “Just shut up. I'm about to freeze to death. I don't want your horrible voice to be the last thing I hear.”

Phil stared at him blankly for several seconds before he turned away and huffed, “Drama queen.”

“Again?” Dan asked in disbelief, appalled by the recurrent stereotypical remarks.

Phil merely rolled his eyes, “Fuck off. I don't want to hear another lecture about morality.”

"Good. I don't think your microscopic brain can understand it either."

Phil glared, “At least I'm smart enough to know that not all snakes are poisonous.”

Dan rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever, dumbass.”

“Shut it.”

Dan shivered due to the chilly wind, goosebumps rising on his skin. “If you think I'm 'girly' and you're the manliest man on the planet, why don't you remove your jacket and give it to me? I'm cold.”

Phil blinked and then gaped at him, “Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Well, because you're ‘manly’,” Dan smirked, moving towards Phil. “And I'm a poor old lady dying out in the cold, according to you anyway. Now give me the jacket, shithead.” Dan grabbed the hem of the jacket and pulled. Phil jumped back in shock, looking horrified.

“What the fuck?” Phil snapped and then his eyes widened when Dan stepped forward to grab his jacket again, “Do not come near me.”

Dan smirked evilly, “Just give me the jacket.”

“Fuck no!”

Dan smirked and stepped away, grinning devilishly at Phil. Phil glared daggers at him but thankfully didn't say anything, which Dan was extremely grateful for. Both of them moved away from each other, highly aware of the sudden awkwardness in the air.

Phil moved towards the tree uncomfortably, standing stoically, leaning against the tree and looking straight ahead with an annoyed countenance. Dan stood just a few feet in front of him, turning his back against Phil as he watched the drops of water tumbling down from the clouds. Both of them swiftly lapsed into an uneasy silence.

After a while, Dan sighed and stood stiffly, trying to ignore the cold and think about his possibly very dangerous situation. The curious encounter with the lion was no laughing matter, it was a fatal moment that could've resulted in his untimely demise if it weren't for Phil's quick thinking and rapid action. Resentfully, Dan admitted that very real fact.

Truth was that even though Dan was scared out of his mind, he had all his fear and panic pushed to the very back of his mind. He didn't want to appear weak in front of Phil. Although Phil was usually notorious for being reckless and fretful, he looked unusually calm, which irritated Dan to no end. Why was the usually peevish Phil Lester so composed? Why wasn't he worried? Did he really not want to go back home?

As far as he knew, Phil's life was pretty isolated and lonely. He lived alone in a small apartment and YouTube was his only source of income. He didn't have many friends and he didn't talk much to the friends he did have. The whereabouts of his family or possible siblings were unknown and no one knew why he was the way he was. 

Dan usually saw Phil at parties, drunk out of his mind with Katie hanging from his arm. He constantly started fights with random people and yelled countless obscenities at anyone who tried to calm him. Dan hated him and his vulgar behaviour right from the start and for some unknown reason, Phil hated him right back.

Right now, though, he begrudgingly admitted that Phil was the only one here with him. No matter how much he hated Phil, he was stuck with the stupid prick. In order to find a way out of the damn forest, he needed Phil's wit and his seemingly useless knowledge of snakes. Two brains were better than one and Dan was a master at ensnaring and deceiving people. He could probably use Phil's help to save himself. Phil might be strong and "brave" but Dan was cunning and deceptively clever. 

“So what's the plan?” Dan asked nonchalantly, turning to face Phil.

Phil blinked and looked at him blankly, “What?”

“What's the plan, loser? How are we getting out of here?”

Phil shrugged, “Dunno.”

Dan gritted his teeth. “Are you planning to stay here and live as a monkey or something? I don't think you understand our situation properly. For the billionth time, Lester, we just saw a lion! We walked around for almost an hour and we still didn't find anything but endless trees! We don't have phones or anything to contact for help. How the hell are we going to get out of here? I understand completely if you really want to die but I don't want to! I want to go home.”

Phil stared, emotionless, at him for several silent minutes before sighing and rubbing his ears. “You complain way too much. My ears hurt.”

Dan glared at him, “Fuck you.”

Phil smirked, “Sorry, I'm not gay.”

Dan's stomach lurched for some reason and without even thinking, he stomped towards Phil, slamming his fist against the tree in fury. “Shut the fuck up,” he growled, “I didn't mean it like that.”

Phil's smirk widened, “Sure.”

Dan clenched his jaw and forced himself to step back, his chest heaving in anger. This wasn't working at all and nothing was going according to plan. He knew what Phil wanted but he didn't want to give him that. He wasn't going to fight with him. He needed to find a way back first. His dad would probably worry if he came to know of Dan's disappearance. They had been conversing more often after the initial phone call. Dan had come to enjoy and love his dad's company and he really didn't want to lose that, ever. Dan wanted to go home for him. Unlike Phil, he didn't have time for pointless disputes and childish brawls.

“The tree,” Phil said suddenly, blinking repeatedly as a look of realization crossed his face. 

Dan frowned and snapped out of his thoughts to find Phil patting the trunk and looking up at the tree in awe and curiosity. Raindrops fell on his forehead and he wiped it away. It was just a drizzle now and Dan was grateful for that.

“What the hell are you doing?” Dan asked confusedly, “Have you finally lost your mind?”

“No, look,” Phil said in amazement, pointing at the tree, “This tree is taller than us!”

Dan raised an eyebrow, “Uh, yes. It is. Trees are usually taller than the average human. Is this the first time you have seen a tree?”

Phil rolled his eyes, “Shut up, smartass. I'm trying to answer your question. This is our way. We can use tall trees to find a road.”

“Use tall trees too. . .” Dan frowned confusedly, “How?”

Phil gave him a blank look. “Look, what we need is a vantage point. We ran a lot to escape the lion and we probably walked a few miles to find a shelter and yet, we found nothing except for more ancient trees. We need a tall place so we can look around and decide which direction to go. Walking without an aim is pointless.”

Dan blinked in surprise and asked in utter disbelief, “You mean we have to climb this thing?”

“Well, not this tree specifically but we have to climb a tree, yes.”

“But-” Dan gaped at the tree incredulously, “It's too tall. I'm not a fucking monkey!”

Phil rolled his eyes, “Well, you're the one who wants to go back badly. If you don't want to, then fine. Not my problem.”

Dan opened his mouth to retort then closed it again, biting his lip. It was true that he wanted to go back and it was also true that he had hoped Phil would be able to help, but he didn't know if he'd be able to climb a fucking tree.

“So once the rain stops, we're going to find a tall tree and climb it, then look around until we find a road and follow it?” Dan asked slowly, furrowing his eyebrows. “Is that the plan?”

“Yeah, that's the plan.”

“What makes you think there even is a road?”

Phil frowned, “Well . . . there has to be a road, right? I mean, roads are everywhere.”

Dan rolled his eyes and grumbled in annoyance, “Look around you, do you see a fucking road? It's a forest, you idiot! There's no road!”

“Don't fucking yell at me,” Phil snapped suddenly. “I don't understand our situation any more than you do.”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “I wasn't yell-”

“Yes, you were,” Phil snapped angrily, “I'm not your fucking slave.”

Dan frowned, “Can you stop trying to fight with me? I know you have psychological issues, depression or bipolar or whatever, I don't care. I just need you to stop being an ass and help me.”

Phil glared, “I don't have-”

“Yeah, whatever. Like I said, don't care. Just forget about it. I wasn't even yelling at you. Stop being a bastard. I didn't choose to be stuck with you so just stop acting like it's all my fault. I know you're trying to provoke me and let me tell you that it's not going to work. All I care about right now is getting back home and leaving your arrogant ass behind. So shut up and help me.”

Phil gritted his teeth, “Jesus, you're just so irritating. You and your stupid fucking face. Who the hell would want to willingly help scum like you?”

“If you weren't so blind, you'd notice that I've got a pretty fucking face, thank you very much,” Dan snapped.

Phil scoffed mockingly, “Sure, I don't want to ruin your delusional fantasy.”

Dan huffed, deciding to stop the argument before it turned deadly, “Whatever.”

Phil smirked but didn't say anything more and Dan sighed in relief, ambling towards a medium-sized rock to the side of the tree and sitting down on it. It was wet but so was he, he didn't think it would make any difference now. His feet hurt badly and the rain didn't appear to have plans of stopping anytime soon. He wasn't about to venture out in the rain, shivering and cold. He did want to escape but that could wait for a little longer.

“We'll leave once the rain stops,” Phil said quietly, taking a seat on another rock next to Dan.

Dan frowned, he wasn't sure if Phil was nice or bad. Sometimes he acted angry and violent and other times, times like these, he was almost civil and behaved like a decent human being. Dan knew Phil was stupid, arrogant and an utter bastard but at least he was somewhat tolerable when he was behaving like a normal human being. 

Dan sighed and replied, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading as always! This is my first time posting on ao3 and I don't really know how this site works lol. I hope I'm doing everything right! Thank you to everyone who leaves me comments. They mean a lot! Hope you liked the chapter and see you next thursday! :)❤


	7. Leaves and branches

“I'm cold.”

Phil sighed petulantly and steepled his hands together, shifting to get comfortable on the pointy rock he was perched on top of. He was starting to get extremely intolerant of Dan's unpalatable proclamations of completely insignificant things, and he considered standing up and moving far away from Dan, but there weren't many rocks that were adequate to his needs. He was stuck sitting right next to the idiot and he cursed his bad luck.

“I'm cold,” Dan repeated, a little louder than before.

Phil gritted his teeth and stayed quiet, averting his gaze and staring at the forest grounds in displeasure. The rain took several more hours to slow down and stop completely, leaving the forest in complete ruins. The sky was still covered with gloomy, grey clouds and the atmosphere itself was dark and ominous. The ground was wet and dappled with thick patches of muddy water, sticking to Phil's shoes like glue. 

“I said I'm cold,” Dan snapped.

Phil whirled around to glare at Dan, “What the fuck am I supposed to do about it? It's your problem!”

Dan pouted and Phil blinked in utter confusion. “Give me your jacket,” he said, shifting closer to Phil and pulling the hem of his jacket.

Phil jumped in horror, “No!”

Dan huffed, “You're such a bastard. You're not even cold. Why can't you just give it to me?”

“Because I don't want to!”

“But I'm cold!” Dan whined, “I want it.”

“Well, fuck you. It's mine,” Phil said in irritation, wrapping the jacket closer to his body and glaring at Dan.

Dan glared back, “Learn some manners. Don't you know how to treat a lady properly?”

“Lady?” Phil blurted with wide eyes, “You're not a lady!”

Dan smirked suddenly, looking satisfied, “That's not what you said earlier.”

Phil frowned and then rolled his eyes, “Shut up. You're annoying.”

“So are you,” Dan shot back unrepentantly.

Phil ground his teeth and turned away sullenly, sick of Dan's lascivious smirks. Usually, he would be waiting for an opportunity to strike and start a fight but right now, he was exhausted and hungry, bored with Dan's constant dismissal of his seemingly strong provocations. Dan was just going to taunt him and then stop before it got out of hand. He had fallen for that trap far too many times but not anymore. For now, he'd just be patient and wait for the most perfect chance. He would win eventually, he knew it.

Phil sighed and stared at his hands, clearing his mind of unwanted thoughts and thinking about their situation. Although he wasn't specifically concerned about the recent strange happenings around him as much as Dan was, he still admitted that they needed to find a way back to London.

Phil might not be particularly interested in going back to his cold apartment but he still missed the comfort of his cigarette, the amazing intoxication of alcohol and the small bit of pleasure he got from mindless sex with Katie. But now, even the small happiness from fighting with Dan was absent. Dan wasn't fighting back at all and Phil was already tired of the stupid forest and the sad rain. At least back in London even though he was lonely, he could still find other sorts of comforts. Here, he was lonely and without anything to distract himself from the ever-present emptiness.

So Phil decided that it was best to agree with Dan and find a way back home as soon as possible.

“It's getting dark,” Dan said suddenly, frowning at his surroundings. 

Phil blinked, snapping out of his thoughts and looking around. They were sat in a secluded corner, flanked by rocks and tall trees. The darkness all around them was unmistakable. Black clouds were no longer the reason for it, instead, the sky itself was slowly turning into a dark shade of navy blue, the grey clouds slowly drifting further apart due to the wind.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “What's going on? I thought it was just late afternoon.”

“Yeah, it was,” Dan nodded, “Something's wrong.”

“What is this place?” Phil sighed.

“I have no idea,” Dan exhaled tiredly, rubbing his eyes, “What are we going to do? Where are we going to stay at night? We can't possibly sleep on the wet ground. What's your plan? Do we keep walking in the darkness or what?”

“How the fuck would I know?” Phil asked irritably.

Dan glared at him, “Why do you have to act like that? I was just asking.”

“I can act however the hell I want,” Phil snapped in vexation, looking around in frustration. He really didn't have any answers to Dan's questions. It was growing darker and darker by the minute and Phil was feeling frustrated. What was wrong with this place?

“Dammit, you're insufferable!” Dan growled, “I absolutely hate you.”

“Well, same," Phil said brusquely, looking up at the sky. A grim silence hung in the air and clung to his skin, a frightening chill running down his spine. The sharp noises of cicadas filled his ears and a cool breeze ruffled his hair, making the leaves of the trees shiver. The whole forest looked oddly calm, the destruction caused by the rain completely forgotten. 

Phil couldn't understand what he was supposed to do. They couldn't sit there the whole night, he was aware of that, but where would they even go? The night was approaching swiftly and meandering aimlessly through a dangerous forest in complete darkness was suicide. He sighed tiredly, wishing he could just wake up from this nightmare. His empty bed and cheap bottles of scotch were better than this. 

“I'm hungry,” Dan blurted.

Phil rolled his eyes and muttered irritably, “There he goes again.”

“I'm hungry,” Dan repeated more loudly.

“Eat some mud and shut the fuck up,” Phil snapped.

Dan glared at him, “No. When I was cold, you didn't give me your jacket, which I accepted but this is a different thing. When I'm hungry, I don't care about anything. I need food or I'm going to die.”

Phil scoffed, “Yeah, sure. Just wait for a second, princess. Let me order some freshly prepared bullshit for you.”

Dan glared at him harshly, gritting his teeth and Phil smirked in satisfaction. Dan opened his mouth to say something but a sharp rustling from the bushes made him snap his mouth shut and stare at Phil with wide eyes.

Phil frowned, staring at the bushes in suspicion. “It's probably the wind,” he muttered.

Dan exhaled shakily, “What if it's not?”

Phil sighed, “It probably is.”

“But what if it's not?” Dan urged, “Go and take a look.”

Phil raised an eyebrow, “Why should I?”

“Because you're the manliest man on the planet. You said so,” Dan said, his voice shaky and rushed as he stared at the mysterious spot with wide eyes. “Just go check.”

“No.”

“But–”

“If you're so worried about it, then you go look.”

“I can't!”

“Why not?”

“Because I'm hungry and cold and tired,” Dan snapped, “I'm not used to this!”

“I'm not used to this either!” Phil shot back, “I'm hungry too!”

“Then why are you acting so stubborn? Go and look! Then we can search for something to eat.”

“There's nothing here that we can eat,” Phil sighed finally, “We'll just have to wait until we reach home.”

“No way,” Dan scowled, “I don't have the energy. I can't move until I get some food.”

Phil rolled his eyes, “Then you can just sit here and die. Meanwhile, I'm going to go back home and order myself some pizza.”

“P-pizza,” Dan swallowed suddenly, licking his lips, “I want pizza.”

“Then get your ass up and let's go,” Phil huffed.

“My feet hurt.”

Phil rolled his eyes, “Why are you so over dramatic? Get up.”

Dan sighed, “Can you carry me? I don't weight that much, I promise.”

“Hell no!” Phil said in disgust.

Dan rolled his eyes and was about to say something when another loud rustle came from the bushes. Phil smirked at the way Dan's eyes widened in fear, pleased to see the usually collected and unperturbed nature of Dan's crumbling to shreds. 

“Scared?” Phil asked smugly.

Dan looked at him and exhaled, folding his arms across his chest and lifting his chin in an unreasonably proud manner, “No.”

Phil's smirk widened but before he could make a galling statement to aggravate Dan even further, the bushes shuddered, loud crackling noises filling the silence as two beady, glowing eyes with a round body leapt out of the bush.

Phil's eyes widened and he almost screamed when Dan jumped abruptly into his arms, throwing his hands around Phil's waist, eyes wide and terrified. 

Phil gasped, startled. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Dan was scarier than whatever had just tumbled out of the bush, Phil thought as he held his hands up in the air so as not to accidentally touch Dan who was hugging his torso tightly, eyes squeezed shut in trepidation.

A small squeaking noise to Phil's left caught his attention and he turned his head just in time to see a small, white rabbit bounce away happily into another bush. He sighed in relief, “It's just a rabbit.”

Dan didn't acknowledge his declaration and Phil clenched his jaw, making a disgusted face as he lowered his hands stiffly. “Can you please get away from me?” Phil muttered in irritation, “It was a rabbit and it's gone now, you cowardly fuck.”

Dan exhaled shakily and his rigid shoulders relaxed. He opened his eyes and scanned his surroundings with squinted eyes, releasing Phil slowly. As soon as his grip loosened, Phil shoved him away and wiped his shirt exaggeratedly, making a disgusted face. “Ew, you just infected me with your germs.”

Dan was still looking around in suspicion, making sure there weren't any unknown threats to his existence. Phil's words snapped him back to reality. “What?” he asked, narrowing his eyes, “You're the one with a poor personal hygiene. I'll let you know that I shower two times a day and my room is spotless. You can ask PJ if you want. This is the dirtiest I've ever been in my life.”

“Nah,” Phil smirked smugly, “I don't think this is the dirtiest you've ever been.”

Dan quailed at that obscene remark, “Fuck you.”

“No, thanks.”

“What is your problem?” Dan grumbled, “Can't you just keep your mouth shut for two seconds? Jesus, I'm tired of this. It's getting dark and just standing around here is like an open invitation for animals to come and kill us. Can you please focus on getting us out of here?”

Phil rolled his eyes, “Alright, if you want to wander around at night, that's fine with me. Let's go.”

Phil didn't wait for an answer, he simply stood up, turned on his heel and walked away, swiftly walking through the muddy path towards an unknown destination. 

“Wait, what?”

Phil smirked and kept walking forward.

“Wait, that's not what I meant!”

Phil ignored him and kept walking, swerving to the left and avoiding a thin tree.

“Phil!”

Phil huffed but didn't stop and Dan came stomping behind him, slapping his arm harshly. “Where the hell are you going?” he snapped.

Phil raised an eyebrow, “You're the one who wanted me to–”

“That's not what I meant! God, why are you so annoying? I just want to go home!” Dan shrieked in frustration.

“And I'm trying to find a way!” Phil snapped back, ambling past Dan and walking straight ahead. He couldn't understand what Dan wanted from him. Why was he annoying Phil? First, he wanted to go home and now Phil was trying to find a way home but he was still yelling and nagging him. What did he really want? What Phil wanted was a bottle of alcohol and a good, painful fight to forget the world and drown his sorrows but he was stuck in an impossible situation with an insufferable enemy, what was he supposed to do?

Phil could fight with Dan right now if he wanted. He just needed to make an impertinent remark and Dan would fall right into his trap. But he was exhausted, cold and hungry just like Dan and for the first time in a while, he didn't even have the energy to argue anymore. He just wanted to find a safe place and sleep for some time. 

Phil sighed tiredly, slowing his pace. The forest was calm and a macabre silence hung in the atmosphere. The air was rich with the thick aroma of damp leaves, rain and rotting wood. It was gradually growing darker and darker but the light of the moon illuminated his path, showing him the way. 

“How the hell are you going to find a way?” Dan shouted, “It's pitch dark. We'll just get even more lost than we already are.” 

“Then what do you want to do? What else can we do? Enlighten me,” Phil snapped.

Dan sighed, “Well . . .”

“See? There's nothing we can–” 

“Apples!” Dan shouted suddenly.

Phil frowned, “What?”

“Apples!” Dan said excitedly, pointing at something behind Phil, “Oh my god. Look, actual apples!”

Phil furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head to look at the spot Dan was pointing at, letting out a gasp as soon as his gaze fell on the object in question. “Oh.”

It was a humongous tree with heart-shaped leaves and thick branches, big enough to stand out amidst the smaller trees. It created a large, formidable shadow on the ground, making the area under the tree pitch black compared to the rest of the forest which was glowing vibrantly in the pale moonlight. The susurration of the gentle wind blowing through the leaves made Phil sigh as he looked at the tree, standing like a tall giant in front of them, frighteningly calm and quiet.

The tree didn't look like an apple tree at all, but plump, red apples hung from the branches, looking ripe and juicy. Phil unconsciously licked his lips as his stomach made a soft growling sound. 

“God, I'm so hungry,” Dan sighed dreamily up at the lush apples. “Pluck one for me.”

Phil scowled, “Why should I?”

“Because I'm hungry and you're the only one here. If I starve to death, you'll inevitably be blamed for it. You don't want that, do you?”

“I don't care. Do it yourself!”

Dan huffed exasperatedly, “How?”

Phil blinked, turning his gaze back to the tree. Now that he thought about it, the apples were hanging a bit too high for them to reach by hand, a little too high than normal apples. The tree itself didn't appear to be a normal apple tree but Phil could be wrong as he had never bothered to properly analyse an apple tree before. He didn't remember how it normally looked like. He sighed.

“Should I just throw a stone at it or something?” Dan asked, frowning up at the apples. 

Phil hummed contemplatively, looking up as well. The tree looked quite strong, strong and hard enough to hold both of their weight. They had yet to find a safe shelter to stay at night. As much as he wanted to go back, he knew very well that gallivanting about the forest at night was a very bad idea. They needed rest. They had lasted a whole day at this strange place anyway, they could probably survive one more night. The only thing they needed was a place to stay, a place where wild inhabitants of the forest won't bother them while they were asleep. 

After quickly inspecting his nearby vicinity, Phil concluded that the sane option was to climb the weird apple tree. They were both far too tired to go looking for another shelter so the easy way was to use the tree to their advantage. 

“No, we should climb it,” Phil decided.

Dan gaped at him, “What?”

“Look at the tree. What do you think?” Phil asked calmly.

Dan frowned but did as he was told, tilting his head up to expose his pale throat and staring up at the tree. His eyes turned into slits as he examined the tree, scrutinizing it from all sides. Phil waited for Dan to realize and he eventually did. “Oh. We're going to sleep on that?”

“Yeah.”

Dan frowned for a minute and then he sighed, “Ugh, fine. I don't even care anymore. I'm just hungry and tired. I just want to rest. Besides, this tree is tall too, taller than the others we saw anyway. Maybe in the morning, we can try to climb all the way up to the top and look around.”

Phil blinked, “Oh, yeah. That too.”

Dan sighed and looked back at the tree, “So how are we doing this?”

Phil shrugged. “I don't know. Let's just try.”

“Okay.”

Phil sauntered towards the tree, it's shadow and all its gloominess swallowing him as he reached the trunk. Standing under it, he noted that it was so tall that he couldn't see an end to it, it just went upwards infinitely, rising above the sky. The trunk was thick and covered with hard, pointy spikes that projected outwards. The branches above looked strong as well and Phil nodded approvingly. 

He extended his hand and touched one, patting it and determining its strength. It seemed to be hard enough to hold his weight and he lifted his feet, placing it on the lowest available projection. He applied soft pressure on it and outstretched his other hand, holding the spike above his head and lifting his other feet, placing it on a spike above the other one. He waited for a bit, holding his breath and waiting for it to break, but it didn't and he heaved out a sigh.

“Good idea,” Dan said from behind him.

Phil nodded, “Yeah. I'll go first. Just follow me.”

He didn't wait to hear a reply, he simply started climbing the tree using the thick spikes, stepping on a branch and lifting himself up to another branch. The branches hanging below had fewer leaves and were less thick so he climbed swiftly up in search of a thick branch capable of handling both of their weight.

“How tall is this?” Dan grumbled from behind him, slowing climbing up the tree. “Hurry up, the view from here is horrible.” 

Phil stopped and looked down, “What do you mean?”

“Your shirt is riding up, I can see your ass. Haven't you ever heard of a belt? Jesus, your pants are about to fall off.”

Phil's heart thumped and he instantly reached behind him with one hand to pull up his pants, eyes wide and embarrassed, “Shut up.”

Dan smirked, “Aw, is the little baby blushing?”

Phil rolled his eyes and ignored the rapid thundering of his heart, “No, of course not.”

Dan grinned but didn't say anything and Phil sighed in relief, looking back at the tree and heaving himself up onto a broad branch. He tried applying pressure, rocking his legs and trying to move the branch but it was hard and wide and did not move an inch. He smiled in satisfaction. 

“This one's strong,” he told Dan who was standing on a thin branch just below it. It was creaking and swinging, making Dan look up with wide eyes, “Idiot, it can't hold your weight. Come on.”

Phil extended a hand and Dan stared at it in shock as if it were an unknown object before taking it cautiously and letting Phil pull him up. He tumbled onto the branch next to Phil and panted, “Phew.”

Phil breathed out slowly, “We made it. It wasn't that hard.”

Dan shook his head, “That was not as easy as you made it look like. My hand hurts and I cut my finger. Look.” He held up his forefinger covered with little beads of blood, sighing exasperatedly.

Phil smirked, “Good.”

Dan glared but refused to say anything, he simply brought the finger up to his mouth and sucked on it, rolling his tongue against it and licking the blood off it. Phil stared at him for a second and then hastily looked away. 

He folded his legs and sat awkwardly on the branch, resting his back against the trunk and staring down at the ground. They were at a reasonable height, protecting them from unwanted species that might cause them harm. From where he was sitting, Phil could see the round, glowing moon clearly. It looked beautiful, more pronounced and visible than normal. He exhaled softly.

“Do you want one?” Dan asked nonchalantly. 

Phil blinked and looked up at Dan's face, oddly flustered. “What?”

“Apples,” Dan said innocently, pointing at the apples hanging below them.

Phil let out a breath. “Oh, that. Sure.”

Dan nodded and outstretched his arm to pluck two of the red fruits, his legs dangling off the branch. He picked one and handed it to Phil before grabbing one for himself.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows and inspected the apple, stroking the juicy flesh. It was bright red and almost glowing in the moonlight. It looked like a normal apple, just of better quality. His stomach growled by just looking at it and he dug his teeth into it without a second thought, the juicy goodness filling his mouth.

“Oh my god,” Dan said suddenly, sounding alarmed. Phil looked up sharply to find Dan blinking repeatedly in disbelief as he chewed, taking another huge bite. “It tastes like . . .”

Phil frowned and chewed slowly, the sweetness exploding in his mouth as he ate, but it wasn't the taste of an apple. The inside of it was just too soft and squishy to be an apple. “. . . bananas,” Phil finished for him.

“What the fuck? Why does it taste like a banana?” Dan blurted.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows in thought, taking another bite and chewing slowly, “I don't know but it's weird.”

“What is this place?” Dan asked rhetorically, “How the hell did we end up here?”

“I have no idea.”

“It's delicious though,” Dan moaned, taking a bite so large it wasn't even fitting inside his mouth. He plucked another one hanging to his left and bit into it, devouring two apples consecutively. “Oh god, I'm having an orgasm.”

Phil grimaced, “Ew. Shut up.”

“Sorry, I can't control myself. I'm so hungry,” Dan groaned, talking with his mouth full. 

Phil cringed, “Close your mouth.”

Dan hummed but didn't say anything, he just plucked a few more apples from all sides and dumped them on his lap, throwing the remains to the ground and grabbing fresh ones.

Phil shook his head in disgust and focused back on his apple, eating it silently. He had no clue as to why it tasted like a banana but looked like an apple. Nonetheless, it was delicious, better than actual bananas or apples, so sweet and luscious that it melted on his tongue like cotton candy. He savoured the taste as much as he could. Normally, all his food tasted bland and he mostly never had an appetite but for some reason, he was quite hungry right then and he put all thoughts aside and concentrated on devouring the strange fruit.

~*~

After eating two apples (or bananas shaped like an apple) Phil lay down on the branch, stretching his legs out and placing his hands behind his head, staring up at the moon. Dan had eaten more than ten apples and had collapsed on a branch to the other side of the trunk, sprawling across it and looking completely flawless. They had been lying in silence since then, both of them sleepy and barely conscious. 

Phil was staring up at the boundless sky, enthralled by its beauty and magnificence. The clouds had disappeared long ago and what remained was countless, glittering stars that dazzled splendidly. The sky was clearer than Phil had ever seen before and the navy blue blanket draped across the sky made his heart slow down. A certain calmness took over him, making him sluggish. Maybe it was exhaustion. After all, he was an introverted guy who wasn't used to strenuous activities. Walking and running all day long had tired him out.

Phil's eyelids drooped and he let out a soft, contented sigh. The surface he was lying on wasn't exactly comfortable but his limbs ached all over and simply lying there was a huge relief.

“Phil?” Dan murmured groggily, sounding half asleep.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Phil sighed. He was finally feeling peaceful and Dan just had to invade his calm thoughts. “Yeah, what?”

There was a creaking sound and Phil lifted his head slightly to look at Dan. He was looking back at Phil. “Why do you hate me so much?” he asked softly. 

Phil blinked and stared at Dan, not expecting that particular question. Dan's gaze was intense and Phil looked away hastily, lying back down. He didn't answer Dan's question, just yawned exaggeratedly and muttered, “Goodnight.”

There was silence for a few seconds and Phil tapped his fingernails against the wood impatiently. 

Finally, Dan sighed. “What even is your problem?” he yawned, “Goodnight then. I hope you have nightmares.”

Phil didn't answer, just turned onto his side cautiously and stared at the bright, round moon up in the sky. His mind was completely blank for some reason and he lay in calm silence for several minutes. Dan's rough breathing slowly turned even and regular, letting Phil know that he had fallen asleep already. The only sound was of insects and the cool breeze blowing through the trees. 

Phil exhaled softly, letting out a quiet murmur, “You are my problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! This is the author! How do you like the story so far? Please leave me some feedback if you can because it means a lot to me and I'd appreciate it so so much. I really want to know what you think! It really movitates me! Thank you for reading as always. See you next thursday :) <3


	8. Wounds and hopes

Dan floated between half-awareness and full wakefulness, his mind reluctant to acknowledge his surreal reality and impending doom, yet too alert to fall back into blissful oblivion. He simply skimmed through different memories, disconnected pieces of information swirling around his head. He tried to latch on to a memory but it would just disappear, only to be superimposed by another dominant memory. 

The memories weren't exactly pleasant, it jumped from one to another, from his mom's scathing words to his dad's loving reassurance. It mingled and unknotted. The broken chain of thoughts clashed many times and his messy mind endured the stress as much as it could.

Time slowed down for him and he felt like he had been trapped inside an endless maze for infinity. Minutes felt like hours and hours like years. He tried to open his heavy eyelids but they were glued together and his whole body felt paralysed. He knew he was panting and he struggled with his own thoughts for several agonizing moments until someone shook him violently and screamed, “Wake the fuck up!”

Dan gasped and jolted upright in panic, his chest heaving as he breathed heavily. 

“Finally,” Phil grumbled from the branch next to him.

Dan exhaled shakily and swallowed, trembling in the aftermath of his harrowing nightmare. 

Phil frowned, “What's wrong with you?”

Dan looked up slowly and internally composed himself as much as he could, letting out a soft sigh and shaking his head. “N-nothing,” he mumbled, “Weird dream.”

“Oh,” Phil huffed, “Well, get up. I want to go home.”

Dan sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly, trying to get rid of his bleary vision. “It's still early,” he yawned, noticing that dawn had yet to approach. There were streaks of white light peeking from below the horizon but other than that, the forest was still submerged in gloom. Dan's clothes were damp with morning dew, the cold, wet atmosphere making him shiver. 

“No, it's not,” Phil said, “We should leave now if we want to reach London before noon.”

Dan yawned again and mumbled absently, “Mm.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “I'm climbing to the top. Are you coming or not?”

Dan rubbed his hands together, shivering slightly. The atmosphere was cold and wet, and the chilling breeze cut through his clothes, slashing against his skin like a sharp whip. The air smelled like freshly cut grass, dew and decaying wood. It was a nice scent and the brittle silence soothed his soul. 

“I asked, are you coming or not?” Phil repeated in annoyance.

Dan sighed and yawned widely, his mind still somewhere far away, “I'm still sleepy.”

“Well, if you haven't noticed yet, we are stuck inside a forest. This is not exactly the best time to sleep.”

Dan sighed in exhaustion, “Hm.”

Phil grumbled impatiently and asked, “Do you want to go back or no?”

“I do.”

“Then get up. I'm climbing to the top. Come if you want to.”

Dan grunted absently, “Yeah.”

“C'mon,” said Phil in annoyance before turning to the tree and standing up.

Dan huffed and watched Phil with bored brown eyes. This was the first time he had seen Phil this early in the morning. He looked calmer than usual, his face devoid of the ever-present stress lines and his hair all mussed up. He looked like a normal adult, not the violent alcoholic he usually saw at parties. 

“What are you waiting for?” Phil grumbled, looking down from the branch above. He shook his head in disdain and stepped on a spike, grabbing a thick twig and ascending upwards.

Dan snapped out of his thoughts and looked up. “Ugh, fine,” he said finally and sleepily staggered to his feet, grabbing an outward projection and heaving himself up to the branch above. His body was exhausted and his mind beyond tired but he knew Phil was trying to do the right thing and he carefully climbed the tree, although his movements were a bit clumsy.

It was after about five minutes of climbing that his mind became alert once again. The somnolence disappeared and his brain started operating normally, his thoughts becoming active and clear, which was a problem in itself. The thoughts were useless and unproductive, causing him to lose concentration, distracting him from real issues.

Dan tried to put all thoughts to the back of his mind and concentrate on clambering up to the top but inconsistent thoughts invaded his brain. 

Although outwardly he seemed pretty calm, inside him was a raging storm. He wasn't a brave person in general and being stranded in a forest was not something he could just accept like Phil appeared to do. He was starting to understand, after some profound thinking, that there was no way he just suddenly woke up in an unknown place with no recollection whatsoever of how he came to be there. There had to be something else at work here.

Dan was terrified. He just wanted to go home. He secretly wished he was as sagacious as Phil was but he knew he wasn't. He used to be, a long time ago, but not anymore. 

He used to be an ardent pursuer of dreams, chasing after the things he loved fearlessly but somewhere along the way, in between the hurtful words of his mother and mindless one night stands, he lost himself. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get himself back.

“This part is a bit slippery,” Phil said, “Be careful.”

Dan broke out of his thoughts and looked up, rolling his eyes. “I'm not a child,” he grumbled in annoyance, climbing up in anger and stomping his foot against a branch angrily. He wasn't angry at Phil, per se, he was more angry at his own thoughts. “Stop acting like you know every single thing, you–”

Suddenly Dan's foot slipped just like Phil had warned and his eyes widened as he grabbed blindly for a thin twig above in panic. The twig was too small and it snapped in seconds, sending Dan flying back. He screamed and whirled his hands around to grasp another branch, grazing his arm against a sharp, pointy spike in the process. 

“You fucking idiot!” Phil yelled, descending with ease.

Blood trickled down Dan's arm and dripped down to the ground as he panted and clutched the branch with everything he had. Phil jumped down onto the branch and grabbed his hands, pulling him up. “What the fuck were you thinking?” Phil shouted as he dragged Dan up onto the branch. 

Dan was trembling, holding his bloody arm and panting heavily. Phil snatched his arm to inspect it, grimacing immediately after. “God, you are a child,” he muttered irritably.

“Shut up,” Dan retorted shakily, breathing heavily. His arm was bleeding, smearing blood across his clothes and he closed his eyes in fear, bile rising in his throat. It wasn't much, just a small cut but it still hurt like a bitch.

“You shut up,” Phil shot back, hastily taking off his jacket and wiping Dan's arm with it without a second thought. “You careless twat.” 

Dan blinked, staring at the jacket in shock.

“I told you it was slippery. Are you deaf or just really fucking stupid?” Phil snapped, tying it around the wound to stop the blood flow. Dan was surprised at how much blood was coming out of such a small cut but then again it was larger than the normal cuts people got while cutting vegetables. The cut was small but deep.

Dan stared at him and then at the jacket, then back at Phil again in complete disbelief. He wasn't expecting this type of behaviour from Phil but he grinned nonetheless, “Are you actually being nice to me?”

Phil stopped abruptly, freezing like a statue and then he blinked, once, twice, thrice, and jerked away as if burned, eyes slightly wide. “What? No! Fuck you, you're annoying!” he shouted.

Dan's grin widened. Even though he knew Phil didn't actually like him and was probably just doing what any normal person would do, the fact that it seemed to annoy Phil, made him want to taunt Phil even more. “Aw, you were being nice to me,” he cooed.

“No, I wasn't,” Phil snapped.

“You're actually really nice, aren't you?”

“No! Shut up, I'm not,” Phil growled and then as if he were trying hard not to look nice, he added, “You're ugly.”

“No, I'm not,” Dan smirked at the flustered look on Phil's face. “Stop lying to yourself.”

Phil bristled. “Fuck you.”

Dan's smirk turned evil, “Anytime.”

Phil grimaced, “Ew, gross. I'm not one of your fuck buddies.”

“Your loss, not mine,” Dan shrugged.

Phil grumbled something incoherent and Dan smirked when Phil hastily turned away, looking awkward as he started climbing again, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Dan. Dan watched silently for a few seconds then looked down at the jacket wrapped tightly around his arm. He sighed and tucked in the loose ends before looking up at Phil again.

“Maybe he was being nice. Weird,” he mumbled quietly before standing up and deciding to follow Phil to the top of the tree.

*

As soon as they reached a reasonable height, above the green leaves and thick branches, Phil stopped him with the wave of a hand.

“What?” Dan asked, looking at Phil in confusion. He was staring straight ahead, with huge, uncanny eyes. At Dan's question, he lifted his hand and pointed at something, Dan's fervent eyes following the gesture.

As soon as he saw it, his breath caught in his throat, a small gasp escaping his lips. The landscape was breathtakingly majestic. It was still early and the sky was a beautiful shade of periwinkle with hints of white stripes, predicting the approaching daylight. The sun glowed a bright yellow, emerging from below the horizon, streaks of orange licking the fluffy clouds hovering near the skyline.

But he wasn't shocked because of the pleasing panoramic scene. He was astounded because everywhere he looked, large trees and huge mountains covered the forest grounds, looking uninhabited by humans in a long, long time. There was no sign of any progress or human civilization anywhere, it was just empty and deserted. There was nothing but greenery for as far as the eyes could see.

Suddenly the eerie silence seemed to echo inside his mind as he realised how truly alone they were, trapped in a huge, endless jungle. It was just too big for them to explore, too wide for them to cover alone.

“Fuck,” Phil exhaled, “There's no road. There's nothing.”

Dan suddenly felt suffocated. He had not thought this far yet. He had been acting carefree and irresponsible this whole time because he was sure they would be able to find a way back. It all just appeared to be so absurd, the thought of reaching a forest with no memory of how. He had not understood the gravity of their situation but now he did and it terrified him.

“How did we even get here?” Phil asked quietly, staring down at the ground. “How is this possible?”

“I . . .” Dan swallowed, “I just can't remember anything. I don't know this place. I've never been here.”

“Neither have I,” Phil sighed, “I don't even think this is Britain. Maybe we're in America.”

“Is it possible . . . do you think someone kidnapped us?” Dan stuttered out in fear.

Phil blinked and then frowned, “But what would be the purpose? Why would anyone do that? We don't even remember anything.”

“Exactly,” Dan said quickly, “Maybe the reason we don't remember anything is because they wiped our memories. Maybe this is like the hunger games and we're supposed to fight to death or something to entertain the elite. Think about it, it makes sense. They chose us because we're the most likely to kill each other.”

Phil rolled his eyes, “Okay, I thought you had a point but now you're just being ridiculous.”

Dan sighed, “Then what? What is this?” He pointed to everything around them and asked angrily, “How did we get here?”

“Look,” Phil sighed tiredly, “There's no point in arguing about it. Jesus, I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm tired and I know you're tired. I think we should stop thinking about how we reached here and focus more on finding a way back home.”

“But how?” Dan shouted in irritation, plucking an apple from the branch above and throwing it at Phil with his uninjured hand, “I can't see anything besides fucking trees. What the hell do you plan to do?”

Phil caught the apple with ease and said, “I don't know. I don't think there's anything else to do anymore.”

Dan plucked another apple angrily and hurled it at Phil. “What do you mean? There has to be something!”

Phil caught the apple again, squinting his eyes to look at something above Dan's shoulder. Phil was sitting comfortably, resting his back against the trunk, both his legs dangling off the sides. Dan was sat facing the landscape, the endless stretch of green in front of them, awaiting the arrival of the sun. His wounded hand was still bandaged with the jacket and although the cut wasn't that deep to need a bandage, for some reason he decided to keep the jacket. It was warm.

“Well,” Phil shrugged, “I can't think of anything.”

“Dammit, how can you be so calm?” Dan grumbled, flinging another apple at him. 

“Stop that,” Phil chastised absently, catching it again, his attention on something else.

“I'm scared, you stupid fucking idi–”

“Wait,” Phil frowned suddenly, narrowing his eyes into slits and staring at something intensely. “What's that?”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows, his hand, holding another apple, freezing in mid air. “What?” he asked, lowering his hand.

“It's . . .” Phil frowned even more, his eyes suspicious, but then he blinked, looking surprised, “Is that a house?”

Dan's eyes widened and he quickly turned to look, squinting his eyes. “Where?”

“There!” Phil exclaimed, pointing to a valley a few miles away. 

Dan narrowed his eyes and scanned the green hills, innumerable trees and vast fields with hopeful eyes. When he didn't see anything, he asked again, “Where?” 

Phil leaned forward eagerly and placed a gentle hand on Dan's shoulder, bending down and pointing to a place far away. “There, look.”

Dan blinked, tilting his head and staring at the hand on his shoulder in mild shock. “Wha . . .” This was probably the first time Phil had touched him without an intention to hurt, to inflict pain, and it unnerved Dan a little. 

“Look at that valley over there,” said Phil.

Dan exhaled slowly and finally turned, looking towards where Phil was pointing, and there it was, a small hut at the base of the valley. It was far enough that Dan could not see it clearly but it was there, he knew it. Excitement and new found dedication overtook him and he said, “Maybe there are people there.”

Phil nodded approvingly, “Yeah.”

“Wait, is that light?” Dan cried in disbelief, squinting his eyes. From the direction of the hut, something was glistening brightly and it was easy to notice it in the darkness. “Someone lives there!”

Phil sighed in relief, “Thank god. We can finally get out of here.”

“Yeah!” Dan said excitedly, jumping up and proceeding to get down, “Surely they'd know a way out of this hell.”

Phil nodded, “Yeah, I hope so.”

“We should go. We should go now,” Dan said with determination.

Phil raised his eyebrows, “Aren't you a bit too excited?”

“Of course, I am,” Dan rolled his eyes. Phil shook his head and stepped down from the branch. “I'm sick of looking at your stupid face all the time.”

Phil huffed but didn't say anything and Dan grinned at him evilly before concentrating back on his descend. Climbing was hard and not to mention scary, with his almost fall and wounded hand and all, but getting down was rather easy. It was probably because the newly discovered hope gave him strength, gave him courage. His eagerness to go home made him fearless and he jumped down from one branch to another with complete ease. He might have even scratched his already injured hand again in his haste, but he couldn't bring himself to care because he was finally going home.

After some more exertion, Dan was proudly standing on the ground within minutes, looking up at Phil. “Come on, Phil. Why are you so slow?”

Phil rolled his eyes, slowly coming down, “Because I need to look after your clumsy ass. If you fall and die, I'd be blamed for it.”

Dan let out a laugh, “Don't worry, I won't die that easily.”

Phil huffed, jumping onto the ground and grunting in acknowledgement. 

Dan sighed and inquired, “How far do you think it is?”

“What?”

“The hut.”

“I don't know, three miles?”

“Hmm,” Dan said thoughtfully, “So it'll probably take us an hour to get there.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“We should leave now,” Dan said determinedly, stepping forward, “I want to reach home before night.”

Phil nodded and followed him as he walked away in the direction of the valley. “We'll have to be careful though. We could get lost easily.”

Dan nodded, “Yeah. For now, if we just walk straight ahead, we should reach the valley in an hour. If we don't, we can just climb another tree or something, I don't care. I just want to go home.”

Phil sighed and nodded, jogging a little to catch up with Dan. They lapsed into a tense silence after that, slowly traipsing through the woodland. The curtain of night had yet to lift from the woods and the dry leaves that crunched under their feet made a loud noise in the quietude of the forest. 

Dan was inordinately jittery as he trudged silently beside Phil, caressing his wounded hand and anxiously looking around for any sign of threat or danger. His hand still hurt but the pain was negligible enough to ignore. His main concern at that moment was getting to the valley safely. He wasn't sure if wild animals slept at night and he wasn't eager to find out. He hoped that none of them would attack him. He had heard that animals only harmed humans when taunted but he didn't know if that applied to carnivorous animals. If a tiger saw them, would it eat them or ignore them? Dan felt like the former option was the right one.

“How's your hand?” Phil asked after what felt like hours, breaking the thick silence between them. They were entering a small clearing and Dan looked up at the light grey sky. Morning was arriving swiftly and he was somehow relieved. At least, he knew they wouldn't trip in the darkness anymore.

Dan shrugged, lifting his hand and inspecting it. Dried blood covered the jacket still wrapped around the wound and he sighed, “Fine.”

Phil nodded without looking at him and whispered, “Does it hurt?”

Dan's lips curled into a confused smile, “What?”

Phil didn't look at him, “Nothing. I just needed my jacket back.”

“It's covered in my blood.”

At that Phil looked at him, or at his hand precisely, and grimaced, “Okay. Just keep it.”

Dan nodded and they lapsed into an awkward silence. Dan was more than confused. He couldn't understand what Phil was thinking. He was unpredictable and his actions unhinged Dan. Sometimes Phil acted like the arrogant alcoholic he was and sometimes he acted like an actual human. He was still not sure why Phil helped him back there when usually Phil would actively try to physically hurt him. Why would he–

Dan blinked, abruptly snapping out of his thoughts and suddenly realizing something. 

When he really thought about it, he became aware of the fact that Phil mostly never tried to harm him. He would spit out bitter words drunkenly and yell obscene things at him but usually it was Dan who resorted to physical violence. Phil simply retaliated after that. He never actively tried to hurt him physically. 

Dan sighed. He just couldn't understand Phil at all and it seemed like an impossible task.

*

“We would've reached here half an hour ago if you weren't so dramatic,” Phil grumbled in irritation.

“I wasn't being dramatic!” Dan snapped, “My feet really hurt and I have a mutilated hand, don't you get that? An injured person has to rest from time to time.”

Phil rolled his eyes and muttered something incomprehensible under his breath. Dan shook his head at him and looked around the valley. They were flanked by beautiful green hills, a small stream flowing in the middle of the valley. The water was crystal clear, glistening in the morning sunlight. The sound of rivulets splashing against the stones and the melody of running water filled his ears as they reached the stream. 

From where they stood, they could see the small hut clearly. There was no sign of human habitation anywhere but the hut seemed to have lights placed above it and it gave Dan a small hope. This whole area appeared untouched by all the technological advancements happening all around the globe and Dan was sure that the person who lived inside the hut was probably a tribal person. But it didn't matter. At least, they could show Dan the way to the city.

“Why is this place so isolated?” Phil frowned, “There has to be a board or a road sign or something somewhere.”

“Yeah, I've been looking for it too,” Dan sighed, “There's nothing. Where do you think we are?”

“I don't know, Africa?” answered Phil.

Dan rubbed his forehead tiredly. “I'm thirsty. Do you think that water is safe to drink?” He gestured towards the stream.

Phil shrugged, “I don't know. Why are you asking me?”

“Because . . . because you look like you know stuff.”

“Well, I don't.”

“Okay, then go and drink it, and tell me if it's safe. I'll wait.”

“Why would I do that? What the fuck?” Phil snapped, “Stop being such an annoying little shit. I gave you my jacket. That's the nicest I've ever been to anyone.”

“Ah, so you were being nice,” Dan grinned cheekily.

Phil jerked at that, giving an irritated grunt and stepping away from him. Dan smirked but decided not to say anything more. His throat was dry and scratchy from all the walking and running, and he couldn't even remember the last time he drank some water. 

Dan huffed and teetered over to the stream, bending and scooping the water into his hands. He squinted his eyes and peered into it, searching for dirt. The water looked clean enough and small fishes were swimming nearby, making the stream look colourful. Dan closed his eyes in disgust. Although he was thirsty, he somehow felt weird. He was a little germophobic and drinking from a river made him want to vomit. 

“It could have someone's urine in it and I'd never know,” Dan mumbled to himself.

There was a small cough from behind him and Dan blinked, snapping his neck up to look at Phil.

“Hurry up. We don't have all day,” Phil groused, “It looks clear. Just drink it.”

Dan sighed, making a disgusted face and scooping water into his hands again. He stared at it reluctantly and then closed his eyes, bringing it to his lips quickly and downing it hastily to avoid tasting it, but the sweetness exploded in his mouth and he blinked, frowning as he dropped his hands and stared into the water.

“What is it?” enquired Phil.

“It's sweet,” Dan said with surprise. 

“Sweet?” Phil frowned, walking towards him and bending to his level to peer into the water, “What do you mean, sweet?”

“I don't know, it's just sweet,” Dan said, taking more water into his hands and bringing it to his lips eagerly, “It's nice.”

Phil furrowed his eyebrows and scooped some, tasting the water and blinking in shock, “Whoa.”

“I know, right?” Dan said excitedly, “I think it's because it's pure water. The water we usually drink is diluted in some way. This water comes directly from nature.”

Phil nodded thoughtfully, “Yeah, maybe.”

Dan smiled satisfactorily at the water and stood up slowly, sighing softly and deciding to walk away but suddenly a beautiful, rainbow coloured fish with a long, bright tail caught his attention and he stared at it, mesmerised. It was speeding through the water and it looked shiny and silky, its skin sparkling in the sunlight. Dan was enthralled by it for some reason and he kind of wanted to take it back home and put it in a fish bowl for everyone to see. Something so beautiful deserved to be noticed, to be admired for it's brilliance.

“It looks tasty. Can we eat it?” Phil asked suddenly.

Dan blinked, staring at Phil in shock. “What the fuck, no! Why would you say that?”

Phil shrugged, “I'm hungry.”

“You heartless monster,” Dan blurted in disbelief.

Phil rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, “Well, if we can't eat it, it's useless. Leave it. Let's go.”

Dan shook his head, appalled, and threw another glance at the beautiful fish before sighing and following Phil reluctantly. Phil was heading straight towards the hut and Dan jogged swiftly to catch up with him. The hut was situated at the base of a hill and Dan's heartbeat quickened as they neared their destination. 

He hoped desperately that they'd be able to find some help there and he prayed to all the gods he knew. The light from the hut blinded his eyes everytime he looked at it, it was like a mini sun and he felt like there had to be someone living there. 

He sighed, stopping in his tracks and staring at the hut, “I'm kinda scared.”

Phil stopped as well, looking at the shack in front of them. It was made entirely of wood, even the door. The roof was made of wood but covered by dry leaves. It was perhaps, a little too big to be called a hut but a little too small to be called a proper house. Nevertheless, it looked decent enough and Dan's hope grew stronger. 

“Yeah,” Phil mumbled finally, “Same.”

Phil didn't say anything more, just stepped towards the shack reluctantly, the cold breeze ruffling his clothes. With slightly shaking hands, Dan brushed his hair back and trudged behind Phil towards the mysterious hut, feeling hopeful yet a bit nervous.


	9. Alone and lonely

Phil raised his slightly trembling hands and tapped on the dust-covered, barely standing door of the hut with his knuckles, exhaling the excitement softly through his nose, the excitement which he felt at the prospect of someone lodging inside the hut, someone who could help them, or at least someone capable of providing beneficial information. Although, the likelihood of that appeared minimal, considering the fact that the hut looked unused and the door unopened for centuries. 

Phil felt Dan's anxious presence behind his back like the unending sky above his head, turbulent, ready to release a violent storm. He could actually see the agitation and uneasiness radiating off of Dan's body, and a tiny, tiny bit of eager hope in his eyes. Phil didn't blame him and though it pained him to say it, he was in a very similar condition. Perhaps, their equivalent circumstances had subsequently managed to create some similarities between them.

Phil sighed in defeat. He was hungry, sweaty, dirty and so, so fucking tired. He felt like if he spent even another microsecond in this godforsaken shithole of a forest, his brain would explode. He was ready to throw himself off into the bloody river if not for the small hope the hut presented before him.

Not that the hut looked hopeful or full of promise. From a closer distance, it seemed tattered and utterly damaged. The wood had decayed and disintegrated, looking like it had endured the assault of a million hurricanes. The thought of someone living in it was simply incomprehensible. But the hope, which engulfed both of them, came due to the light peeking through the tiny, almost imperceptible window–or perhaps it was just an unintended hole–just above the wooden door. 

The light was bright, glistening enough to be seen in the morning sunlight. So, as Phil knocked tiredly, no matter how bleak the possibility of someone living in the hut was, the light still gave him unfathomable hope.

“Oh, for god's sake, step aside!” Dan grumbled impatiently, shoving Phil off to the side and banging furiously on the already broken door, the sound of his aggravation echoing inside the exquisite valley. 

Phil scowled and made a face, but kept his musings to himself. He didn't think he even had the energy to breathe. 

Sometime during their trek towards the hut, Dan had started to get uneasy and restless, looking like he was losing hope with each passing second, frustration and exhaustion taking over his delicate features. Dan's disquiet had affected Phil more than he'd like to admit and he himself had started to feel unusually jittery.

After all, hope was crucial for survival. It was the fundamental need of every human and it was the one thing that could keep them alive during disheartening moments. Phil knew this very clearly. If one of them lost hope then the other would soon follow and that would be very, very dangerous, fatal, even.

“Can you stop that?” asked Phil, furrowing his eyebrows as Dan proceeded to use both of his hands to pound on the door, repeatedly. 

“Why isn't anyone opening the door?” Dan cried.

Phil's voice was quiet as he replied, “I don't think anyone's inside.”

Dan's pupils dilated and he looked madly impatient. “That can't be! There . . . there has to be someone.”

It really didn't look like anyone was going to saunter out of the hut and bestow instructions on them but Phil wisely kept his mouth shut.

Dan continued to knock like he wanted to punch a hole through the door and Phil's eyes twitched. “Stop it,” Phil mumbled briskly. 

Dan whirled around in distress, “What the fuck should I do then, genius?”

Phil huffed, “Just open the damn door. Let's take a look inside.”

Dan parted his lips, looking ready to interject but for some reason unknown to Phil, he let out a huge breath and rubbed his forehead. “Fine,” he muttered, pushing the decrepit wooden door.

Phil watched with quiet eyes as the door came unhinged, half of the rotting wood hanging loose. Dan shoved the battered door aside with a nauseated look on his face. Particles of dust and dirt caked his hand and he shook it heavily, sprinkling filth all over Phil. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Phil groused, dusting his shirt.

“Oops,” Dan muttered in disinterest and teetered inside like a stupid prey approaching a lion's den, cautious and on high alert but incredibly witless.

The first thing Phil perceived as he followed Dan inside was the heap of neatly stacked clothing items on the furthest corner of the room, just sitting there, and probably also accumulating dust for decades. There were some very peculiar tools in another corner, made of rocks and stones. Phil could not discern what exactly they were but they were shaped somewhat like knives. A broken hand-made chair sat in the centre and many oddly-shaped rocks littered the whole floor. The floor which was coated in dried mud, in fact, everything inside had a layer of dirt. Nothing else was inside the room, nothing that indicated human habitation and Phil's already breaking confidence snapped like a twig.

He should've expected this, he really hadn't even bothered to contemplate the possibility of residency after observing the miserable state of the hut but hope was a foolish thing and it made him have foolish thoughts. 

“We are alone,” Phil whispered in despair because it was true. 

He had never, never ever thought he would miss his cold, empty apartment but now he did. The loneliness was always there in his heart, clawing at him from the inside, making him do stupid things to get rid of it. He'd drink his worries away and shout at people until he forgot who he was, but at the end of the day, no matter what he did, he always had to return to that dark place that he called his home. It wasn't a home at all to him, just a place to sleep, a place to cry quietly, a place to break things and a place to feel completely and utterly alone. He hated it. Especially, during cold winter nights, it was impossible not to be reminded of how utterly alone he was.

But right now, even the winter desolation was preferable over this constant state of not knowing what the fuck was going on. At least in his apartment, he could grieve over his dead life in peace and drown his sorrows in cheap whiskey. Here, though, he was stuck between wanting to throttle his companion and wanting to just walk into a corner and cry. 

“No . . . but . . .” Dan swallowed in distress, “That can't be . . . it–the light! Where is the light?”

Phil looked up sharply, “What?”

Dan's eyes examined the area, looking for the source of the light. “What about the light? Where was it coming from? Someone . . . someone has to–”

Dan's voice had already sounded like his hope was dangling off the edge of a cliff and as he abruptly cut himself off, Phil knew that it had plunged to the very bottom. 

“What is that?” Dan questioned, looking puzzled.

“What?” Phil ambled towards Dan, turning to view the thing Dan was staring at intently.

Phil's eyes moved upwards to the ceiling made entirely of wood, to a rope-like thing made of some sort of vine. It was tied around a strange stone that was glowing brighter than the sun outside. The stone was almost as big as a cricket ball and it looked like it served as a source of light for whoever had occupied the hut decades earlier. All of Phil's expectations drained out of him and he bit his lip in utter helplessness. 

“Fuck,” Dan murmured, his voice shaky. He dropped his head into his hands and kicked a rock in anguish.

“It's just a weird glowing stone,” Phil whispered.

“The fuck is that thing!” Dan shouted, pointing upwards to the ceiling made of wood. “This is not fucking normal! Glowing stones, apples that taste like bananas and stupid rainbow fishes! This. is. not. normal, Phil!”

“Yeah, there's something going on here. This place is not normal,” Phil agreed, even though it pained him to do so. 

Dan's shoulders sagged and he swallowed painfully, “How do we get out of here?”

“I don't know,” Phil murmured solemnly because it was true, he didn't know and it was hard to accept that fact. His mind was a farrago of worries and anxieties, one thought crashing into another and making his brain hurt.

Dan paled noticeably, looking like he had lost everything in life. He mumbled something incoherent and started pacing back and forth in vexation. Phil could understand Dan's inner turmoil since his own mind was in mayhem. He could not remember how he ended up in a mysterious forest, the existence of which would have seemed wholly preposterous if not for the fact that he was currently stuck in it. He did not know how to get out and he most certainly did not know how to stay alive until help arrived.

This was never meant to happen. Phil was sure the universe had made a huge, irreversible mistake. Phil was boring and his life even more so. Things like this did not happen to Phil Lester and were not supposed to happen to Phil Lester.

Then, how did it? And why did it?

Dan's aggravation appeared to grow as he trudged back and forth across the wooden floor. He tapped his knuckles against his hips and gritted his teeth, looking extremely frustrated. He kept shooting malicious glares and irritated glances at Phil, looking very much like Phil himself when he was drunk out of his mind.

“What?” Phil snapped after suffering under Dan's death glare for five whole minutes.

“This is all your fault!” Dan glowered.

“What?” Phil blurted in disbelief, “How is this my fault?”

“If you didn't follow me everywhere I went then we wouldn't have fought in the library and we wouldn't be here!” Dan shouted, “You're such a fucking asshole.”

“Is this about falling through a mythical door?” Phil laughed derisively, “Yep. That's exactly how we ended up here. Very smart.”

“Shut up,” Dan said through gritted teeth, “I don't care if you don't believe me or not. But you are the reason we are here. If you hadn't–”

“If you weren't such a man-whore, we wouldn't be here at all now, would we?” Phil cut him off, raising an eyebrow.

Dan breathed harshly, roughly and he looked more and more disgruntled as each second passed, his face the picture of resentment and repressed anger. He looked like he wanted to bury Phil alive. “You're a worthless piece of shit, you know that?” Dan spat in his face, stomping towards him, “It always has to be you. At every meeting, at every party, you make a nuisance of yourself everywhere! I'm so sick of your bullshit!”

Suddenly, Phil realized what this was, where this conversation was leading to, and he stood up straight. A mere few hours ago, it was Phil who was trying to initiate fights but now Dan himself was presenting Phil with a wonderful opportunity and Phil couldn't resist. 

Phil could see the way Dan's brown eyes sparked with unprovoked fury. Dan's fists were clenched tightly, his body visibly tense with dismay. He seemed perturbed and more hostile than ever before. He was taking out his dissatisfaction on Phil. Phil knew it but he couldn't even bring himself to care. He needed this. Dan needed this. They were both tired, hungry, confused and suffocating under a million worries. It was the perfect chance to release it all. 

“Oh, I'm terribly sorry for disrupting your daily cock-sucking sessions,” Phil mocked.

Dan gnashed his teeth together, the petulance evident on his face. He was seething and his eyes were full of indignation, his body quivering with barely suppressed temper. 

Phil pressed on, “Must be hard having such a busy schedule, right? But at least you're happy.”

Dan's jaw was tight and Phil saw the way he tensed. He could see the shame and self-hatred twirling inside Dan's eyes and he knew instantly that he had hit a very sensitive nerve.

“It's none of your business,” Dan gritted out, his chest heaving up and down.

“Yeah,” Phil grinned, “But isn't it a little sad that letting men shove their dick into your asshole is the only thing that makes you happy? You, Dan Howell, are such a big fucking slu–”

Phil couldn't complete his sentence as he was shoved back and thrown against the wall, a sharp pain making itself known in his stomach. It took a while for him to realize that he was just punched in the stomach. Exhilaration and thrill shot up his spine immediately and propelled him forward, his eyes darting to Dan's hand on his shirt collar. He lurched back to his feet, shoving Dan back. Dan stumbled on a rock behind him and landed unceremoniously on his bottom. 

“Truth is always bitter,” Phil spat.

Dan shot him down with a discomfiting glare and in a split second, grabbed his leg and yanked, making Phil fall to the floor. Dan climbed on top of him and wrapped his hand around Phil's throat, panting slightly. “How about I tell you about your truth, huh? You depressed piece of shit!” he growled, “What the fuck do you know about me? You're a useless alcoholic who doesn't care about anyone but himself!”

Phil's nostrils flared and he struggled to get out of Dan's tight grip on his neck. Dan slapped his cheek and Phil hissed in pain, flinging his hands upwards and managing to shove Dan aside. Dan caught Phil's fist and they rolled on the floor, throwing haphazard punches and kicks at each other. 

“I'm not an alcoholic! Don't you–ah!” Phil yelled breathlessly as Dan bit his hand. Phil pulled Dan's hair and Dan cried out in pain, letting go of Phil's hand.

“Let me–” Phil straddled Dan's hips and Dan threw a punch at Phil's face. “–go, you asshole!”

“I'm going to fucking kill you!” Phil shouted, heaving and panting heavily. Phil wasn't thinking at all, his mind was chaos and logical thoughts were a million miles away. All he wanted was to put Dan back in his place and what he said next was never something that he had intended to say, ever.

Dan pushed him down abruptly and slammed his head against the floor, holding him down. Dan had the upper hand and Phil wanted to squash him like a tiny fly. Overcome with immense anger, Phil blurted, “You're a waste of space. Even your own mother doesn't want you! She did the right thing by publicly disowning you! No one wants you. Just kill yourself already, you fag!”

Even thirty seconds after yelling such cruel words, Phil didn't realize what he had said and how much impact it would have on Dan.

Even when Dan's grip abruptly loosened on him, he didn't recognize his mistake. There was just a heavy, sombre silence, cracked only by the irregular breathing and rapid heartbeats of them both. The sound of the water coursing down the stream was the only thing Phil could hear as Dan slowly, cautiously, removed himself from Phil's bubble of personal space. Bewildered by the unforeseen change in attitude, Phil turned slowly and caught Dan's eyes.

Phil instantly realised his blunder. He thought back to what he had said and remorse permeated through his heart. 

Dan was standing there, his eyes misty and his shoulders tense. He looked ashamed, sad and utterly empty, like all his energy had evaporated, leaving him cold and hollow. Most of all, he looked exhausted, as if he were done with everything. 

Phil looked at him unrepentantly, though that wasn't how he felt. He knew he had gone too far but it wasn't his fault. Dan shouldn't have commented on his debauched lifestyle. Phil wasn't an alcoholic, Phil was just alone. This fact ripped him apart and made him bleed every single second of every day. But that was none of Dan's business and he shouldn't have remarked on it.

“You . . .” Dan whispered, his hands trembling by his sides. Phil stared into his earthly brown eyes, something churning violently inside his stomach. Dan's whole body was quivering and his hair was a mess of wild brown curls that fell over his face in tousled locks. His chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm and although he looked just seconds away from bursting into tears, Phil couldn't help but stare at Dan, waiting with bated breath for him to continue what he was saying. It might not have been something of paramount importance but at that moment, to Phil who was filled to the brim with shame and guilt, it felt like it might be. “I hate you.”

That was all he said before he hurled Phil's jacket back at him and stormed out of the hut. Phil blinked repeatedly as he gawked at Dan's retreating back. For a mere few minutes, he was in utter disbelief that Dan had embarked on his journey into the wilderness on his own, leaving Phil to deal with his own difficulties.

Sound of fading footsteps echoed in his ears and he stared outside at Dan's silhouette that melted away into the depths of the forest. Silence wrapped around him like a warm cloak but his mind was louder than ever before.

Phil jumped back to his feet abruptly, disbelief sinking into his bones as he staggered towards the door, his eyes scanning the noticeable surroundings. Dan was nowhere to be found and Phil's heart sank into the bottom of his stomach. It wasn't as if he liked Dan, he told himself quickly. It was just better to have a companion when he ventured out into the fantastical forest. 

He could technically go after Dan, but that wasn't who he was and that would make Dan think that Phil needed him, which he didn't. He didn't need Dan at all. Phil could find his way on his own and Dan wasn't his responsibility. Besides, Dan would be back soon. He wasn't that stupid to just wander into the forest alone . . . was he?

A boom of thunder interrupted his train of thoughts and his eyes flicked upwards to the gloomy sky. The blue expanse of brilliance was gone, replaced by an evil, black ugliness. Lightning broke the sudden darkness outside and the first drop of rain hit the ground. 

Suddenly, it felt as if his purpose was robbed from him and he didn't know what to do anymore. He clenched his fists and exhaled softly through his nose, sitting down inside the hut and looking out at the ceaseless amount of green in front of him. An odd quietude filled the air but his heart wasn't at peace. His eyes darted back and forth across the valley every once in a while, hoping to see a head of curls but all he saw was the water rushing through the river and all he heard was the whipping sound of the rain.

Without the much-needed distraction that was Dan Howell, Phil felt wholly alone. Unwanted thoughts invaded his brain and suddenly, he wanted to scream and wail until he lost his voice and all of his mind was blank. 

He swallowed achingly, staring at the harsh rain outside with a pained look in his eyes. The light of the glowing stone was flickering and it's rope creaked back and forth above his head, hanging loosely. The wind struck the hut, again and again, rattling the broken door. The noise of rain and the river slapping the rocks screamed in his ears and all he could do was close his eyes, take a deep breath and hope it would all go away. 

Phil could not comprehend how he had ended up here. Things like this only happened in bizarre yet elaborate daydreams of creative little children, not at all in actual reality. What had he done to deserve this? This lonesome, boring life where every day was a struggle to fight the nothingness out of himself.

A loud sound penetrated his thoughts and he looked far ahead to see a tree getting ripped out and thrown on the ground by the force of the wind. 

Phil pushed the pain down his throat, grateful for the small distraction and went back to staring at the ground ahead. He leaned back against the wall and sat back comfortably but his eyes fell on a dirty looking thing that lay just in front of him, shaped almost like a pillow. It was made of many items of clothing tied together and had a torn shirt wrapped around it. He immediately grabbed it and lay back, resting his head on it as he silently watched the rain outside.

He didn't know when he finally fell asleep but he remembered thinking about a lot of things before succumbing to his body's needs, his mind a perfect example of disorientation. 

He thought about where Dan was, what he was doing and if he had managed to find a shelter. He thought about his friends back home, if they were worried about him, if they even cared. Everything and anything swirled around his head but the last thought he remembered having was that, he had never meant to be such a shitty person, to be hated and loathed by everyone, all he had ever wanted was to love and to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, it was hard to seperate them but it needed to happen. I warned you, it's slow burn. I want the relationship to be as realistic as possible since enemies to lovers is my favourite trope. Don't worry though, they'll be together soon! Also follow me on tumblr.   
Link: https://amillionregrets.tumblr.com


	10. Wolves and hunger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is an unexpected update for my dear friend. It's her birthday! You know who you are. Happy birthday! This won't affect my updating schedule. I'll still post another chapter on Thursday as usual. Go ahead and enjoy! :D

Dan tramped into the forest in undiluted outrage, his feet ploughing the ground as he walked angrily. He wasn't walking in any specific direction and had no single destination in mind, in fact, it was just his infuriation leading him far, far away from the walking, breathing nightmare that was Phil Lester. He didn't even know how long he had been walking. His thoughts were crawling all over the place like venomous snakes and he finally clenched his fists and stopped his angry march to kick a tree in absolute fury.

_Your mother _ _doesn't want you._

Another harsh kick and the tree shuddered and shook, spilling dust onto his head. Dan breathed out his rage through his nose, trying to compose himself as he heaved. His body was trembling with barely restrained agitation and Phil's wounding words echoed in his ears.

_She did the right thing._

The sky roared and wailed above and soon raindrops pummeled the ground, quenching the thirst of drying grass. A bolt of lightning tore the sky in half and Dan's heart fell to the ground, in pieces. All around him was complete pandemonium and he closed his eyes and counted to ten. The wind howled louder than ever before, distant screams of uprooting trees filling Dan's ears.

_No one wants you._

Dan leaned against a tree, breathing harshly, his eyes closed tight against the strikes of lightning. The deafening sound of thunder filled his ears and rain droplets trickled down his temple as a stray drop of tear travelled down his right cheek.

“Fuck,” Dan whispered, his fingers tugging so harshly at his wild curls that it physically hurt.

Dan had seen the remorse on Phil's face and somehow it hurt more than his spiteful words. He didn't require anyone's pity, least of all Phil's. He just felt humiliated and ashamed but most of all, he felt like _nothing, _as if he were nothing. He tried so hard to forget, to forget how his mother had treated him, how she had shattered his fragile heart and squashed his bud of dreams underneath her feet before they even had a chance to blossom into delicate flowers.

Phil just had to remind him, he just had to poke and prod at his gaping wound again and again, and it hurt more than he could ever admit. He was tired of stitching up his cracked heart every day only for someone to smash it to smithereens the very next day. He was tired of breaking all over the place and having to pick himself up every morning.

Dan slipped down to the wet, dirty ground, his back against the tree and his head in his hands. He tried to control the fresh batch of tears that rolled down his cheeks but his emotions overwhelmed him. His feelings were turbulent, unpredictable but he was always able to compose himself, but being alone and empty in an unknown place with no way to escape, had made him lose his voice of reason. Logic and practicality were at the furthest corners of his mind and his feelings of grief ruled over him.

He sat there all alone and let his thoughts consume him as he toppled deeper and deeper into his sadness and shame.

*

Dan didn't know how long he sat there, trying to regather his thoughts and pondering over his worries and anxieties, but when he eventually managed to calm himself down, he was freezing cold.

“Dammit,” he muttered, shivering from the icy wind that lashed against his soaked clothes. The sky was still bleeding and the ground was filled with water that ran down his leg, depositing mud on his blue jeans that had turned into a dull brown colour. Chilled water pierced his skin and Dan rubbed his arms, begging his body to produce some heat.

Lightning crackled in the sky and Dan looked up contemplatively. It had been quite a few hours since he had irascibly walked out on Phil and his rage had mostly subsided.

Dan breathed harshly as his teeth clattered and his body shook like a leaf in the cold wind, but he slowly dragged himself to his feet and looked around, trying to determine where his irrationality had brought him to.

The place was entirely foreign, which was to be expected since he was already in an unfamiliar environment. But what he was hoping for was an indication, a small sign that showed him how far he was from the stupid hut and how long it would take for him to get back. Most importantly, in which fucking direction was it?

After all, he never had any reckless intentions to leave Phil completely. He wasn't that brave. He knew he could never survive on his own. All he had needed was a few hours alone to calm down.

Suddenly, as Dan tried to ascertain where he was, fearsome howls sounded from a distance, loud, menacing and cutting through Dan's thoughts like swords. Dan's ears immediately perked up and his survival instincts kicked him on the back, yelling at him to stay alert.

Dan's eyes quickly scoured through his surroundings and he couldn't even recall from which direction he had come from. Everywhere he looked, small, similar trees and plants surrounded him. All directions looked exactly the same and Dan started to panic when a howl sounded from a closer distance.

Dan jumped and whipped his head around to stare at his right side, his heart in his throat as he listened to the sounds of ferocious beasts knocking into trees and snarling as they ran through the forest.

All of a sudden, Dan realised how foolish and unreasonable he had been to fight and abandon his only companion in a place so strange and unusual. It was never his objective, he just hadn't been thinking and all he had wanted to do was get as far away from Phil as possible. He had never meant for this to happen.

Phil might have enraged him, spat unkind words at him but Dan knew that at least he wasn't a wild, feral creature incapable of understanding human wishes.

Phil had helped him in the past, no matter how cruel and brutish he might have acted, and he would have helped him again in a life-threatening situation, Dan was sure of it. Phil did hurt him sometimes but he wasn't a _murderer_.

Sounds of hasty footsteps and grunting animals increased and Dan blinked as he realized what a huge, huge error he had made in leaving his only human companion in a big, wide, inhospitable forest filled with wild beasts that wanted to feast on his internal organs.

Loud, piercing howls ripped through his thoughts and Dan's soul jumped out of his body. Large, brown eyes scanned the area and he panted in fear, his heart beating out of his chest. His mouth turned dry as bounding footsteps came closer and closer, the sound of splashing water reaching his ears.

There was no mistaking it anymore. The animals were running directly towards him.

A deep rumble of thunder made Dan spring into action and he quickly ran to the nearest tree, leaping onto it without a second thought. He hopped onto the lowest branch, grabbed the upper one and heaved himself up, hiding behind thick leaves and making himself as inconspicuous as possible.

The sound of rain engulfed Dan and the smell of wet wood, fresh leaves and earth filled him as a pack of wolves came pounding towards him. His heart thudded furiously against his chest as he clung desperately to the branch and stared in absolute stupefaction.

There were about six to seven wolves, way, way larger than the average humans, their strong muscles hidden beneath thick grey fur that looked incredibly soft and oddly divine. Their huge bodies filled up the empty space under the tree and Dan's heart plummeted down to the ground as he watched in terror.

Suddenly, one of them, much bigger and scarier than the others, treaded forward towards the tree, sniffing the air. Water splashed as it approached closer, its huge, glowing eyes scanning the territory as if it were looking for its prey. A sound of panic erupted from Dan's throat and he shoved his fist into his mouth, panting in fear as he tried to labour his breathing.

The other wolves were waiting patiently behind as their leader examined the area. It was quite obvious who the alpha of the pack was. The larger wolf had an aura of authority that the other wolves didn't seem to have. Its eyes held supreme power and the elegant, fearless way it patrolled the region confirmed the fact that it, in fact, reigned over the other wolves.

Suddenly, the larger wolf bared its teeth and snarled, looking agitated as it prowled the area again and again. The rain came tumbling down harder and penetrated Dan's cold skin like sharp knives.

The wolf let out a howl, the followers answering their leader's call with one of their own.

Dan closed his eyes, his hope hanging by a thin thread as he shouted at himself for his stupidity. He should never have left the hut, he shouldn't have wandered off foolishly to his own death. He was an idiot and he was going to pay for his stupidity with his own meagre life.

Suddenly, another howl from somewhere far away pierced Dan's thoughts and the wolves growled, the alpha snarling in anger as he shot a single look back at his pack before bounding off in another direction. The remaining wolves bared their teeth and swiftly chased their leader, one by one, all of them disappearing off into the dark forest, following their natural instincts.

The fear that had crawled all over his soul and bound him like tight ropes loosened slowly and his heart moved down from his throat to its rightful place. His whole body was trembling and shaking, from the cold or from pure trepidation, he didn't know. All he knew was that he was incredibly fortunate to not have become a hefty meal to a pack of huge, grey wolves.

Dan exhaled as much dread as he could from his heart. “You're okay,” he mumbled to himself, “You're alive. You're fine.”

It took a long, long time for him to calm down and make his heart beat again in a steady, relaxed pace. Until then, the tantrums of the sky had finally come to an end and Dan eventually managed to amble out of his anxiety and persuade himself to climb down from the tree.

Dan was still shivering in his soaked clothes and his hands had turned slightly blue. His stomach grumbled loudly and his mind went completely blank.

What was he going to do now?

The reality of his situation hit him like a hammer on the head and he glanced around in panic. His lack of maturity and cognitive thinking had left him without a partner. He knew he had brought this whole situation on himself. He agreed that being trapped in a superficially fictitious forest that was only supposed to exist in storybooks was entirely his own fault. His incapability at controlling himself had brought forth this messy predicament.

He _knew _this very well but . . . he also knew that Phil Lester was fucking crazy and Dan shouldn't have started this whole tussle at all. He shouldn't have declared an all-out, never-ending war with Phil. He should've distanced himself from the very start. He was the stupid person that quarrelled with someone who he knew was deranged and mentally unstable. So yes, it was his own damn fault.

Dan sighed sullenly and meandered aimlessly through the forest, walking in no particular direction and stopping only to pee on a poor defenceless plant. His stomach growled again as he zipped his jeans, and he felt slightly dizzy. He tried to remember the last time he had had a decent meal and he couldn't. The only thing he had eaten in the two days he had been here was a few apples that tasted like bananas. He was pretty sure a few bananas weren't considered a very nutritious meal.

Dan didn't know what he was going to do now or how he was going to find his way back to his unappealing but at least tolerable apartment. He didn't know if he should first try to find Phil Lester or find his way back to the hut. Even if he decided to get back to the hut, what logical reason did he have to believe Phil was still there, waiting to accept him back with open arms?

Dan sighed solemnly. It seemed like even more of an impossible task, finding his way back through the forest alone, but he had to try, and filling his empty stomach looked like a perfect place to start.

*

“Hey, little guy,” Dan whispered gently to the rabbit that was currently sniffing his feet. It had come out of nowhere, tumbling out of a bush and staring at Dan with beguiling eyes.

Dan was sat on the wet ground, leaning against a tree. He had walked for hours and had found absolutely nothing, nothing that indicated a way back to the hut. His feet ached terribly and he had eventually given up, abandoning all plans to sit and rest for some time. That was when the tiny, white rabbit had appeared before him.

Dan had been alone for a bit longer than he would've liked. Even back home, he was totally alone very rarely. The quiet made him lonely and he tried to always be with someone. He didn't appreciate silence, he liked uproar, chaos and a lot of noise. It usually muffled his thoughts and helped him to _exist._

_“_Hey,” Dan ushered delicately, reaching out with his hands, “Come on. Come here.”

The rabbit teetered closer, sniffing his hand with its tiny nose. A small smile spread over Dan's lips and for a few fragile seconds, every hardship in his life seemed worth it. “Are you alone, too?” Dan asked quietly, his voice nothing more than a small whisper.

The rabbit stared at him confusedly, tilting its head as if it were trying to comprehend what the strange human was asking. Dan simply shrugged. “I am, too,” he murmured, “Alone, I mean. I wasn't, though. I was with this irritating asshole but, well, we don't get along and we fight a lot so . . .”

The rabbit continued to stare at him curiously, letting Dan stroke its head. “I shouldn't have stormed out, though. I'm an idiot. It's just . . . god, he's just so irritating. I can't stand him. He always tries to annoy me and he behaves as if he's superior to everyone and–” Dan cut himself off abruptly, realization dawning on him as he gazed at the creature beside him, “Fuck, I can't believe I'm talking to a rabbit!”

Suddenly, there was a rustling from the bushes in front of him. Dan's breath caught in his throat and he stared fearfully as the bush shook and another little rabbit tumbled out. The rabbit near him squeaked merrily, scurrying away to its partner. Dan watched in dismay as his newly made friend hopped happily back into the bushes with his companion and disappeared to where it had come from.

“Guess you weren't alone after all,” muttered Dan, sighing softly and looking up at the stretch of blue above his head. The rain had stopped long ago but a new predicament gripped him. The grey sky had darkened, turning into a lovely shade of dark blue, announcing the arrival of a cold, lonely night.

Dan wholeheartedly regretted now, more than ever, leaving the hut and deserting his associate. He understood now how foolish it was, ditching the only other person with him in a completely unknown place. At that moment, when he had quarrelled with Phil, he hadn't thought of anything, he had no concern of repercussions. But now, his mind was in quandary.

Dan's mind was a hurricane of worries and fears. He had no idea what to do or where to go. His thoughts were all over the place and his body ached as if it were being crushed under the tire of a car. The air was chilly and the wind blew loudly, making Dan shiver and shudder.

Dan regretted giving Phil's jacket back to him.

Suddenly, his stomach rumbled and he sighed in distress, biting his lips as he stared ahead at the dark path that stretched on and on in front of him endlessly. Dawdling through the forest at night was as witless as strolling casually into the depths of the ocean. He knew he had to congregate all of his strength and find a suitable tree to spend the night and he pondered over his course of action for a few more minutes before forcing himself to his feet.

Dan took a huge breath, releasing it all out and composing himself before stepping forward, walking slowly in pursuit of a large tree with thick branches and possibly with delicious fruits as well.

Scanning his green surroundings, Dan manoeuvred himself through the woodland in search of what was quite imperative for his survival. Not much covered the land in this part of the forest. Small bushes and gnarly vines crept on the ground and frivolous little trees grew on the sides of the pathway.

Dan's feet ached badly and he stopped to catch his breath. His clothes were still wet and he cursed his misfortune. He helplessly pulled at his wet shirt that clung to his skin and glanced around warily at the stupid bushes that lay ahead.

At first, his eyes skimmed past the bright, purplish little things growing on the bushes but then he blinked in surprise and glanced back at the tiny plants. His heart burst with a tremendous amount of joy and he almost melted with relief. Hunger was really about to make him fall headfirst into insanity but not anymore.

Dan hurried quickly towards his inadequate but much-required food source. As he came closer, he noticed the little purple fruits that appeared juicy and delicious. They were the size of tennis balls and hung in bunches, looking delectable.

Dan crouched on the muddy ground and plucked one from a bunch, examining it delicately. It smelled like nothing Dan had ever smelled before, in fact, Dan almost moaned due to how delightful it smelled. The aroma was inviting and mouth-watering, luring Dan in, shrouding his senses.

Dan's heart pounded a tiny bit faster and he felt slightly dizzy. Suddenly, he couldn't think clearly and all he wanted to do was bite into the luscious fruit in his hand. His stomach growled in hunger and he could not quite manage to find any reason not to eat the purple delicacy.

Dan slowly brought the food item to his mouth and inhaled deeply, the smell making him lightheaded. He distantly blamed it on hunger and sleep deprivation and tore into his food, devouring it like a starved animal. The juiciness exploded in his mouth and he sighed in absolute relief. He literally felt the nutrition travelling down his oesophagus to the utterly empty pits of his stomach. He felt his body melting to the ground in relief and he sat down comfortably, earnestly grabbing handfuls of the purple fruits and depositing them on his lap.

Hunger was all he felt as he gorged on them greedily, his capacity to think decreasing more and more with each bite. Dan's sense of time dulled and soon, as he ate, his head began to spin, his hands shaking and his vision blurring so much that he was seeing double of every single thing around.

All of a sudden, Dan giggled to himself for no reason, feeling unusually giddy. “This is so tasty,” he laughed, popping another one into his mouth and hugging some to his chest, “All mine!”

Dan couldn't quite understand how something could be so tempting and delicious. He had never seen this fruit before, nor had he heard of its existence. He didn't know how it wasn't famous and known around the world like mangoes or apples when it was probably better and more nutritious than both of them combined. In fact, Dan had a momentous thought about taking some of the fruits back to London and telling everyone about them.

Everyone would be so amazed that Dan had discovered an exquisitely new fruit. The scientists would definitely want to name the fruit after Dan, wouldn't they?

Dan smiled smugly, feeling very dizzy and drowsy. “Dan's nuts!” he shouted to himself, “I'll name them Dan's nuts!”

He giggled happily, rolling on the ground in utter joy but suddenly he realized that there was a difference between nuts and fruits. He frowned. “Okay, maybe not Dan's nuts . . .” he puffed his bottom lip out and slurred, “I'll call them Dan's berries!”

Dan rolled around the ground, feeling excited about his brand new discovery. Oh, the awards he would get for his sacrifice and devotion to the scientific society. Even Phil Lester would be proud of him! Yes, Phil would definitely want to be his friend now, who wouldn't? After all, he had discovered a fruit!

Dan wouldn't forgive Phil so easily though. He'd have to earn Dan's respect first. Dan nodded to himself in determination. “Apologize to me first, you dick!” Dan yelled drowsily, his eyes drooping.

Dan halted his movements and stared up at the night sky, filled with a billion glistening stars and a big, round moon. Sombre silence filled his ears as a twinge of pain shot in his chest. At first, he thought it was just the usual emotional agony and he ignored at altogether but slowly the pain spread all throughout his torso, his head pounding so violently that he could not even keep his eyes open.

Dan breathed a little faster and stopped giggling, frowning confusedly as his stomach lurched ferociously. He wanted to vomit but he could not lift his head or even turn to do so. He felt out of breath and his vision blurred, pain and misery engulfing his whole body. He coughed suddenly and he brought his hand up to his mouth, a bright red liquid coating his fingers.

His eyes widened in shock and he tried to sit up but he couldn't. Panic and fear gripped his heart and lethargy overtook his mind. He didn't even have the strength to call for help. Somewhere inside his drowsy mind, a small voice whispered that there was no one around to help even if he collected all his energy and screamed his lungs out.

Dan panted and coughed some more, pain enveloping his senses and rationality. His whole body ached.

“He–hel–” he panted, managing to whisper, “Help.”

Red was all he saw and he could feel blood trickling down his chin as he coughed violently. His body was paralyzed and his head ached like someone had cracked his skull with a hammer. He was slowly slipping into unconsciousness and his drowsy mind could not comprehend why this was happening to him. He heard bone-chilling screams that pierced his ears. It took him some time to realize that they were coming out of his own mouth.

His lungs squeezed and he tried to breathe but it felt like a hot iron rod was stuck in his throat. He was suffocating, dying, and help was a million miles away. The reality crushed his soul and he knew then that he was fighting a losing battle.

Dan's mind started slipping and although he knew he had to fight it, he had to stay awake as much as he possibly could because there was no way he would wake up from this unscathed but it seemed impossible.

It hurt so bad, so terribly that he could not keep himself awake.

During the last moments of his awareness, all he thought about was his dad and his smiling face and how Dan had let him down, how he had let everyone down. Dan had wished for this many times during bad days when nothing seemed worth living for but he had never actively pursued it. He never thought death would come so quickly and so stealthily, sneaking up behind him when he was unaware.

Death had always appeared better than the throes of living but as he stood at death's door, his body struggling to stay alive just a bit longer, he couldn't help but look behind him at the long line of people he knew that cared about him and the hundreds of dreams, missed opportunities, guilt and regrets and things he loved and hated.

A single tear slipped down his temple, due to the unendurable pain or his thoughts, he couldn't tell. He was trembling violently and his mind shutting down slowly as he dropped swiftly into inevitable oblivion.

The last thought he had was what an idiot he had been all his life, how many days he had wasted being miserable and agonizing over things he didn't have. He wished he had spent that time being genuinely happy and grateful for all that he had and all that he could've had if he had just fucking _tried_.


	11. Solitude and frustration

Phil woke to the poignant sound of flowing water, filling him with a doleful warmth. As he briskly sauntered back into awareness, his sleep-ridden mind did not take long to conclude that he was still lying on the wooden floor, his head resting on the hand-made pillow. He yawned and stretched, feeling peaceful, serene and well-rested in a long, long time. 

Slowly, Phil blinked his eyes open to the bright yellow strokes of sunlight sweeping over his thin physique, vanishing all the morning wetness that covered his clothes. A frosty chill hung in the air and Phil pulled the jacket closer to his cold body, exhaling softly and shedding the last remainders of his sleep.

The heavenly fragrance of damp earth and wildflowers clouded his senses and he inhaled it as deeply as he could into his lungs, sitting up to observe his tranquil landscape.

Phil's breath caught in his throat as he gazed over at the vast swathes of lush green foliage, bedecked with little silvery beads of morning dew. Delicate rays of sunlight illuminated the vibrant green grass and Phil's eyes sparkled in utter delight. He had never seen a place so beautiful and he wondered how he had missed the beauty of the valley before.

Phil sat there for a few more minutes, awed that at that moment, he could not find the ever-present emptiness anywhere in the dark corners of his chest. This realization snapped him fully awake and he swiftly got up to his feet, staggering forward, completely mesmerized. He climbed down the wooden steps in front of the hut and onto the ground, walking hurriedly towards the river. The delightful chirping of birds and the gentle ripples of water reached Phil's ears and he could not help but feel a tiny spark of joy inside him.

“Whoa,” he breathed in shock. Joy? Was he even capable of feeling that particular emotion? He could not remember the last time he had felt this excited and alive without the aid of a very specific thing that was alcohol.

Phil approached the river slowly and stared at it with wide eyes, standing on the banks. Water cascaded down the stream, splashing, sloshing and glistening like jewels in the morning sunlight. He quickly folded his jeans up to his knees and dipped his legs into it, dousing water onto his face, the cool liquid flowing down his chest. He cleaned his body thoroughly, shivering in the cold morning air. The river washed away mud and dirt that covered his clothes, taking it away with them.

A small burbling noise to his right captured his undivided attention and he stared at the spot, coming to a standstill. The majestic rainbow-coloured fish he had encountered yesterday with Dan was hovering near him, dashing back and forth through the space between his legs.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what it wanted. He simply decided to ignore it and concentrated back on the water. His throat was dry and parched, his body almost dehydrated. He hadn't drunk water as much as his body needed in two days but now there was as much water as he wanted and he scooped it up into his hands and quenched his thirst eagerly.

Phil sighed in relief and washed his face as well, moving his fingers through his hair and removing dirt from his scalp. He removed his shirt and soaked it into the water, holding it up and wringing the water out. He made sure to squeeze all the water out before hauling it over his shoulder and stepping out of the water.

Phil stood still for a while, gazing around absently. The euphony of running water was soothing and refreshing to his ears that were only used to the clanking of whiskey bottles and uproarious laughs in a crowded room. Phil enjoyed the peaceful quiet and deliberately avoided thinking about Dan for as long as he could. But soon, it became unavoidable and as time stretched on and on, his mind crawled back to the dispute of the day before.

Phil huffed in designation and turned, walking back to the hut in all his shirtless glory. He couldn't quite determine his next course of action. Dan had disappeared off to god knows where and he was utterly alone with no one to keep him company.

The hut had been their hope and only way out, but as he had found out quite recently, it was as useless as an umbrella on a bright, sunny day. Two days had already passed and Phil was nowhere close to finding out where he was and how to exit out of his particular plight. He had actually given up on trying to find out where he was because it was simply impossible. The place was too weird to even exist in the first place.

Phil sighed as he reached the hut, solemnly sitting down on the wooden stairs to think. Losing his only human companion in an unfamiliar forest was like losing a powerful weapon against predators, like losing one from a pair of eyes and he didn't know what to do. Surviving on his own was more of a challenge than surviving with Dan, no matter how much the idiot irritated him. Especially since he didn't even want to survive. Even keeping his negative thoughts at bay was harder now without the hindrance of Dan's constant babblings.

Phil was alone and lonely with no alcohol or cigarettes. The perfect combination of ingredients to drive him to madness.

The sun shone brightly in the sky and Phil's stomach growled in hunger. He huffed in defeat. He really only had two options. The first option involved waiting for Dan to find his rationality and come back but that seemed so wholly ludicrous that Phil quickly dismissed the thought. Besides, he didn't have any actual reason to believe Dan would come running back to him with open arms, ready to forgive and forget.

Phil rolled his eyes at the thought. As if that would ever happen. Dan was stupid enough to leave and so he probably wasn't smart enough to come back. Anyway, it wasn't Phil's responsibility anymore if Dan lived or died. Any responsibility Phil might have had was broken the moment Dan went off on his own. Phil couldn't stop whatever happened to him now, nor could he bring himself to care.

The second option was the practical one, which most sensible individuals of the world would've most likely chosen. The most reasonable thing to do now was to forget about Dan and continue his journey through the forest, carry on with his search for a sign that would lead him back to his rightful place.

Phil nodded to himself in as much determination as he could gather, since he didn't have much, and walked into the hut. The hut was filled with many useful tools that might come in handy during his journey. He wasn't an idiot like Dan Howell so he was going to take whatever that might help him to survive.

Phil walked to the mound of clothes and rummaged through it. There were lots of different clothing items in all sizes and shapes. He scoured through them until he found a T-shirt his size, dusting it and putting it on quickly while tossing his own wet shirt haphazardly to another direction. He walked to the stack of weird little tools in another corner, scanning each item specifically and wondering what the hell it did.

It took him a long time to examine all the sophisticated things inside the hut but in the end, all he found helpful and worth taking with him was a hand-made backpack, a wooden bottle, a glowing stone and a sharp little rock that could definitely be used as a knife if the situation called for it. On second thought, he grabbed a few clothes as well.

Phil shoved all the essential articles into the backpack and strapped it over his shoulder, looking around for anything that he had forgotten to take. When he was sure that that was all he needed, he turned on his heel and walked out, closing the broken door behind his back.

Phil wasn't really sure where he was headed to but the first activity on his list of operations involved relieving his intolerable hunger. He hadn't eaten anything besides strange apples for the past two days and his body had weakened considerably. Travelling back to London was way out of the question if he died of starvation.

Phil paused near the river, pulling the wooden bottle out of his backpack and scooping water into it. Dehydration was also another problem he needed to face and he knew having a bottle would be hugely advantageous.

Phil took a huge breath, staring at the mysterious forest that stretched in front of him endlessly and trudged forward bravely, determining to confront whatever lay ahead. He had always wanted the sweet release of death but if he ever died, it would be on his own terms, not at the likes of some unknown force.

*

Phil examined the round, pink fruits hanging from a small tree, staring at it curiously. He had found many small berries and weirdly shaped yet brightly coloured fruits all around the forest. He had been walking for quite a long time, so long that the sun had started to set and the birds had begun to return back to their cosy nests.

Phil's whole body ached and his stomach was as empty as the vastness of space. Although he had found many, many fruits that looked eatable, from a closer distance, he could not determine whether they were safe to consume or not. So, he had just kept on searching, ambling weakly through the forest. This part of the jungle didn't even have useful trees. Most were as small as Phil himself and just as worthless.

Phil's eyes had roamed around occasionally in search of a particular mop of brown curls but he had yet to come across an evidence of Dan's possible location.

Phil sighed in frustration and stared wistfully at the fruit in his possession. He was torn between taking the risk and dying due to probable poisoning, and playing it safe but inevitably dying of food deprivation anyway. He was about to choose the second option and throw it away like the rest of his discoveries when he felt something slimy and slippery coiling around his left ankle.

Phil jumped in shock and let out a squeal that might have made Dan Howell laugh in his face if he were here to witness it.

“Wha–” Phil breathed, staring down at the little green snake that he had encountered a day ago with Dan. He had no reason to believe it was the same snake. For all he knew, it could've been an entirely different one, but somehow he believed it was the exact same snake.

The snake hugged his leg closely, creeping up to his thigh and climbing to his waist to stare at Phil happily. Phil sighed, “What the fuck do you think you're doing, you ugly little thing?”

If snakes could talk, this particular one would've told him to look in the mirror, because that's exactly how the snake stared at him. It looked completely unimpressed, as if it already knew it looked fantastic.

“Ugh,” Phil grumbled, although he didn't touch the snake. He knew this was a green tree python and even though they weren't venomous, they were known to be very aggressive. He didn't want to do anything to upset the snake and have it bite him to death but he also was hungry out of his mind. He didn't want to deal with a wild snake at the moment. “What do you want?” he asked irritably.

The snake stared at him with its beady eyes as if he were stupid. It extended its long form and tapped its head on the fruit in Phil's hand, hissing and flicking its tongue out to lick Phil's hand.

“Uh . . .” Phil stared at the snake, his eyes wide and horrified. He had never seen a snake behaving so strangely and so completely out of its nature.

The snake looked almost impatient as it tapped its head again on the fruit and stared at Phil earnestly. Phil blinked in bafflement, unable to do anything at all. It wasn't a normal snake, Phil realized with wonder. Its eyes held comprehension and recognition, as if it understood every single one of Phil's troubles. Phil had never seen anything like this before and he stood still, utterly befuddled.

The snake stared at him for a long time and then crawled upwards to his biceps and onto a nearby tree branch, wriggling to another branch, next to another pink fruit. It waited next to the fruit and Phil shifted his awestruck gaze from the snake to the fruit which was half-eaten.

“Oh!” Phil immediately understood and he hastily looked up at the tree. It had lots and lots of pink fruits and a lot of them had teeth marks and some of them were half-eaten. Phil didn't know how he hadn't noticed it before but seeds and half-eaten fruits lay scattered all around the ground.

Phil's brain quickly made the connection. He wasn't the only living thing inside the forest. There were many different creatures residing in it and they also knew more about their habitat than Phil did. Animals had instincts far superior to humans and no animal would be stupid enough to knowingly ingest a poisonous fruit. The fact that the pink fruits were widely enjoyed by all inhabitants of this place probably meant that it was most certainly safe to be devoured.

Phil's heart leapt with joy and he plucked a bunch of the bright fruits, removing his backpack and lounging on the ground to savour his meal.

“_Jesus,_” he muttered as he tore into his food, taking a bite larger than what could fit in his mouth. He could not control the noises he made nor the pace at which he ate. He had been hungry for two days and table manners were at the furthest corner of his brain. Not to mention the fact that there wasn't even a table and he was sat in the lap of nature, surrounded by feral creatures who knew nothing about manners. “Oh, fuck,” he groaned, grabbing another fruit eagerly.

Phil didn't know what type of fruit it was and he had never seen it before. It had a juicy, sweet texture with a small seed at the very centre and the taste was nothing like anything he had ever had before in his life. All Phil knew was that it smelled like heaven and tasted divine.

A loud hiss sounded from his right side and he glanced at the snake for a brief second as he chewed his food. It slithered to his legs and happily curled into a ball on his lap. Almost automatically, Phil's hand caressed the wet, scaley body of the snake and it hissed, settling more comfortably on his lap. The snake had saved his life, after all, letting it rest on him was the least Phil could do.

But he could not quite decipher what was going on with the snake. It seemed to almost understand Phil and its habits differed from that of actual snakes. He didn't know much about snakes but he knew enough to know that most snakes did not like being handled by humans and they were incapable of emotional affection. They definitely were not supposed to actively seek out humans and sleep on their laps.

After eating probably more than his stomach could've handled, Phil finally stretched his legs and breathed in satisfaction. His stomach was full and he felt energized and confident. He grabbed the bottle of water and sipped on some before shoving it back into the bag along with some pink fruits. He didn't know where he'd find safe fruits again so he thought it best to take some with him.

Alert and active once again, Phil pulled the backpack on and nudged the snake. The snake hissed and unfurled, squirming to the ground and gazing at Phil in disinterest. Phil stood up swiftly and looked around, trying to govern which direction to go. All routes appeared exactly the same but still, Phil trusted his inclinations and he felt that walking straight ahead was the best course he could take.

The snake hissed very furiously next to him and Phil was forced to look at it. “What?” he asked.

It just stared at him and Phil didn't know what it wanted. He simply inquired, “Do you want to come with me? Or are you gonna go back to your ugly snake friends?”

The snake hissed angrily and slithered towards him, climbing up his thighs to coil around his neck. It adjusted itself properly on Phil's shoulders and then promptly went to sleep.

Phil stared with wide, scared eyes. “Uhm . . .” he sighed and shook his head. “This is all so fucking weird.”

Phil was still in disbelief, not only over the snake but over everything that had transpired recently. During the course of just two days, his life had turned hazardously upside down. As Phil ventured deeper into the internal sections of the forest with a strange yet somehow lovely snake wrapped around his neck, he thought about all that had befallen him and about what he had done to deserve such a cruel penalty.

*

The moon sailed torpidly across the ocean of deep blue sky, speckled with a billion stars that glittered like a rich lady's treasured jewellery. The pale moonlight illuminated Phil's pathway as he walked languidly, escorted by an unlikely companion.

“Why are the trees so small in this part of the forest?” Phil wondered aloud, not expecting an answer. He just wanted to fill the empty silence with _somethin_g. The quiet was penetrating his very soul. It was unbearable. Negativity and hopelessness were creeping back into his bones once again and his hands shook, his skin itched, his eyes burned . . . for something, anything to end this madness.

Phil had used up all his determination and hope, and he could not find enough strength or positivity to continue his journey. What was he achieving to do anyway? He could never find the way on his own. It was pointless. He'd been walking for so long and he had found nothing. He was so tired, he couldn't even think. He felt like he would soon die and no one would miss him, no would even care, not even himself. What was the fucking point then?

Phil was about to give up and just fall asleep on the rough ground when the sound of a small, pain-filled groan reached his ears. It was so small, barely noticeable yet so loud in the sorrow of the night that it rang in Phil's ears like church bells. Even his snake lifted its head, looking around for the source of the distressed call for help.

Phil's heart flipped for some strange reason and he trudged forward, curiosity lifting his feet off the ground. The moon's sublime glow irradiated his route as he walked through the gloomy night towards the despaired noise, hoping this would give him some solace from his dejected thoughts.

The sounds of pain increased and he quickened his pace, coming to a halt in front of what looked like a lifeless body lying limply on the ground.

The very moment he noticed it was Dan, his lethargic eyes widened beyond belief with an immense wave of pity mixed with a tremendous amount of grief. The sight was so horrifying that Phil admitted he would not even wish it upon his worst enemy which really was Dan himself.

Dan was lying on the wet, muddy ground, his arms and limbs twisted at awkward angles. Bright, red blood trickled down the corner of his mouth to cover his entire T-shirt, glistening in the gleam of the round moon. Purplish marks covered his whole body, from head to toe, even his face. His eyes were closed but tear tracks ran down his deathly pale cheeks. His face had lost all its colour, sweat and blood covering his forehead. He looked like a corpse of a man who had died six months ago.

Phil really would've thought he was already dead if it weren't for the way he was shaking and shuddering violently, blood flowing out of his mouth. It looked like he was having a seizure but Phil couldn't be sure. He was panting heavily and his chest rose and fell irregularly. He looked like he might die anytime and bile rose in Phil's throat, his stomach squeezing uncomfortably.

Phil might have wanted to hurt Dan on many occasions but this was a vastly different circumstance. Phil hated Dan more than anyone in the entire world and sometimes, even to him, his antagonism appeared to have no limits but at that moment, he realized that that was truly inaccurate. As much as Dan liked to call him heartless and selfish, he wasn't really, so he couldn't quite bring himself to ignore a dying man who very clearly needed his assistance.

The snake seemed to have read his thoughts because it quickly squirmed away to the ground and towards Dan, coiling around his leg and staring at Phil mournfully, its little eyes clearly sad.

Phil nodded for no apparent reason and wasted no time in rushing to Dan's aid. He quickly dropped to the ground near Dan and put his backpack down, pulling the bottle of water out of it. His heart was hammering against his chest and his hands were shaking with fear. It had nothing to do with who the person in front of him was, but more to do with the fact that he had never seen a human being in so much pain ever before. He just didn't know what to do and it scared him.

Dan's whole body shook and he coughed up some more blood. Phil's eyes widened and he rummaged through his backpack for a cloth. When he found it, he lifted Dan's head, using his thighs to support him and wiped the blood off Dan's chin. Dan breathed roughly and heaved. His skin was burning so much that Phil couldn't even touch him for too long.

“Hey,” Phil said fearfully, “Dan.”

Dan remained still, not showing any signs of having heard Phil's despondency. He didn't seem to be aware of his surroundings even though violent tremors ran over his weak body. Phil inhaled sharply and grabbed the bottle beside him, bringing it to Dan's mouth and pouring little drops of water to Dan's dry, blackened lips.

Phil noticed a little too late how the snake seemed panicked and slithered rapidly towards his side, coiling around his hand to stop him from providing water to Dan. He only understood it when Dan screamed in agony, his voice a cry of long-suffering and pain. Phil jumped in shock and dropped the bottle of water, spilling it all over the ground.

“Fuck,” he whispered in shock and backed away from Dan who let out another miserable scream. The water appeared to hurt him when Phil had thought it would soothe and ease his pain.

At a complete loss for what to do next, Phil bit his lip and paced back and forth, unable to bear looking at the body currently trembling and shivering on the ground. He had never had to deal with a situation like this before and he had no single idea about what he was supposed to do. All he knew was that if he didn't jump into action immediately, Dan would most probably die.

“Fucking hell, how did this even happen?” Phil muttered to himself in distress.

Suddenly, a loud hiss sounded from his left side and he turned to the snake. It was sat next to a weird bush that had a lot of purple coloured berries hanging from it. Phil blinked and then looked back at Dan. Sure enough, the purple berries lay scattered all around Dan and a few were even clutched tightly in Dan's hand.

The realization dawned on Phil's face and he shouted, “How fucking stupid can you be!”

The snake crawled over to Phil and coiled around his ankle, doing a weird motion with its body and applying slight pressure as if it were pulling Phil in a certain direction. Phil furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you want?”

The snake pulled him again and Phil stared at it in confusion. At that same time, Dan let out a broken sob and Phil turned to look at him, he coughed some more blood and Phil swallowed. “Fuck. Fuck, what am I supposed to do?” Phil panicked, pulling his hair in frustration.

It was the single most frightening moment of his life, watching a poor man slowly succumbing to a painful death. It was excruciatingly unfortunate and he felt extremely bad for thinking that he was glad it wasn't him. But comprehension crept into him and he discerned quickly that if Dan surrendered his life right now, Phil would soon follow behind him. He would never be able to survive on his own. Isolation would drive him into insanity.

At that moment, the snake pulled him so vigorously that Phil stumbled forward. “What?” Phil snapped.

The snake looked at him, absolutely furious and tugged him harshly. Phil blinked at its determination and looked back at Dan who was writhing on the ground. He looked away.

“Alright,” Phil sighed lethargically, “I'll come with you.”

Phil didn't know what else to do. He didn't have any access to medical facilities at the moment, nor any type of other help, so if the snake appeared to know something, might as well see what it was.

Hearing Phil's words, the snake quickly slithered away, Phil following behind quietly, helplessly. It crept past the purple berries and towards a small tree straight ahead, stopping near it and staring at Phil hopefully.

Phil walked towards the tree and stared at it confusedly for several minutes until the snake nudged his legs and squirmed towards a tiny plant next to the tree. Phil blinked and stared at the snake, then back at the small plant that looked almost like some kind of herb. Phil's heart soared at the brilliance of his little snake and he rushed forward to pluck it, hoping he wasn't making a mistake by trusting his newly made friend.


	12. Night and darkness

Happiness was just a distant, unreachable memory as Dan lay on the wet ground, writhing with searing pain. His entire body was on ignition, burning like fragile pieces of paper. He felt his skin melting away agonizingly until he was just a heap of bones and ash and dust, waiting to be carried away with the tender wind. His sense of time had crumbled like an unbalanced mound of broken toys a long time ago and he couldn't discern how long he had been suffering for.

He felt like he was submerged underneath a frozen lake, the water deluding his perception as he plunged deeper and deeper. He couldn't even scream for help because it felt like something was lodged in his throat, making him choke and cough. Everytime he coughed, his brain throbbed, as if someone had a gun to his head, pulling the trigger repeatedly until his brain turned into a bloody, pulpy mess.

Dan had never been under so much pain before. He had never thought that the occurrence of such brutal agony was even possible. As more and more time passed, instead of dulling, his pain only seemed to amplify, expanding to all corners of his frail body, twisting like knives in his gut and beating like drums in his head.

All that he had tried to push away came crashing back to him in waves, pulling him under. His mom's words rang in his ears and circled inside his mind like a never-ending loop. Dan would never be successful, he'd never achieve great things, he'd never be _someone_ because he was worthless, because he was scum and he'd never even be able to prove her wrong because he would be dead.

Dan groaned in pain, the torment and anguish he was going through so unendurable that he pleaded and begged for death for hours. So it came as a complete shock when a cool, gentle hand touched his forehead with a promise of safety.

Dan's mental state was in chaos and he couldn't understand who it was, but he felt them cradling his head in their rough hands, parting his bleeding lips with their slender fingers and pushing something bitter into his mouth.

“Chew,” they said softly, “–and swallow. Can you hear me? Chew it first and then swallow.”

Dan breathed heavily, though it hurt and felt like shards of broken glass were stuck in his windpipe. He tried to move his mouth, to listen to the calm voice of whoever was trying to help him but his lips felt like rotten pieces of meat hanging from his face. He could not quite manage to chew and the kind person near him tilted his head back, making him automatically swallow the substance.

“Can you hear me, Dan?” they asked again, their voice sad and pity-filled, “You'll be fine, okay? You'll be fine.”

_You'll be fine._

Those words echoed in his mind through the hurt and pain and suffering like a small beacon of hope. He held on to those words and tried not to give up as he slowly slipped back into unconsciousness.

*

The next time awareness crept into his mind was when he screamed in pain and woke with a start, his whole body aching and burning. His limbs felt like broken twigs and he felt as if he were drowning, he couldn't breathe and he heaved, panted, screamed until he couldn't anymore.

“Hey. Hey, relax,” someone said slowly, soothingly, “Calm down.”

Dan heaved in pain and abruptly started sobbing, unable to tolerate it any longer. “I . . . I can't,” he wailed without opening his eyes, tears slipping down his cheeks, “J-just wanna die.”

Dan sobbed and curled in on himself, his body shaking and trembling violently.

He didn't know how long he lay there, crying, but suddenly he felt a warm hand brushing his tears away.

Dan stilled abruptly, his eyes sealed shut. He felt the soft breaths of the kind person next to him as they slipped something into his mouth again.

“Don't give up,” they whispered.

*

“Chew and swallow. You're getting better.”

This time Dan's mind was clearer than before, his thoughts less messy, more organized. He still couldn't understand where he was or what had happened to him but he knew he was sick and that someone was trying to help him. The pain had reduced as well. The throbbing in his head had dwindled and his insides didn't feel like someone was ripping them apart. Breathing became easier and he could move his limbs if he tried hard enough. But he still couldn't open his eyes. They felt heavy, like someone had carefully stitched them together.

Dan obediently chewed and swallowed, breathing heavily and making a face at the bitter taste in his mouth. It tasted so disgusting and unpalatable that he coughed and tried to spit it out but the person beside him tilted his head and shushed him.

“Don't do that if you want to get better, you idiot,” they grumbled. Male. It was a male's voice. It sounded very familiar yet unlikeable for some unknown reason. He couldn't place it, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't put a face to the voice he was sure he had heard a hundred times.

But it didn't matter that much because suddenly he was feeling extremely sleepy and debilitated. He exhaled slowly and turned to his side, curling into a ball and shivering lightly.

“C-Cold,” he mumbled, whimpering like a small child.

Dan trembled, drowsiness clouding his mind. He could smell the earth and nature in the air and it confused his groggy mind. He heard the light tapping of the guy's fingers against the ground for a few minutes and it was slowly lulling him to an uneasy sleep when suddenly, something warm and soft was draped around his torso.

“Here,” he heard the person mutter, tucking him in some kind of warm clothing.

Dan breathed in relief and cuddled it close, feeling extremely grateful. He thought a lot about this kind stranger and of thanking the guy a million times until he finally managed to fall into a deep sleep, warmth and safety surrounding him.

*

Dan blinked his eyes open cautiously, squinting against the light that punctured his eyes. He squeezed it shut again, timidly opening it again. It hurt his eyes a little bit and he let out a small groan as he squinted and fluttered his eyes continuously. His body felt light and weightless, weakened due the severe hardships and extremities he had undergone. But he felt much, much better than before.

Dan gazed confusedly up at the rich green leaves flourishing above, shimmering stunningly in the daylight. For a few disquieting moments, he remained in blissful ignorance, wondering dazedly in his disoriented mind where he was and what he was doing there. Pain and sickness had deluded his thoughts and he felt very disconcerted.

But it didn't last very long. As he lay there, unable to move and utterly baffled, little scraps of memories weaved themselves together and crashed on top of him, making him blink in realization and jolt upright in panic and puzzlement. He looked around with wide eyes, taking in his surroundings. He was lying to the side of a glade, under the cool shadow of a small tree.

“Shit,” he whispered, scared out of his mind as he looked down at himself. His body was intact, normal, but fading purple lines covered every inch of his skin. The last thing he remembered was passing out from eating a poisonous fruit, alone and in intolerable pain but right then, he couldn't find any traces of pain in his entire body, just a slight discomfort in moving his limbs. It still hurt to turn his neck or breathe but the ache was minimal, easy to disregard.

“How . . .” he swallowed painfully, feeling tears building up in his eyes as he stared at the purple bruises on his arms. He remembered being submerged in so much pain that he couldn't even breathe, he remembered being so close to death that he could taste it in his mouth. The fact that he was still alive after going through everything he had, it shocked him, confused him, yet he was so grateful for another opportunity at life, so thankful, that he wanted to cry.

Dan closed his eyes and exhaled, wondering how he had been so stupid as to eat whatever was in front of him. He was just so uncontrollably hungry that the thought of poisonous fruits hadn't even crossed his mind.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of rustling leaves, footsteps that came closer and closer, snapping little twigs underneath hasty feet. He looked up sharply, his eyes widening as he came face to face with a startled, wide-eyed Phil.

He was standing directly in front of Dan, a weird looking backpack hanging from his shoulders and a lively green snake wrapped around his neck.

Dan blinked, utterly bewildered at the implausible sight. He did remember bits and pieces from the time he was sick but looking at Phil, it really hit home. He recollected how Phil had helped him, soothed him, saved his life, and he gulped in fear, not knowing what to do. He was indebted to Phil and he didn't have a single idea what to do about this inconceivable fact.

“You're awake,” Phil said with surprise in his tone, avoiding Dan's eyes completely as he cautiously walked towards Dan, putting his backpack down and slipping one hand into the pocket of his jeans. “How are you feeling?”

Dan was taken by surprise again and he stared at Phil with wide eyes. “I . . .”

Phil raised his eyebrows in question, blue eyes fixed on Dan. Dan swallowed painfully. “Uhm, fine. I think.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “I can't move my legs but . . . I think I'm okay.”

“Here,” Phil pulled something out of his pocket and extended his hand, presenting it before Dan. “Eat it.”

Dan stared at the green herb-like thing on the palm of Phil's hand, confused as he gazed at it and then back at Phil, wondering what it was and why Phil was giving it to him.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Don't worry. I'm not feeding you poison. If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already.”

Dan bristled but he remembered Phil giving it to him while he was in pain. “That's not what I–”

“Then what?” Phil snapped, “It's just a herb. This thing saved your life. Can't you just be thankful at least once in your life? Jesus Christ.”

Dan frowned, “You don't have to talk to me like that. I didn't even say anything.”

“Then just take it, alright?” Phil grumbled impatiently, “I don't have all day.”

Dan felt stung and he wanted to shout at Phil to go away but yelling at a person who had saved his life seemed pretty unappreciative, so all he did was bite his tongue, grit his teeth and grab the herb from Phil's hands, popping it into his mouth uncomfortably.

He instantly grimaced, making a disgusted face and swallowing the unpleasant thing as quickly as possible. When he was done, he asked, “How long have I been out for?”

Phil seemed to think carefully. “I don't know. I found you two days ago,” he said, “At night. And it's almost evening now so three to four days maybe?”

Dan bit his lip and nodded, pulling his knees to his chest and hugging them to his torso. “So that means . . .” he trailed off quietly.

“Yeah, it's been a week since we woke up here.”

Dan's heart sank and he stared straight ahead for several long minutes, but when he finally turned to look at Phil, he saw Phil plopping down next to him and pulling his backpack towards him, opening it slowly.

“Where did you get that?” Dan asked, furrowing his eyebrows at the ugly thing.

Phil threw a small glance at him. “The hut,” he mumbled quietly, “Grabbed a few essentials before leaving.”

“Okay. Uhm . . .” Dan's gaze travelled down to the snake that slithered down from Phil's neck and up the tree behind them, climbing onto a branch and going to sleep. It almost looked like the exact same snake that had bit Dan a few days ago. “What about that thing?”

“What?”

Dan grimaced, “That . . . green thing.”

“The snake?” Phil asked and then shrugged, “Just met her two days ago. She has proved to be very, very useful.”

Dan nodded uncomfortably, watching with flummoxed eyes as Phil spilt the contents of the backpack onto the ground. Different coloured fruits, berries and nuts scattered on the ground, looking ripe and ready to consume.

“What the . . .” Dan said with wide eyes.

Phil didn't seem to notice his perplexity, ignoring him completely and diving into his delightfully appealing meal.

Gripped with bemusement, Dan stared as Phil grabbed a bright red, weirdly shaped fruit and brought it up to his mouth, opening his mouth to bite into the juicy redness.

He wanted to scream that it could be poisonous but blind panic and horror filled Dan. He could already see Phil's soul leaving his body. He just couldn't quite control his actions and almost impulsively, he jumped forward and grabbed Phil's hand, pale, slender fingers wrapping around Phil's thin wrist. “Don't!” he yelled almost automatically.

Phil blinked in shock, the fruit tumbling from his hand to the ground with a thud as he stared at Dan's panic-stricken face just inches away from his own. His eyes were wide and his mouth opened in disbelief as he stared at his hand and then back up at Dan, utterly incredulous. Dan breathed roughly and stared at Phil with just as much shock as was evident on Phil's face.

Abruptly, Dan jumped back in embarrassment, wide-eyed and scared as he blinked repeatedly. “It . . . I... sorry, the fruit,” Dan managed to say awkwardly, “It could be poisonous.”

Phil swallowed and was looking anywhere but at him. A tense silence hung in the air and Dan cursed himself for being so stupid. He didn't have to be so dramatic about it, he could've just knocked it out of Phil's hand or something without making it awkward. But now he had gone and made a fool of himself in front of Phil fucking Lester. Great.

“It's not,” Phil mumbled after what felt like hours. Dan sighed in relief that Phil wasn't weirded out. He was almost ready to dig a hole in the ground, crawl into it and die. “They are all safe to eat. I ate most of it for the last two days and I feel fine so,” he said and grabbed a few berries, popping them into his mouth.

“But how?” Dan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “How did you know? Where did you even get all this from?”

Phil shrugged. “The snake knows where all the edible fruits are. I've been walking around all day collecting all this.” He gestured to the various types of fruits all around them.

Dan frowned incredulously, “What?”

“I know,” Phil told him impatiently, biting into another fruit, “It's hard to believe but this snake is the reason why you're even alive right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“You think I knew that weird plant was a herb and it would work as an antidote for poison?” Phil asked irritably, “The snake led me to it. I just fed them to you.”

Phil looked so ridiculously serious and proud at the snake that Dan frowned confusedly, torn between what to believe, his seemingly insubstantial knowledge about the universe or the new, confident declarations of Phil. It really was a hard choice, especially because Phil's announcement didn't seem entirely unlikely. Dan had seen many bizarre things ever since he had ended up in the strange forest. So an intelligent snake capable of understanding human language didn't really make him that surprised. It was the least abnormal thing out of all other abnormal things that had transpired lately.

Dan sighed, his stomach growling in hunger. He stared longingly at the various eatables in front of him, almost drooling at the delicious sight. It didn't really matter who helped him, the snake or Phil, all that mattered was that he was alive and he had another chance at life.

He watched Phil devouring the fruits for several minutes until he inevitably asked in frustration, “Are you sure they aren't poisonous?”

Phil rolled his eyes, looking irritated as always, “Yes. Would I be eating them if they were?”

Dan bit his lip, his whole concentration fixated on the food in front of him. His stomach made a noise again and he timidly grabbed a small berry, staring at it in utter trepidation. Tentatively, he brought it up to his nose and inhaled, the fragrance making his stomach rumble loudly. He popped it slowly into his mouth, furrowing his eyebrows as he chewed. The sweet taste burst in his mouth and he groaned involuntarily, finally finding enough confidence and grabbing a bunch of fruits to satiate his unbearable hunger.

*

The veil of the night covered the entire forest slowly, drenching them in eerie darkness. Dan lay quietly on the ground, staring up at the dark sky. A sinister silence hung in the air and unsettled him, making him twist and turn constantly. All fauna had gone to bed and the quietude was only broken by the distant hooting of owls and the gentle susurration of leaves in the wind. The sky above was black and baleful. Stars were fully absent and the moon was nowhere to be seen, hidden behind thick clouds.

Dan had been lying silently for hours, his body refusing to comply and fall asleep. He just didn't feel like dropping into oblivion on the ground was a safe thing to do. He had tried to stand and climb a tree but his legs had felt like jelly and he couldn't manage to collect enough strength to do so. Finally, he had just given up and told Phil that he couldn't do it, that he would be fine just sleeping on the ground. He had done so for the past two days, after all.

Phil had just nodded in disinterest, shrugging his shoulders and moving a little away from Dan to lie down on the ground, using his backpack as a makeshift pillow. The snake was still asleep on the branch and Dan couldn't say he was comfortable having it around.

Something, most probably a bat, flew over Dan's head suddenly and he almost jumped, staring around with wide eyes. Sleep refused to greet him and the gloomy atmosphere was slowly starting to unnerve him. He lay in complete darkness for a few more minutes until he finally whispered, “Phil?”

An owl hooted again and Dan bit his lip, listening closely for an undignified retort or a feeble reply but it didn't come and he tried again, “Are you awake?”

He waited, exhaling softly and staring up at the canopy of leaves that danced in the wind. He was about to sigh and just go to sleep when Phil said, “No, I'm asleep.”

Dan snorted, “Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“No.”

Dan rolled his eyes and asked anyway, glad to finally have the distraction he craved. “Why did you help me?”

It was a question that had been gyrating around his head ever since he had recovered enough to think properly. It completely unhinged Dan and confused him. The helpful behaviour was just so unlike Phil, so uncharacteristic of him that Dan was half sure he had dreamed it all up. He just couldn't understand why Phil would nurse him back to health when usually he actively tried to off him.

“I'm regretting it now,” Phil muttered, “Just shut up and go to sleep.”

Dan frowned, wanting to push Phil until he answered but also knowing pretty well that Phil would never tell him anyway. He bit his lip and remained quiet. Phil probably had some unknown motives behind it but whatever it was, he had still saved Dan's life.

Dan sighed and turned to his side, staring at the asleep flora in front of him, feeling calm yet somewhat nervous in the dark. He heard rustling and he knew it was Phil, turning and twisting on the ground, not unlike Dan himself.

Suddenly, for whatever reason, Dan bit his lip and mumbled, “Thanks.”

The rustling sound stopped abruptly and the silence right then was so thick that Dan could've cut it with a knife.

“What?” Phil asked, sounding shocked.

“Well, you did save my life so . . .” Dan muttered reluctantly, “Thanks.”

Dan remained quiet and the atmosphere stayed tense. He could hear the sound of Phil's rough breathing and he tried to ease the tension. “Where did you get that herb though?” he asked, “It was disgusting.”

“Well, definitely not as disgusting as what you swallow behind closed doors,” Phil snapped so suddenly that Dan blinked in utter confusion.

“That was totally uncalled for,” Dan said, puzzled at Phil's unprovoked attack, “I was just thanking you for what you did. What I do behind closed doors is none of your damn business.”

“I made a mistake by saving you. The world was almost rid of your worthless presence,” Phil countered in agitation.

Dan bristled, “What is your problem?”

“My problem is that I'm stuck in this damned place with a fucking slut! I'm fucking tired of this stupid forest and your stupid face!”

Something twisted in Dan's gut viciously and he clamped his teeth in fury, losing his composure and sitting up to glare at Phil who was already looking back at him. With Phil, he always felt as if he were waiting with a bucket of water in his hands to pour over a fire that hadn't even started. He was sick of feeling that way. “Fuck you. I'm so sick of you being a fucking asshole all the damn time!” Dan shouted angrily, “I did absolutely nothing to make you angry. All I did was express my gratitude for what looks like the only nice thing you've ever done!”

“I don't need your gratitude,” Phil retorted spitefuly, “You can take it and shove it up your ass for all I care.”

Dan scraped his teeth and glared, “Why do you act like this? Why? What do you fucking want?”

“To be far away from you!” Phil shouted, glaring back at Dan.

“Then go!” Dan gritted out, “Go. Leave!”

Phil breathed in rage and said viciously, “You'd be dead without me.”

“Well, that would be better than being with you,” Dan blurted, breathing heavily, his chest aching for some reason. He couldn't believe that he had tried to thank this deranged bastard who very clearly didn't deserve it. He felt insulted and humiliated at the blatant rejection. “Did I ask you to save me, did I? Why the fuck did you if you were so fucking bothered by me? You could've ignored me. You could've just left me to die. You know what? Fuck this. Fuck you. I don't even have to have this conversation right now.”

Dan's breaths came out in little pants and he turned away from Phil completely, ignoring him and trying hard to bring his breathing to normal again. His shoulders shook with barely restrained rage and his eyes burned with unshed tears. He had always been overly emotional and sentimental but he had never cried because of Phil's petty remarks, but right then, it was impossible to control his emotions. He was furious, he felt stupid and so helpless. He was stuck in a forest and he was tired, hungry, weak and the only person with him was always fighting with him and making him feel like shit. He just couldn't gather the strength to ignore Phil's words.

Fortunately, for whatever reason, Phil didn't say anything else and the silence enveloped him once again. He didn't want to admit defeat and he sniffed very quietly, feeling hopeless and dejected.

*

Dan wiped his shameful tears with his dirty shirt and lay quietly, his back turned towards Phil. He felt like a complete idiot for crying like a five year old child. It had just been very overwhelming, everything that had occured until then. He had gone through hell and beyond, even survived consuming poison. He just didn't have any energy left to act like he was completely fine, but still he was disappointed in himself for weeping in front of Phil. He felt stupid and ashamed, especially because he felt Phil's eyes on him, boring into his back.

“What?” Dan snapped finally, feeling uncomfortable under Phil's weird stare.

Phil didn't say anything and Dan was absolutely furious. He turned to face Phil but he couldn't see clearly because it was too dark. He knew that Phil was looking at him so he clenched his jaw and said, “Stop doing that! Stop staring at me and go to sleep, or better yet, go die but just stop, alright?”

He didn't get a reply immediately but after a while, he heard a huge sigh and then a small whisper, “I helped you because it was the right thing to do. Don't ask again.”

Dan's eyes widened and he felt terrified because Phil had answered him and the world was most certainly going to end. He blinked in shock but couldn't bring himself to say anything. He couldn't believe what Phil had said. The fact that Phil would just do something because _it was the right thing to do_, was entirely infeasible.

Sounds of leaves being crushed reached his ears and he realized that Phil had laid down again. He sighed and lay back as well, shaking his head, still in disbelief. He remained quiet, pondering over all that had happened that night. Phil was an utter mystery, impossible to understand. Sometimes, he was an arrogant dick for no reason and other times, he was being a hero and saving Dan's life from poisonous plants.

After what felt like hours, when even the hooting of owls had stopped and there was nothing but darkness and utter silence, Dan blurted, “Can we just stop fighting?”

He didn't know if Phil was still awake or if he had fallen asleep but he went on, “At least until we get back? Can we do that? I'm fucking tired of this. It was fine when it was once in a while but we've been stuck here for four days and we're nowhere close to finding our way back. This is becoming extremely childish and not to mention, exhausting! I never understood what your problem was with me and I don't even care anymore. Just . . . I don't want to do this anymore, okay? All I want to do is go back home and have a nice, long bath. Just stop making comments about my lifestyle. I'm not asking for us to be friends or anything that disgusting. I'm sure you don't want that and neither do I, believe me. Just . . . can we just stop fighting all the fucking time? It's stressing me out and I'm sick of it.”

Dan panted slightly at the end of his long rant. He had wanted to get it off his chest for a long time now and this was the perfect opportunity for that because he was pretty sure Phil was asleep already. He would never say that to Phil's face because that would be admitting defeat and accepting that Phil managed to get under his skin so easily.

Dan huffed and turned, breathing softly and closing his eyes. He didn't know how much of the night was left but his eyelids were finally drooping and he felt like he could effortlessly drop into unawareness now.

It was after several long minutes, when Dan had fallen half-asleep and his breathing had started to even out, when he heard a quiet murmur.

“I . . . I want to. I just don't know how to fucking stop. Dammit.”


	13. Realizations and agreements

Phil stared up at the tall and peculiar tree with strange yet vibrant blue leaves, Dan's soundless existence behind him making him feel extremely fretful. The tree was ceaseless, going up and up into heaven itself. It was the tallest tree they had found after walking all morning, foraging through the forest in the hopes of discovering something new, some knowledge about where they were. But they had found absolutely nothing, except for more and more prehistoric trees that towered over them like giant, hideous behemoths.

“This is the tallest one yet,” Dan uttered.

Phil didn't reply, just watched the surroundings with a cool gaze. They had both awoken very early in the morning, before even the sun had risen over the horizon, shrouded by a strange foggy darkness. The morning air was chilly and Dan had shamelessly hugged Phil's jacket to his chest, blowing out smoke from his pink lips. Phil had looked away, agitated at Dan's unabashed and blatant disregard for Phil's physical well-being, especially since Phil was wearing a thin shirt and was cold himself. Nevertheless, he concluded that Dan needed it more than him, since he had not recovered fully, so he kept quiet and promptly ignored Dan's very selfish behaviour.

A lot had happened in the past few days, things that Phil had never thought was even possible. Dan's miraculous recovery had left him stunned yet oddly grateful. He didn't think he could survive on his own longer than twenty-four hours, the quietude would strangle him to death.

They had restarted their journey the moment they had woken up, trudging forward in perturbation. Phil had been quiet all morning and Dan didn't seem all that inclined to break the silence between them either. The tension was thick in the air and there was this wide, gaping chasm of uneasiness between them that both were too reluctant to cross. Dan's words yesterday had made Phil think deeply and he could almost understand Dan, even agree at some points. They really were completely alone with seemingly no way to contact someone for help and seeing what had happened to Dan made Phil finally realize the gravity of the situation.

One mistake could probably kill them both and dying at such an isolated place, where no one would even know Phil had died, seemed more lonely and sad than anything.

“We should climb it,” Dan said quietly, “Or I should since you don't look like you can at the moment.”

Phil shrugged, maintaining his silence. The purple lines on Dan's body had disappeared and he appeared completely fine, but early in the morning darkness, Phil had accidentally tripped over a fallen tree and sprained his ankle, making him the helpless one now.

Dan sighed and nodded, looking up at the tree with apprehension. He didn't say anything more, just grabbed the lowest available branch and heaved himself up, ascending the tree quietly.

Phil sighed to himself and stood back, leaning against the tree. He stroked the head of his snake, still coiled around his neck and sleeping peacefully. The only thing that didn't surprise him about his snake was its somnolence. Snakes were known to sleep all throughout the day and in that way, his snake appeared completely normal. In all other ways, it really was a weird snake, not comparable to other snakes since its behaviour differed drastically and it actually had pretty eyelids whereas most snakes didn't have eyelids at all.

“I should probably name you,” Phil mumbled softly, caressing the snake's body. This creature was the only thing he liked about the whole goddamned place. “How about Fluffy?”

The snake hissed suddenly and actually lifted its head and stared at Phil in disgust. Phil raised his eyebrows, “Cuddly?”

The snake shook its head and continued to stare, completely unimpressed.

“Well, I'm shit at this,” Phil sighed, “What about smiley? Or maybe giggly?”

The snake hissed angrily and shook its head vigorously, whipping its tail around to slap at Phil's face.

“Okay, calm down, geez,” Phil grumbled, rubbing his face, “I won't call you that.”

The snake nodded solemnly, looking tired of dealing with Phil. It wrapped itself around Phil again and went right back to sleep, leaving Phil alone to think about cool snake names that would please his overly narcissistic snake. Absolutely nothing came to his mind and he felt like nothing he came up with would suffice for the vain little thing anyway. It acted more royal than an actual queen.

Phil blinked in realization, slowly comprehension dawning on him, “Queen. How about Queen?”

The snake whipped his head up instantly, staring at Phil and preening with immense pride. Phil raised his eyebrows in amusement as it lifted its neck up with confidence, looking more regal and majestic than an actual monarch, with its pristine green body glistening in the sunlight like golden jewels.

“Alright. Queen it is then.”

Phil smiled a tiny, tiny bit, his lips almost stretching into a position resembling a normal smile. This time he was genuinely happy about the snake and the emptiness he felt inside was minimal compared to that. He was about to compliment his snake when the sounds of agitation from above grabbed his undivided attention.

Dan was descending hastily and recklessly as if he didn't care anymore. There was an aura of consternation around him and a touch of hysteria in his actions, in the way he blindly jumped down in agitation, completely ignoring Phil and punching the tree in fury and utter sadness. “Fuck,” he breathed heavily, his voice frustrated and filled with emotion. “Fuck. FUCK!”

“What's wrong?” Phil couldn't help but ask.

“It's an island,” Dan whispered in pain, breathing harshly and resting his forehead against the tree as he closed his eyes, visibly shaking with discontent.

Phil frowned in confusion, “What?”

“It's an island,” Dan said again, his voice breaking slightly, “It's a fucking island!”

“I don't understand,” Phil blinked, gulping in fear, “What do you mean?”

“This whole fucking place!” Dan shouted, whirling around in rage, “It's an island, Phil! We're on an uninhabited island!”

Dan's dispirited screech sounded from so far away because suddenly Phil was deeply lost in his own disheartened thoughts. All this time, they had been walking and searching for a way out, believing that there definitely was a place ahead, a corner, a point, where the forest ended and human civilization began. They had never even considered the possibility of this place being an island. Phil had been hoping to find a road, or a road sign or people or just something that would lead them back home. He had never even thought that they could be stuck with no way out.

Phil exhaled roughly. All of his strategies and carefully manoeuvred plans collapsed into a pile of dust and he couldn't discern his next move.

“That can't be . . .” he said, still unable to fathom what Dan had said, “There's just no way . . .”

“What? You think I'm lying?” Dan snapped, breathing roughly, “Go climb the fucking tree and see for yourself!”

Phil considered the possibility of it being a lie but somehow he knew it wasn't. Dan looked way too depressed and hopeless for it to be a lie. That or he was just a really good actor.

“No, it's just . . . why would we be on an island?” Phil whispered.

“Listen!” Dan said abruptly.

“What?”

“Just shut up for a second and listen!” he said, pointing towards a particular direction, his hand on one ear as if he were listening for something.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows, his brain a mess of confusion and absolute shock. For the first few silent moments, all he heard was the merry chirping of birds and the gentle breeze ruffling tree leaves, but slowly he heard another distant sound, a sound that made his eyes widen in shock. Once he heard it he couldn't comprehend how he had missed it before, the unmistakable noise of gigantic waves crashing against the shore, the distant cries of seagulls and the fishy smell of salty moisture in the air.

“It's close?” Phil asked incredulously.

“Yeah, a ten-minute walk probably, come on,” Dan whispered in defeat, turning around and walking ahead.

Phil's heart sank into the dark depths of his stomach and he bit his lip, following Dan quietly and wishing he was back in his empty apartment bed, drinking his days away instead of walking in an unfamiliar place with no purpose or aim. Not that he had a purpose back home but at least he could forget about that by drowning in cheap whiskey.

*

“Fuck,” Phil whispered, staring frontwards at the deep blue sea that stretched on and on endlessly in all directions. Tempestuous waves rolled against the shoreline, the rhythmic sound filling his ears. The water was the darkest shade of blue he had ever seen, melting into the horizon and mixing with the sky above. Sunlight reflected off its surface wonderfully, making it gleam. The beauty of it ensnared Phil, captivated him, yet complete helplessness stabbed his chest and he gazed in horrified wonder.

“How is this even possible?” Dan mumbled from beside him, staring straight ahead at the vastness of the ocean with forbidding eyes.

“That's what I'd like to know,” Phil replied tartly.

“It's just . . . everything happened so suddenly,” Dan said, swallowing painfully, “I don't . . . I just don't even know what the fuck is going on anymore.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “This is really fucking weird.”

“Why are we on an island? How the fuck did we get here?” Dan grabbed his hair in vexation, “Do you remember anything? Anything at all?”

“Not a thing,” Phil sighed tiredly, “I remember the library. I remember fighting and passing out, that's it.”

“Fucking hell,” Dan swallowed, looking close to tears and this time Phil didn't have the energy to feel smug about it. He didn't even want to feel smug and that really shocked him. He couldn't believe how irrevocably his life had changed.

A gentle breeze ruffled Phil's hair as he continued to stare at the blue ocean in front of him. He felt completely discombobulated as he asked, “What do we do?”

“There has to be another way,” Dan said in distress, “Or something we can do. We can't sit around and wait for help. It may never come.”

Phil shook his head sadly, “If we're really on an island, I don't think there's anything we can do other than wait to be rescued.”

“Of course there is!” Dan retorted in agitation.

“Like what?”

“We could . . . we could build a raft or a boat, I don't know!” he yelled, looking mad with stress, “We could try getting out of here.”

“And go where? Into the ocean?” Phil frowned at Dan, “Even if we do somehow manage to build a boat or whatever, the chances of us getting lost in the middle of the ocean is very high. At least here we have all the food and water we need. If we leave and can't find our way, we'll be dead in two days, give or take.”

“It's worth a try!” Dan countered, “This place is super fucking weird. There are lions and wolves and who knows–”

“Wait, wolves?” he asked with wide eyes.

“Yes, wolves. We're sitting ducks here. We don't even know how the hell we ended up–”

“It's suicide,” Phil said, cutting Dan off firmly, “Heading off into the sea. You can build a raft alone and go die but I'm sorry, I'm going to stay here until help arrives.”

“You're such a fucking idiot,” Dan gritted his teeth, losing his composure, “Why don't you understan–”

“You're the idiot here, not me. You think we can survive out there? Are you that naive?”

“You think you know everything? Is that it?”

“No, but I know enough to–”

“You know nothing! You're as clueless as me. Don't try to act all superi–”

“I'm not! All I said was–”

“You don't fucking understand, alright? I need to get back to my family!” Dan blurted suddenly, breathing heavily, his eyes brimming with hurt.

Phil raised his eyebrows, “I didn't know your family cared about you.”

Phil immediately cringed inwardly as he saw Dan's jaw drop down to the ground in shock. He really hadn't meant to say that since he didn't have any plans of physically fighting with Dan at that moment but habits and usual behaviours were hard to change and it had tumbled out of his mouth almost reflexively.

Dan's mouth opened and then closed, as if he had wanted to say something but then thought better of it. He clenched his jaw and sent a hurt-filled glare at Phil, turning abruptly and walking towards the sea. His shoulders shook slightly and Phil sighed when he realized that Dan probably was on the verge of tears again. He had never known that Dan was such a crybaby. It kind of amused him but he also felt guilty for some reason.

Phil watched silently as Dan sat down on the sand, pulling his knees to his chest and staring ahead at the brilliant expanse of dark blue. Seagulls squawked and swooped through the air, beating their wings against the gentle wind and raising above the sky. They were the only creatures Phil saw at the shore, scattered all over. Some were hopping on the sand and some were in the air, plucking fishes from the sea and devouring it. He wondered for a moment if he could catch one and cook it somehow. He was intolerably hungry and fruits were really not enough anymore.

He sighed lethargically, the sound of seagulls and splashing waves filling him. They were thrust into this peculiar predicament by an unknown force and Phil was in a state of quandary. He had no idea what to do and all their plans had finally reached an impasse, a dead end.

Phil bit his lip in defeat and sadness, slowly ambling towards Dan who was probably the only other person on the entire island. The thought scared Phil slightly. Phil would've never even believed such a place existed if he weren't already here, a place so rich with hundreds of unidentified and unnamed species, untouched and hidden away from human civilizations, deprived of all the developments and improvements happening all around the earth. It seemed absurd, the fact that no one had even heard of the existence of such a place. Or maybe it was just Phil who had never paid enough attention to the news.

Phil slowly sat down alongside Dan, looking at the sea instead of Dan. He didn't know why he felt the need to do that but the fact that they were all alone made him feel wholly empty inside. He had always felt isolated, even within a crowd but usually the noise was enough to keep him going. But at that moment, he felt like he didn't have anything, he felt like a forgotten corpse in a mortuary, rotting away without anyone's notice. He wondered why the hell he was even alive at this point. No one cared about him and he cared about no one. Was there even a point anymore?

Phil could taste his salty tears at the back of his throat and the lump was so large and so painful that it felt like he had a rock stuck in his throat, yet he swallowed it, determined to not let the shameful tears fall.

“My dad . . .” Dan whispered suddenly, his voice shaky, “He cares. I know he does and–and he's probably worried about me and I–dammit, I just started talking to him again and everything was going so well. I really started thinking I could be happy and–”

Phil stayed completely still, so silent that he wasn't sure if he was even breathing. Queen crawled down from his neck and settled on the sand beside him, curling into a comfortable ball.

“Fucking hell,” he mumbled, his fingers in his hair, desperately pulling at his curls. There were unshed tears in his eyes and Phil bit his lip and looked away. “I know what you're thinking. Why is this idiot telling me all this?”

Phil kept quiet, looking determinedly straight ahead as Dan continued to ramble in distress and sadness. “I don't know either, okay? It's just . . . there's no one here but you and I can't help it. I don't know what else to do.”

“I didn't think that,” Phil whispered quietly.

Dan's eyes were a deep shade of brown as he turned to look at Phil, “What?”

“Nothing.”

“But you just said–”

“I said nothing,” Phil mumbled quietly.

Dan blinked, a look of realization crossing his face, “Okay.”

A cool breeze ruffled his clothes and Phil closed his eyes, letting the wind whisper in his ears. The melodious crashing of waves surrounded him and he forced himself to calm down. The silence stretched on and they sat there for what felt like hours until Dan decided to open his mouth.

“What about you?”

Phil fluttered his eyes open and asked, “What?”

“Your family,” Dan said quietly, “Won't they worry about you?”

Phil's eyes hardened and his body stiffened. He stared at nothing in particular and felt no emotion at all as he blurted, “My family is dead.”

There was a sombre silence for a few disquietening moments, only broken by the cries of seagulls. “Oh,” was all Dan said.

“Car crash. A few years ago. I was the only one who survived, ” Phil mumbled quietly.

A look of pure realization dawned on Dan's face and Phil wondered what Dan was thinking. His fingers tapped impatiently on his legs, the quiet too much for him to bear.

“I'm sorry,” Dan mumbled, hugging his legs to his chest.

Phil blanched, “It's fine. It's not that big of a deal so you can stop acting awkward now.”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Phil in a very knowing way that disconcerted him. “It is, though,” Dan said finally.

“What?”

“It is a big deal,” he shrugged, “Maybe not for others but for you. I don't think it's right to belittle your own feelings like that.”

Phil blinked repeatedly, staring at Dan who wasn't looking at him. Phil didn't like talking about his misfortune. People didn't like hearing about that kind of stuff anyway. Mostly, they just acted awkwardly and pretended to be sad, simply gazing at Phil with those pity-filled eyes. So he never bothered to say it at all, it wasn't something to casually bring up in conversations anyway. The only friend of his who knew about it was Louise.

The fact that Dan didn't appear to be inconvenienced by his revelation at all, it stunned Phil. Even his reaction to Phil's sudden divulgence was the most appropriate one he had received yet and it shocked him to admit that. All he could say to that was a small, “Th–thanks.”

He regretted saying that the moment it left his stupid mouth because all of a sudden Dan was looking at him like Phil had revealed the very purpose of life itself. His eyes were wide and blown, unblinking as he stared at Phil in utter shock. “Did you . . . did you just–” he stuttered.

“Shut up,” Phil grumbled in annoyance, hugging his knees so tightly to his chest that he couldn't breathe.

“Whoa,” Dan said, sounding scared, “Did The Phil Lester just thank me? I think the world is going to end today. Oh fuck, we're definitely going to die, aren't we? I should probably keep a watch at the sky. Maybe pigs are flying too.”

Dan looked ridiculous, with his messy curls and tear smudged face. Phil looked away and rolled his eyes. “Don't be so over-dramatic. You said something nice and I thanked you for it. That's it.”

Dan shook his head in amusement but didn't bother to say anything more. He simply stayed silent, looking at the blue sea in front of him. The weather was nice, with just enough sun and the chilly atmosphere. The sea was calming and Phil bit his lip, remaining quiet, not knowing what else to say. Suddenly he felt extremely awkward. He had never talked to Dan before. They had never had an actual conversation, usually, it was baseless insults or hurtful punches. This was a very strange situation. He was horrified at the fact that he didn't feel like fighting with Dan at all in that particular moment.

“What's our next plan then?” Dan inquired quietly, “Do you think anyone will come? To rescue us?”

Phil frowned, “Of course, they will. Our friends probably know we're missing by now. And . . . and you said your dad–he'll try to find you, won't he?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Dan mumbled in determination, “But how will they find us? This place . . . I don't think anyone knows about it.”

Phil bit his lip, “Yeah, that's the problem. I don't even know which part of the world we are.”

“We could be in a whole different continent,” Dan blurted in trepidation. “Fuck.”

“Yeah,” he swallowed painfully, “We really have no choice other than to hope that they find us soon.”

“Fuck,” Dan breathed heavily, “This is so bizarre.”

Phil sighed, “In any case, we should probably go back to the hut. Gather what we need to survive for a few more days.”

“I really don't think we can survive on fruits anymore.” Dan grimaced and Phil agreed. Fruits didn't have everything the human body needed and he was sure he had lost twenty pounds already.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows in thought, “We could try catching a fish or something, I don't know. I think I saw mushrooms everywhere too. Maybe they're edible. The only problem is that there is no way to cook anything here.”

Dan shrugged, “We could start a fire.”

Phil raised his eyebrows in question, “And how will we do that, genius? We don't have anything to start a fire with.”

“We don't need anything. I know how to start a fire. My dad and I used to go camping all the time,” Dan said softly, a fond, nostalgic look crossing his face.

Phil blinked, oddly impressed, “Really?”

“Yeah.”

A seagull squawked in the distance and Phil turned his attention away from Dan, gazing calmly at the gull that raced through the air and dashed above the water majestically. Phil wondered how this place wasn't filled with rich people from all countries, vacationing on the island that really looked like it was the literal definition of paradise.

“Isn't this like the first civil conversation we've ever had?” Dan asked quietly.

Suddenly the silence was so loud that Phil could hear it in his ears. “Yeah, I guess.”

“It's not that bad actually,” Dan shrugged, “You're alright when you're not acting like a wild animal.”

“Wow, thanks.”

Dan snorted, “You're welcome.”

Phil sat absolutely still, staring at anywhere but at Dan. From the looks of it, Dan seemed to be doing the exact same thing. Time passed extremely slowly like a small child crawling on the floor, carefree and in no hurry to reach anywhere. Every second felt like an hour and the awkwardness in the air was so thick and strong that if Phil were to punch it, he would've broken his hand.

“Oh, fuck it!” Dan rolled his eyes, seemingly exasperated with himself as he huffed and extended a hand, avoiding Phil's eyes completely.

Phil blinked in absolute befuddlement, staring at Dan's hand and back up at his face, “Wh–what?”

Dan looked annoyed and flustered as he blurted, “Let's call a truce.”

Phil stared in shock, “What?”

“You need my help and I need yours. Don't even try to deny it. We're in a completely foreign place and there really is no point in fighting anymore. It's just stupid,” Dan sighed, looking mortified at having to admit it, “So let's just call a truce. For the next few days or . . . or until we're out of here.”

Dan had managed to remarkably astound him and he sat still, staring at Dan in astonishment. Phil had never thought a day like this would ever come. He felt like the universe itself had flipped upside down or maybe god had misplaced Phil in an alternate world because this was entirely incomprehensible.

Phil breathed heavily and looked up at Dan's face and then back at his hand, still awkwardly extended towards him. He agreed with mostly everything Dan had said and surviving was the main priority, not stupid rivalries. He had seen what had happened to Dan and the same thing could happen to him. Antagonizing the only other person who could possibly help him in a dangerous situation probably wasn't a good idea. He knew that. He knew but he still felt unsure. He wasn't sure if he could stop fighting with Dan completely. It seemed impossible.

“Uh, it's really getting kind of awkward now so,” Dan said, raising his eyebrows, “Can you hurry up?”

Phil bit his lip and grabbed Dan's hand abruptly, clenching his jaw and mumbling, “Alright, fine. Truce.”

Dan's eyes widened and he actually looked shocked beyond belief as he shook his hand. “Okay then.”

Phil pulled his hand back in embarrassment and muttered irritably, “Okay.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

Silence reigned supreme and Dan sighed, “Well, this is more awkward than I thought it'd be.”

“It is,” Phil nodded in agreement, resting his chin on his knees.

Dan harrumphed but remained quiet. The waves crashed on the shore noisily and Phil wondered how he had ended up here at all. Everything had changed and he didn't know how. He thought about it a lot but he couldn't quite determine if those changes were good or bad. He recalled a time when his life was predictable and he knew exactly where he would be on the next day, or month or year. But now, his life had become like a bus with no particular destination, it just took him anywhere, everywhere and all over the place, and he could never tell where it would take him next. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to know anymore.


	14. Discussions and changes

“Phil.”

“Phil!”

“Phil, you deaf bastard!”

“What!?” Phil exclaimed irritably, whirling around to face Dan from where he was standing just a few feet away, collecting dry sticks.

“Tell your fucking girlfriend to stay away from me, or I'll chop her to pieces and throw her into the ocean!” Dan yelled in absolute fury and justified frustration, crawling back to avoid the snake that slithered towards him happily. His outburst caused the snake to shrink sadly, lowering its head in gloom.

Dan felt a tiny, tiny bit bad for it, but he couldn't help it. The snake kept following him everywhere, bringing random sticks and stones to him and trying to offer unneeded assistance. He was really starting to believe Phil's words about the snake being capable of understanding human feelings. Its eyes had a knowing glint in them, its actions were just way too compassionate and humanitarian for being a wild creature. Now that it had Phil's trust, it seemed to seek Dan's acceptance more than anything.

If what Phil said about the snake was true, then it had also saved Dan's life. Dan should've at least appreciated its helpful behaviour, but he was still too afraid of it to be able to feel anything more than a weary tolerance.

“Come on, Queen,” Phil called, “Come here. Help me find firewood.”

The snake instantly whipped his head up, looking ecstatic as it slithered away to Phil's aid, appearing way too happy to help.

“Did you really name your snake Queen?” Dan asked in amusement.

“Yeah,” Phil shrugged, bending to pick up a piece of dry wood from the sand. “She likes it.”

Dan sighed, and shook his head, going back to the task at hand. Dan was sat on a rock a few feet away from the rolling waves of the sea. In front of him was a bundle of dry sticks, and in his hands were two shining stones he had found after scouring the nearby area. He had been sitting there and rubbing the two stones together for almost an hour now, with no luck whatsoever. It produced a few sparks but not enough to start a full-fledged fire. He had thought it would be easy but now he wasn't too sure.

“Any luck?” Phil asked, dumping some more sticks onto the bundle of sticks in front of him. Queen had her own little stick in her mouth, and she spat it out on top of the wood, looking up at Dan proudly, searching for approval.

Dan ignored the snake and lamented, “No, this isn't working.”

The shore was slowly falling into the dreary blackness of the night and they still had a lot to do. Dan could hear the fading cries of seagulls, flying away back to their homes to take shelter from the swiftly approaching darkness. The forest behind him was submerged in ominous silence and the entire shoreline glowed a mellow orange, the direct result of the setting sun.

“I thought you said you knew how to start a fire,” Phil accused, raising his eyebrows.

“I . . . I have the basic idea but–” Dan sighed.

“But what?”

“Look, my dad had different stones, okay?” Dan mumbled guiltily. “Flint or quartz or whatever. I don't know how to start a fire without it.”

Phil bit his lip. “What do we do then?”

Dan swallowed the fear back down his throat and whispered, “There's nothing else to do. I'll just keep trying.”

Phil nodded, looking worn-out and exhausted. Dan himself was extremely tired, and he could feel the fatigue dragging him down. His stomach grumbled every once in a while, and he could feel his body wailing for proper nutrition.

“I'll go get the mushrooms,” Phil said quietly, staring at the red sunset, “And maybe some fruits and berries, or whatever I can find.”

Dan nodded dejectedly, looking up at the briskly darkening sky. The enormous sea stretched on in front of him to infinity, the vastness so grandiose that it seemed like a brilliant scheme of the universe to knock him down, an elaborate stratagem to make him as miserable as possible.

“Let's go, Queen,” Phil urged and sauntered over to his backpack, hauling it over his shoulders and looking ready to trudge bravely back into the wilderness.

The cold wind blew Dan's messy curls to his face, and he hugged Phil's jacket to his chest, tucking a lonely strand of hair behind his ear as he whispered, “Will . . . will you be back soon?”

Dan's eyes were downcast, and he didn't have to look to know that Phil was staring at him. He squeezed the jacket to his chest, his fingers curling tightly around the material. “It's just . . . it's getting dark so . . .” he trailed off.

There was an odd silence for a few disorienting moments, but soon Phil spoke up quietly, “Do you want me to leave Queen here with you?”

Dan looked up at that, shocked and abnormally grateful by the suggestion. Phil's eyes were a bright blue, and Dan dropped his gaze to the ground. “No, it's fine,” he replied silently, absently fumbling with the sticks.

“Suit yourself,” Phil shrugged, turning around and teetering into the forest.

Dan stared after him in bewilderment. Understanding Phil was never easy but as days passed, it was becoming more and more difficult and strenuous. Phil was unpredictable, his emotions incalculable. In a moment of vulnerability, Dan had extended his hand and called for a truce. He had expected to be humiliated and insulted for his foolishness, but he was pleasantly surprised when Phil accepted his armistice.

Dan shook his head and huffed, looking down at the stones in his hand. He was about to start rubbing the two together again when a happy hiss sounded from his right. Dan blinked and stared at the snake, wondering what it was still doing here. It tilted its head and gazed at Dan cooly.

“What?” Dan snapped.

The snake lowered its head to the ground and pushed something towards him. Dan looked down at the ground near his feet, his eyes widening as he saw the object lying on the sand. It was the strange glowing stone from the hut, glistening brightly like a gold ornament.

The snake, Queen, nodded at him, resplendent in all her green brilliance. Dan stared at her in wonder as she slithered away quickly, disappearing into the forest, back to her rightful owner. He didn't waste any more time, he immediately grabbed a rock and struck it against the weird luminescent stone. The outcome was instantaneous. Huge sparks emitted from the stone, popping into existence and instantly vanishing into the air. Hope filled him head to toe and he struck the stones together harshly with fortitude and placed a stick near it, confident that it'll work now.

In a second, the sparks caused the stick to burn and Dan used the stick to set the gathered firewood ablaze, flames spreading like wildfire through the small bundle. The wood burned with fervour, illuminating the surrounding area.

Dan exhaled in relief, grabbing a few more wooden sticks from the huge bundle Phil had collected and throwing them into the red flames. He suddenly felt bad for snapping at the snake. He finally understood why Phil was keeping it around, why he was so nice to the fearsome creature. It was useful and it seemed to have every knowledge needed to survive on the island.

Dan breathed slowly, absently throwing sticks into the fire to keep it going. He looked frontwards at the horizon, his breath hitching in his throat as he noticed the shades of orange and red splashed across the sky, the sea dazzling in the radiance of the setting sun.

Dan pulled his knees to his chest, feeling small and alone in front of the vastness of the sea and the quiet of the shore. He wondered when Phil would be back. Enduring his presence was better than being all alone. Until someone found them they only had each other. That was the exact truth of the matter.

Realizing they were on an island and coming to terms with the fact that they had absolutely no way to escape was not easy for Dan. He had been overwrought with worry at first, downhearted by the whole realization, but he was a bit more in control now, a little more stable than he had been. He wasn't sure when help would arrive, but he knew they were searching for him, his friends, his _father. _His dad was most certainly doing everything in his power to find the whereabouts of Dan, and Dan was determined to stay alive until he did.

*

“Oh, it worked,” Phil said in surprise, looking at the fire as he removed his bag and pulled out a piece of cloth from it.

“Yeah,” Dan murmured and shrugged, “It wasn't me though. Your snake helped me.”

Phil raised an eyebrow, spreading the piece of cloth on the sand and dumping the contents of the bag onto it. Fruits, berries and different coloured mushrooms tumbled out and Dan stared in fascination. “Wow.”

“Queen did?”

“Yeah,” Dan sighed in reluctant acceptance, “You were right about her. She's really helpful.”

Suddenly, Queen came slithering out of nowhere and stood before Dan, preening with pride as she looked at Dan and wagged her tail like a dog, looking for approval. The sun had set but the light was still there, and Dan could almost make out the shape of the snake.

“I think she wants you to thank her,” Phil said in amusement.

“Uh,” Dan stuttered, looking at the snake who stared at him expectantly, “Thanks, I guess.”

Suddenly, she hissed furiously and faster than a beam of light, crawled forward and coiled around Dan's leg, hugging his leg happily, looking proud. Dan shrieked loudly at the unexpected behaviour, “Fuck!”

Queen released him instantly, slithering away towards Phil and cowering behind Phil's leg, looking sad. Phil reached down and patted her head. She leaned into it, appearing to be dejected. Dan felt slightly bad for her and mumbled, “Sorry. Just don't come near me.”

Phil rolled his eyes and asked, “How did she help you?”

“The stone.” Dan held up the stone. “It's like a matchstick.”

“Oh,” Phil blinked, “I grabbed it from the hut. I had it in my bag. She probably took it out and gave it to you.”

Dan nodded and shifted his gaze from Phil to the mushrooms. “Why are they so colourful?”

“I have no idea.” Phil shook his head and sat down next to the fire, directly in front of Dan. He rubbed his hands and breathed out. “It's cold.”

“At least we got a fire going.” Dan pulled an apple from the pile of fruits and bit into it, “It's the apple that tastes like bananas, isn't it?”

“Yeah, they're everywhere. I wasn't going to pluck them at first but Queen seemed adamant on having me take some of them. Maybe they're really nutritious.”

Dan hummed, biting into the fruit. “We should name them banapples.”

Phil shrugged absently, grabbing a mushroom and a small stick from the pile of sticks. Dan frowned and watched as he inserted the stick into the mushroom and started roasting them in the fire.

Dan furrowed his eyebrows, “They aren't poisonous, are they?”

“I don't think so. Queen wouldn't let me eat them if they were. I know I shouldn't but I trust her. She saved your life.” Phil shrugged, absently stroking the snake sleeping next to him on the sand.

“Alright, but aren't we supposed to wash them first?” Dan inquired.

“I did. I found a small pond on the way. Filled the bottle too.”

Dan stared in curiosity and wonder. Phil really was a complete mystery. Sober Phil was a rare sight, and Dan barely got the opportunity to see it before. Usually, Phil was drunk and angry, walking in on Dan every single time and initiating verbal attacks and arguments that always seemed to escalate into something more. Dan had never bothered to think about why Phil was the way he was. It didn't really matter to him anyway, but Phil's unanticipated disclosure just a mere few hours ago had finally given Dan clues about Phil's personality.

Dan somehow understood why Phil acted the way he did. If Dan had lost his parents at a young age, he would've probably turned into an alcoholic too. He could somewhat sympathise with Phil and that really shocked him.

“Do you want one?” Phil asked casually, looking anywhere but at him as he held up a roasted mushroom.

The light of the fire illuminated Phil's whole face in the darkness, and Dan dropped his eyes to the ground, quietly taking the mushroom from Phil's hand. It wasn't properly cooked and it was a bright pink mushroom, but he was hungry and it didn't even bother him. “Thanks.”

Suddenly, Dan couldn't believe what was happening. It seemed absurd, the whole situation. The darkness was all around them, lying on the sand and wrapped around his body. The sounds of waves pounding the shore echoed in his ears and the smell of salt and fish was too extreme. The cold breeze kept making Dan shiver and shift closer to the fire. So much was happening and yet the most unbelievable, shocking thing out of everything was that he was actually sat around a fire with _Phil. _It really felt like a very strange dream.

Dan sighed, pulling his knees to his chest and savouring his meal quietly. His life had become quite unpredictable, and he didn't really know what to do about it or if he even wanted to.

*

“How's your ankle?” Dan asked quietly in the silence of the night.

There was no other sound except for the waves of the sea for a few disquieting moments, but then Phil murmured, “Fine.”

They were lying around the still burning fire, staring up at the gleaming sky. The moon was round and bright, aglow above the surface of the water, making it shimmer marvellously. The incandescence of stars irradiated the entire shore and even the sand glistened in the splendid moonlight. It was intolerably quiet but somehow Dan was enthralled by everything and his heart beat in a calm, steady pace.

“It really is beautiful here, isn't it?” he asked, closing his eyes and feeling the slow breeze caressing his skin.

As always, Phil took a while before answering, “Yeah.”

Dan wasn't sleepy even though he knew it was close to midnight. He was bored and for the lack of something better to do, he went on, “The mushrooms didn't taste like mushrooms at all.”

He heard Phil turn on his side, but he didn't turn to look. “Yeah.”

“But they were delicious. We didn't even have any salt but it still tasted pretty great.”

“Hmm,” was all Phil said and Dan huffed in annoyance.

Dan was slowly realizing that Phil was quiet, really quiet, distressingly, maddeningly quiet. Dan had a loud personality whereas Phil's personality seemed to be a relatively mellow one. He never initiated conversations and only opened his mouth when he really had to. It was irritating Dan, especially since he didn't have anyone else to talk to. He didn't even have his phone or internet and there was absolutely nothing to do. He felt completely disoriented.

When he had asked Phil to stop fighting with him, he hadn't meant to stop talking altogether.

“I'm bored,” Dan blurted, staring up at the vivid sky.

Phil didn't reply and Dan wondered if he had fallen asleep already. He sighed and muttered again, “I'm really bored.”

The waves crashed against the shore and a very distant howl sounded from somewhere far away. Dan shivered. “Are you asleep?” he asked. “I'm so bored. I wish I had my phone. There is absolutely nothing to do here and it's driving me mad. I don't know how humans survived in the stone age without internet and electricity. It's impossible. I'd rather die than live without the internet. I really wish I had my phone right now so I could tweet about this. It really is–”

Suddenly Dan heard a loud sigh, “Goddamit, you talk way too much.”

“You talk way too little,” Dan retorted and turned on his side. It made him accidentally face Phil who was staring at him. Dan stopped abruptly, looking at Phil quietly. They were lying on either side of the fire, facing each other. The light from the fire illuminated both of their faces and there was total silence for a few moments as they gazed at each other. Dan distantly wondered if Phil's eyes were always that blue.

Almost abruptly, Phil turned, looking away from Dan's face to stare up at the sky. Dan remained quiet for a few minutes before a stupid question he had never meant to ask slipped out of his mouth, “Are you dating Katie?”

There was complete silence in that moment, filled with suspense. Dan wondered if Phil was going to give him an answer, or if he was just going to ignore him. He didn't have to wonder for very long because soon Phil was sighing exasperatedly and mumbling, “No.”

Dan bit his lip and muttered, “But she definitely thinks you're her boyfriend.”

“Well, that's her problem. She can think she's a fucking unicorn if she wants but that won't make her one, would it?” Phil quipped.

Dan snorted in amusement, “That's true.”

“Yeah.”

“She seems to genuinely like you though,” Dan continued, “You should probably tell her if you don't see her in that way.”

“Why should I?” Phil disagreed disinterestedly, “It's her feelings and her problem, not mine.”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows, staring at the side of Phil's face. “That is not how you treat people.”

Phil placed his hand behind his head, resting his head on them as he stared up at the sky, at the million little lights scattered all over the dark sheet of the night. “I don't care,” he said dismissively.

Dan frowned but strategically kept his mouth sealed shut. It was a peaceful night and Phil had been distant all morning, unwilling to even look at Dan. Dan didn't want to break the newly formed agreement between them by unknowingly blurting the wrong thing.

“Why are you with Jake?”

Dan blinked, utterly surprised at the question. He stared at Phil, the orange glow of the fire lighting up his features. “I'm not. I just sleep with him sometimes.”

Phil still wasn't looking at him, but his eyes were wide open as he looked up at the sky in a bored manner. “Why?”

“Why not?” Dan asked confusedly.

Finally, Phil looked at him, eyes a bright blue as he frowned, eyebrows pulled together in concentration, “He's scum. He treats you like shit. I'm sure there are other people you can sleep around with. Why him?”

Dan raised his eyebrows, “How do you know how he treats me?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “I saw you in the library back at the creepy old house, remember?”

“Oh, right,” Dan muttered and then shrugged, “He isn't always like that. He treats me like that because he knows I like it.”

Phil furrowed his eyebrows, “You like being treated like shit?”

Dan shrugged, looking away from Phil, but he could feel Phil's eyes boring into his head. “Sometimes, yeah.”

“Wow, you must like me very much then.” Phil snorted.

Dan couldn't help but roll his eyes, “Yup. I doodle your name with little red hearts and lie on my bed for hours daydreaming about marrying you.”

Phil grimaced, “Ew, didn't need that mental image. I really hope that's a joke.”

Dan rolled his eyes again and said, “Of course, it's a joke, dumbass. Who would want to marry you anyway?”

Phil huffed but didn't say anything more, just turned on his side, facing away from Dan. Dan sighed and wondered if that was the end of their atypical conversation. It didn't look like Phil was going to continue their discussion, and he looked around for some other distraction.

The air was cold and the atmosphere was filled with a strange type of melancholy. The sound of waves was dulled by the unbearable noise of crickets that pierced his ears. He felt extremely restless and sleep was very far away. Unable to cope with the odd solitude in his bones, he spoke up once again. “Why are you homophobic?” he asked, “You don't even look religious so don't pull that Jesus crap on me.”

There was total silence for a long, long time and Dan wondered if Phil had fallen asleep somehow. “What did gay people ever do to you?” he continued, “I really want to know.”

Phil didn't show any signs of being awake or giving him a reply. Dan's eyes briefly slid towards Queen curled a little away from the fire and back to Phil's prone form.

“If you could give me an answer, that would be fantastic,” Dan said sarcastically, “Are you awake?”

Dan turned on his side, turning his back to Phil. “Are you listening?” he pressed, “You should at least tell me if you are asleep, then I can stop wasting my time. Time is very precious to me, especially my sleeping time. If I don't sleep for good, long hours, I'll get dark circles under my eyes and that'll ruin my pretty fa–”

“You really don't know when to shut the fuck up, do you?”

Dan grinned at the accomplishment. He really was getting bored out of his mind. “So, tell me. Why are you homophobic?”

Phil sighed a long, depressing sigh, “I'm not, alright?”

“You are.”

“I'm not. Chris is gay and he's my best friend. Tyler, Troye, PJ, I don't have a problem with any of them. I'm not homophobic.”

“Just because you have gay friends doesn't mean you're not homophobic.”

“I'm not homophobic,” Phil repeated, his tone determined and final, “I don't hate gay people. It . . . it's just you.”

Suddenly, the silence was too loud and Dan could hear the sound of Phil's calm breathing. The wind whipped through his shirt and he mumbled silently, “So you just hate me, that's it?”

A small cloud floated through the black sky directly towards the round moon, blanketing it and covering it completely. The light of the moon disappeared and a sudden ominous darkness swallowed them whole. Phil didn't reply. Dan's eyes were wide open and yet he couldn't see a single thing. “Why?”

“What?” Phil muttered quietly.

“Why do you hate me?” Dan asked, “I've always wanted to know. What did I ever do to you?”

“Don't act like you don't,” Phil grumbled.

“I don't.”

There was a shocked silence and then rustling, sound of moving, and Dan knew Phil had turned to look at him. He took a deep breath and continued, “I don't hate you. Hate is a strong word. I dislike you very much, yeah, but I don't hate you. I don't stay up at night wishing you'd die tomorrow.”

Dan remembered seeing Phil for the first time, at a party three years ago. He was drunk, vile and disgusting. He walked in on Dan having a little fun with a boy whose name he couldn't remember and started spouting baseless insults, humiliating and demeaning Dan. Dan had hated Phil because of that, because he was rude to him. But he didn't know what Phil's reason was. Why did Phil always taunt him? Why was Phil always so angry at him?

“So,” Dan asked cautiously, “Why do you hate me? What was the trigger? What did you see in me? What did I do to make you this angry at me?”

“I don't know.”

Dan blinked, “You . . . you don't know?”

Phil sighed, “Can't you just go to sleep? This is not the time for this. I'm tired. I want to sleep.”

“But . . . but you don't know? What do you mean you don't know? What kind of answer is that? You don't have a reason to hate me?” Dan asked in bewilderment, turning around to stare at Phil who was looking up at the sky.

“That's not it! I do have a reason, okay?” Phil snapped but then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath as if he were trying to compose himself. Dan gazed confusedly as Phil opened his eyes slowly and looked at him pleadingly. “Look, I don't want to discuss this right now. It's a long day tomorrow. We need to go back to the hut and find some actual food. It's a long journey and a lot of work. I'm really tired. I need some sleep. Besides, this is a heavy topic and not something to be discussed at midnight. Please, just go to sleep.”

Dan blinked, staring at Phil in surprise. The 'please' shocked him. But Phil really did look exhausted. There were dark circles under his eyes and his body looked frail and thin. His face was pale, stress lines evident on his forehead. His cheeks were unusually hollow, indicating how much weight he had lost after reaching here. He looked like a dying man and Dan huffed, deciding to continue the conversation tomorrow. “Okay.”

A sigh of complete relief left Phil's lips. “Thank god.”

Dan rolled his eyes but this time he kept his mouth tightly shut. The fire burning near him was providing him just enough warmth to feel cosy and comfortable in the chilly air. The flickering sound of flames was finally starting to soothe him, and he could slightly feel the delicate touch of sleep on his eyelids. He sighed heavily, and hugged the warm jacket to his body, closing his eyes and beckoning sleep closer, ignoring Phil completely.

Phil was right, he thought. Tomorrow was a long day. Until now, they didn't have a plan. They just kept meandering through the unfamiliar surroundings without a proper purpose but not anymore. Dan had made some plans inside his mind and though he had never thought he'd ever fall into such a humungous crisis, it didn't matter. He was determined to survive nonetheless.


	15. Laughs and beginnings

The morning had come like a sneaky cat trying to bite your fingers, unexpectedly, unpredictably, waking Phil up before he wanted to get up. The odious dregs of his dreams had melted away into the background of his mind, logicality taking control once again. The sky had yet to soften into light blue when Phil had woken Dan, the shawl of sinister blackness still draped over the entire shore. The horizon had been a visible thin line, hues of purple and magenta splashed across the silver line, the sky waiting with bated breath for the warm kiss of sunlight.

They had been just two indistinct silhouettes as they trudged through the sunless, sombre forest, surrounded by nothing but an unearthly silence that deeply destabilized the soul. It had put Phil off his stroke, it had unnerved him, the quiet that was too much to bear, but he had not even attempted to break it because of how tired he was. Dan hadn't seemed to be in the mood to converse either, simply stomping his way back to the hut, reserved and distant.

Phil was starting to realize that Dan most certainly was not a morning person. He was oddly quiet in the mornings whereas other times he talked so much that Phil's ears fell off. He had a chaotic personality, loud, obnoxious and more sass than the universe should've allowed. Phil pretended to be irritated but mostly he was just relieved. He hated the silence, it punctured his heart and made him bleed.

“Finally,” Dan grumbled under his breath, looking at Queen who was slithering ahead of them, leading them directly to the valley. The sound of running water reached his ears and the luscious, green hills slowly came into focus. “We're here.”

“Yeah.” Phil nodded, stopping to catch his breath. “It took us about half an hour.”

“Almost a two-mile distance then.”

Phil shrugged. “Yeah, probably.”

“But how is that possible? It has to be more than that,” Dan demanded, “We walked so much yesterday to reach the beach. We walked for the whole day! How did we get back to the hut in half an hour?”

Phil crinkled his forehead in thought. “Maybe we were just walking in circles. We weren't walking in any particular direction. We were just walking. Queen knows the way, all the short cuts, she probably led us straight to the hut.”

Dan rubbed his face in defeat. “If that's true then we are so stupid. We walked all over the place like idiots.”

“Yeah, well, it doesn't matter anymore. We're here and now we know it's at a two-mile distance from the beach.”

Dan sighed, “We should write all this down. Might come in handy, knowing locations and distances and all that.”

“Yeah,” Phil said with surprise in his tone, “Good idea.”

Dan blinked but then he grinned like a child, “Thanks.”

Phil frowned in confusion, walking side by side with Dan and continuing their trek as he asked, “Uh, why are you smiling?”

“Because that's like the first time you have appreciated my input, you jerk!” he grumbled.

Phil blinked in shock but then he rolled his eyes, “Well, most of your ideas are dumb. Not my fault.”

“Excuse me? My ideas are brilliant,” Dan retorted, looking offended, “You just don't have the capability to comprehend the amount of intelligence I possess.”

“Wow,” Phil said, amused. “That's the most pretentious sentence I've ever heard in my life.”

“Your mother is pretentious,” Dan muttered.

“Classy, Dan, classy.”

The realization hit Dan soon enough and he blurted, “Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to–” Dan instantly looked guilty, stress lines covering his forehead as he furrowed his eyebrows, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. He looked like he was afraid of breaking their newly formed truce and Phil shook his head.

“It's fine,” he huffed, “It was just a dumb joke. Honestly, can't you come up with something better? I expected more than that.”

Dan exhaled, looking relieved. He didn't get a chance to reply because Phil restarted his walk, Dan following behind him. They turned a corner and stepped into the heavenly valley. Phil's breath hitched in his throat as the invigorating fragrance of forest flowers and fresh grass penetrated his nostrils, filling him with a feeling of peace and harmony.

Dan smiled a tiny smile and turned to Phil. “This really is a beautiful place, isn't it?”

Phil inhaled the earth deep into his lungs. “Yeah. It's peaceful.”

Queen hissed in front of them, wagging her tail like a puppy as she flicked her pink tongue. She wriggled her way to the river and fell into it, swimming away happily.

“I'm hungry,” Dan revealed, looking back to Phil. “What are we eating? I'm dying.”

Phil rolled his eyes but slowly confessed, “Yeah, me too. We have some mushrooms, banapples and strawcherries in the bag. Start a fire so we can cook the mushrooms.”

“Strawcherries?” Dan inquired confusedly.

“Yup. Cherries that taste like strawberries. I like them better than banapples.”

“Oh,” Dan said thoughtfully, “Are we going to only eat mushrooms the whole time we're here? If so, please just throw me into the river. I'd rather die. It's delicious and I love it but not _that_ much.”

“I'll ask Queen to bring us some vegetables. I don't know if there are vegetables on this island but it's worth a try. We could catch some fishes too. Maybe search the hut for a fishing rod. There are all kinds of shit in there. I'm pretty sure we'll find a fishing rod or a net or whatever. We'll find something,” Phil assured and looked at Dan to find him staring at Phil with mild alarm and mystification.

Dan bit his lip and mumbled quietly, “Yeah, you do that.”

“What?” Phil asked, wondering what had caused Dan's sudden uncanny silence.

“Nothing. It's just . . .” Dan sighed deeply, “I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe this . . . this situation.”

The splashing and clashing of flowing water tickled Phil's ears as he whispered quietly, “It's best not to think about it. Let's just do what we can to survive.”

Dan smiled genuinely at Phil and Phil's eyes widened slightly before immediately dropping to the ground. “Yeah,” Dan agreed but then as an afterthought, he silently added, “We are getting better at this.”

“Hmm?” Phil looked up from the ground, staring at the side of Dan's face, “At what?”

“At this . . . not-fighting thing, this temporary truce or whatever it's called.”

“Yeah.”

Phil bit his lip and looked anywhere but at Dan, and suddenly the air seemed tense and awkward. Dan was looking around the valley in disinterest, his body rigid. His eyes wandered over to the stream, the water that sparkled in the new, morning sunlight. Phil watched quietly as Dan turned towards him, his eyes flicking away from the river and landing on Phil. “I'll go take a dip. Clean myself up. God knows I need it,” he said, crinkling his nose in disgust as he looked down at himself, at his crumpled, mud-covered clothes and dirty hands.

Phil blinked and stared at the hut pointedly. “Oh, sure. I'll, um, go and look for some utensils we could use.”

Dan nodded, not bothering to give another useless reply before ambling towards the small stream. Phil simply gazed at his retreating back, wondering how the hell he had ended up in this situation. The cold wind dishevelled his hair and he swept them back as he sauntered towards the hut, squashing fresh grass underneath his feet.

*

“Did you manage to find anything?” Phil heard Dan asking from behind him, the floor creaking beneath him as lazy footsteps came closer.

Phil sighed regrettably, vacantly peering at the heap of tools and utensils in front of him, covered in a layer of dust. There was another mound of tools in another corner, cobwebs and filth making them almost unrecognizable. They looked worn-out, dirty and unutilized in a very long time, just waiting there to be used and gathering a new coating of grime every year. Phil had analyzed them slowly, separating what he deemed useful. His hands were covered in dirt and he made a face at himself.

“Yeah, I found–” He started but the moment he saw Dan, his eyes widened and the spatula in his hand dropped to the floor with a loud thud. He instantly covered his eyes with his hands, flustered beyond belief, “What the fuck? You're naked!”

“I'm not naked, you utter imbecile,” Dan snorted, sounding amused. Drops of water dripped from his wet hair and some trickled down his chest. Phil shut his eyes more tightly. “I still have my boxers on.”

“That is naked to me!” he screeched, “Put something on.”

“Okay. Okay. Calm down, jeez. It's just a manly chest of a manly man. Why are you being so overdramatic?” Dan asked in amusement and Phil breathed heavily as he turned back to the utensils he had collected.

“Just put a shirt on, alright? We have a lot of work to do.”

Phil heard steady footsteps behind him and then sound of fumbling and rummaging. He realized that Dan was looking for clothes he could wear.

“Like what?”

“Like cleaning these containers and properly cooking the mushrooms.”

“Oh. What did you find?”

“Knives, a wooden spatula, wooden spoons, plates, pots, pans and a lot of other utensils,” Phil mouthed quietly, gathering as much as he could into his arms before muttering, “We need to wash them before we can use them. I'm taking these to the river. When you have clothes on, bring more of them outside and let's clean them in the river.”

“Alright,” Dan agreed and then he blurted, “Did you find anything else? Like a cream or a moisturizer? My face feels dry and my cheeks aren't glowing anymore. I need them to be rosy and pi–”

“We aren't on a luxury cruise, you vain idiot. Put some clothes on, we have work to do,” Phil grumbled impatiently, avoiding Dan and his bare chest as he stood up, balancing the utensils in his arms and walking out of the hut.

Phil didn't look back nor did he wait for a response. He simply trudged towards the river. The sun's piercing rays blinded his eyes immediately and he squinted and blinked several times until his pupils adjusted to the light. The valley was as alive and active as ever, the calming, gentle melody of running water making Phil feel in control and at complete ease.

As soon as he reached the stream, he inhaled deeply, casting his eyes all around. He felt peaceful and he slowly bent down to place the utensils on the ground. He sighed softly as he folded his jeans up to his knees, dipping them into the water and sitting at the edge of the river as he grabbed a dirty spatula. The water shimmered in the sunlight and Phil quietly washed the spatula, rubbing it with his hands. The dirt was washed away with the river, leaving the spatula to shine in the sunlight.

Phil let out a gratified sigh and grabbed a few spoons, repeating the pattern with each spoon and cleaning them thoroughly. He was starting to enjoy the chore when a voice groused from behind him. “At this rate, it'll take you a hundred years to clean them all.”

Phil blinked and looked back to see Dan walking towards him with pots and pans adjusted in his arms. He was wearing black jeans and a black T-shirt, blank with no design. He looked clean and fresh, his wet hair combed back neatly. He placed the utensils behind Phil and grabbed a pan before walking to a rock next to Phil and plopping down on it.

Phil rolled his eyes and sighed, “I was actually enjoying myself before you decided to show up.”

Dan hummed absently, proceeding to clean the pan, “Is that so? Too bad then.”

Phil huffed, but kept his mouth shut, watching Dan silently. Dan scrubbed the pan slowly and splashed more water onto it, washing it properly and removing the grime at the sides before placing it next to Phil's cleaned spatula and looking up. Phil looked back to the water instantly. “Pass the pot,” Dan ordered.

“What?”

“Pass me the pot. It's behind you.”

Phil quietly cleaned the spoons and shrugged, “Take it yourself. I'm busy.”

Dan raised his eyebrows, “Don't be a dick. Pass me the pot, bro.”

“Bro?” Phil snorted, “Why should I, bro? Do it yourself, bro.”

Dan rolled his eyes but his lips held a small hint of a smile as he shoved Phil. “It just slipped out, okay?” he mumbled. “Now pass me the pot or I'll kick you where the sun don't shine.”

“Alright, now I'm definitely not passing you the pot,” Phil smirked, placing the clean spoons next to the spatula and pan.

Dan sighed heavily and stood up, “Ugh! Asshole.”

Dan stomped his way to the utensils, grabbing the pot and turning around, but in doing so, he accidentally stepped on a rock and stumbled, squeaking loudly as he bumped into Phil, falling on his ass and knocking Phil straight into the water.

“Fuck!” Phil bellowed as he dropped face-first into the river.

“Oh, shit. Oh no,” Dan muttered in horror.

Phil emerged from beneath the river, completely soaked, his hair sticking up in all directions and falling over his face as he roared, “You clumsy idiot!”

“I'm so sorr–” Dan cut himself off as he stared at Phil, scrutinizing his face. At first, he appeared regretful and guilty but then he cracked, bursting into laughs. “Your hair!”

“Oh, it's funny, is it?” Phil glared. His eyes drifted towards the large pot that had tumbled into the river and a slow smirk made its way to his lips. He grabbed the pot and scooped water into it, looking at Dan with a wide, evil smirk.

Dan blinked and then his eyes widened. He rambled fearfully, “Oh, no, don't. I just put these clothes on and I really like this shirt. It's exactly my style. Please don't–”

With a big, wicked smirk, Phil swung the pot and doused him with water. Dan squeaked, his jaw dropping open as he stared at Phil, appalled, water dripping from his wet hair.

“How does it feel?” Phil asked, grinning at Dan in triumph. He was standing in the stream. The depth was the same all throughout, water covering him upto his waist.

Dan wiped his face with his hands and shook his head in disbelief. “Oh, you're so dead.”

Dan grabbed another pot from the ground abruptly, glaring at Phil as he stomped forward, dropping into the water and scooping water into it. Phil swam back hurriedly but before Phil could move away completely, he threw it at Phil's face. “Take that, you jerk!”

Dan laughed, swimming away from Phil. He wiped his face and dropped the pot, dashing after Dan angrily. “Don't blame me if I drown you, Howell.”

“Fuck,” Dan screeched as he swam in another direction, crawling away from Phil. Phil caught the edge of his jeans and smirked widely, pulling him.

Dan squeaked in embarrassment, pulling his jeans up as Phil pulled it down. “Stop!” he laughed, “Phil, you're pulling my jeans down!”

Phil immediately dropped them and grabbed his leg instead and pulled, hard, dragging Dan closer to him. He splashed water onto Dan's face repeatedly, laughing lightly when Dan shrieked, “Fucking asshole!”

Dan caught Phil's hands, his eyes closed as Phil kept throwing water at his face. He grabbed blindly and shoved Phil back onto a large rock in the middle of the river, peeking out of the water. Phil resisted but Dan threw himself on Phil to stop him from getting away. He yelped as Dan doused his face with water, holding both his hands. Phil tugged his hands away and drenched Dan with water again, laughing when Dan squeaked, “Goddamit!”

Dan forcefully grabbed both his hands, this time with more strength, and climbed on top of Phil to stop him, panting harshly as he splashed water on Phil's face repeatedly. “Take that!”

Phil struggled and breathed heavily, his back resting against the rock. “Enough, you little shit,” he said hoarsely, unable to breathe.

Dan halted his attack, sat completely on top of Phil's chest and panting furiously as he looked down at Phil. “Lost your nerve, did you?” Dan smirked, his chest rising up and down as he heaved.

“As if,” Phil inhaled deeply, looking up at Dan. He looked down at Phil and there was a calm silence only broken by their heavy breathing.

“I win,” Dan whispered raggedly.

Phil rolled his eyes but his lips held an amused smile, “No, you cheated, you . . .” Phil blinked suddenly, looking at their position, at Dan whose hair was glowing, the sun shining directly above him. His lips were stretched into a lazy, victorious smile and his cheeks were pink from exertion. The sound of flowing water echoed in Phil's head and he wondered distantly if Dan's eyes were always that brown. “Uh . . .”

Dan blinked in realization and immediately scrambled to get away, looking flustered as he removed himself from Phil's bubble of space. “Sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly, “Got too excited.”

“It's fine,” Phil whispered gently, staring up at the sky and deliberately not looking at Dan. Dan nodded, a tiny hint of a smile on his face as he lay down next to Phil, looking up as well.

Trees canopied above, sunlight dripping from the gaps in between. The leaves swayed and shimmered in the wind, the gentle sound of rustling leaves and ripples in the water calming him down. The valley had different coloured flowers blooming at various places, the sweet scent was everywhere. The water sparkled like diamond jewellery all around them and the orchestra of tweeting, twittering birds made a small, contented smile to appear on Phil's face.

At that moment, he truly didn't care about anything or anyone. All he felt was satisfaction. It felt surreal and impossible, that he was actually happy with Dan being there.

“Phil?”

Phil blinked out of his thoughts and looked at Dan, “Yeah?”

Dan was already looking at him, a small grin on his wet face. It was then that Phil realized how close they were lying but he didn't look away. “Are you smiling?” Dan asked cheekily.

Phil blinked, reflexively bringing his hands to touch his lips. He wasn't exactly smiling widely like normal people but there was a tiny stretch to his lips that could be considered as a small smile if one looked close enough.

Phil was too shocked at himself to respond and Dan blurted, “I don't think I've ever seen you smile, wow.”

Suddenly, Phil had an atrocious, terrible thought. Why did he hate Dan so much? He looked like a decent guy, not all that bad when he really thought about it. The thought struck him as very, very odd. It scared him and he couldn't believe it. He shook it away instantly and blurted, “That's not true. I do smile. I smile a lot. You must be blind.”

“You smile, yeah,” Dan conceded, shrugging his shoulders and looking away from Phil's face. “But not like that.”

“What does that mean?” Phil asked, raising his eyebrows.

“I don't know, to be honest. Just now the . . . the satisfaction on your face, it was just–it was genuine. It looked like a genuine smile, not the plastic, pretend smile you usually have on your face.”

Phil blinked repeatedly, staring at the side of Dan's face in wonder. He felt as if he were looking at a whole different person. Dan was dumb and slutty in his mind, he was supposed to be someone who didn't care about anything other than sex. He was never supposed to be like . . . like _this_. Dan was slowly proving himself to be more than what Phil had initially thought him to be and it terrified Phil. He was funny, sarcastic, sassy and . . . kind. Phil wanted to kill himself for thinking that but he couldn't deny it.

“Yeah, well, I . . .” Phil said slowly, honestly, waiting to be insulted, “I liked that. I enjoyed it.”

“Out little tussle just now?” Dan raised his eyebrows questioningly.

Phil shrugged his shoulders loosely, feeling small as he admitted, “Yeah. It was fun. Better than getting punched in the face at the least.”

Dan's eyes immediately widened and he let out an exaggerated gasp, “Oh my god!” he screamed, “You're not the Phil Lester I know! Are you sick? Do you have a fever? Did you swallow poison? Are you slowly succumbing to death?”

Phil rolled his eyes but his lips cracked into a grin, “You don't have to be that shocked, you know.”

“Are you possessed? Are you a ghost?” Dan continued, sitting up a little and touching Phil's face, “In the name of Jesus, I command you. Reveal yourself, demon!”

A quiet laugh left Phil's lips as he shoved Dan away, “Stop, you moron. Why are you always so dramatic and weird? I hate it.”

“Oh, yeah? Why are you laughing then?” Dan asked, smiling cheekily.

“Ugh, I hate you,” Phil lamented, rolling his eyes.

“The feeling's mutual, Philip,” Dan said and then blushed when his stomach made a growling sound.

“Hungry?” Phil asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I'm starving,” Dan sighed, “Did you find a fishing rod?”

“Nope,” Phil said, popping the 'p' and getting up. “Let's eat some mushrooms. We'll look for a fishing rod after we eat something. I'm starving too.”

Dan nodded and sighed heavily. Phil stood up quietly on the rock, looking down at Dan. Dan was sprawled across the rock, his wet shirt clinging to his torso and hair a mess of curls. Phil never thought of doing what he did next. If someone had asked about it some other day then Phil wouldn't have been able to give them a sensible answer but still, for some unfathomable reason, Phil extended his hand towards Dan, offering to help him up.

Dan blinked, staring at his hand in silence. His face was blank and a twinge of pain shot through Phil's chest, wondering if he had made a huge mistake and fearing that he was about to be utterly humiliated.

But Dan simply smiled, a tiny, kind smile that made Phil look away. He grasped Phil's hand tightly and heaved himself up, the smile stretching wide as he exclaimed, “Thanks!”

Phil swallowed and mumbled, “No problem.”

Phil felt utterly disoriented, like he had jumped into an alternate universe where Dan Howell smiled, laughed and thanked him, where he was more than just a stupid, horny guy. He couldn't comprehend it and he didn't know what to do about it. He just couldn't help but feel as if it were a beginning, a beginning to what, he didn't know. He didn't even know if it was the beginning of something catastrophically terrible or wonderfully beautiful. He should've been worried at the sudden changes but he wasn't. He couldn't even bring himself to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This was an important chapter. The title says it all. Phil at the end explains it well too. It was a pretty hard chapter to write but I hope I did a decent job! I'd love to hear your thoughts about it! Thank you so much for reading as always and see you next Thursday!! :)


	16. Happy and playful

“Shouldn't we go back to the beach every once in a while?” Dan asked, sat outside the hut, at the small wooden space in front of the broken door. It was early afternoon and the sun shone brightly up in the sky. Dan was sat quietly with a wooden cutting board on his lap and a knife in his hand, cutting vibrant maroon mushrooms into smaller pieces.

They had yet to find a fishing rod. They were both too hungry to find new creative ways to catch fishes and too exhausted to go searching for more palatable food items, thus they had agreed on boiling the rest of the mushrooms to sustain themselves. Dan had washed the cutting board immediately, commencing his attack on the colourful mushrooms. Since Dan had taken it upon himself to chop the mushrooms mercilessly, Phil had silently acquiesced and grabbed the luminescent stone to start a fire.

“Why?” Phil questioned, looking up from where he was sat on the ground in front of Dan, throwing sticks into the fire.

Dan shrugged, “Open space. If someone came looking for us, it'd be easier to find us if we were in an open space. Besides, we could try to get the attention of ships or planes that passes by.”

Phil nodded thoughtfully, “Yeah, but we can't stay there. No water. No food. No place to stay when it rains and it rains a lot here, doesn't it?”

“Yeah,” Dan frowned in thought, “We could start a small fire at the beach and keep it going, just in case. That way if ships or planes pass by here, they'd know someone's here. The beach is just two miles away. We could go every day in the morning and come back in an hour.”

“Or we could take turns. One of us should go while the other prepares breakfast,” Phil quipped, placing a huge box-like thing on top of the fire. Dan wasn't sure out of which material it was made of, but it had a large hole on one side and Phil inserted more sticks into the fire through the hole.

“Yeah,” Dan conceded and asked, “What is that?”

“I don't know. Found it inside with the utensils. The pot was placed above it and I had this idea that maybe it was supposed to be put above the fire so we could keep the pot on it,” Phil said, grabbing the pot near him on the ground and placing it above the box to show him.

Dan blinked in amazement and blurted, “You're a genius!”

Phil smirked proudly, “Of course, I am. Jealous?”

Dan rolled his eyes but a smile lingered on his face as he watched Phil quietly. Phil adjusted the box, his eyebrows furrowed, his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. The harmonious chirping of birds calmed Dan and made him sigh in satisfaction as he followed Phil's every movement with his eyes, the mushrooms lying forgotten on his lap. The sky was baby blue, large, white clouds that looked like sweet cotton candy drifting lazily through the vastness towards an unknown destination.

Phil's skin was painted light yellow by the sun and his eyes were bright blue, matching with the sky above.

“Are you done with that?” Phil asked suddenly.

Dan instantly dropped his eyes back to the mushrooms. “Yeah, I'm done.”

Phil nodded and grabbed the pot, turning towards the river. Dan quietly placed the mushrooms and the cutting board on the wooden floor, standing up to follow Phil. Phil's wet clothes lay strewn on the other side and Dan shook his head with a smile. They had changed into dry clothing immediately after their water fight and Dan had made sure to hang his wet clothes on a nearby tree branch to dry. But Phil hadn't bothered to do that, he had just haphazardly thrown them into a corner.

Dan was still in disbelief over what had happened. He felt as if he were looking at a completely different person when he looked at Phil. He felt as if he were walking through an implausible dream. Phil had laughed, _smiled, _in the presence of Dan, _because of _Dan. He was almost convinced that it was all a hallucination, something made up in his mind. Maybe he had gone insane or maybe loneliness had made him have reckless thoughts as a coping mechanism.

Dan couldn't completely understand the reason behind Phil's abrupt change in behaviour. Maybe Phil was as exhausted as he was, just as annoyed and pained, of fighting and yelling at each other every second of every day. Or maybe he finally had an epiphany, a sudden realization, that it was fatal for them to be so antagonistic towards each other in a place such as this, a place where surviving was already hard enough. Their crisis was already astronomical and the added difficulty of having to deal with each other's bullshit made it even more vexatious.

Whatever it was, Dan was quite proud of himself for resolving the never-ending war between them, a war unwanted, unneeded and waged for absolutely no apparent reason.

“What are you doing?” Dan asked as he approached Phil.

Phil scooped water into the pot and turned to look at Dan, “Taking water to boil the mushrooms.”

Dan nodded. “Where's your snake girlfriend? Haven't seen her since morning.”

Phil blinked several times as if he had forgotten about her and had only now remembered that she was supposed to be with him. “Fuck!” he exclaimed in panic, “I completely forgot about her! Where did she go?”

Dan shrugged, unbothered. “Probably taking a nap somewhere.”

“You don't understand, do you? She's very important to us. She's the only one who can help,” Phil muttered in distress.

“Oh.” Dan blinked in realization. No matter how much he loathed the sneaky creature, he knew Phil was right and he looked over Phil's shoulder, pointing towards a specific direction. “I saw her going that way. She went to the other side of the river.”

Phil immediately turned in a hurry, staring straight ahead and scanning the vicinity. Dan stood beside him and squinted his eyes, examining the green area. They had yet to explore the other side of the river. The place was dark and denser than the rest of the forest, thick trees and humongous leaves covered the entire place and even sunlight couldn't pierce the sheet of ominous black laid out on the ground. It appeared sinister and ill-omened, and just looking at the place gave Dan chills.

A small green-scaled thing caught Dan's attention and he squinted his eyes even more. “There she is.”

“Where?” Phil asked quickly, a sigh of complete relief leaving his lips. Dan placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and pointed towards a particular direction. “Oh.”

“Is that . . .” Dan started confusedly, cutting himself off as he frowned. Queen was coiled around another white little snake and they were rolling around the ground in a strange way. “What the . . .”

“I think that's her boyfriend,” Phil said in amazement, a look of realization on his face. “Wow.”

“What are they doing?” Dan made a face at the weird little movements they were making.

Phil gave Dan a look, like he had said something dumb. “They're having sex, Dan.”

Dan's eyes widened and he instantly grimaced, looking away. “Oh. Eww.”

Phil chuckled, turning away and patting Dan's back. “Come on, let's go and eat something.”

Dan sighed, following Phil back to the hut. “Yeah.”

*

The box proved itself to be useful. Dan feared it would burn with the fire but it just became extremely hot and transferred heat to the pot, making the water sizzle and boil. Dan had dropped the mushrooms into the pot as Phil washed the plates and forks in the river. For the first time in over a week, they ate properly in plates, savouring each bite.

After a hearty meal that mostly consisted of different coloured mushrooms, strange fruits and weirdly shaped nuts, Dan had dragged Phil towards the river. Without technology and modern sources of entertainment like mobile phones or laptops, they were immensely bored. They had nothing to do and it drove Dan mad. Thus, they were sat on the bank of the river, under the cool shade of a tree, jeans rolled up and legs dipped into the flowing water.

It was late in the afternoon and the slow breeze caressed his pale skin. The sound of leaves being blown away by the wind was pacifying and he sat in peace, swinging his legs in the water. Calmness spread through his chest and he felt free from all disturbances and worries.

“It's nice here,” Dan whispered quietly, eyes closed as he smiled, wind ruffling his wild curls.

“Yeah.”

Dan opened his eyes and shuffled closer to Phil excitedly, their thighs touching as he chirped, “Let's play something. I'm bored.”

“Play what?” Phil asked, raising an eyebrow.

Dan shrugged, “I don't know. Let's ask each other questions. Get to know each other.”

“Alright,” Phil nodded. “There's nothing else to do anyway.”

“Okay. I'll start off with something simple. What's your favourite colour?”

Phil gave him a look. “Really? Out of all the questions you could've asked?”

Dan rolled his eyes and shoved Phil playfully, “Just tell me.”

Phil shook his head in amusement, “I don't really have one but if I had to pick then maybe, I don't know, blue?”

“Boring,” Dan drawled, “I like black.”

“Yeah, as if that's better.”

Dan grinned, “Okay, next, what's your favourite Disney movie?”

“I don't watch Disney movies. I hate them,” Phil answered simply.

Dan blinked and looked at Phil in shock, “What? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Phil merely shrugged. “They're stupid. Way too happy. Most of them have happy endings. I don't believe in happy endings. The whole true love thing is bullshit too. It gives people unrealistic expectations about relationships.”

The water in front of Dan glistened in the sunlight and rivulets of water made little popping noises that sounded too loud in the silence of the forest. Dan didn't look at Phil as he asked quietly, “So are you indirectly trying to say that you don't believe in love or am I misinterpreting something?”

“I . . .” Phil sighed suddenly, lost in his thoughts. He pulled up his legs from the river and scooted back, lying on his back and staring up at the wide branches and green leaves of the tree. “I don't know, maybe.”

Dan finally turned to Phil, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “You really don't believe in love?”

“I don't know. I've never been in love. I just think it's overrated. It never lasts. People fight. People get hurt. People leave,” Phil mumbled sullenly, “Why does anyone even bother with it? It sounds stressful.”

“Well, I've never been in love so I don't know,” Dan replied silently, dragging his legs up and pulling them to his chest. “But I get it because I don't believe in it either but I really want to. I . . . I know it's dumb but I really want true love to exist. It's just comforting to believe that there is someone out there for me and one day, I won't feel so alone all the time.”

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes and a small, very small, ache in Dan's chest. He wondered if Phil felt it too but he chucked that thought away because there was no way Phil would ever feel the way Dan was feeling. He had never seen tears in Phil's eyes, he had never seen Phil being anything other than strong, reckless and violently stubborn. He didn't have a reason to believe Phil would ever understand him.

Dan would never ever admit it but he was a sentimental person deep inside, the one who still believed in ludicrous fairytales and foolish fables of valour and love. He would have sex with multiple people who didn't even know his name and he was used to it, of people treating him that way but deep inside, he was still waiting, waiting for someone to love him, cherish him. A part of him was cynical but another secret part of him was a hopeless romantic.

“Yeah,” Phil said suddenly, his voice sombre and filled with an emotion Dan couldn't discern. He looked at Phil to see him staring right back, eyes calm but full of understanding and warmth. “I wish it existed too.” Phil looked away first, gazing up and closing his eyes, wind ruffling his hair.

Dan suddenly felt extremely disoriented and he swallowed painfully, still gazing quietly at Phil who's face glowed in the sunlight that poured like honey from the gaps between the leaves. His eyelashes were resting against his pale cheeks and he looked . . . different. It was strange. This wasn't the Phil he knew. He wondered if he had made a mistake in judging Phil initially. He looked like a decent guy, sometimes kind even. Dan suddenly couldn't remember why he had ever disliked Phil.

“We would've been good friends,” Phil said suddenly, unexpectedly, making Dan's eyes widen in complete shock.

“What?” he asked. He felt like he had stopped breathing to hear Phil's answer.

Phil opened his eyes slowly and he had a tiny smile on his face. “I don't know. It just crossed my mind. We're similar in a way. We would've been good friends if . . . well.” He shrugged awkwardly.

“If we hadn't declared an all-out war on each other the first time we met and had actually talked and gotten to know each other?” Dan provided with surprise.

Phil appeared uncomfortable but he conceded, “Yeah, that too. But I was going to say that we would've been good friends if you hadn't insisted on sucking cocks directly in front of my face all the fucking time.”

Dan blinked in puzzlement and slight anger. He was about to get defensive and tell Phil to mind his own business when he saw the teasing glint in Phil's eyes. Oh. “It wasn't my fault, you know. If anything, you should be a little more careful and learn how to not cockblock people all the time.”

“But why blowjobs?” Phil asked and he looked slightly flustered, “Why is that the only thing you like to do? Why don't you do . . . uh, other stuff?”

“What other stuff?” Dan raised an amused eyebrow.

“You know.”

“No, I don't.” Dan shook his head exaggeratedly, hiding his smirk. He knew what Phil was asking but he looked very uncomfortable and Dan enjoyed seeing that.

Phil bit his lip. He opened his mouth but closed it immediately. He squirmed around a bit, looking very bothered but then he sighed finally. “The real thing, you know . . . uh, slipping it in through the back door.”

“Hmm.” Dan put his hand on his chin and squinted his eyes as if he were thinking very hard. “Still don't really get it. I'm afraid you'll have to elaborate.”

Finally, Phil seemed to realize Dan's sarcasm and he elbowed Dan in mortification. “What the fuck, you ass,” he grumbled, “It's embarrassing, okay?”

Dan laughed, poking Phil in the stomach. “It's cute,” he said and didn't notice the way Phil's eyes widened. “No, I don't really like to do that much.”

“Why not?” Phil asked confusedly.

Dan shrugged, “Blowjobs are quicker, less messy. Besides, strangers don't know how to do . . . uhm, the other thing the way I like it anyway and I usually don't feel like explaining. It's a lot of work and not much time.”

“How do you like it?” Phil asked, looking extremely curious.

Dan squeezed his knees to his chest very tightly and a rosy pink blush coated his cheeks as he mumbled a little shyly, “Rough.”

Suddenly Phil looked the epitome of uncomfortable and he bit his lip, “Oh, uh, erm . . .”

Dan groaned and hid his face between his knees, mortified. “Why the fuck are we talking about this?” he whined, “I can't believe I'm actually having a conversation about buttfuck with you.”

Phil chuckled but it sounded a bit nervous. “Yeah, neither can I.”

“But it's easy, isn't it?” Dan asked, a small smile on his face. He scooted back and lay down next to Phil, hands folded behind his head. “To talk, the conversations . . . it's easy to talk to you. It's nice. I really can't understand why we fight all the time.”

Phil was silent for some time and Dan wondered if he had crossed a line but then he said quietly, “I'm sorry.”

Dan's eyes widened and he gaped at Phil. He immediately jumped to explain, “I'm sorry. For everything. I was wrong about you.”

A particularly large cloud seemed to have halted its journey to stop directly above them, hiding the bright sun and submerging them in gloomy greyness. The wind picked up abruptly and the sudden cold bit into his soft skin. Phil turned to look at Dan and repeated, “I'm sorry.”

The silence was so loud that it roared in Dan's ears and he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Phil was staring at him and they were lying a little too close, he could feel Phil's breaths against his cheeks. He felt suffocated so he looked away. “It's . . . it's fine,” he managed to say, “I'm sorry too. I thought you were homophobic and rude but you're not, not really. I mean we just had a whole conversation about gay sex.” Dan chuckled.

Phil bit his lip, nodding silently. “Yeah.”

“Wow,” Dan huffed, chuckling nervously, “This is so bizarre. We're actually saying sorry to each other. What would our friends say when they hear about this?”

“Thank god?” Phil grinned in amusement, “They'd probably throw a huge party to celebrate. Do you know how many times they've had to break our fight?”

Dan shook his head, “We always cause trouble, don't we?”

Phil smiled, “Yeah.”

Dan sighed in contentment, feeling peaceful and free in a long time. The sky had turned into an ominous grey, humongous dark clouds crowding the empty space above. The atmosphere darkened and the sunlight disappeared, making the vibrant forest a dismal, shadowy black and white. The wind blew through the trees, beating against them ferociously.

Phil frowned, “What's happening? The weather changed so quickly.”

Dan pulled himself into a sitting position, staring up at the completely black sky. Eerie darkness surrounded them and a bolt of lightning struck the sky. “Whoa.”

“This place is strange,” Phil whispered.

“I think we have already established that,” Dan muttered and then flinched when a loud exploding sound came from someplace far away. “Shit, that scared me.”

Loud, ripping and thudding noises filled the air, thunder rumbling up above. The sounds were too loud, like explosions, and it made both of them jump to their feet quickly. “Let's go inside, come on,” Phil urged hurriedly, dusting his back.

“What the fuck is happening?” Dan inquired in fear, following Phil as a slight drizzle began hitting the ground. The river flowed faster, water crashing and colliding against the rocks. Every few seconds, a loud, explosive sound, sound of something cracking, burning and bursting, cut through the air. The rain pounded the ground, falling faster and faster as they ran into the hut. “Is it . . . could it be a volcano? Volcanic eruption?”

“I have no idea. Anything is possible,” Phil said, breathless from running all the way from the river.

“Can we even stay here? Is it safe?” Dan questioned in trepidation, staring outside at the anger of nature. The hut was just pieces of wood in the storm and rain whipped and lashed against the walls. The broken door creaked in the wind and its frames rattled violently. The noise of water dripping on the roof was loud and filled Dan's ears. The pitter-pattering of the rain was all he could focus on.

“I don't know. We don't have anywhere else to go. We should just wait it out,” Phil answered quietly, taking a seat by the door and nervously gazing at the violence outside.

Dan sighed and nodded, walking to sit next to Phil and accompanying him in his solitude. The storm raged outside and everything was in utter chaos. Dan quietly sat next to Phil and gazed frontwards at the ground below.

*

“Hey, Dan.”

“Yeah, what?” Dan asked, without looking back from where he was sitting near the door, back against the wall, eyes fixated on the overflowing river.

“Look, I found a stone sculpture of you,” Phil gushed in excitement, voice happy and playful.

Dan frowned and looked back to see what Phil was talking about. Phil held up a small statue of a dog and said, “Look, it's you.”

Dan wanted to roll his eyes because this was the second time Phil had done this but he simply stared at Phil with calmness, giving him an unimpressed look. “Yeah, nice. Now shove it up your butt.”

“Eww,” Phil grimaced, “Ugh.”

“Aren't you supposed to be looking for a fishing rod? Why are you wasting your time?” Dan asked in annoyance. As much as he enjoyed seeing this new side of Phil, he also needed proper nutrition.

“I'm bored.” Phil shrugged, going back to rummaging through the heap of disorganized things. He grabbed a stick-like thing and then threw it into another corner, concentrating back on his mad search.

Dan sighed tiredly, looking back to the endless rain outside. It had been raining for more than two hours, the roars of thunder so loud that it made Dan flinch every time. They had sat and watched the rain for a long time but after a while Phil had gotten up and had started to explore the tools in the hut, leaving Dan to sulk and be bored alone.

“Hey, Dan.”

Dan huffed loudly, “Yes, Phil.”

“Look, another sculpture of you.” He smirked as he held up a tiny stone sculpture of a monkey.

Dan groaned, “Why are you doing this to me!”

Phil laughed slightly and he was about to say something when his attention was dragged towards something else. His eyes widened and he immediately grabbed the thing and yelled, “I found it! I found a fishing rod.”

Dan instantly sat up straight. “What, really?”

“Yeah,” Phil replied excitedly, walking towards Dan and showing him his achievements, “Fuck, I didn't think it would be here.”

Dan looked carefully, eyeing the fishing rod made of a long stick and some kind of thin, rope-like thing. He sighed in relief, “Thank god. At least now we know we won't starve to death. Wait, do you know how to fish?”

Phil furrowed his eyebrows, placing the items in a corner and taking a seat beside Dan, looking exhausted. “Not really, but we can try.”

Dan nodded happily but then he shivered, rubbing his sides. “Ugh, it's cold.”

Dan moved a little to get comfortable but while doing so he accidentally brushed his arm against Phil's and warmth spread through his skin. He instantly scooted closer to Phil, so close that he was almost squished against Phil's chest. “Wow, you're so warm.”

Phil blinked repeatedly and gaped at Dan. “Wha . . . what are you doing?” he asked, eyes wide in terror as he held his hands up to avoid touching Dan.

“Hmm?” Dan said absently, soaking in the warmth of Phil's body. They were far too close to be comfortable but it didn't bother Dan, and he failed to notice Phil's sudden discomfort. “What? I'm cold.”

“Uh . . . uhm, let me go grab the blankets,” he said and abruptly shoved Dan away, standing up and walking to the back of the hut.

Dan whined but sighed and snuggled the jacket closer, goosebumps rising on his skin as he waited for Phil to come back. There were sounds of quiet footsteps and some shuffling before he awkwardly teetered towards Dan and said, “There's only one blanket.”

Dan shrugged, staring in disgust at the old, weird-looking blanket made out of different clothing items stitched together. “We can share.”

Phil looked uncomfortable and he wondered why. “Uh, okay. Alright then. Yeah. Let's do that.”

Dan gave him a look and rolled his eyes. “You don't have to be so weird about it.”

“I'm not!” Phil said defensively.

Dan stared at him, unimpressed and Phil huffed, handing the blanket to Dan and sitting next to him. “Sorry, I'm still not used to this . . . you. It's new,” Phil mumbled guiltily.

“Yeah, I get it,” Dan assured and wrapped the blanket around the both of them. “But I don't care because I'm cold so deal with it.” He grinned and glued himself to Phil's side like a sloth.

Phil scoffed, “You're such a demanding little shit.”

“Mm,” Dan muttered as he closed his eyes. “Why the fuck are you so warm? It's unfair.”

Phil shrugged but didn't say anything, and Dan exhaled softly through his nose. He felt sleepy and drowsy but he didn't want to sleep. The sky was still charcoal and the rain descended angrily like it had been oppressed for a thousand years, ploughing the ground mercilessly. The air was humid and thick with moisture. The wind screamed louder than everything, and the trees thrashed and writhed, struggling to remain rooted. The water in the river was cascading violently and thunder rolled across the sky, showcasing its fury and wrath upon the dark forest.

Dan sat quietly, huddled close to Phil, and watched the scene wordlessly, wondering when it would stop, but for some reason, he also hoped it wouldn't. All he felt was tranquillity and his heart was at peace, sitting inside the small hut, wrapped in a warm blanket, while the outside world was in complete mayhem. It was somehow a brilliant thing to experience.


	17. Brown eyes and messy curls

“Phil.”

Phil roused from his slumber very slowly, lazily staggering back into consciousness with slight reluctance and timidity. Glimpses of dreams that played like movie scenes faded into nothingness, and he found himself clinging onto the safety of oblivion, grasping at the empty air as awareness inevitably poured back into his mind.

“Phil, wake up.”

Phil's eyes were heavy leaden with sleep and he burrowed deeper into his soft, warm pillow, exhaling contentment through his mouth. Like every other morning, his sense of identity was vague and his mind was in a state of blurriness, unable to process who he was or where he was.

“Phil, you're crushing me,” Dan groaned, shoving Phil slightly. “Wake up.”

Dan's squeaky voice resulted in the evocation of Phil's memories and he finally became aware of everything around him. The first thing he realized was that he was warm, too warm and too comfortable. He usually woke up cold and empty, with a painful twinge in his chest, a lump in his throat and a miserable feeling of having nothing to look forward to. The sudden change shocked him. He felt so cosy and snug that he didn't even feel like opening his eyes.

“I really need to pee. Get up,” Dan grumbled.

Phil exhaled slowly and sleepily opened his eyes, head resting against something soft. He blinked repeatedly against the blinding light that pierced his vision and yawned, rubbing his eyes blearily. He opened his eyes, closed them and then opened them again, adjusting his focus as he took in his surroundings. He was still inside the small hut and all around him were sophisticated tools and shabby clothes.

“Finally,” Dan huffed, “Good morning. Now would you be so kind as to remove your pointy knee from my male genitalia?”

Phil blinked and slowly as if in a trance, raised his head from what he now recognized as Dan's chest. He was lying completely on top of Dan, both of them wrapped snuggly inside the blanket. Phil's legs were thrown over Dan's waist and his arms were hugging Dan's torso. His face reddened due to embarrassment as he stared stupidly at Dan, his chin resting on Dan's chest. Dan raised his eyebrows. “What?”

Phil's eyes widened and he immediately removed himself from Dan's space of existence, mortified beyond belief. “Uh, sorry,” he muttered quietly, looking anywhere but at Dan as he scratched his head.

There was silence for a while, and Phil cursed himself inside his head. Why did he do that? He couldn't control his actions while he was unconscious but still, he shouldn't have done that. Suddenly, he wanted to jump into the river and die.

“It's okay. You kept me warm all night.” Dan grinned cheekily and shrugged, unbothered.

Phil bit his lip and nodded, wondering when their dynamic had changed so much. It was impossible to pinpoint the exact moment his thoughts of Dan had started to change, when he had begun to think of him as a nice, friendly guy, but he somehow didn't care. Dan wasn't who he thought he was, he was way more than that. Phil himself had been shocked by the apology that had tumbled out of his mouth but he couldn't regret it. Dan really was a person he was extremely curious about. He had yet to figure out why that was.

*

Phil stood near the river, his jeans rolled up to his knees and the fishing rod held in one hand. Dan stood stoically by his side, huffing, both hands on his hips. The ground was wet and traces of yesterday's rain could be seen everywhere. The sky was baby blue with hints of rosy pink and the sun had just glided over the horizon, bestowing happiness and brightness upon the grim corners of the world.

“Will this even work?” Dan asked suspiciously.

The water flowed effortlessly in front of them, murmuring, shimmering, making small noises like little trinkets. The river was crystal clear and the many pebbles and stones at the bottom were visible as Phil replied, “Let's try.”

Dan harrumphed, “Alright. Do it.”

Phil nodded in determination and looked at the fishing rod, wincing when he noticed how pathetic the item was. It was just a long stick with some kind of rope tied to it and a small hook at the end. It didn't even have a proper reel and he didn't really understand what to do with it. He sighed and cast the line hesitantly, pulling his hand back and throwing it forward, the rope falling into the water wretchedly with a small popping sound.

Dan looked over his shoulder excitedly. “Did it work? Did you catch it? Did you catch a fish?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “It's not that easy.”

Dan pouted. “I'm hungry.”

“There are some pink fruits left in the bag. Why don't you go get it?” he suggested and Dan immediately turned around and left. Phil huffed in disbelief and yelled after him, “Don't eat all of them. Bring one for me!”

“What was that?” Dan asked, yelling back from a few metres away, “I should eat it all, you're not hungry? Okay, Phil, got it!”

Dan turned around just to give Phil a dramatic thumbs up. Phil simply rolled his eyes but didn't bother with a reply as he exhaled softly and sat down on a rock, the fishing rod held tightly in his hand. He stared at the water quietly but as he waited patiently for a fish to fall into his trap, the rainbow fish suddenly made a grand appearance, dashing through the water cheerfully.

He watched, mesmerized, as it darted from one place to another almost flawlessly, its body moving smoothly and proficiently through the water. All seven colours of the rainbow were painted onto its skin and its body glistened like it was bathed in glitter or embedded with a million tiny diamonds. Phil waited with bated breath as it circled the hook, looking curious and defenceless, for several long minutes. As it moved closer to the sharp hook, his hold on the rod tightened, ready to pull it out of the water.

“No!” Dan screamed suddenly, shoving Phil's shoulder. “Not the rainbow fish!”

Phil abruptly snapped his gaze back to Dan's wide-eyed face and then looked back to find the fish gone, disappearing so quickly almost like it had vanished into thin air. He sighed. “Why the hell not?”

Dan shook his head. “It's so unique. I've never seen anything like it before. It might be an extremely rare species. We can't kill it. That's stupid.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “It's not stupid. Killing a rare species is better than starving to death.”

“Maybe, but just don't, okay?” Dan requested softly, plopping down next to Phil and handing him a pink fruit. “Here.”

Phil sighed, holding the fruit in one hand while he adjusted the fishing rod in the other. “Thanks.”

“How many days has it been since we woke up here,” Dan asked quietly, biting into the fruit in his hand and chewing slowly.

“Almost two weeks, I think? It's hard to keep count,” Phil answered, frowning, fiddling with the things in his hands, “We should write it down somewhere.”

“We could make markings on a rock or something. Isn't that what people do in movies?”

Phil chuckled. “Yeah, but we won't have to do that. There are notebooks inside the hut. I saw them yesterday while looking for the fishing rod.”

“Don't you think it's suspicious?” Dan asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he ate his fruit, unconsciously shifting closer to Phil, their knees almost touching, “There are so many things inside the hut but there's no one here to use them. Why are those things there? Where did it come from? It's so weird.”

Phil shrugged. “Maybe someone used to live here.”

“Yeah, but still, it's strange. They're all neatly placed . . . every single thing, almost like . . . like they knew we would need them. Clothes, tools, blankets, the place has everything we need. Something's not right about this.”

“Yeah.” Phil nodded, agreeing thoughtfully, “I know, but there's nothing we can do about it. There's no use in worrying about something we can do nothing about.”

“I'm hoping we might be able to get out of here soon. The first thing I'll do after we get back is to go back to the creepy house and find out the truth about this.”

“What? Do you still believe we fell through a magical door?” Phil laughed, raising his eyebrows. “I honestly thought you were joking.”

Dan was silent, gazing solemnly at the water surface. “Do you remember what Troye said?”

“No, when? What did he say?”

“When we were all talking about shooting our short film in the creepy house. Troye fought with everyone that day. He didn't want to go to the house. He was so passionate about it too. He said that the house was haunted, that a lot of people went missing from there. It apparently has a history of strange happenings,” Dan elaborated sombrely.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows, the atmosphere thick with tension. “I don't know, it sounds absurd but we did go missing from there so . . .”

“Yeah, exactly. All myths have a foundation in reality,” Dan said gravely. “We should go back to the beach tomorrow. Make some kind of sign there to let people know we're trapped here. We'll never leave like this.”

Phil nodded solemnly, “Yeah.”

There was a heavy, thoughtful silence, only broken by the joyful chirping of birds nearby. Phil sat quietly, outwardly calm, but a mess of swirling thoughts inside his head, mismanaged emotions cluttering on top of one another. His life was really in shambles. He didn't know where he was in life, literally and metaphorically.

The hut was suspicious but so was the whole island. Their sudden disappearance from the house and their precipitous appearance on the island was strange in and of itself. Their arrival on the island had happened under unclear and mysterious circumstances. They had no way to know the exact truth about the island or anything on the island and trying looked like a complete waste of time.

“Phil!” Dan screamed suddenly, abruptly, latching onto Phil's arm in terror as he lifted his feet from inside the river. “Something just touched my leg!”

Phil frowned and peered into the river to notice Queen climbing out of the water and onto Dan's lap. “Oh, she's back.”

“Fuck, she scared me.” Dan panted fearfully, squeezing Phil's arm so tightly that it hurt. Queen stared curiously and Dan shouted, “Phil! Tell her to get away from me.”

Queen looked at Dan sadly and slowly crawled away from him, lowering her head, looking ashamed. Phil sighed. “Why are you so mean to her?”

“I can't help it! I don't like snakes,” Dan muttered defensively.

Queen looked up at that, her beady little eyes wide and hurt. She made a small hissing noise and slithered away towards a small rock next to Phil and hid behind it, looking dejected.

Dan winced, “Ugh, I forgot she can understand me.”

“Exactly. She won't hurt you, she understands you,” Phil said, “You don't have to be so afraid of her.”

Dan exhaled, “I know. I'm sorry, I'm still not used to it.”

Phil huffed, glancing down briefly to notice Dan still holding his arm tightly. He was sat too close, almost squished against Phil's side, holding Phil's arm tightly against his chest with both hands. Phil bit his lip and wriggled his arm a little, trying to move away without making it obvious. “But you should try to get along with her. She really is brilliant,” he said slowly, still eyeing Dan's hold on his arm. “She's useful. She can help.”

Dan nodded and finally released Phil's arm, bending to look at Queen who was still cowering behind the rock. “I know. She just scared me, that's all . . . she is uh, kind of cute and I do feel bad . . .”

Queen blinked and slowly lifted her head to peer at Dan. Phil, relieved that Dan had released him, suggested more confidently. “Apologize to her then. It'll make her happy.”

Dan bit his lip and looked unsure but he called timidly. “Erm, Queen?”

Queen immediately lifted her head and moved faster than a beam of light to stand before Dan, tongue out like a puppy as she hissed, looking ready to kill for Dan. Phil smiled fondly and patted her head. “Good girl.”

Queen hissed furiously and Phil caressed her head, looking encouragingly at Dan. “Go ahead.”

Dan sighed. “I . . . I'm sorry. It's not like I hate you or anything but just don't come too close to me, at least not yet. I'm still not used to you, okay?”

Queen nodded curiously and slowly climbed onto Phil's lap, staring confusedly at the fishing rod in Phil's hand. Dan took that opportunity to make amends. “Uhm, can you help us catch fish?” he asked nervously, glancing at Phil.

Phil nodded and smiled at Dan, and he gave Phil a tiny smile back, releasing a breath. Queen beamed at Dan and hissed, looking absolutely delighted to be asked. She immediately dived into the river, grabbing the end of the rope where the hook was attached with her mouth and swimming back to Phil.

“What are you doing?” Phil frowned, raising his eyebrows at her as she climbed back onto his lap, dropping the empty hook on the ground and staring at Phil incredulously.

Dan appeared equally confused as Queen continued to stare at them like they were the dumbest people on earth. She hissed repeatedly and nudged her tiny head towards the hook incessantly. “I don't understand,” Dan said in puzzlement.

As Phil continued to stare at the empty hook, realization started to slowly creep into his mind. He slapped his forehead, feeling stupid, and groaned, “Dammit, I completely forgot. We need a bait to catch fish.”

Dan blinked, “Oh, yeah.”

Phil huffed and shook his head. “See? Without Queen, we would die. We're so stupid.”

Dan pursed his lips. “Yeah.”

Queen hissed in indignation and slithered away from Phil. “Where are you going?” he asked confusedly but she didn't turn back.

“Maybe she's going back to her boyfriend,” Dan supplied helpfully, and Phil sighed heavily.

“What do we do?” he asked, looking around at the wet ground. “We could try digging or something, maybe we'll find some worms we can use as bait.”

Dan grimaced. “Ew, no.”

Phil raised an amused eyebrow. “Do you want to die?”

“No, but . . .” Dan made a face. “I don't like doing manual labour. I'm fragile, can't you see?” He raised his eyebrows in question.

“You're so pretentious. It's actually really annoying,” Phil muttered but his voice had a hint of amusement in it. A few days ago Phil would've thought Dan actually meant it, but he was slowly starting to understand that it was just Dan's sarcasm and his idiotic sense of humour.

“I'm not pre–” Dan started confidently but then he stopped, staring at the ground, “She came back.”

“Who?” Phil asked absently, turning his head to look. “Queen!”

Queen crawled towards them slowly, holding something in her mouth, something that looked like a piece of the pink fruit. Phil's eyes widened in delightful surprise as she came closer and attached the pink fruit with the hook. Dan brightened beside him and exclaimed, “Will that work?”

Phil shrugged. “It's worth a try.”

Dan nodded, looking hopeful. “Yeah.” He turned his attention back to Queen and smiled. “Thanks.”

Queen beamed and instantly slithered towards Dan, aiming to climb to his neck but Dan immediately recoiled. “Nope. Nope.” He shook his head violently. “Not yet. Don't do that.”

Queen stopped but still hissed happily, and Phil watched the interaction with slight amusement before pulling his hand back and casting the line as far as he could. This time the hook fell smoothly further ahead and he sighed in relief, wondering if it would work this time. He sat up a little, gazing into the water slowly. There weren't many fishes in the river but a few fishes dashed through the water every now and then, and he waited patiently. Queen slowly slithered to a point near him and curled, promptly going to sleep.

“Will it work?” Dan asked again.

Phil sighed, “I don't know. I hope it does.”

Dan nodded but didn't say anything else and they slowly lapsed into an easy silence. The water flowed quietly and the warmth of the sun hugged Phil's body. He exhaled in relaxation and sat more comfortably, the fishing rod clutched tightly in his hand. He was almost fully acquainted with the calm silence until Dan decided to crack it in two.

He stood up abruptly, causing Phil to lift his eyes from the water to Dan's face. “Where are you going?”

Dan shrugged, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up, exposing a stretch of pale skin underneath. Phil's eyes widened. “I feel sticky with sweat. I'm going to clean–”

“No!” Phil screeched instantly as Dan pulled his shirt up enough to expose his pink nipples. Dan dropped his shirt abruptly and raised an amused, yet questioning, eyebrow. “No . . . I mean, not now–maybe later . . . you–you'll scare the fish . . .”

Dan stared at Phil for a few dreadful moments but ultimately nodded minutely. “Yeah, you're right,” he said understandingly and sat back down, legs crossed, right knee touching Phil's thigh.

Phil exhaled in deep relief and snapped his eyes back to the water, oddly uncomfortable. There was an uneasy silence right then, and Phil saw Dan's hands fumbling with the hem of his T-shirt. Phil's hand tightened around the fishing rod and he remained quiet, bothered by Dan's nervous fidgeting but too timid to address it. He stared silently at the sparkling water, wondering why the air suddenly appeared to be filled with a tense awkwardness.

Finally, Dan sighed and blurted, “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Phil blinked repeatedly, “What?”

Dan bit his lip and looked down at his hands. “It's just . . . you always look grossed out when . . . when I'm near you or touching you. Is it bothering you? The fact that I'm a gay man?”

Phil stared at Dan incredulously, wondering why Dan looked so devastated. He had never seen Dan being anything other than proud of who he was. Dan didn't give a shit about what anyone thought of him and although the old Phil would've died rather than admit it, he admired that quality of Dan in particular.

“It doesn't bother me,” Phil said matter of factly.

Dan hugged his knees tightly to his chest and he didn't look up but his voice was small and insecure as he mumbled, “You just look disgusted, that's all.” He suddenly looked more fragile than anything Phil had ever seen, and Phil suddenly had an uncontrollable urge to console him.

“I'm not disgusted,” he said slowly, cautiously, “I . . . I'm just not used to it, to you, I guess. We were bitter enemies just two weeks ago, you can't expect me to accept it so quickly. It'll take some time to get used to all the changes. ”

“Oh,” Dan said, slowly comprehension dawning on his face. He seemed to think for a second and his face brightened again, the confidence creeping back into his demeanour. “Of course. Yeah, you're right.”

Phil shook his head and smiled, weirdly satisfied that he had managed to cheer Dan up. “Yup.”

Dan straightened his back and sat up properly, no longer looking small because of his hunched shoulders. He turned to Phil with vibrant eyes and a happy grin. “I was joking. I already knew that. I mean, just look at me. You're only bothered because I'm fucking gorgeous,” he said, raising his chin proudly with a smirk.

A few weeks ago, Phil would've believed Dan's sarcastic words and thought of him as vain and selfish, but he was slowly starting to realize that Dan was quite fragile and insecure underneath that mask of indifference. He seemed to have a habit of hiding his fears and insecurities with jokes and sarcasm. Dan really was a completely different person from who Phil thought he was.

Phil shook his head with a smile at his own thoughts and looked at Dan with a soft gaze. His eyes were a deep shade of earthy brown and his hair was a fluffy mess of tousled brown curls. He was looking at the water with a sweet smile on his face, his cheeks rosy pink due to the sunlight. Something about the warmth in his gaze, the lazy smile, or maybe it was the pleasant background, tugged at Phil's heart and he blurted, “Yeah, you are.”

Dan's eyes snapped to his instantly, shocked, and Phil suddenly couldn't remember his own name. “What?” he asked with a confused smile on his face.

“I . . . uh, it just . . . I mean,” Phil closed his eyes and took a deep breath, looking away. “You are. Pretty, I mean. Handsome. Objectively. Just an observation. I just . . . I don't think you have any reason to be insecure.”

Dan's eyes burned into the side of Phil's head, intense and focused, making Phil hold his breath. He didn't have the courage to look at Dan but he knew the cogs in Dan's brain were turning dramatically. Finally, he said, “Thanks.”

Phil glanced at Dan and saw him grinning ear to ear. “I never knew you were so nice.”

Phil rolled his eyes but blushed. “I'm not,” he mumbled.

Dan scooted closer to Phil and leaned his head against Phil's shoulder, looking up at Phil with a grin. “Aw, is Philly blushing?”

“N-no, I'm not,” he grumbled quietly.

“Even your ears are red!” Dan laughed, poking Phil in the stomach.

Phil yelped and shoved Dan's hand away but Dan was persistent and he poked Phil again, repeatedly. “Stop,” Phil muttered, causing Dan to grin and poke him even more. Phil squeaked and cracked a smile. “Hey, stop!”

Dan's grin turned evil and he caressed Phil's sides, tickling him. Phil laughed abruptly and tried to shove him away, his grip on the fishing rod loosening slightly. Dan's assault was relentless and soon Phil lost it, laughing harder than he ever had as the rod slipped from his fingers, and he retorted with his own attack, grabbing Dan by the shoulders and shoving him back, tickling his stomach, eyes bright and blue.

“No!” Dan laughed, rolling away from Phil. “This is cheating!”

Phil chuckled and tickled him incessantly, grabbing Dan roughly towards him. “How does it feel?” he teased.

Dan's uproarious laughs filled the entire valley as Phil climbed on top of him and let out chuckles that matched Dan's sounds of utter bliss.

“Stop it, you devil!” Dan screamed, out of breath, his cheeks red from exertion as he tried to get away. Phil grabbed him and kept him in place. “Stoooooop!”

Phil laughed, “How about no?”

Dan tried to shove him away but Phil squeezed his stomach, and he collapsed into uncontrollable giggles, wheezing for air. “Can't . . .” he panted, letting out broken giggles. “ . . . breathe. Phil!”

Phil smirked and was about to retort when a loud splashing sound came from the river. He whipped his head around just in time to see the fishing rod being pulled into the water. His eyes widened and he jumped forward, grabbing the end before it could fall into the river. Something tugged at it again and he pulled it towards him in panic. “Dan!” he yelled, “I think we caught a fish!”

“What? Really?” Dan said in shock, sounding excited but severely out of breath as he jolted upright, looking dishevelled.

Phil squinted into the river but he couldn't see anything. Something tugged at the hook and Phil jerked it as hard as he could. Dan came to stand next to him, staring with wide eyes. “There it is! I saw it,” he blurted, “Come on, Phil. You can do it!”

“Help me,” he urged and gripped the handle so tight his fingers hurt. The fish was large and strong, pulling Phil into the river as he tried to jerk it back to the ground. “Fuck!”

Dan immediately wrapped his hands around Phil's own, warm, softer than Phil imagined, and pulled, putting all his strength into it. Phil stepped back and he could feel the heat of Dan's body as he hauled it back as much as he could, the fish, large, blue coloured, hanging from the hook.

“Bucket. The bucket. Hand me the bucket,” Phil said quickly and Dan moved away swiftly, grabbing the bucket and presenting it before Phil. Phil pried the struggling fish away from the hook and put it into the water-filled bucket, releasing a huge relieved breath after.

“We did it,” Dan mumbled in disbelief, staring at the bucket. Phil huffed in satisfaction and cracked a grin. “We did it!” Dan screamed excitedly.

His grin was wide and the brightness of his brown eyes was intense in the daylight as he raised the palm of his hand to give Phil an enthusiastic high five. Phil clapped Dan's hand with his own palm, the cheerfulness of having accomplished a hard task evident on both of their beaming faces. Phil's heart swelled at the look on his companion's face and the happiness he felt was unmistakable . . . fierce. He couldn't control the broad smile that graced his lips no matter how hard he tried.

Dan propped one hand on his hip haughtily and said, grinning, “It's all thanks to me.”

Phil shook his head at Dan, smiling softly, “Yeah, sure.”

“I'm so good at this,” he continued cheekily, “If it weren't for me, we would've never caught the fish.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Yeah. Alright. Come on now, let's go cook it.”

*

“Dan,” Phil called, standing up from where he was sat on a rock near the river, grabbing the washed pot and heading towards the hut. “Did you start the fire yet?”

There was no reply at all, and Phil frowned as he came closer to the hut, looking down at the unlit wooden sticks. He had been washing the pots and plates in the river while Dan searched the hut for sharper knives. The fish was still stuck agitatedly in the bucket and it was already late in the afternoon. The sun was brighter than ever and tiny beads of sweat covered his forehead. He quietly placed the pot on the ground and wiped his forehead, huffing and fanning himself as a cool breeze whistled through the trees.

“Dan?” Phil called again, furrowing his eyebrows as he hopped towards the hut. “Dan, what are you doing? Why didn't you start the fire? I washed the dishes, didn't I? You could at least–”

“Look what I found!” Dan shouted excitedly, holding up a long, elegant glass bottle as he bounced towards Phil.

“What's that?” Phil asked curiously, staring at the dark brown bottle. A clear liquid sloshed inside it and Phil blinked. “Is that . . .”

“Alcohol!” Dan completed in amazement. “At least I think that is what it is.”

“Where did you get that?”

“I just found it under the clothes while I was looking for a knife,” he explained, “Can we drink it? Is it safe?”

“I don't know. Let's ask Queen when she comes back,” Phil replied, staring at the bottle longingly.

“Where did she go?”

“She's with the white snake again.”

“Oh,” Dan pouted adorably, and Phil stared at his puckered lips unconsciously. Phil had never noticed just how pink Dan's lips were and suddenly he was really . . . enamoured. “Phil?”

The inside of the hut was dark and silent, casting shadows on Dan's face. His brown curls fell over his hooded eyes, and his long eyelashes made him look younger than he really was.

“Phil!” Dan snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“Y-yeah.” He blinked repeatedly. “What?”

Dan frowned. “You looked lost. Is something wrong?”

“Huh? No. Not at all. Nothing,” he said hastily and grabbed the bottle from Dan's hand, rushing out of the door swiftly. “I'll go ask Queen if it's safe to drink!”

“Wait, Phil!”

Phil walked out awkwardly, closing the door behind him. He didn't understand or maybe he didn't want to understand why he was so flustered all of a sudden. Nothing had happened, and he should not be freaking out but somehow he felt uncomfortable around Dan and he found himself sauntering towards a tree and hiding behind it, eyes downcast and teeth biting down on his bottom lip nervously. He clutched the bottle so tightly in his hand that his knuckles turned white, and he wondered if he drank it instantly, it would all go away.


	18. Drunk and drowsy

“Is it safe to drink, Queen?” Dan asked slowly, crouching on the ground, holding out the glass bottle towards Queen. She eyed the bottle with a wary glance and nodded minutely, appearing somewhat sceptic, but her little beady eyes still had the smallest semblance of recognition in them. She nodded steadily and fell back into the river, swimming across it, back to her impatient mate.

Dan sighed at the hastiness, brown eyes following the path of the green snake as she slithered towards her companion. She coiled around him like she had been doing before he had so impolitely interrupted her. The white snake had glared at him from a distance, red eyes scrutinizing Dan and staring at him like he was an unwanted hindrance, which he was.

He looked away, standing up slowly and taking a deep breath. He hadn't talked to Phil for a while after he had awkwardly walked out for no reason. Dan had seen him roaming around the valley aimlessly, walking back and forth in frustration. Phil had been really quiet after that, handing the bottle back and starting the fire himself without another word.

Maybe it was the availability of alcohol that had agitated Phil. He knew about Phil's drinking problem, and maybe he had underestimated the extent of his addiction. He couldn't blame Phil though, the thought of alcohol made Dan himself dizzy. He craved for it, for the fog that always clouded his mind instantly after the fluid slid down his throat, he ached for the vagueness and incoherence it would bring to his mind. It had been a long time since he had had the comfort of utter ignorance.

As he trudged back to the hut, he thought about Phil's behaviour towards him just a few hours ago. He had been distant for a while now, sitting quietly around the fire, avoiding Dan completely. It made Dan uneasy, being alone, unable to communicate with the one person who was there. He had thought Phil was warming up to him, liking his company but it was Phil after all, and Phil had always been unpredictable.

If someone asked him, he would deny it, but Dan had genuinely started to enjoy Phil's companionship. He was quiet, he listened to Dan's unintelligent ramblings about inconsequential things and laughed at his stupid remarks. Phil tolerated his sarcasm and didn't seem bothered by Dan's snarky, outspoken personality.

In conclusion, Dan was actually starting to like Phil and the way he was. Maybe if they had met under different circumstances, they would've even become really good friends.

Dan sighed at his thoughts and came to a halt next to the fire Phil had started almost ten minutes ago, looking down at Phil quietly. He looked up at Dan in disinterest. “Let's cook the fish.”

Dan bit his lip, inwardly relieved that Phil looked like he had reverted back to normal. “I'm not looking forward to that. Killing it will be a pain in the ass.”

“It's dead.”

“What?” Dan blinked. “How?”

Phil shrugged. “I removed the water from the bucket.”

Dan cringed. “You could've used a more humane method. It fucking suffocated to death.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Most fishes we eat die by asphyxiation. Why should this be any different? Just because we caught it?”

Dan sighed but opted not to say anything. He simply strolled towards the bucket and gazed down at the large, dead fish. Phil came to stand next to him, making sure not to touch him, keeping a deliberate gap between their limp arms. Dan pretended not to notice and fretted instead, “We need to cut it and clean it before cooking it. It's going to be gross.”

Phil shrugged. “I have never done it. I don't know what to do, do you?”

“Yeah,” Dan acknowledged silently, “I have seen my dad doing it many times.”

Phil nodded and handed him a sharp knife. Dan peered apprehensively and took the object from Phil's hand, bending to pick up the dead fish. “Okay. Here we go,” Dan mumbled, taking a deep breath.

The sun was slowly starting to set, sombrely dropping down the horizon. The sky was crimson, slowly melting away into darkness like the dying embers of a fire. The shadows of birds returning back to their homes was a sight to see but Dan stood, anchored to the ground, his eyes fixed firmly on the fish as he raised his knife. He stabbed it on the underside of the fish, cutting it up all the way from its anus to its gills. The fish was slippery and wet, sliding down his clumsy hands like used soap as he tried to hold it steadily.

Phil made a face as gooey blood trickled down Dan's wrist. “Ew, that's disgusting.”

“Wait for it.” Dan grimaced and inserted his hands into the fish, removing its innards carefully. He scraped the blood and eggs out, his face turned away in disgust. He pulled out the gills and guts of the fish and threw them away to the forest, his hands sticky with blood and the gummy discharge. “Ugh,” he exhaled, feeling squeamish.

“Good job,” Phil shuddered, clapping him on the back encouragingly.

Dan acceded and said, “Water.”

Phil quickly grabbed the large bottle of water he had collected and poured it into Dan's waiting hands. Dan sighed as he quietly washed the fish and his hands, rinsing out any leftover blood. Once he was sure the fish was thoroughly safe to be cooked and consumed, he waved a hand to stop Phil and huffed, “We fucking did it. We're survivors.”

Phil rolled his eyes but smirked, “Yeah, I guess.”

Dan sighed, “Come on, then. Let's cook it in the fire.”

Phil nodded and turned on his heel, Dan following him as he sauntered towards the still burning hearth. The weird little box was placed on top of it and for the first time since he had been here, he felt a surge of confidence shooting up his spine. He had been helpless and dependent on Phil since the day he had ended up on the island but for the first time, he had done something. He had done something . . . with Phil. The rewards of hard work made him deeply satisfied inside, and he felt like he had actually enjoyed the whole process.

Dan smiled in satisfaction as he quietly sat down on the ground, near the fire. All that was left to do was scoop water into the pot and poach the fish in boiling water. He gladly grabbed the pot without protest and set to work.

*

The cold wind sunk its sharp teeth into Dan's delicate skin and he hugged his knees tighter to his chest, shivering slightly, hands desperately rubbing his sides as he pulled the blanket around his shoulders. The curtain of the night had fallen and the quietude roared in his cautious ears. Everywhere he looked, an inky blackness encapsulated him and the only light in the ocean of darkness was the fire that burned with a fervour he wished he had. The sound of fluttering, flickering flames tore through the utter silence, little popping noises that were pleasant to hear.

Dan gazed at it, mesmerized, as the glowing embers floated upwards and disappeared with the wind. The moonless sky above was as dark as a wide, gaping abyss but the fiery fire illuminated the nearby area, creating a small orange circle of light around them. The flames twirled and danced in the wind as Dan turned to look at Phil, sat beside him on a log of wood.

Phil's eyes sparkled with the reflection of the fire, skin painted a soft tangerine as he sat close to the hearth. He seemed to be in deep thought and Dan couldn't help but ask, “What are you thinking?”

Phil let out a small, contented sigh and smiled, “Nothing.”

Dan smiled as well and shifted closer to Phil to nudge him with his elbow. “You're smiling. It's not nothing.”

Phil shrugged, uncorking the bottle in his hand and taking a small sip. “I don't know, I'm just . . . it's stupid.”

Dan peered at Phil curiously, “What?”

Phil shook his head in dismissal and lowered the bottle from his lips, grimacing immediately after. “It tastes awful.”

“It does?” Dan frowned, taking the bottle from his hands. He analysed the bottle, eyebrows furrowed, and tentatively took a small sip. Almost abruptly, a burning sensation exploded in his mouth, sliding down his throat like magma. It was closely followed by a weird taste of spoiled milk and a sticky, buttery feeling in his mouth. “Ew. What the hell.”

Phil snatched the bottle back and took another sip, closing his eyes and exhaling in relief, visibly relaxing. “Doesn't matter if it can get me drunk.”

“True,” he sighed and grabbed the bottle back to take another sip. His stomach was full for the first time in a long time, the fish had provided him with all the nutrition he craved. He felt completely at ease for the first time since he had arrived here.

Phil shivered beside him, rubbing his palms together and exhaling slowly, a puff of white cloud leaving his mouth. “It's cold,” he mumbled in discomfort, shifting closer to the fire.

“I'm not cold.” Dan frowned confusedly. “You're shaking. It's not that cold.”

Phil looked at him like he was stupid. “Wow, I wonder why. You have my jacket and the blanket.”

Dan blinked and then his eyes widened as he looked down at himself wrapped in the thick blanket, wearing a full-sleeved shirt and Phil's jacket. Phil only had a thin T-shirt on, and he bit his lip sheepishly, feeling guilty. “Sorry. I completely forgot about it. You should've asked me to give it back, you know.”

Phil mumbled something incoherently, looking embarrassed, and Dan asked in confusion, “What?”

“I said I thought you needed it more than me,” Phil blurted, looking extremely annoyed and uncomfortable.

A rush of warmth and understanding spread through his chest as he gaped at a flustered looking Phil. He couldn't help but feel a surge of emotions for the person who was shaking like a leaf in the chilly atmosphere yet had not asked for his jacket back.

Dan shook his head. “You're . . .” _Fucking stupid. _A small grin made its way to his lips but he didn't voice his thoughts aloud as he shifted closer to Phil, their knees and arms touching. He grabbed the edge of the blanket and threw it around Phil's shoulders as well, now both of them sitting too close to be comfortable but warm enough.

Dan could feel Phil's gaze but he kept quiet, waiting patiently. It didn't take long for Phil to mutter a quiet, “Thanks.”

“You're welcome.” He grinned, grabbing the forgotten bottle and taking a long sip. He could already feel the effects slowly starting to take place as he gave it back to Phil. His vision had blurred just a little, his eyes going out of focus. “This feels nice.”

“What?” Phil poured more alcohol into his mouth as he asked disinterestedly.

“This.” Dan gestured all around with his hands, his hands too clumsy all of a sudden. “We have everything right now, alcohol, food.” He gestured towards the berries and leftover fish. “A campfire, the dark sky above us. It's nice. It's like we are out camping. All we need is some scary story or some stupid game.”

Phil chuckled, drinking more than he could swallow. “Well, that's what I was thinking earlier. When you asked me what I was thinking. I was thinking that it was nice . . . being here. Not all too bad.”

Dan hummed, staring at the fire. He watched Phil insert more wood into the fire, his eyelids suddenly heavy as he took another sip. His hands shook, fingers trembling as he gripped the bottle. He meant to bring it to his lips but the glass bottle gently slipped down from his hands. Dan tried to grip it more tightly but his fingers felt sweaty and slippery. Suddenly, unexpectedly, Phil's long fingers wrapped around his own around the bottle, his hold strong, the movement so smooth as if he had done it a million times.

Dan's fingers tingled and his gaze lifted up towards Phil, their eyes locking. Phil's eyes were a vivid, icy blue, cold like the night air, but as he stared at Dan, they seemed to gleam, sparks of red and orange from the blazing fire reflecting off his eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol in his veins but for a single second, Dan thought Phil's eyes were . . . beautiful.

Phil snatched the bottle back abruptly and gulped it down quickly, closing his eyes, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. Dan bit his lip and turned towards the fire, sighing strongly before returning back to normal. “Let's play something,” he suggested, slightly slurring.

Phil raised his eyebrows but his eyes were out of focus, the effects of alcohol evident. “Like what?”

“21 questions?” Dan asked, but a wide grin made its way to his lips as a wonderful question crossed his mind. “I'll go first.”

Phil narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Okay, but I don't trust you.”

Dan's grin widened. “What's your weirdest sexual fantasy?”

Phil groaned aloud, “I knew it.”

Dan nudged him, smirking cheekily. “Oh, come on! It's not that big of a deal. Tell me.”

Phil took another sip, looking anywhere but at Dan, and handed the bottle back to Dan. “No.”

Dan huffed, chugging more alcohol. “Don't be a prude, Phil.”

“I'm not!” Phil protested but then his eyebrows furrowed, “I don't really think about sex much at all.”

“What, really?” Dan stared at Phil, eyebrows raised, “It's all I think about.”

Phil gave him a look. “Am I supposed to be surprised?”

“Not really.” He chuckled but then a very inappropriate thought crossed his mind. His mind was drowsy and his vision was swimming. He didn't even know what he was saying anymore. “I wanted to know because . . . well, you look like the type to be really dominant in bed . . . you just . . . even when we are fighting you're so . . .”

Dan's eyes clouded over and suddenly he was lost in his thoughts. It was not like he had thought of Phil in those situations before . . . okay, maybe he had, maybe once, but that was not the point. Alcohol just always made him horny and he couldn't help but feel things. “. . . so forceful and–and strong, I just t-thought . . .” his words slurred as he cut himself off, his mind drifting further away. His mind was jumbled and he felt sluggish, eyelids drooping.

“Dan,” Phil said and it snapped him back to reality. He blinked and looked towards Phil confusedly to find him staring back, eyes wide and shocked. “Are you fucking fantasizing about me when I'm sitting right here?”

“Huh?” Dan blinked and then his cheeks took on a rosy tint. “Oh, fuck. Uh, sorry. I . . . ugh, I'm sorry. I'm just really drunk.” He groaned and rubbed his eyes.

Phil bit his lip, staring at the fire solemnly. “It's fine.”

Dan nodded and looked at the fire, his vision wavering and his fingers tingly. There was a cautious silence for a few minutes and then Phil blurted, “How did you know you were gay?”

Dan thought for a second and then smirked. “Do you really want to know? It's a long story, Philly,” he drawled.

“Well,” Phil shrugged, “All we have is time.”

“Hmm,” Dan nodded, grinning brightly, eyes sparkling with mirth, “So one fine day, I was walking down the street,” he started and Phil's eyes were so concentrated and curious, Dan wanted to laugh. “I was just a normal straight guy, really, but completely unexpectedly my fairy godmother appeared before me, riding on her purple unicorn. She took one look at me and swished her wand. A bucket of glitter and flamboyance tumbled directly onto my head from the sky and poof! I was gay the next day!"

Phil's eyes were completely blank as he stared at Dan. “Nice.”

Dan cracked a teasing smile. “Yeah, it was great.”

“I bet,” Phil said tartly.

Dan was stunned at the serious look on Phil's face and he sighed. “I didn't go through the whole 'I'm–gay–but–I'm–dating–girls–because–I'm–in–denial' phase. I always knew I was gay, deep inside, since the day I was born. I never thought about girls, never dated one, never even wanted to. I always knew I was destined to suck dick.” He chuckled.

Phil looked shocked, his eyes slightly wide. Wide was maybe not the best word to describe his eyes because he looked pissed and his eyes were drooping.

“What?” Dan asked.

“Nothing.” Phil looked away. Dan was persistent and he shifted closer to Phil, eyeing him.

“Tell me.”

“No.”

He pouted, blinking to clear his vision as he clumsily crashed his body against Phil's, sticking against his side. A woodsy smell of fresh earth after rain invaded Dan's senses and he inhaled, unconsciously leaning towards Phil. “Tell me,” he whispered, voice unintentionally coming out raspy.

“I-I . . .” Phil's eyes were wide and blown. He bit his lip and turned away, grabbing the forgotten bottle from the ground. Dan plucked it back from Phil's hands, “What are you doing?”

Dan puffed his bottom lip out and leaned back comfortably against Phil, resting his head on his shoulder and spreading his long limbs. “It's mine. There's only a little left.”

“But it's my turn to drink!” Phil argued weakly.

Dan shrugged. “I don't care.”

Phil shoved him slightly and tried to grab it back. Dan held it back and Phil tickled Dan's stomach so he would drop it. Dan giggled. “Stop. It's mine!”

“Hey, come on,” Phil slurred angrily, pushing Dan away and trying to reach the bottle. Dan smirked and scooted away from the log of wood they were sitting on, raising the bottle and taunting Phil.

“If you want it, why don't you come and get it, Phil?” he teased, dangling the bottle in front of his face.

Phil's eyes sparked with interest and he stood up, gazing calmly at Dan like he were calculating his possibilities and strategies. The fire was still burning brightly, their bodies glowing red due to its luminescence. Phil's skin was painted in reddish colours, his eyes ablaze like a bonfire with the ferocity of his competitiveness. In the pitch-black emptiness of the night, they were just two undefined shadows looming over a small source of light. The clouds drifted past the moon in the black sky as Phil jumped forward to grab what he rightfully thought was his.

Dan watched quietly, amused, as Phil tripped over a piece of wood and fell face-first to the ground, all his dignity crumbling like a stack of cards. Dan laughed so hard his stomach hurt. “Oh my god, Phil. You're so clumsy.” He giggled.

“Why, you little–” Phil growled and heaved himself up, glaring at Dan. He instantly sat up, the grin still on his face as he scooted back. Phil stepped forward rapidly and Dan's eyes widened, his legs scrambling to get up. Phil quickened his pace, staggering in his drunken state as Dan jogged backwards. “Give that back, you thief!” Phil grumbled.

Dan smirked. “No.” He walked around the fire clumsily, his vision blurred and foggy, his heart beating just a little faster due to excitement.

“I'm serious,” Phil clarified, “Give that back or . . .”

“Or what?” Dan teased, “You don't scare me anymore, Philly.”

“Oh, really?” Phil raised his eyebrows and Dan nodded, grinning. Phil hummed and looked calm for a single second before he pounced forwards. Dan's eyes widened and he teetered back, tripping over the log of wood and falling backwards as Phil tackled him to the ground, the weight of his body crushing Dan's.

“Give it back,” Phil breathed, his face so close to Dan's that for a second, he felt utterly disoriented. His mind drew a complete blank and he stared in stupefaction.

From up close, Phil looked . . . different. Dan could see the deep depths of his ocean blue eyes, twinkling with the warmth of the sun on a cold winter morning. His skin was a bright marigold, warm to the touch and softer than they looked. Clouds in the sky rolled away and moonlight poured onto the ground, bathing him in a pale glow.

Dan's lips suddenly turned dry and his vision turned hazy, fog muddling his thoughts. He shifted just a little, breathing heavily, red blooming on his glossy cheeks. His attempt was supposed to be discreet, meant to go unnoticed, but Phil's drunken eyes widened and comprehension dawned on his exhausted features. He stared incredulously, his mouth agape, at an embarrassed Dan who's erection had undeniably graced his thighs.

“Wha . . .” Phil let out a shaky exhalation, his body still pressing Dan to the ground.

“I'm drunk. I'm always horny when I'm drunk,” Dan slurred quickly, “Fuck, just get off me.”

“Ugh, you're such a horny piece of shit!” Phil scrambled to get away, his eyes afraid and his actions lethargic and sluggish. He tried to get up but tripped on his own feet and stumbled on top of Dan again, letting out a groan, “Dammit.”

Dan's breathing was heavy and he almost let out a moan when Phil unintentionally graced his erection again. He instantly shoved Phil away and sat up straight, finally bringing the bottle to his lips to gain some control back. He had almost poured it into his mouth before Phil knocked it off his hands. “That's mine, you asshole!” he shouted angrily, his words barely comprehensible.

Dan stared at the spilt contents and the broken bottle, rubbing his tired eyes before yelling, “You're such a dick!”

Phil huffed, “It was mine!”

Dan was frustrated, physically and sexually. He felt angry and he pouted stubbornly, “I hate you.”

“Same,” Phil grumbled angrily, looking annoyed.

There was silence for some time and Dan heard the distant hoots of owls, the sound of wind and the little flickering noises of the fire as he sat awkwardly next to Phil. He wondered in his drowsy mind if Phil really was angry at him. He feared that they were going to go back to the way they were before, to punches and kicks and sharp words that cut through exposed skin. He didn't want that, not after knowing how Phil could be, how caring and patient.

After what felt like hours of silence, Phil stood up and Dan panicked, wondering if Phil was leaving him. He immediately stood up but he swayed on his feet, staggering back. Phil caught his elbow, steadying him. “What are you doing?” he chastised.

“'M sorry,” Dan mumbled quietly, feeling small as he rubbed his eyes, trying to remove sleep from his eyelids. Suddenly he was too drunk and the alcohol was in full effect.

Phil tried to nod but then he looked like he was going to throw up and he stopped, using his words instead. He looked drunker than Dan. “Okay, but you're a thief. Was mine,” he slurred accusingly, pointing a finger at Dan's chest, or at least that was what Phil had probably intended but the finger was actually pointed at his forehead. “You thief.”

Dan pouted. “I'm sorry. Let's . . .” he gestured vaguely all around, swaying on his feet. “Let's hug it out, come on.”

“Yeah, good . . . good idea,” Phil nodded his head, blinking repeatedly as he stumbled forward and slammed into Dan's body. “Hug.”

“No,” Dan bellowed, shoving Phil away, “That's not a hug. That's not how . . . I'll show you, wait.”

Phil appeared confused but stood still and waited patiently, his face pale and tired. Dan stepped forward clumsily and wrapped both of his hands around Phil, softly wrapping him in a warm embrace and letting out a relieved breath. He wondered if it was his imagination but he felt Phil shiver.

Phil slowly but surely slid his hands around Dan and hugged him back tightly, so tightly that he was squishing Dan into a pulp. Dan exhaled, the warmth and comfort of another body making him dizzy. This was what he had always wanted, he thought, to feel safe and content in someone's arms. The feeling took over his senses and he didn't know what to do about it.

“You . . .” Phil said suddenly, voice raspy and barely above a whisper. Phil's lips graced the nape of Dan's neck as he spoke and Dan took a sharp intake of breath, his stomach flipping over. “You smell good.”

Dan stilled like a statue as he felt Phil inhale deeply against his neck, a rush of heat shooting towards his groin. “So good,” he rasped.

Goosebumps appeared on Dan's skin and he swallowed the inappropriate desires that bloomed in his body. “Wha . . . what are y-you doing, Phil?”

“Hmm?” Phil inquired, sounding confused at first but reality slowly shook him awake. “Oh. Uh . . .”

“I'm drunk,” he said quickly and he looked completely unbothered as he moved away, stepping back swiftly and taking a seat on the log again. He avoided Dan's eyes and Dan wondered if he had imagined the whole thing. “What's wrong?” Phil asked, frowning up at him.

“I . . . uhm, nothing,” he blurted quickly, collapsing to the ground and lying with his arms and legs spread out. “It's nothing.”

It wasn't a big deal, was it? He was drunk and so was Phil. People did all kinds of stupid shit when they were drunk. This didn't have to be any different, but the whole interaction had actually sobered him up.

Dan sighed to himself and stared up at the night sky, not bothering to look when Phil came to lay down next to him. His mind was a disorganized mess and the night had been too confusing and puzzling for his drunken mind. Thoughts swirled around his head and he was ashamed to admit the fact that most of his thoughts consisted of the blue-eyed person next to him. They had become . . . close. Closer than they were at least and he wondered why they weren't friends yet.

“Did you mean it?” Dan asked suddenly, gazing up at the round moon.

“What?”

“You said . . .” Dan racked his brains to remember. “You said we would've been good friends. Did you mean it?”

Phil looked surprised at the question. “Yeah. 'Course, I did.”

“Well . . . why aren't we then? Friends, I mean. We should be friends, Phil,” he slurred, extending a hand and grinning cheekily. “We should be best friends.”

Phil rolled his eyes but smiled, shaking his hand. “Sure. Best friends.”

“Okay,” Dan replied and scooted towards Phil, hugging his torso like a koala.

“What are you doing?”

“Shut up. Friends keep each other warm,” he said, closing his eyes as he soaked in the warmth of Phil's body. “If we're going to be friends then you better make me coffee in the morning. PJ makes me coffee every single morning. He also makes me food.”

Phil snorted. “We don't have coffee, princess.”

“Ask Queen, I don't care. I want coffee.”

“Wow. I don't think you want us to be friends. I think you just want a slave.” Phil scoffed and then he groaned, “I can't believe I agreed to be your slave.”

Dan smiled, an odd sort of happiness filling him inside out. He didn't bother to reply. His mind was finally shutting down and Phil's voice sounded from so very far away. He felt the breeze sliding through his hair, felt the warmth of the fire on his skin and he felt . . . calm. He wondered what tomorrow would bring, felt himself waiting for it, excited for it and was shocked at himself. He used to be afraid of waking up, he could remember crying himself to sleep, wishing he would never wake up. His life had turned upside down and he couldn't help but feel like everything that had happened had happened for a reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! Early update today as I am busy tommorrow. I have an important test on Friday so I'll be nervous af to actually log in and update so... Enjoy!!! :D


	19. Concerned and caring

Phil bent down and picked up the bucket of blue fishes he had collected, adjusting the hideous fishing rod in his free hand as he trudged back towards their unsightly home. It was early morning, and the sun was expelling yellows and oranges in the horizon as it lazily glided up the sky. Phil had jolted awake just as the sun had peeked through, pointy little rocks poking his back. The morning sky was azure, and a cold moisture was present in the atmosphere, clinging wetly to his clothes. It had taken only a single moment for him to realize where he was.

Phil was slowly getting used to it, to the island and its secrets. The one thing he wasn't yet used to was waking up with Dan sleeping on his chest. Their limbs were tangled together, and Dan's hair was a curly mess as he slept. He was unbelievably . . . attractive in his torpid state. Phil had gazed with a calmness he didn't quite feel. Dan's lips were so pink, delicate like the petals of flowers. His brown hair had grown long in the two and half weeks they had been there, and it was splayed across Phil's chest in cute little curls. He had an uncontrollable and undeniable urge to touch them, to feel the softness on his fingers.

As he had continued to lay there on the uneven ground where they had fallen asleep, the morning chillness numbing his backside, he had gradually become aware of a slight trouble in his pants. He could remember bits and pieces from the previous day's drunken happenings. He recalled Dan's dark brown eyes, sparkling with mischief, the sounds of his laughter, and the exhilarating smell of his body, warm like the fire but soft like snow.

Phil had squirmed and shoved Dan to the lumpy ground as his erection became impossible to conceal. He had run to the hut, his mind racing a million miles a minute, his heart hammering against his chest. It had been a long time since he had had the time to pleasure himself. In the early morning air, his breaths had come out in small, heavy puffs as he stroked himself, making sure to make as little noise as possible.

Dan's lazy smile and his unintentional erection the day before had splashed before Phil's eyes as he came, breathing so hard, he was choking. Then he had sunk to the floor in shame and self-disgust, dropping his head into his hands, confused and discomfited.

He had sat there until Dan came searching for him, calling his name in his sweet voice. Phil had mumbled a simple greeting before grabbing the fishing rod and setting to work, distracting himself from unwanted, _wrong_, thoughts.

“Hey, Phil.” Dan greeted him with a dramatic salute as soon as he entered the hut with the bucket in his hand. His heart gave a sudden leap, and he ignored it as much as he could. "I found a mattress and pillows."

Phil swallowed all of his emotions and raised a surprised eyebrow. “Really? This place just keeps giving us things we need.”

“Yeah. It's weird,” Dan huffed, “Anyway, I packed our backpack. When are we going to the beach?”

Phil shrugged nonchalantly, placing his bucket of hard work in a corner and looking up at Dan, “What did you pack?”

“Glowing stones, water, wood and some of the remaining fruits," he phonated slowly, “What else do we need?”

Phil contemplated for a second before replying, “Knives, just in case.”

Dan nodded solemnly, but as he looked at Phil, his eyes narrowed, and his eyebrows furrowed. He stared dubiously, his eyes huge and beautiful. Suddenly, Phil's palms were sweating. Dan stepped closer, his footsteps echoing in Phil's ears, his gazed fixed on him unwaveringly. Phil stepped back, flustered. “What?”

Dan didn't answer. He just stepped so close that Phil could see the golden specks in his large, coffee eyes and hear the sound of his soft breathing. Phil's eyes were wide and blown as Dan leaned in. “Wha . . .”

“A leaf,” Dan blurted, plucking a greenish thing from his hair.

Phil stared in shock, balling his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. “What?”

Dan let out a boisterous laugh, throwing the leaf away. “You're so messy, Phil. You need to take care of yourself more, you know.” Phil bit his lip and laboured his breathing to normal. “Speaking of which, may I know what that is?”

Dan pointed towards the wet heap of dirty clothes in one corner of the room. Phil's gaze followed his hand, looking at his clothes that he had thrown haphazardly into a pile. “My clothes?”

Dan gave Phil an unimpressed look, and folded his arms on his chest. “Is that how you keep all your clothes?”

Phil gave him a confused look. “Um, yes?”

Dan gaped at him, appalled. He shook his head and rubbed his forehead in frustration. He looked completely done with Phil as he placed his hands on his hips haughtily and ordered, “Pick those up, wash them and put them out to dry. Now.”

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Because I said so, you uncultured carrot!” he said arrogantly.

Phil frowned, “But what about going to the bea–”

“We're not going anywhere until you wash those fucking clothes!” Dan chastised, “You might need those later, you know.”

“Okay. Okay. Fine,” Phil muttered sullenly, walking towards the dirty pile and scooping them up into his arms. “Don't forget to put the knives in the bag.”

Dan nodded and turned towards where the knives were placed neatly. “We'll leave as soon as you're finished with that.” 

Phil sighed and languidly ambled out of the hut, stepping down the stairs and teetering towards the glistening, crystal water. He shoved inappropriate thoughts into the farthest corner of his mind and refocused on the task at hand. They were going to go back to the beach to start the fire that could possibly notify the outside world about their suspicious presence on the island. It was a crucial operation, and trivial emotions were a serious impediment.

They were running out of fruits as well, he thought as he reached the river. Only a few were left, out of which most were rotten. He would have to remind Dan about this issue. They would have to collect some eatables on the way.

~*~

  
“It's your turn to climb,” Phil complained, looking up at the monstrous tree in front of them. It had huge, blue coloured fruits at the top. Queen had deemed it safe to consume and now the debate was about who would climb the grotesque tree. “I already climbed two times to pluck banapples and pink fruits. It's your turn.”

Dan pouted, “But I collected more berries than you.”

“Dan, come on,” Phil groaned, rubbing his arm where a prickly thorn had graced him while meandering through the forest. They had been walking for almost an hour, gathering whatever was safe to eat. They had started their journey early, after devouring another fish and packing the rest inside a large leaf, but the sun was high up in the sky already.

Queen was coiled around Phil's neck, sleeping peacefully. She would occasionally lift her head and point them in the right direction, but other than that, she was mostly inactive and sulky. Phil guessed that perhaps she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. She had looked reluctant when Phil called her, asking her to accompany them on their short journey.

Dan huffed, holding his hands up. “My hands are smooth and delicate, can't you see? Do you want to hurt me? What kind of friend are you?” He pretended to sob. “The world is so cruel. No one cares about me anymore.”

Phil rolled his eyes at Dan's theatrics and placed his palms on Dan's back, pushing him forward. “Stop being so dramatic. I'm not sending you off to war, Dan. Climb the tree. Your delicate hands will be fine.”

Dan huffed and sulked. “But it's really big,” he whined, but then he sniggered into his hands. “That's what she said.”

Phil groaned but a stupid smile made its way to his lips, “You're such a child!”

Dan grinned at him, looking around his shoulder at Phil. There was a small, quiet moment where they just smiled at each other, but then Phil stepped back, pointing at the tree. Dan sighed reluctantly, “Fine, I'll climb the damn tree.”

Phil looked up brightly. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Dan huffed, turning towards the ugly thing. “It's . . . it's a weird tree though.”

“Yeah,” Phil acknowledged. The shape and proportion were distorted and the whole thing looked disturbing and hideous. It was higher than any tree they had seen before, and falling from it would probably be enough to kill a person.

Phil looked away from the tree and back to his arm, rubbing it again, feeling itchy. His arm had reddened a tiny bit, but it didn't look too serious so he put the thought to the back of his mind, to be explored and examined later.

Dan sighed heavily, looking minutely fearful as he sauntered towards the base of the tree. He grabbed the lowest projection and began his ascent. Phil gazed for a second before turning towards the bright blue mushrooms attached to the tree. He was about to pick them one by one when he heard Dan's voice again.

“Hey, Phil.”

He looked up to see Dan staring down at him. “Yeah?”

“Will you catch me if I fall?” He joked humourlessly. Phil blinked, noticing the expression on Dan's face. He looked like he was joking, but his eyes had an inkling of trepidation in them.

Phil looked away and joked back, “Nope, but I will make sure to laugh.”

Dan chuckled, resuming his clamber. “That's what I thought.”

There was silence for a few minutes, broken only by the distant sound of tumultuous waves colliding with the shore. The sea was near, and the heady smell of dead fish and salt was thick in the air. Phil felt absolutely restless with the answer he gave to Dan's question. Finally, he bit his lip and sighed. “Hey, Dan,” he said.

“Yeah?” Dan looked down again, locking eyes with Phil. He wasn't too far up yet, and Phil smiled at him kindly.

“I will.”

~*~

  
Phil placed the remaining pieces of firewood on top of their humongous bundle and whirled around to face Dan. “Did you burn the torch?”

Dan was holding a long piece of burning wood in one hand, and he nodded wordlessly. They had brought hefty chunks of wood from the hut, thinking it would be copious, but it wasn't. After arranging them into a bundle, they had realized that it wasn't nearly as big as they had thought it would be. They had then spent the next few hours accumulating lofty lumps of timber from their immediate vicinage.

Now, as Phil stared at the ginormous bundle, he felt pretty satisfied with himself. Their monumental efforts had not been in vain, and he sighed, tired but proud. Dan handed him the torch, and he used it to burn the smaller sticks at the bottom. Slowly but surely, the fire started to spread and flames engulfed the whole bundle, plumes of thick, black smoke rising upwards into the air. He threw the torch into it, and it burned along with the fire.

Dan stepped to stand beside Phil, and he could see the flames burning in Dan's eyes as he stared at the raging fire. Black smoke rose up and up into the bright sky, an ugly grey against the expanse of vivid blue. It polluted the fresh air, making it smell of burning wood and dust.

Suddenly, Dan huffed and grabbed his hand, long, slender fingers slowly wrapping around his thin wrist. His gaze snapped up to meet Dan's, surprised and questioning.

“Come on,” he whispered, nudging his head and pulling Phil away towards the sea.

Phil stared at Dan's cold fingers coiled around his pale wrist, and felt something warm twist in his chest. Dan pulled him to a quiet place away from the fire but closer to the sea, gesturing for him to sit down on the sand. He noiselessly obeyed, taking a seat beside Dan. Queen noticed the action and finally uncoiled from his neck, curling comfortably on the sand instead.

The boundless ocean stretched on in front of them, unending, standing as an obstacle between them and their home. The cool sea breeze tickled Phil's scalp, and he sighed in peaceful sadness, a bittersweet feeling taking hold over his heart.

Dan appeared to be feeling the same way as he asked in a choked voice, “No one's coming, are they?”

Phil's heart slowly sank, but he tried his best not to let it show on his face. He placed a comforting hand on Dan's thigh and squeezed. “We don't know that,” he said softly, reassuringly, “Don't lose hope. We're still alive, aren't we? Despite everything.”

Dan seemed to think for a moment, his knees pulled to his chest and his beautiful curls dancing in the wind. “Yeah,” he acceded finally, “Yeah, you're right. We can't afford to lose hope.”

“Yeah.”

“How long do you think it'll burn?” Dan asked, changing the subject and looking back at the flickering flames.

Phil shrugged. “It should burn for a few hours.”

Dan nodded, shifting closer and squeezing himself against Phil's side. Phil bit his lip and stopped breathing, wondering why Dan liked doing that. “We should come here everyday, start the fire and go back. Eventually, someone will notice.”

Phil nodded, “We could take turns, you know. Whoever comes to the beach can collect fruits too.”

Dan shook his head. “I don't think we should separate, even if it's just for a few hours.”

Phil frowned. “If we're both on the beach every day, who's going to do the rest of the work?”

“What work?”

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Cooking?”

“Oh, right,” Dan sighed, “We can do that together.”

“We can split the chores,” Phil suggested, “You should cook and clean while I sleep.”

Dan gave him a blank look and Phil cracked a grin. “Do I look like a fucking housewife to you?”

Phil laughed, and Dan pouted, huffing and scooting away from him. Phil scooted closer again and chuckled. “Okay, I'm sorry, but I don't know how to cook.”

Dan sighed exasperatedly. “Fine, I'll cook but only if you clean the dishes.”

Phil nodded, leaning against Dan comfortably. “We should clean the hut, don't you think? It smells.”

“Yeah.”

Dan let out a tired sigh, and rested his head against Phil's shoulder, closing his eyes. His messy hair tickled Phil's neck, but he stayed as still as a stone statue. He didn't want to disturb Dan and make him scoot far away. The delightfully assuasive sound of waves twisting and turning against the shore filled his ears, making him close his eyes. The place where the thorn had graced his arm stung, but he felt oddly happy, and he found himself hoping this moment would never end.

~*~

  
As they trudged back to the hut through the salubrious forest, Phil wondered why he suddenly felt dizzy. It wasn't unbearable, in fact, it was barely noticeable. His focus was minutely distorted, and there was a slight stagger to his steps. Everything around him was tilted a little to the side, and his vision was just a tiny bit blurry at the edges. He wondered if it was because of hunger, but he wasn't really hungry at all. He had consumed fruits, berries, some roasted mushrooms and leftover fish from the morning.

Phil swayed to the left and heaved against a tree, breathing a little heavily. Dan was a fast walker, and he was walking ahead of Phil, not looking back. Queen was wrapped around his neck like always, sleeping peacefully, but as soon as he stopped walking, she lifted her head to stare at Phil in question, concern shining in her beady eyes. “I'm fine,” he whispered softly, stroking her head, “Just tired. Go back to sleep.”

Queen nodded, but her concern didn't disappear. Usually, she would go right back to sleep after doing her job, but now she didn't lower her head. She simply held her head up high, and watched everything with a calm gaze, alert, as if waiting for something to happen.

“Phil?” Dan called, turning around from way up ahead. The sound of running water could be heard distantly, and Phil knew they were close to the valley. _Hold on. Just a little more._

Phil panted slightly, and straightened, forcing himself to amble again. His arm hurt, but he ignored it as he walked forward, catching up with Dan. Dan smiled at him, but his smile slipped off his face when Phil approached closer. “Are you okay?” he asked worriedly, coming closer, “What's wrong?”

Phil shook his head, slowly staggering forward. His vision blurred even more and he collided against a tree. Dan was instantly by his side. “Phil, what are you doing?” he scolded, gently holding Phil's shoulders to steady him. “What's wrong with you?”

Phil breathed heavily, feeling lightheaded. “I . . . I don't know,” he panted, coughing into his hands.

Dan frowned, concern evident on his face as he placed a cool hand against his forehead. “Fuck, you're burning,” he remarked in shock and worry, “You're sick. You should've told me.”

Phil coughed even more, heaving, a bitter taste in his mouth. His body was ablaze, and his head felt heavier than his body. He breathed heavily, but his lungs ached. “I . . . I feel–” he stumbled, his eyes barely open as he collapsed against Dan's lean body, his breaths coming out in scared pants. “Fuck.”

“Hey, it's okay, Phil.” He said softly, reassuringly, as he held Phil tightly. “It's alright. I've got you, come on.”

“S-sorry,” Phil mumbled guiltily as he leaned heavily against Dan's body, head resting back on his shoulders. Queen seemed to realize Phil's weak state. She uncoiled from his neck and climbed onto the backpack behind Dan.

“It's fine, Phil. You just have a fever,” Dan observed, looking unbothered by Queen for the first time. “Can you walk? We're almost there.”

Phil inhaled deeply and coughed, “Yeah, I think.”

Dan nodded and grabbed Phil's arm, draping it over his shoulders while putting an arm around Phil's waist, supporting his weight. “Come on,” he whispered gently, slowly walking forward, taking Phil with him. “You should've said something if you weren't feeling well.”

Phil's head spun, and Dan's voice sounded from a thousand miles away. It took him a whole minute to process his words. “I–I thought I was fine. I didn't think it was important.”

“Of course, it's important. Why would you think it's not?” Dan chastised, “I meant what I said last night. We are friends. If you're this sick, I'd like to know so I can help.”

Phil was stunned, warmth and safety flooding his chest. It was the first time someone had expressed genuine concern over his well-being, and suddenly, he had an uncontrollable urge to cry. It was ridiculous, he thought, feeling so emotional over a simple statement, but he couldn't help it. All he could think about was how amazing and kind Dan was, and how it had taken him so long to realize that. He was such an idiot.

The valley slowly came into view, and Dan gently guided him towards the hut, slowly, as if teaching a child how to walk for the first time. Phil coughed and his limbs ached. All he wanted was to lie down and sleep. His eyelids were heavy and drooping, and his head throbbed tortuously. He blinked repeatedly to keep his eyes open, and quietly climbed the steps to the hut.

“Wait a second, okay?” Dan mumbled, “I'll spread the mattress. You can rest on that.”

Phil panted, his breaths hotter than fire. His whole body was burning up, and Dan removed his arm draped around Phil's waist, making him lean against the wooden wall for support. He watched in curious quietude as Dan moved away from him and walked into the hut, swaying his hips. Phil's groggy eyes followed the movement, watching Dan as he removed the backpack from his shoulders. Queen climbed down, and slithered towards Phil's feet, but his attention was focused on Dan.

As Dan dusted and spread the mattress with his long, pale hands, Phil couldn't help but notice the flawless movements of his body, every action coated with an elegance he had never noticed before. Dan was . . . attractive.

Phil coughed violently, shocked at his own thoughts. Dan was by his side in an instant, rubbing his back gently. “Are you okay?” he asked in concern.

Phil inhaled deeply and his eyes drooped. “F-fine.”

“Come on,” he whispered, supporting Phil's weight and slowly guiding him towards the mattress. Dan tried to gently lower him to the bedding, but Phil was weak, and his head was spinning. He stumbled and fell onto it, curling into it desperately. “Hey, easy.”

Phil shivered, closing his eyes against the throbbing pain in his forehead. His whole body was on the ignition, but there was a chillness from the inside that devoured him internally. Goosebumps rose on his skin, and he burrowed deeper into the dusty mattress.

“Are you cold?” Dan asked, placing his hand against Phil's forehead, checking his temperature. Phil's chest ached, and he wanted to beg Dan to never remove his hand again.

Phil coughed and heaved, “A bit.”

“Here.” Dan grabbed the folded blanket from the floor, and wrapped it around Phil, tucking him in with so much care that it was hard to breathe. “Is that better?”

He nodded soundlessly, feeling torn apart inside. Phil's eyes were barely open, but he could see the nervous look on Dan's face. He wanted to ask Dan why he was so worried. Was Phil that important? He was no one. He wasn't worthy of this much attention.

Suddenly, Queen slithered towards Phil, and nudged her head. Dan frowned. “Do you know what's wrong with him?” he asked, “He has a fever, but it appeared so suddenly. It doesn't look normal.”

Queen creeped forward and coiled around Phil's red arm, nodding her head incessantly. Dan blinked his eyes as he stared at Phil's arm, red and orange spots covering the skin. “What is that?” He asked, eyes wide.

“I touched a t-thorn,” Phil mumbled groggily, slurring his words.

“Why didn't you say anything!” Dan scolded him, “Honestly, Phil. You should've said something! What if . . . what if it's life threatening?”

Queen immediately shook her head, uncoiling from Phil's arm. Phil tucked it inside the blanket and coughed. “It's not.”

“Is there any medicine for it then?” Dan asked worriedly, “Is there anything I can do?”

Queen shook her head sadly. Dan's eyes widened. “There's no cure for it?” She shook her head, but she didn't look too bothered, and Phil knew then that it wasn't that serious. Dan noticed her calm attitude too because the next question he asked was, “Will it clear away on its own?”

Queen nodded steadily, and Dan sighed. “Alright, then. It just looks like a normal fever.” He turned to Phil. “Do you need anything else?”

Phil coughed, and his throat was parched. “W-water.”

Dan scooted towards the bag, and pulled the bottle of water out. He opened it and placed it on the floor, patting Phil's shoulder. “Can you sit up?”

Phil nodded, but his vision spun, forcing him to close his eyes. He blinked repeatedly, his head throbbing violently as he tried to sit up. He rose very slowly, but his head lolled and he fell sideways. Dan immediately caught him, grabbing his shoulder and steadying him. Phil collapsed against Dan's chest and breathed heavily. “Sorry,” he mumbled, voice just barely above a whisper.

Dan was silent for a second, and his hold on Phil's arm tightened. He breathed softly, and then manoeuvred Phil into a sitting position, holding the bottle to his lips. Phil sipped gratefully, feeling Dan's gaze on him. He moved away after he was done, lying back down comfortably.

“Better?”

Phil closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “Mm.”

Dan quietly placed the bottle back into the bag, and said, “I should let you rest.” Phil blinked his eyes open, staring at Dan as the words registered in his mind. Dan started to get up, and Phil panicked. “Call me if you need anything else, okay?”

With as much strength as he could gather, Phil caught Dan's wrist before he could move away. “No.”

Dan's large brown eyes were concerned and filled with confusion as he turned to look at him in question. Phil was sick and desperate and helpless, but the amount of gratitude he felt for Dan was unmistakable. He coughed and whispered brokenly, feeling small, his blue eyes wide like a scared child. “Stay.”


	20. Strengths and fears

“It's almost night again, and he's still asleep!” Dan screeched dubiously at an unruffled-looking Queen, feeling a deep, demoralizing emptiness settle in his chest. It was early dusk, and the sky was an expanse of grey sheet with careful strokes of purple and blue, splotches of crimson and carmine shining at the horizon. The hot sun was bleeding red onto the subdued sky, and Phil was still in a deep state of anomalous slumber.

He had been asleep for longer than what was considered to be normal. He had fallen asleep the previous night, coughing incessantly, out of breath and red blotches staining his left arm. He had slept for a whole day and night, unmoving, so still and untroubled that if it weren't for the slow rise and fall of his chest, Dan would've thought that he had died. He had tried to wake Phil, calling his name and shaking him, but to no avail. Phil wasn't waking up, and the night had rolled around once again.

Queen shook her head, her cool gaze unnerving Dan. “What? Why isn't he waking up?” he demanded, trying to sound confident but his voice betrayed him. “You said he'll be fine.” He gazed at the sky, and he could see the pale shadow of the moon, here to tell him about the swift arrival of darkness. “Were you lying?” He chewed on his bottom lip, looking back to an unperturbable Queen, more worried than he had expected himself to be. “Does he need medicine? Is he dying?”

Queen was regal and composed in her stance, appearing to be completely undisturbed. She gazed at Dan coolly, and Dan would bet his entire bank account that if she could, she would have rolled her eyes at Dan's insistent pestering. But instead, what she did was simply shake her head and hiss softly, as if urging Dan to calm down.

Dan took a deep breath and sighed defeatedly. The valley was quiet, too quiet. It hummed in his ears like a persistent mosquito, leaving him agitated and hassled. Dan slept beside Phil the day before, worried but knowing he would be okay, but before he could chase away all of his nightmares, night had turned into day, sweet sunshine inviting him outside to play. It hadn't perturbed him at first, Phil's slumber, and he had even appreciated the calm morning silence, immersing himself in monotonous chores.

He had prepared their breakfast, delicious mushrooms and various fruits cut into careful slices. He had cleaned himself up in the river and had even washed his clothes and all the dishes, only wondering once when Phil would be awake, but time had passed in the blink of an eye, and before he knew it, it was late afternoon. Phil hadn't moved at all, and it bothered Dan. He wasn't even changing his sleeping position, and Dan was tremendously concerned.

“Will he wake up soon?” He asked desperately, “He'll be okay?”

Queen nodded solemnly and bowed elegantly, swirling around and moving away effortlessly. She went back to her companion in a swift second, and Dan bit his lip, standing up and walking away, back to the hut.

The night was here already, enveloping everything in its darkness. Dan was surprised at how much he cared about Phil's well-being. They really had become good friends, their ancient rivalry forgotten already. He was nonplussed to admit that he . . . missed Phil, kind of. Missed his presence beside him. Everything was unbearably boring without Phil's awkward existence next to him, without his quiet laughs and smiles that brightened his blue eyes.

Dan sighed, walking into the hut. He wondered again when Phil would be conscious. He accepted the silence that wrapped around his ears and felt himself promptly drowning in it, suffocating beneath the waves. The hut was dark except for the small glow of the luminescent stone that was tied to a rope and attached to the dilapidated ceiling. The smallest of breezes made it creak and swing as Dan gloomily ambled towards an unconscious Phil.

The darkness outside matched with the one in his heart, and he laid down beside Phil, solemnly watching the rise and fall of his chest. Even if their conversations were banal and uninteresting at times, the lack of it made Dan feel lifeless.

He sighed deeply and pushed his thoughts aside, wondering when he had started to enjoy Phil's companionship so much. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment no matter how hard he tried.

~*~

  
Dan's consciousness floated to the surface quite abruptly, pushing back the trite, repeated dreams. He woke with a start to the sound of coughing and whimpering. His instincts made him sit up immediately, eyes wide as he stared at Phil. He was coughing, and he scratched his throat as if it was burning him. “W-water,” he mumbled shakily.

Dan's heart did a joyous little dance, and he instantly grabbed the glass and jug of water he had kept for Phil above their large mattress. He poured some water into the glass and asked, “Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

Phil breathed heavily. “S-sick.”

“Here,” he said, and helped Phil up, hopeful again after seeing Phil awake. He sat up a little and closed his eyes, blinking repeatedly to clear his vision.

Dan brought the glass to Phil's lips, slightly chapped but enchanting. He bit his lip and focused on helping Phil. “You're not burning up anymore,” he observed as Phil sipped, coughing once and sipping some more. He looked away and grunted when he was done. Dan put the glass away but held him close. “Do you need anything else?”

Phil rested his head against Dan's shoulders and mumbled, “No.”

“Are you sure you're okay?” Dan asked, furrowing his eyebrows, his arms around Phil's weak body. His voice was cracking, and he was still warm to the touch but shivering and shaking like he was barefoot in Antarctica.

Phil coughed, curling up and snuggling against Dan's body. His lips accidentally brushed the nape of Dan's neck and Dan shivered involuntarily. “J-just a little cold.”

“O-okay,” Dan mumbled, suddenly bothered with the close proximity, “Do you want to lie down again?”

Phil nodded against his shoulder, his hair tickling Dan's neck. Dan breathed brokenly and guided Phil back to the mattress gently. He removed his jacket next, sighing softly before wrapping Phil in it. Phil's blue eyes, bright and vivid in the chill of the night, followed his every movement carefully, watching him with a warm gaze.

“What?” Dan asked quietly, his eyes meeting Phil's gaze. He was watching Dan with a softness he had never seen before, and Dan was taken aback. Disoriented, he couldn't maintain eye contact, and he dropped his eyes to the floor.

Suddenly, Phil's warm fingers slid into his, holding on tightly. His stomach flipped but he stayed still, not knowing what else to do. “T-thank you,” Phil whispered, his voice utterly broken but filled with so much genuine gratitude that Dan felt strangled with it.

He was beginning to understand Phil more and more. It was almost painful to watch, to see Phil looking so amazed and blown away at the smallest display of affection. Phil thanked him and was so enamoured by simple things that normally people took for granted. Perhaps, it was because usually he didn't receive outside help, maybe he had no one to take care of him.

Almost abruptly, the realization dawned on him, and he saw Phil in a new light. Phil was lonely, _alone._ It was heart-wrenching, he thought, but it was true. Phil had no one. His family was dead, his friends barely cared, and he had no other lovers or partners he could depend on. Dan's chest ached when he thought about it, how alone and hurt Phil must feel all the time. He was similar to Dan in a way he couldn't describe, and it was suddenly very hard to swallow the lump in his throat.

“You don't have to thank me,” he whispered honestly, his voice sounding emotional to his own ears. “It's alright, Phil.”

Phil nodded and gave Dan a tiny, thankful smile, closing his eyes contently. He was still holding Dan's hand tightly in his own, and he squeezed it as he whispered, “I think you're the most amazing friend I've ever had.”

~*~

  
Dan was heating up the leftover fish and mushrooms from the day before when Phil slowly sauntered out of the hut, looking utterly flummoxed. It was early evening but the heat of the sun was almost unbearable. Phil had been unconscious for two days, and Dan's pulse jumped, ecstatic to see Phil awake and aware. He lurched to his feet and hopped towards Phil, a wide, hopeful smile on his face.

“Phil!” Dan exclaimed, enveloping him in a warm, friendly embrace. He felt Phil tense, his shoulders stiffening as Dan's arms slid around his waist, but the utter joy of having Phil active again was uncontrollable, and he couldn't bring himself to care about Phil's slight awkwardness and discomfort. “I'm glad you're awake!”

Phil squirmed anxiously, wriggling out of the hug, his eyes wide. “Er . . . yeah, I feel better now.”

“Great!” Dan cheered, but Phil looked at him oddly and he said more calmly, composing himself. “That's good.”

Phil nodded and Dan raised his hand, bringing it towards his face. Phil blinked and his eyes slightly widened when Dan placed his cool hand against Phil's forehead, checking his temperature. “You don't have a fever either. I think you're okay.”

He removed his hand and looked at Phil to find him staring a bit dazedly, his mouth agape. Dan tilted his head in confusion. “Phil, what's wrong?”

“Huh?” Phil blinked. “Nothing.” He looked away towards the fire. “Nothing is wrong.”

Dan frowned but said nothing. “Okay?”

Phil sighed, “I'm starving.”

“Oh.” Dan nodded understandingly, walking around the fire to grab the food items. “Do you want some red mushrooms?”

“No, they taste too sweet,” Phil wrinkled his nose, “I want the purple ones.”

Dan nodded and began to pile food items onto a plate for Phil, pondering distantly about the next course of action. Phil seemed to have recovered, maybe not fully, but he seemed fine enough. Dan had delayed going to the beach for two days, mostly due to Phil's unconscious state, but they couldn't afford to put it off for any longer. If Phil's physical state hadn't improved, if he said he was still incapable of walking to the beach, Dan would have to go alone. Dan sighed at the thought and handed the plate to Phil, smiling in amusement when he dived into his food immediately.

~*~

  
Phil insisted on coming with Dan after all, and Dan didn't bother to dissuade him since he looked completely energetic, and he was back to his usual awkward self. As soon as they had decided to leave, Queen had run towards them enthusiastically, accompanied by her snake boyfriend. The white snake was the perfect paradigm of jealous as Queen coiled around Phil's leg and hugged him tightly, happy to see him bustling about again.

They had meandered through the forest in a brisk pace, reaching the beach just in time to see the ocean swallowing the sun. They had accumulated various fruits on the way and it took them almost an hour to set the humongous bonfire ablaze. The fire had spread large and wide, spitting out flames and smoke into the cool air of the night. It burned with fervour, lighting up the entire shore, the sand gleaming like crystal jewels.

Then, Dan had pulled Phil to another, quieter side to watch the remaining show of sunset. They had sat side by side, the ocean stretched far and wide in front of them. Even in the absolute darkness of the night, Dan had noticed the deep blue of Phil's eyes as he watched the giant red ball drown beneath the waves. He had looked away, of course, unable to comprehend the ferocity of his tumultuous emotions.

“You're walking like a fucking sloth, Dan,” Phil chided, slowing his pace to walk beside Dan. “It's getting dark. We should hurry.”

Dan blinked out of his thoughts and looked around. It was dark already, with just the moonlight irradiating their path as they walked back to the hut. The forest was quiet, too quiet, except for the distant howls of wolves that erupted every once in a while. Queen was slithering ahead of them, the white snake stuck to her side protectively.

Dan sighed tiredly, latching on to Phil's arm and resting his weight against Phil. “Carry me.”

“No way.”

“My feet hurt,” Dan whined, “It's swollen and red. I'm bleeding. Please.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “It's not bleeding, you idiot. Your feet are fine.”

“It is!” Dan pledged, “It is bleeding!”

“No, it is not,” Phil said dubiously.

Dan grumbled something incoherent under his breath and released Phil's arm, moving away from Phil. Phil looked at his arm and then at Dan, biting his lip and furrowing his eyebrows. “Does your feet really hurt that much?”

Dan huffed and crossed his arms against his chest, “Yes.”

Phil gazed at him worriedly, chewing on his bottom lip and appearing contemplative. Finally, he sighed, “Alright, fine.”

Dan's eyes darted up in astonishment. “What?”

Phil rolled his eyes but he looked extremely embarrassed. “I said fine, I'll carry you.”

Dan stopped abruptly, halting his locomotion. His eyes were wide and astounded, and he was utterly flabbergasted by Phil's genuine response. He didn't actually think Phil would accede to his barefaced demands, and he wasn't even serious. His feet hurt very bad, yes, but he didn't actually want Phil to carry him all the way back to the valley. He would never make Phil do that, especially after being sick and comatose for two whole days. He was simply joking around and didn't expect Phil to be so willing to grant his unabashed wishes.

“I–” Dan began, but he was cut off by the sound of rushing footsteps that echoed in the quietude of the darkness.

Phil was alert in an instant. “What is that?”

A long, ear-piercing howl cracked the silence in two and the sound echoed in Dan's ears like a death bell, ringing and ringing until it was all he could hear. “Wolves,” he whispered, terrified.

Phil's eyes widened and he looked left and right. “Where's Queen?”

There was another howl, loud and closer, cutting through his senses like a knife. Violent grunts and angry snarls filled the quiet atmosphere as hasty footsteps came closer and closer, thumping and ploughing the ground as they ran.

“Fuck. Fuck! Where is she? Where did she go?” Phil breathed, looking around fearfully, eyes searching his beloved pet. Dan was sure she was crawling ahead a minute ago, bumping her partner playfully, but now she was nowhere to be seen and they _needed _her.

Collective howls sounded from so close that Dan jumped in fear. Phil was heaving himself, eyes darting back and forth in absolute panic as he pulled Dan to hide behind a tree. “Dammit, we shouldn't have come today. We should've stayed at the hut. We should've . . .” Phil breathed heavily, eyes widening as he heard their snarls and growls, sounds of twigs and branches snapping underneath their pounding feet.

Phil turned to give Dan a fear-filled look. “Fuck, where the hell is Queen?”

Dan's eyes were wide as he looked around in trepidation and mind-numbing terror. A particularly violent snarl startled him as he stared at Phil, utterly petrified, his hands shaking as he gripped Phil's arm so tightly, he saw Phil wince. There was no mistaking it anymore. The pack of wolves were headed straight towards them, furious, violent and hungry for blood. The sound came from everywhere, from all directions and he couldn't understand where to go. _Where was Queen?!_

“Hey, no,” Phil urged, voice full of dread, “Dan, stop. Don't panic. We'll be okay.”

Dan couldn't stop panting and he looked up at Phil, eyes full of fear. Phil gazed back, and there was just a single moment of calm, a minute of utter silence that screamed in Dan's ears before the howls started all over again. A giant wolf leapt out of the bushes to stand directly in front of them, blood dripping from sharp, protruding canines.

Dan's hands slipped down from Phil's arms to grasp his hand, and Phil instantly laced their fingers together, squeezing tightly, the roughness of his long fingers providing Dan reassurance in a moment of utter powerlessness.

The wolf, larger than Dan and Phil both combined, snarled at them, scrunching up its nose and sniffing the air. Its threatening eyes glowed in the moonlight and its thick grey fur was almost majestically beautiful in the gloom of the night. It let out a nascent growl and stepped towards them, footsteps calm but calculating, almost as if it were testing the waters, analyzing the nature of its prey.

Suddenly, there was another howl, and the wolf twisted its neck to look behind it for its companions, the rest of its pack. Sounds of hasty paws pummeling the ground filled the disquietude, and then everything seemed to happen all at once.

Large, grey wolves, predatory, smelling of death and blood and violence, came rushing towards them, and the whole world suddenly blurred. The only thing Dan could hear was the rapid pounding of his heart, his eyes unwaveringly fixated on the ugly creature that demanded his death. His feet were hammered to the earth, and he couldn't move, couldn't even feel his numb feet.

Then, like a helping hand reaching out through a thick fog, Phil's hands squeezed his own and pulled so hard that he stumbled. He distantly heard Phil screaming at him to run, to get away, and like stuck in a hazy dream, his feet began to slowly move as he tore his gaze away from the pack of wolves that leapt at them.

“Come on, Dan!” Phil yelled, pulling his hand as he ran faster and faster.

Through the unshakable mist of muddled thoughts and terror-filled emotions, he heard the sound of his own pounding feet, the rapid thundering of his heart, and the vehement thudding of their predators' feet. Adrenaline rushed through his veins, and the utter _need _to survive covered every inch of his body. The night was ruthless and unmerciful, cursing them to endless darkness that covered every corner of the forest as they ran.

Phil jumped over a fallen tree, urging Dan to do the same, his fingers still holding on to Dan's sweaty hand. They were being ardently, unabatingly pursued, and his chest ached with helplessness as he ran for what felt like eternity, pushing himself to his atmost limit.

He knew it would happen eventually, but his throat felt choked and fear covered him deep down to his bones as he slowly started running out of energy. His breaths came out in heavy, suffocating pants, and his pulse roared in his ears as his fingers slipped from Phil's hands.

Dan wanted to scream, to shout Phil's name, and tell him to stop, but his throat burned like it was on fire, and his chest ached like someone had impaled him with a sword. All that left his mouth was a terrified whimper as he tripped on a log of wood and stumbled to the ground, eyes wide as he stared at Phil who continued his escape, unaware of Dan's unfortunate fate.

Two wolves jumped over his head and stood, looming, in front of him, blocking his path. Dan's mind screamed at him to act and he scrambled around to get up. His anxious eyes darted left and right, looking for an exit, but another two wolves grunted from either side of him, the remaining wolf blocking his route from behind him. Dan's hope crumbled and burned to ashes as he realized what they were doing.

They were trapping him in a dangerous circle, leaving no space at all for him to leave unscathed. Dan's throat went dry, and he stared in terror as the larger wolf in front of him, the alpha of the pack, bared its teeth, growling, sniffing the air agitatedly.

It let out a howl, and Dan flinched back as the wolves prowled around him, snarling and grunting. His heart dropped deep down into the empty pits of his stomach as he watched, his inevitable death standing in front of him, inviting him into ceaseless oblivion with open arms.

Dan's eyes searched for Phil in horror, but he was nowhere to be seen, and the wolves' dirty stench was all he could smell. Fear filled him head to toe, and he should've been angry at Phil for betraying him, but he wasn't. Regardless of what Phil thought, he had accepted Phil's friendship genuinely, and he would never ask his friends to sacrifice their lives for him, _never__._

Dan panted, his whole body shaking and shuddering with the twisted realization that he was going to become a hapless victim of these barbarous beasts then and there. His instincts screamed at him to do something, but his mind was numb, and he saw nothing, not a single way to save himself. They had surrounded him completely, and he could do nothing but whimper pathetically as they howled around him.

The alpha made a leap, and Dan screamed in fear, covering his head with his hands, a billion thoughts running through his head. No one was coming to save him. _No one. _He was going to die, and even in death, he wouldn't find his peace. They would tear his body to shreds, they would devour him, gorge on his lifeless corpse, and there was nothing, absolutely _nothin_g he could do about it. A large lump grew in his throat, and he heard his painful death in his ears. His body shook like a leaf as they jumped closer, a terrified sob escaping his lips.

“Dan!”

Dan's whole body thrummed with the vibration of that scream, the scream of his name. His head snapped up, shocked, and he saw Phil running towards him with a ferocious determination burning in his deep blue eyes. For a single second, Dan forgot everything about his perilous situation, and maybe years later, he would remember thinking in that exact moment about how he could get eternally lost in those beautiful, _beautiful _eyes of Phil's.

Phil was glorious in his movements, his actions full of so much strength and passion and valour that Dan could only gape with wide, fearful eyes as he accelerated through a pack of dangerous beasts to stand in front of him protectively, arms stretched out as if to prevent _anyone _from laying even a single finger on Dan.

Dan's stomach flipped, and his heart thumped almost violently against his chest. The wolves howled in anger and marched at them in lightning speed. Dan let out a blood-curdling scream and grabbed Phil tightly, closing his eyes. Phil gripped Dan back just as tightly as they waited for the swiftly approaching impact.

It didn't come.

A silent moment passed, the quiet filled with their heavy pants as they hugged each other so tightly, he could hardly breathe.

“What . . .” Phil breathed heavily, sounding confused. Slowly, cautiously, Dan opened his eyes, releasing Phil gradually.

The sight he saw in front of him could've made international news if anyone were to capture it on camera. Queen was standing in front of them in an overly protective way, her head held high, her scaley skin shimmering elegantly in the moonlight. She hissed angrily, fearlessly, at the wolves, her mate looming behind her silently as if bored.

Dan watched in terrified silence as the larger wolf, the alpha, stepped forward and made an impatient noise. Queen hissed and he made a noise again. They were conversing, Dan deduced in wonder. Queen was hissing ferociously, so fastly, that Dan wondered if she was scolding them.

Suddenly, the rest of the wolves bowed, lowering their head in shame, making a sound similar to guilty little puppies as she continued to hiss at them. “What the . . .” Phil muttered.

Dan could only watch helplessly as the stubborn alpha bowed his head, looking ashamed. Queen hissed one more time and bowed herself, keeping her head lowered until the wolves started leaving one by one, not even bothering to glance in their direction.

“What just happened?” Phil asked in shock when they had all left, running back to where they had come from.

Queen raised her head, and looked back at them, shaking her head in disappointment and hissing at her mate. Her mate nodded and their eyes seemed to sparkle with mirth. Dan wondered if she was calling them stupid in weird snake language. It didn't seem entirely implausible.

“Dan?” Phil said with worry, “Are you okay?”

Dan blinked, looking up at Phil and then at himself. His hands were still shaking violently, and he took a deep breath before answering, “Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm just . . .” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Just shaken. I'll be fine.”

Phil nodded, but his eyes were concerned. “Are you sure you're–”

Dan's facade cracked, and he jumped forward almost abruptly, tackling Phil into a bone-crunching hug, his throat closing up and his eyes filling up with relieved tears.

“Whoa!” Phil exclaimed, stumbling back. He regained his balance pretty quickly and whispered questioningly, voice shocked and his body tense, “Dan?”

Dan breathed heavily, holding on to Phil tightly. His body was shaking, and his chest ached. “I . . . I was so scared,” he admitted in an embarrassed whisper, feeling small and utterly broken.

There was an understanding silence just then, and Phil's body slowly but surely lost its rigidness, his arms slowly sliding around Dan, returning the embrace gently. Dan sighed into the comforting hug.

“You're safe now,” Phil mumbled against his shoulder, lips moving against Dan's smooth skin. “We're okay.”

There was a lump in Dan's throat, and he wanted to thank Phil a million times for not betraying him, for coming back for him and protecting him even when his own life was at risk. Dan was used to people leaving him when things got hard, and Phil dashing back splendourly to save him like a hero meant so much to him that he couldn't find words to express his thankfulness.

A thousand emotions hid behind his eyelids, and he had so much to say to Phil, but all he did was bury himself deeper into the warmth and safety of Phil's body, losing himself in the security of his arms.


	21. Wants and needs

Phil stumbled into the hut on unsteady feet, Dan clinging to his arm, exhaustion undisputedly evident on his heavy eyelids. Phil knew it was close to midnight, and the moon was high up in the sky. It was a warm night, and the chillness in the air wasn't enough to extinguish the churning agitation in his body. He was still on alert-mode, ready to pounce and act on any visible threat. Dan was more shaken and rattled than he was. If Phil looked carefully, he knew he would be able to see the slight quiver of Dan's pale hands.

“Fuck,” Dan mumbled as he staggered towards the mattress, and toppled onto it, heaving and letting out a huge breath of relief. “Today was the worst day of my life.”

Phil sighed deeply and sat beside Dan on the mattress, resting his back against the wall and spreading his long legs. “I didn't think we would live,” he admitted in slight astonishment. The wolves had sprung out of nowhere, announcing their imminent death that had looked unavoidable. He had expected, the moment he had heard the ghastly growl, to lose a limb or two in the unforeseen encounter, but they had somehow managed to escape with all their bodily organs unharmed and perfectly intact.

The word 'grateful' couldn't even begin to describe his feelings about the whole confrontation and narrow escape.

“I should really make an effort to like Queen,” Dan intoned slowly, “She's probably a real Queen, isn't she?”

Phil shrugged, not providing an answer simply because he didn't know. Queen was an enigma, and her actual regal status was unanticipated and doubtful. They knew nothing about her, but she could very well have been the actual reigning monarch of the entire island. Her impeccable manners certainly alluded to it. Her movements were that of an empress, noble and magnolious. Phil sighed, wondering if they had actually, most likely accidentally, managed to summon the Queen herself to their aid.

Phil sighed, overcome by lassitude. Whatever her royal title was, he thought, they had no choice but to trust her judgements and hope for the best.

“Fuck, I really need a drink,” Dan admitted tiredly as he moaned exaggeratedly, stretching his long, thin limbs, and rubbing his exhausted eyes. Phil's eyes were suddenly fixated on his relaxed form. “Phil, will you please hand me the bottle of that weird alcohol?”

The question took Phil by surprise, and he blinked repeatedly, snapping his gaze away from Dan's ripe thighs to his fatigued face. “What?”

“It's next to the pile of torn clothes, to your left,” he elaborated, pointing vaguely in the direction as he swept his hair back lazily, his concentration somewhere else.

Phil turned to his left, completely baffled as he scoured through the dirty heap to find more than a dozen bottles of the same alcoholic substance they had had before. “What the . . .” he mumbled in absolute bemusement. “You never told me there was more than one bottle!”

Dan smirked cheekily, “Well, you never asked.”

“You clever son of a bitch,” Phil breathed, grabbing the bottle and corking it open. “You're so annoying, god!”

Dan's grin widened and he sat up, seizing the bottle, and taking a long, relieved sip. “Stop lying. You know you love me.” He chuckled nonchalantly, handing the bottle back to Phil and wiping his mouth.

Phil stared, unable to look away, at the lazy smile on Dan's pink lips. He was so relaxed, so at ease in the presence of Phil, that it hurt to look at. There was a time when they couldn't stand each other's existences, but now, Phil couldn't even imagine not _seeing _Dan for a day, not being with him, not noticing the crinkles near his eyes when he smiled. _Fuck. _Phil's throat was tight, and he looked away, bringing the bottle to his mouth and drinking away his unwanted thoughts.

~*~

  
“How do you do it?” Dan asked suddenly, gazing out at the dark field in front of them, stretched far and wide, mingling with the looming shadows of trees at the end. His thin physique blended in beautifully with the cool darkness of the night, and Phil's hazy mind couldn't help but gawk openly.

“Do what?” Phil slurred, crossing his legs, his knees touching Dan's thick thighs, his eyes staring unwaveringly at the mess of tousled curls that fell over Dan's forehead. Two empty bottles lay scattered near his leg, twinkling in the pale light of the moon. They were drunk out of their minds, and somehow they had ended up on the porch, sitting with their backs resting against the wooden wall and legs swinging down the edge.

Dan's gaze remained fixed on something down below, and he gestured vaguely with his hands, flinging them clumsily as if that was supposed to make Phil understand. “How are you so . . .” Dan rubbed his forehead, searching for words. “So calm and–and composed . . .” He sighed heavily and uncapped the third bottle with trembling fingers “ . . . like all the time. How do you do it?”

“Eh . . .” Phil shrugged helplessly, scratching his head. His eyes fortuitously dropped down to Dan's slender fingers, tightly wrapped around the neck of the bottle, cool fingertips brushing against the fragile glass almost like . . . like . . . Phil gulped and tore his gaze away, his breaths heavy and unsteady. “I, erm, I'm not calm and composed.”

Dan wiped his lips and handed the bottle to Phil, visibly oblivious. “You are, though,” he insisted stubbornly, yawning and stretching out his arms. As he raised his hands, his T-shirt rode up, revealing a stretch of pale skin underneath, looking smooth like butter. “You always are. Nothing bothers you.” Dan sighed tiredly and smiled a bit while saying it but still did not turn to look at Phil.

“You bother me,” Phil mumbled quietly, discreetly looking away from Dan's recently exposed skin. He chugged the awfully disgusting substance from the bottle and urged himself to calm the fuck down. His mind was all over the place, splattered across the ground in a mess of strange but fascinating emotions. This was a weird night, he thought, and he wanted it to end, but . . . no, he also _didn'_t want it to end. What a strange sort of dilemma he was stuck in.

“Hmm?” Dan harrumphed, not appearing to have heard Phil's scandalous admission. “What did you say?”

Phil swallowed with difficulty and choked out, “Nothing.”

Dan hummed pleasantly, shifting closer to Phil. “I've never even seen you cry,” he chirped absently as his warm fingers slid around Phil's own around the bottle. Phil's muddled mind spun, his heart thumping against his ribcage as Dan leaned closer and snatched the bottle back. “You're always in control . . . ” Dan's eyebrows furrowed. “ . . . well, except when we are fighting.”

Phil stared at his empty hands, his fingers still tingling from the warmth of Dan's hand. His eyes drooped and his mouth was agape. There was a bead of sweat forming on his forehead, and his whole mind was a swirling, shambolic mess of unmethodical chaos. With a shaky exhalation, he managed to blurt, “I–I'm not.” He closed his eyes and searched for a proper, coherent sentence that hadn't disintegrated into broken little fragments. “I just look like I am. I'm never calm.”

“Wow, really?” Dan asked sceptically, squinting his eyes at the ground. He hadn't looked at Phil all night, focusing instead on drinking away his agitated nerves from before.

“Funny you think that.” Phil sighed, gazing up at the countless number of shimmering stars. “I never feel in control. I always feel like I'm standing on the edge, always scared of falling . . .” His eyes were dark as he stared at the wondrous sky. “Always on the verge of another mental breakdown.” He let out a bitter chuckle. “I'm never calm.”

Phil could see the whole galaxy up there in the sky, clouds of nebula and a thousand dreams whirling around in an artistic pool. He could see the whole life span of those twinkling little things, burning and dying right before his eyes . . . or maybe he was just _really _drunk. He rubbed his eyes, shaking his head furiously to get rid of the droopiness in his eyes. He looked up and the galaxy was gone.

“Fuck,” Phil muttered tiredly, suddenly emotional. _It was just such a weird night._

There was a solemn silence for few unsettling moments, but then, unexpectedly, Dan's arms cautiously, almost affectionately, made its way around Phil's thin waist, locking around him in a half-embrace as he laid his head on Phil's shoulder comfortingly. “Aww, it's okay, Phil.” Dan's voice was full of understanding. “We all feel a little lonely every once in a while.”

Dan squeezed him tightly, his head still resting on Phil's shoulder as he scooted closer and glued himself to Phil's side. The heat of his body was burning Phil's skin, and something churned violently in his body.

It started in his stomach, the ache, the ache for something unknown, something indescribable. It started deep down in his stomach and slowly crawled up to his chest, burning its way through his throat. He felt strangled with the feeling, and Dan's arms wrapped around his waist felt like too much too soon.

“Phil, look!” Dan's fascinating exclamation cut through the haze in his mind, and he blinked as Dan's arms fell away, his attention stolen by something else. “Whoa.”

“Hmm?” Phil frowned, slowly looking up to peer at the ground below. He blinked in bewilderment. “Wha . . .”

What he saw in front of him took his breath away, his eyes widening into two giant balls as he stared, mesmerised, blue eyes sparkling like a small child at Disneyland. “It's . . . ” he whispered slowly, mouth agape in child-like wonder.

“Beautiful,” Dan murmured, voice barely above a small whisper as he stared with wide eyes, frantic, excited, looking everywhere all at once as if to take it all in in one single breath.

A million fireflies littered the ground, flying everywhere, dazzling little lights whipping back and forth in the air, glimmering like an ancient empress's formal gown. Phil's breath caught in his throat as he watched the entire valley glow with the luminescence of the fireflies, feeling as if he was sat at the very centre of the universe itself.

“It's like a disco ball!” Dan gushed excitedly, jumping down and grabbing Phil's hands, warm fingers clutching his tightly. “Come on!”

Dan pulled him down, staggering towards the centre of the valley excitedly, taking Phil with him. Dan was pulling him too forcefully, and Phil's drunken mind wasn't capable of maintaining balance. He tripped on a rock and stumbled down to the ground awkwardly. “What are you doing, you utter imbecile?” Dan giggled in amusement, releasing his hands and clapping them together as he gazed all around them excitedly.

Phil groaned and rubbed the back of his head. “I'm not doing anything! You pulled me.” He placed his hands on the ground and tried to push himself to his feet, but the world turned suddenly, and he stumbled back to the ground with an exasperated groan. “Dammit.”

Dan let out a cackling laugh, the sound echoing in the valley. Phil stared at him from the ground in silent wonderment, mouth agape. There were glistening insects all around them, flying right past his eyes, but Dan's bright grinning face was all he could see.

Dan smirked down at him, a mischevious glint in his warm coffee eyes as he taunted unabashedly, “See something you like?”

Phil's heart thumped against his ribcage, and suddenly he wanted to pin Dan to the ground and wipe that smug smirk off his face. In the next moment, he didn't think, he acted. He bolted upright, and in a swift motion, shoved Dan to the ground. He staggered back and fell back on his bum, eyes wide and baffled.

“You dick!” he screamed, shocked.

Phil laughed smugly, eyes sparkling at his accomplishment. “_What are you doing, you utter imbecile?_” he mocked Dan's earlier statement, cackling loudly, eyes full of mirth. He shook his head and climbed to his feet, his head spinning for a few seconds as he stood upright.

It didn't last because soon a competitive Dan was yanking his leg. Phil stumbled forward and cursed, “Fuck!”

Dan scrambled to his feet quickly and chortled, running backwards, away from Phil. “Poor Phil,” he teased deliberately, “Has the skills of a weeping toddler.”

“Why, you little . . .” Phil glared as he stepped towards Dan, but he didn't feel angry. “Come back here!” he ordered as Dan staggered back, letting out a chuckle.

“Aww, is Philly too drunk to run now?” Dan teased playfully.

“You're such an asshole!” Phil grumbled as he ran after Dan in annoyance and frustration. Dan's eyes widened and he laughed as he ran backwards. But it didn't look like he was running at all. He looked like he was drunkenly stumbling all over the place. Phil knew he looked the exact same but couldn't bring himself to care.

Dan giggled, panting slightly. Phil's own breaths came in short pants as he watched Dan who, too excited in his mad dash, tripped on a log of wood and stumbled. Phil smirked at the blunder and grabbed the collar of Dan's shirt, hauling him back abruptly. Dan staggered back, stepping on Phil's foot. Phil let out a yelp of pain and stumbled back, taking Dan down with him and falling to the ground in a heap of awkwardly placed limbs.

“Fucking hell!” Phil bellowed as Dan's body crushed him to the ground. Dan, though, pleased to have the upper hand, climbed up to sit properly on Phil's stomach, holding Phil down and grinning brightly.

“You lost. You're a loser. I win like alway–” he began, but stopped, blinking repeatedly as the fireflies rose upwards into the air, the brightness engulfing them from all sides.

The tiny insects buzzed through the air, glistening everywhere and all over the place and it looked like a stubborn child had wrapped fairy lights all around the valley, hoping to chase away the unending darkness and regrets. It was mind-blowingly, earth-shatteringly beautiful, and Phil was spellbound.

“Wow . . .” Dan's voice was delicate in the quiet glow of the majestic creatures. There was an emotion in his slurred voice that Phil couldn't discern, but it made him look away from the fireflies and up at the innocent face of Dan.

Phil's breath suddenly caught in his throat, choking him as he stared at the wondrous look on Dan's face, at his awed eyes staring earnestly up at the sky. He was so close, far, far too close, and Phil noticed for the first time the rich, earthy brown of his eyes, the colour of fertile soil after a bountiful rain. Dan was shining, or maybe he looked like he was, under the shimmer of a thousand stars and fireflies. There was an angelic sort of glow around his head, and Phil's mouth opened in a confused daze.

Suddenly, he wanted to . . . to touch, touch Dan to make sure he was real, because, at that moment, Dan looked almost unearthly, with his flushed, rosy cheeks and messy hair and soft, kissable lips and those huge sparkling eyes, he looked unattainable, like something only to be seen and admired from afar but not to be touched and felt and . . .

Phil's heart fluttered like a bird's wings, and he couldn't breathe, couldn't think. He _needed . . . needed so bad . . ._

“Fucking beautiful, isn't it?” Dan whispered in delighted awe, eyes fixed on the fireflies that flew away collectively towards an unknown destination.

He was still sat on Phil's stomach and Phil's throat squeezed and burned, and there was something he knew he should say, but he couldn't find the right words, and everything felt tangled up in his throat. “Yeah, you are,” was what left his stupid, _stupid _mouth.

Phil watched in panic as Dan's huge, brown eyes widened swiftly, the words slowly but surely registering in his hazy mind. He turned to look down at Phil and their eyes locked properly for the first time that night. The light of the fireflies had faded and once again moonlight dripped onto Dan's pale skin like warm milk as he asked, his eyes wide. “What . . .”

Phil's heart did a backflip and then came thudding back violently against his chest as a rush of adrenaline burst through his veins. He flipped them over in one swift motion, pinning Dan down to the ground, his breaths coming out in heavy pants.

Dan's eyes were wide and surprised and shocked all at once as he stared up at Phil with those beautifully innocent eyes, his unruly curls splayed across the grass almost artistically. Phil's heart was pounding vehemently, his hands on either side of Dan's head, his face so close to Dan's that he could see each individual eyelash on his eyelids, thick and black, fanning against his flushed cheeks as he blinked. He was so, _so close_, he could see the gold in Dan's irises, but somehow the gap seemed too wide and too much and too far. He felt choked and he couldn't look away from the intensity of Dan's gaze.

“I . . .” Phil murmured shakily, “I win.”

Dan was breathing heavily, staring at Phil with wide eyes. The moment stilled and stretched on, and he felt like the world itself was watching, waiting with bated breath, to see what would happen next. Time stopped, and the moment was so fragile, so delicate, he knew if he even took a single breath, it would break into a thousand fragments.

Then, something happened that took Phil's breath away. Those bewitching eyes of Dan's dropped to his lips, glancing and then lifting back up in a split second. If Phil weren't staring unblinkingly, he would've missed it, but he didn't, and he _saw_ it, the hungry look in Dan's eyes, the unmistakable _want_, and his heart thudded ferociously against his chest.

Dan licked his lips, and Phil gaped, breathing heavily, barely controlling himself. “Phil, I–”

He didn't know who moved, maybe it was him, maybe it was Dan, maybe it was the both of them, but their lips crashed in a bruising, burning kiss, knocking the air out of his lungs. His heart thumped ferociously against his ribs, and he heard his blood rushing in his ears as he felt the weight of Dan's lips on his. His lips were so soft, so earnest and craving, he kissed like he was drowning, and all of a sudden, Phil's head was dizzy, and he felt like he was leaving this world, transcending everything.

Phil's hand moved to grab Dan's baby soft curls, fingers twisting and tangling in it, filling his palm with the fluffy strands as he traced Dan's lips forcefully and shoved his tongue into his mouth, swirling and locking around Dan's own. Dan let out a tiny whimper and pushed against Phil's lips with his own tongue. A primal, almost animalistic desire came over Phil as he sucked Dan's bottom lip and pulled it with his tongue, one hand coming up to grip Dan's jaw so tightly, he knew it would leave an imprint.

Their breaths mingled and the realness of it all shook his very core. He could feel every single cell of his body, hear the rapid pounding of both of their hearts. He could hear Dan's shallow breaths, feel the heat of his mouth, and the softness of his velvet tongue with impossible clarity. His chest squeezed and screamed for air, but he felt like he would die if he stopped, if he didn't taste every single corner of Dan's mouth.

He lost himself in the softness of those beautiful lips and he couldn't even recognize the passage of time. It could have been only a few seconds, or a few minutes, or maybe a century, he couldn't tell, couldn't even care about it. Nothing mattered and his mind was full of Dan.

“_Ngh,_” Dan whimpered when Phil pulled Dan's hair tight enough to hurt. The moment he turned his mouth to make that sound, Phil groaned and panted, out of breath, heaving, but unable to stop as he traced his lips down Dan's jawline, kissing down his neck, nuzzling against the skin and inhaling deeply. The heady smell of fresh grass and rain intoxicated his senses and there just a small hint of manliness in the scent, and it made blood rush to his groin.

Phil twisted Dan's hair in his hand and forced him to turn his neck to the side, kissing and sinking his teeth into the delicate skin of Dan's exposed neck. Dan moaned loudly, trembling in Phil's arms, his fingers quivering as they came up to tangle in Phil's hair. “Phhhhhil . . .” Dan shuddered pathetically as Phil sucked the sensitive spot on his neck. “_Nuhhhhh__.”_

Phil crashed their lips together again, and Dan clung to him like a dying man, gripping his shoulders with trembling fingers and kissing him messily, desperately. “Please . . .” he moaned as Phil pressed his finger against the raw bruise on his neck. “Phil, please . . .”

Phil froze, stopping all movements instantly, his lips stilling above Dan's. The sound of his name being uttered clearly by Dan snapped him back to reality, and his passionate emotions burst like an inflated balloon. The flutter in his chest disappeared, and suddenly, the world he knew crumbled and his stomach plummeted to the ground as the realization dawned on his drowsy mind.

“Come on,” Dan groaned, completely oblivious and drunk and horny as he tried to pull Phil back into a kiss.

Suddenly, Phil's mind was as clear as a bright, summer sky, and he wrenched apart as if burned, eyes wide and beyond shocked at his own stupid actions. _What was he doing?_

“Phil?” Dan inquired in a daze, eyes wide and turned on, his breathing heavy as he sat up to peer at Phil who had jumped away. His face was flushed, lips swollen and red, his hair a complete mess, the direct result of Phil's relentless attack.

Phil breathed heavily, his mind a jumbled mess of feelings and unwanted wishes. “Fuck, I . . . sorry,” he stumbled on his own words, feeling flustered under Dan's hopeful gaze. “This is . . . it's wrong. I-I don't–fucking hell.”

Dan blinked repeatedly, the fog of drunkenness lifting from his eyes slowly. He stared at Phil, an unknown emotion twirling inside his brown eyes. “What?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“It's weird,” Phil blurted, feeling terrified. “_Wrong_ . . . I just–I don't want this . . . I'm not . . .” He trailed off at the hurt look on Dan's face, his eyes widening as the implication behind his words dawned on his mind.

A flash of pain crossed Dan's eyes and he looked completely crushed, _humiliated_. He swallowed what appeared to be a lump in his throat and scrambled to get up, avoiding Phil's eyes completely.

Phil's stomach dropped. “Fuck, that's not what I–”

“It's fine,” Dan whispered, sounding hurt as he stood up and started turning away, “I get it.”

Phil's chest ached at the raw pain in Dan's voice and his heart dropped down to the ground. He quickly got up, a lump forming in his throat. He wanted to say something, anything, to make it all better, but Dan was already leaving, and everything was blurry and a fucking mess. “Dan, please,” he said desperately, “That's not what I meant. I–”

Dan wasn't even listening anymore. He had turned around and left. Phil felt choked as he shouted in frustration. “Dan!”

Dan reached the hut in a few quick strides and climbed up the stairs rapidly as if he wanted to get as far away from Phil as possible. Phil's throat tightened and there was an undeniable _need_ inside him, he _needed_ . . . _wanted_ so much, but he _couldn't_. He _shouldn't_, and it was killing him, driving him to the brinks of insanity. The urge was too strong and too much, and it took everything in him to stop thinking about the things he wanted at that moment.

Phil took deep, deep breaths, inhaling lungfuls of air to calm his nerves. He was shaking, and his chest was full of pain. He couldn't understand what had happened, _why_ it had happened. He wasn't . . . . _no, he wasn't. _Why did he kiss Dan if he _wasn't_? His eyes burned, and he stared back at the place where it had happened, where Dan had been just moments ago, sprawled beneath him, shuddering and whimpering and moaning.

Phil's breath hitched in his throat, and he heaved, “Fuck.”

His erection was visible even through the thick material of his jeans, so hard and painful that it was suffocating him. He wanted to rip it open and jerk off until he was drained and his limbs ached, but all he did was collapse to the ground and drop his head into his hands, feeling frustrated, confused and like his world had flipped upside down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! This was such a hard chapter to write. This was one of the very first scenes that I thought of before writing this story. I'm actually very happy that it turned out to be exactly how I wanted, which is pretty rare actually.  
It took them 21 chapters and 90k words to kiss holy heck! But thank you for being patient :) I hope you enjoyed the chapter and tell me what you thought about the kiss if you can! Thank you for reading :)❤


	22. Silence and annoyance

Dan was bathing in the river early in the morning when Phil emerged from the hut, eyes downcast and guilty. Dan looked up with wide eyes, standing in his boxers with the water up to his naked chest. Anticipation crawled up his throat and he had already been waiting, waiting for Phil to arise and explain his behaviour the night before. He remembered every single interaction with stupendous clarity, every sensational second lying sprawled out across the room of his mind.

The moment he had woken up, an incessant niggling of suspense had started in his stomach, and he had already been waiting for Phil to be awake. The kiss had been so good, breathtaking in a way he couldn't describe, and the taste of Phil's chapped lips still lingered on his tongue. He recalled how the kiss had felt so long and interminable, how he had been so out of breath, but he couldn't stop and it had felt like aeons had passed in a swift few seconds.

He still wasn't sure what had happened. They were drunk and things had happened. Phil had kissed him like a drowning man, like he was hanging on to this one thing before inevitably disappearing beneath the waves. The hunger, the sheer _want_ in Phil's frantic and zealous movements had made something fiercely passionate to take control over Dan's body, and he had pressed his fervid lips to Phil's own without even a smidge of hesitation.

It had hurt when Phil had rejected his advances, but after having the whole night to think, he had deduced that Phil was probably as confused as he was about this new development between them. Nevertheless, he was still willing and ready to explore it further if Phil explained himself. As far as he knew, Phil wasn't gay, and he was as straight as an iron pole. He fucked Katie on a regular basis and had never thought of being with the same gender. So, why did he kiss Dan? Dan had a lot of questions.

“Phil,” Dan called as he stepped out of the river and grabbed his shirt, hauling it over his naked shoulders and making his way towards Phil.

Phil blinked and slowly turned his nervous gaze towards Dan. As soon as his eyes fell on Dan's naked torso, they widened a considerable amount. He quickly averted his gaze. “Yes?”

Suddenly, Dan's mouth refused to work and he felt incredibly out of place and awkward. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. It had never happened to him before. He had always been inordinately loquacious, expressing his ideas verbosely even when it was needless, but for some reason at that moment, his mind drew a complete blank and he didn't know what to say. He felt supremely self-conscious and chided himself inside his head for not having the sensibility to at least wear a fucking shirt before confronting Phil. “Erm . . .” Dan intoned, fumbling with his fingers. “Uh, good morning.”

“Good morning,” Phil whispered distantly and bit his lip, not looking like he was going to say anything more. There was an air of awkwardness surrounding them, and Dan felt uncomfortable. “If you'll excuse me, I–” Phil sidestepped him and began to walk away. Dan panicked.

“Wait, Phil!” he blurted, walking to stand in front of Phil again. “Listen, about last night–”

“What about last night?” Phil interrupted, looking everywhere but at Dan. There was a slight nervous quiver buried under the surface of his nonchalant tone, and Dan blinked. “I don't really remember anything. I was so drunk.” There was no emotion in his voice. It was almost robotic and so unlike Phil, Dan just gaped overtly.

“Oh . . .” There was a small ache in Dan's chest. He felt hurt, and he couldn't even understand the reason behind his own reactions. He forgot what he even wanted to say. Why was he making a fool of himself?

“Why?” Phil asked, looking uninterested. “Did something happen?”

“Not really . . .” Dan swallowed, looking down at the ground, his fists tightening behind his back. “It's nothing important . . .”

“Okay,” Phil muttered and nodded, rubbing his eyes. “Hangover sucks. I'm going for a walk. I need some fresh air.”

Dan nodded but didn't bother to say anything. He was lethargic and discouraged all of a sudden, and he wondered if it would be okay to go back to sleep. He felt utterly exhausted and saddened, and looking at Phil made him even more miserable. All he wanted was to be far, far away from the man standing in front of him. So, he simply avoided Phil's eyes, and walked past him towards the hut, feeling strangely hollow inside. Perhaps he should really consider napping for a few hours.

~*~

  
When Dan finally awoke from his long nap, it was to the sound of Phil rummaging through the bag wordlessly. Dan's eyes blinked open swiftly and he sat up slowly, rubbing the drowsiness out of his eyes. “What are you doing?” he inquired in befuddlement, the remnants of his sleep still stubbornly clinging on to his eyelids.

Phil strapped the bag over his shoulder, Queen coiled around his neck as he turned away from Dan and started walking out without a single word. “Phil?” he called in utter confusion.

Phil didn't turn back, instead his pace increased and Dan's eyes widened. “Phil, where are you going?” he asked, raising his voice, but Phil didn't stop his movement.

There was just a fleeting moment of uncertainty before Dan's heart thumped in pain, and he jumped upright and ran after Phil, grabbing his wrist with a strength he didn't know he had until that moment. “Where the fuck are you going?” Dan shouted angrily, “What the hell!”

Phil avoided his eyes. “I'm just going to the beach to light the fire.”

“And you didn't think it necessary to tell me this because?” Dan gritted out in anger, and Phil pursed his lips. “You think it's okay to just disappear while I'm asleep?”

Phil shrugged helplessly, but his face was guilty, “I'm sorry. I just . . .” he rubbed his forehead tensely, looking like the entire weight of the world was resting on his shoulders alone. “I just want to be alone for some time, okay? I'm sorry.”

Dan stared incredulously and the suspicion slowly crept in. “Why?”

Phil bit his lip and shrugged. “No reason.”

Dan pursed his lips and he felt like something was wrong. “Is there something you're not telling me?”

Phil looked away. “No.”

“Phil,” Dan sighed exasperatedly.

“Yes,” Phil hissed, gritting his teeth, “What? I told you it's nothing!”

Dan remained quiet, analyzing Phil's nervous stance. There was an odd sort of tension that lingered in the air like a repugnant odour, and Dan's fingers tightened around Phil's pale wrist as he whispered, “You said you didn't remember.”

Phil visibly swallowed and looked away. “I don't.”

Dan sighed tiredly, “Phil, can we please just sit down and talk about–”

“Stop. Just stop. I don't know what you're talking about, okay?” Phil snapped urgently, looking like he wanted to vomit. “Can you just shut up and leave me alone? Please? I just don't want to be near you right now.”

Dan blinked, stunned, and then bit his lip, feeling hurt. He averted his eyes and slowly dropped Phil's wrist. “Okay,” he murmured quietly.

He felt Phil's remorseful presence beside him, and he knew Phil probably had a penitent expression on his stupid face, but he simply avoided Phil's eyes and walked out of the hut. Seconds later, he heard Phil's footsteps rushing out of the hut and then vanishing into the forest. Dan swallowed the lump in his throat and meandered over to the river, perching on top of a rock.

He wondered if his horniness had actually managed to sabotage a friendship before it even had a chance to begin. He should've pushed Phil away. He shouldn't have let Phil kiss him, but he was drunk and horny and those damn fireflies were just so romantic. His emotions had multiplied and he couldn't resist the way Phil was looking at him, like the sun shined out of his ass. He was smiling, Dan himself was smiling and the entire world looked just a little bit brighter.

It was inevitable, he knew it was inevitable the moment he saw Phil lying on the grass, looking up at Dan with that soft blue gaze. Even when Phil had rejected him, he was hurt but understanding. He knew Phil was overwhelmed and had respected his requests by jerking off on his own inside the hut, but this new situation was a different thing entirely. He had an irking suspicion that Phil, in fact, remembered the previous day's occurrences, and was deliberately circumventing it, wantonly trying to avoid a conversation about it.

Dan sighed, feeling utterly dejected and downhearted as he threw a small stone into the river. It caused two small ripples before sinking to the very bottom of the river floor. With Phil gone and no one to keep him company, it was going to be a long, uninteresting day, and he really didn't look forward to it at all.

~*~

  
Phil didn't return until late into the night. There had been no information at all about where he was except for the plumes of black smoke that erupted from the direction of the beach. Dan had watched the black ugliness tainting the evening sky with empty eyes, awaiting Phil's return. The smoke mingled with the night air and vanished but there had been no sign of Phil at all. With a painful dread in his chest, Dan had started a fire and consumed his dinner alone, feeling more lonely than ever before as he sat close to the hearth, surrounded by nothing but the ominous darkness and strange noises from the forest.

It wasn't until Dan had fallen asleep near the fire, hugging himself, his head on the log of wood, that Phil arrived silently. Dan wouldn't even have noticed him if not for Phil quietly covering his shivering body with the warm blanket. He burrowed into the warmth and softness, blinking his eyes blearily as he yawned, “Phil?”

“Yeah?” Phil mumbled quietly, sitting beside him, “Why are you sleeping outside? It's cold. You're shaking.”

Dan yawned again and sat up a little, noticing that the fire had gone out while he was asleep. He sighed and pulled the blanket closer to his body. “I was waiting for you,” he murmured, rubbing his eyes with one hand like a sleepy child.

There was a tormenting silence just then, but Dan was too tired and sleepy to address it. The air was cold and he scooted closer to Phil, sitting between his legs. He was expecting Phil to push him away, but strangely, Phil didn't protest. Instead, his hands reached around him to relight the fire. The wood was still hot and burning without flames. With two strokes of the glowing stone, the fire was alight once again, but it still didn't stop Dan from shaking, and he made a small noise of discomfort.

Phil's arms made their way around his waist and wrapped around him almost instinctively, and Dan's heart swelled. Spending the whole day bored and alone was worth it if he could feel this safe at the end of it all. “You're freezing,” Phil whispered slowly next to his ear.

“Mm,” was all Dan said as he snuggled back against Phil's chest, his eyes closing automatically. “You're so warm.”

“I'm sorry,” Phil said, his voice regretful and hurt.

Dan stilled, not expecting the apology, and asked softly, “For what?”

“I . . .” He sighed, his arms tightening around Dan's waist. “I didn't mean what I said . . . last night and in the morning. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.”

Dan was quiet for some time, unable to find a genuine response inside the languorous corners of his mind. His eyes were closed, and a gust of cold wind caressed his brown curls as he mumbled drowsily, “I don't like it when you ignore me.”

The night was dark, the sky a blank black canvas. The moon and the stars were shrouded by thick clouds, flowing through the vast nothingness of the midnight sky. There was no other sound, not even a hoot of an owl, other than the popping noises of the fire spitting smoke into the chill air. The glow of the fire warmed Dan's body, Phil's quiet presence behind him making him feel safe and sleepy.

Dan yawned, burrowing deeper into Phil's chest. “Don't avoid me tomorrow,” he managed to whisper before promptly drifting off into a deep, comfortable slumber.

~*~

  
The next day, Dan emerged from his somnolence thoroughly dishevelled and with a dreadful ache in his chest. He was resting inside the hut, on the ugly mattress, cocooned inside the ghastly blanket. He was warm despite the cold morning air, but there was a sinking feeling in his stomach, a feeling of sad wrongness, and he knew why he felt so utterly devastated the moment he saw the small note placed above his pillow.

The crumpled note was brief and perfunctory, informing him that Phil had left again and won't be back until nightfall. Dan crushed the piece of paper in his balled fist in agitation and swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. He looked around the room with a forlorn detachment in his eyes, taking in the dirty mess with dispassion. Without Phil, the empty hours of the day stretched on in front of him like an endless road. What a fucking mess, he thought sorrowfully.

Dan lay back again, closing his eyes and breathing heavily. He could practically go after Phil, wander aimlessly until he arrived at the beach, but he didn't know the way, and he didn't think it would be a wise judgement on his part to deliberately get lost without a way back. He sighed and mentally prepared himself for the tedious and uneventful day ahead.

Hours later, he watched the puffs of thick, black smoke high up in the sky and wondered with an ache in his chest when Phil would stop ignoring him.

~*~

  
As it turned out, Phil had absolutely no intention of stopping his unwarranted behaviour. Days elapsed and time passed him by like sceneries rushing past a fast-moving car, but he didn't see Phil even _once_. He couldn't understand what the hell he had done so outrageously _wrong_ that Phil was punishing him in this cruel way. It felt like a vengeful penalty that was unquestionably undeserved.

Phil would leave before Dan woke up, only to return after Dan had fallen asleep. Dan tried desperately to stay awake until Phil came back or to wake up early, but his eyelids would droop and the warmth of the slow burning fire would lull him to an inescapable sleep. Phil would arrive then and tuck him in, wrapping him snuggly inside the blanket. Dan was never conscious during it, but he knew it had to be Phil because every night he would fall asleep on the log of wood but find himself on the mattress the next morning.

Days were unbearably boring and isolation was slowly propelling him into the depths of insanity. The white snake would sometimes come to keep him company, and he was so lonely, he didn't even fear it anymore. He spent his idle hours cleaning the hut and doing random chores that no one cared about.

Every morning, there was a huge pile of different fruits, vegetables, mushrooms and some other strange eatables left at the front door. He knew Phil was foraging through the forest for food, and he knew it was just another excuse to avoid Dan.

Nevertheless, the food was scrumptious, arousing his hunger. The beautiful valley and luxurious food should've made him feel like he was in paradise, but what sort of paradise was it if all it contained was heartache and utter loneliness?

On the fourth consecutive day of Phil's intermittent disappearance, Dan decided that he had had enough. He made a fierce resolution to wake up before Phil left. So, when the white snake slithered towards him to curl next to his leg late in the evening, Dan acknowledged his presence for the first time and requested the startled snake to wake him up before Phil the next day. The aloof snake blinked at him thrice and then slowly nodded, hissing softly and curling against his right leg.

Dan nodded to himself in determination, staring into the fire in solitude. It was dark and the atmosphere was oddly calm, the wind humming ever so softly. His face glowed orange as he gazed at the burning flames, wondering where Phil was and what he was doing. He missed Phil, and he silently regretted every single decision he had drunkenly made that night.

~*~

  
“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” Dan fumed angrily, standing at the front door of the hut, his arms crossed across his chest as he glared at Phil. He had the stupid bag strapped around his shoulders, ready to leave.

The white snake had kept his promise after all. He had licked and tapped Dan's hand until he stirred, stretching his hands and waking up slowly. It had made Dan think of how stupid he was. He could've just asked the white snake to lead him to Phil anytime.

Phil bit his lip and stared at the ground guiltily, saying nothing. Dan scoffed humorlessly and shoved Phil back. “Stop standing there like a fucking statue!” he snapped, “I asked a question, you fucking asshole!”

Early in the morning, Dan had stilled completely when he had seen the pron body next to him, deeply asleep. Phil had looked tired and worn out even in his sleep, his delicate face twisted into a tense frown. Dan had stared with wide, careful eyes because it was the first time he had seen Phil in four days, but it had almost felt like a century. His heart had thumped, and he had looked away, getting up and deciding to wait until Phil arose from his slumber. He had thought he would confront Phil calmly, but he was furious, and he couldn't control himself.

Phil stumbled back, regaining his balance quickly enough, but refusing to meet Dan's eyes as he continued to gaze regretfully at the floor. Dan was shaking with annoyance and his resentment was off the charts. He shoved Phil again, cornering him against the wall. “What gives you the fucking right to do this?” he barked in irritation. “At least tell me what your fucking problem is before disappearing for four days, you selfish twat!”

Phil bit his lip and remained quiet. Dan clenched his jaw. “Say something, Phil. Explain yourself!”

“Look, Dan, please just . . .” Phil rubbed his face in exhaustion, looking up at Dan once and then quickly looking away as if he couldn't bear to see his face. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

“Oh, then when the fuck are you available? Should I make an appointment?” Dan asked incredulously, glaring at Phil.

“That's not what I meant, okay?” he said tiredly, looking at the wall.

“Why are you doing that? Look at me,” Dan snapped in vexation. Phil's posture was tense, his fists tight on either side as if he were restraining himself. “Phil, look at me.”

Phil swallowed, trying to turn away. “No.”

“What is your problem?” Dan shouted, genuinely bewildered by Phil's behaviour.

Phil stood completely still, his eyes lowered, his back resting against the wall, saying nothing. Dan's anger boiled over and he shoved Phil again, stepping close to scream angrily in his face. “Stop doing that, goddammit!” He was infuriated by Phil's calmness and his blood boiled. He backed Phil up against the wall and growled, “We kissed, okay, big deal. Just get over it for fuck's sake. We were drunk and it doesn't fucking matter, alright? Stop acting like a fucking two-year old and look at me, you fucking––mmmhhh!”

Dan's mind was a chaotic mess. Everything occurred too fast and all he knew was he had been yelling at Phil and Phil was stood against the wall looking like a guilty puppy, but then Phil had grabbed the collar of Dan's blue button-up shirt and crashed their lips together. Phil's mouth was relentless and frantic, and Dan kissed back desperately. It was hot and messy and sloppy, but it didn't matter because Phil smelled like a dream come true and his lips tasted of sweet honey and broken promises.

Dan's breathing was heavy and he breathed through his nose as Phil's fingers tightened around his shirt. Abruptly, Phil pulled him by the collar of his shirt and whirled him around with a strength Dan instantly admired and slammed him back against the wall, standing so close that Dan could hear the rapid thudding of his heart. Phil's lips sucked and licked and thoroughly ravished him, and he felt his knees go weak with the raw passion in the kiss.

Dan was turned on already, and he wondered what the hell was happening to him and where it was leading him, but suddenly Phil was shoving him back with excess force, a wild, debauched look in his eyes. Dan stumbled away with wide eyes, his lips swollen and red, his mind a cluttered mess.

“Fuck,” Phil blurted, breathing so heavily, Dan could hear each rough inhalation. “I'm sorry.”

Dan breathed deeply, his chest rising and falling rapidly as his heart sank again. Those kind blue eyes were going to hurt him, scar him permanently. Dan could already see it, see the future. “Why?” he managed to pant.

“I–fuck, I'm not like you, okay? I'm not–This is–” Phil looked like he wanted to throw up. 

“What!” Dan hissed impatiently, his heart sinking.

“This is wrong!” Phil blurted, looking scared and confused, “Disgusting!” 

Dan's chest squeezed tightly, and he felt like there was something heavy stuck in his throat. He could feel the burn behind his eyelids, but a mirthless laugh left his lips, and the utter pain in the sound was audible even to him. “Wow. Just wow, Phil.” He shook his head bitterly. “Are you serious? Do you even hear yourself?”

Phil's lips pursed and he stared at Dan emotionlessly. Dan's humourless laugh died on his tongue and he closed his mouth, clenching his jaw as he said, “I think I know what your fucking problem is, Phil.”

Phil looked up at that and their eyes met. “What?” he asked, voice a little nervous.

Dan gazed at Phil calmly, his conviction stabilizing completely. He took a step forward, only for Phil to take one back with confused eyes. He took one more and saw Phil's fingers twitching to shove him back and smiled, stepping so close that Phil blinked. “I think . . . ” he whispered slowly, his face inches away from Phil's. He heard Phil's breath hitch and saw his eyes drop to his lips. He knew then that he had won already. “I think you want me.”

Phil was stunned for a second, but then he turned away and swallowed. “That's not true. I'm not–”

“Listen here, you stupid fuck,” Dan snapped, jabbing an angry finger at Phil's chest. “You can deny it, you can fight it all you want, but at the end of the day, you are who you are.”

Phil's eyes widened, and he blinked repeatedly, staring at Dan with huge blue eyes. Dan continued, unable to stop, everything tumbling out all at once. “Stop ignoring me. Just stop. Forget the kiss. Forget everything. I don't care. Just stop fucking doing this to me!” A lump grew in Dan's throat and his eyes burned with unshed tears. “Do you have any fucking idea how lonely this place is? There's nothing to do and it's driving me mad! But you don't give a shit about that, do you? You selfish asshole!”

Dan panted, out of breath and miserable. His fingers shook and he balled them into tight fists. Maybe his sentimentality was urging him to make asinine proclamations, but somehow he didn't care. He was shaken to the very core by Phil's complete lack of judgement. He was such a stupid fucking idiot and Dan hated him, and he made a quick impetuous decision to put as much space as he could between them. He turned around and walked out of the hut, stomping, angry footsteps leading him directly to the banks of the river.

He took deep breaths and controlled his emotions as much as he could, clenching his jaw as he sat down on a rock, swallowing back the lump in his throat. Almost a week of complete isolation had taken a toll on him, and he felt like he had hit rock bottom. He was stuck on an island, no one was coming to save him, and losing his only friend was the last straw. Everything was such a giant fucking mess.

Dan had hoped that Phil would leave again, abandoning him for days on end, but he didn't, surprisingly enough. He silently came to sit beside Dan, and Dan really wanted to grab a rock and smash it against his stupid head, but his anger slowly fell away when Phil's fingers slowly slid into his, squeezing reassuringly. “I'm sorry,” he whispered, staring at the water.

Dan stared at him, blinking slowly. Phil sighed. “I was wrong. I won't avoid you anymore. I'm sorry.”

Dan pursed his lips and turned away. “You're a fucking idiot, you know that?”

“Yeah,” he said, “I know.”


	23. Frustration and satisfaction

“_Yeah,” he said, “I know.”_

“Do you have a girlfriend or something?” Dan queried prudently, his face turned away, his uncertain eyes deliberately fixed on the shimmering surface of the water. He posed the question nonchalantly, like the matter could not be more insignificant to him, but Phil could hear the silent unease underneath, and his stomach tightened.

“No,” he answered cautiously in a timorous voice. “I don't.”

“Then why?” Dan sounded frustrated, something akin to aggravation simmering beneath his indifferent voice.

Phil swallowed. He knew what Dan was asking, but he was too scared to openly address it. “Why what?” he inquired instead.

“Why are you so afraid?”

Phil wrung his hands anxiously, chewing on his bottom lip. He didn't want to have a conversation about _this_, whatever this was. He wasn't comfortable talking about it. These were stubborn little things he had kept hidden inside the deepest, darkest corners of his heart, locked behind impassable bars of iron. It was _not _supposed to be discussed like this. He didn't _want_ this. He _didn't_. “You-you said you'd forget everything as long as I stopped avoiding you,” he blurted nervously.

Dan blinked, turning to look at him slowly. His mouth opened in dismay, and there was something indescribable in his eyes, something like a subdued sorrow for a lost thing. Phil couldn't bear to look for too long, and he turned his gaze away. “I don't understand,” Dan said quietly, sounding appalled, “I don't understand you.”

Phil rubbed his forehead, breathing heavily. He regretted kissing Dan again. The kiss that magical night had never been a consequential issue in the first place. He could've written it off as a confusing, drunken mistake, something to laugh about ten years later. But he couldn't picture himself laughing about it. That was the problem. It just didn't feel like a joke. It felt like a painful realization, something to be remembered in detail and felt deeply in the depths of his heart.

When he had looked at Dan's angry face, it hadn't felt like a drunken mistake at all, it hadn't felt _wrong._ It had felt _right_. In fact, the rightness of it had rushed through every vein in his body, and it had felt like the rightest thing he had done in his whole life. He yearned to be that _whole_ again.

Every single repressed emotion had slowly risen to the surface and collapsed on top of his head, making him kiss Dan again, but this time fully aware and sober. He was torn apart and stuck in the middle of a cold crevasse of indecision, wanting too much all at once but also knowing he _shouldn't_.

“You don't have to,” Phil said desperately. “I-I don't like you like that. I only want to be friends. I don't want to-it was-” Phil looked away from the angry intensity of Dan's vivid brown eyes. “It was a mistake.”

A silence followed that made Phil's throat squeeze. He held his breath and waited impatiently for Dan to say something, _anything_, but that single minute of quiet felt like a decade.

“Fine,” Dan said finally, looking agitated. There was a furious determination in his voice, and Phil frowned. “I agree it was a mistake. I should never have expected anything from _you_.” His voice was bitter, and he sounded hurt beyond comprehension.

“Dan, I-” Phil started sorrowfully, but Dan was already getting up to leave. Phil blinked and caught his wrist, fingers coiling around the delicate skin. “Wait, Dan, listen-”

Dan pulled his wrist away angrily, clenching his jaw and glaring at Phil. “You can't pretend forever, Phil. You want me and I know it.” His eyes were wide and focused, staring deep into Phil's soul. “I'll prove it,” he said stubbornly.

Phil blinked, processing the words. “What?” he asked trepidatiously, but Dan wasn't listening anymore. He had turned and stormed off. “Dan, what-”

Dan turned back. “You said you wanted to be friends, right? Fine, then. Let's be _friends_,” he said it derisively, almost like he was mocking him and Phil frowned, baffled by Dan's behaviour.

“But I-” Phil started, but Dan held up a hand to silence him.

“I don't want to hear it,” he whispered quietly. Phil chewed on his bottom lip worriedly and remained quiet, confused, and Dan whirled around once again.

“Get up. You were going to the beach, right? I'll come with you,” Dan said in a loud voice as he walked to the hut. “Let me change my shirt and let's go.”

Phil bit his lip, staring at Dan's retreating back. He didn't know what Dan meant by what he had said. He felt like he had failed to understand an important point Dan had made. He sighed, wondering why he felt so strangely unnerved.

~*~

  
It was a pleasant day, a day with sunshine and smiles, a day to be happy and satisfied. Queen was taking them to the beach by a different route, and this one was a path flanked by fragrant blossoms of lively flowers. The aroma was so exotic and rich that Phil felt a little inebriated under the cerulean-blue sky. The summer breeze was warm and lifted the delicate petals up into the air, depositing them all around the proximity. It looked like a painting, Phil's vicinity, brought into existence by a world-famous painter's elegant strokes of colours.

“What are you doing? Come on,” Dan complained from in front of him.

Phil blinked and looked away from the bunch of black roses, restarting his walk. Dan was trekking ahead of him, and Phil was trying very hard not to pay attention to him, instead opting to look at his marvellous background. Dan was acting normal but not entirely. There was a strangeness to his actions that Phil couldn't quite place. He had changed his clothes for no reason whatsoever, and now he was wearing tight, _almost too tight,_ black jeans and a white button-up shirt that fit him too well.

As he walked, his hips swayed and it looked planned, fully deliberate. His tight jeans made his _ass _look snug and . . . and _plump _and they shook slightly while he walked. Phil breathed softly through his nose, looking away to the black roses for the hundredth time.

In just a mere few seconds, inevitably, his resolution crumbled and his gaze involuntarily swam back to Dan's voluptuous butt. He was swinging them side to side and there was no way Dan was unaware of it. Jesus, they were just so big and full, he wondered how they would feel in the palm of his hand-

“Phil, I know what you want,” Dan said suddenly, turning around.

Phil's eyes widened and he tripped on his own feet, blurting out, “N-no, I wasn't looking, I swear I wasn't-”

“You keep staring at those black roses. Why don't you just take one if you like it?” Dan accused, folding his arms across his chest. “Liking flowers is not girly. It's not going to lessen your masculinity.”

“Huh?” Phil blinked repeatedly. “Oh, uh, yeah.” He released a breath he didn't know he was holding. “They're beautiful, yeah, er, but I don't really want one. I was just looking.”

Dan sighed but he didn't look convinced. “Okay, whatever.” He pointed to the tree behind him. “Is this the tree?”

Phil looked at the giant tree, the tree he had found while on his lonely expedition with Queen. It was an attempt to avoid Dan's presence initially, but it had yielded unanticipated benefits and had gradually proved to be quite productive. He had explored a specific part of the forest and had found many tropical vegetables, fruits and mushrooms. This particular tree had many bird nests containing large eggs, and Queen had pointed at them with her head, asking if he wanted to take them. He was reluctant at first, but Dan had said he wanted to take a look when he had mentioned them in the morning.

“Yeah.” Phil nodded. “That's the one.”

Dan nodded back quietly and turned on his heel, looking up at the tree. He stepped on the lowest branch and tried to grab the branch above, but it was too high for him to reach so he stood on his tiptoes on the lowest branch and raised his hands, revealing the pale skin of his back, his jeans hanging low on his waist. Phil stared, mouth agape, heart pounding. Dan tried to grab the projection above, stretching his arms as far as he could, but it was way too high, and he sighed, turning to Phil. Phil quickly looked away, and Dan raised a curious eyebrow. _Dammit_.

“Can you push my butt?” Dan asked innocently, stilling in his position as he stared at Phil questioningly, a hint of amusement playing on his lips as he phrased the question in a non-innocent way.

Phil's jaw dropped, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. All he heard was something about Dan's _butt_. “Wha-what?” he asked stupidly, eyes dropping to Dan's round backside and then quickly back to Dan's eyes filled with apparent mirth.

Dan smirked. “It's too high. I can't climb,” he said nonchalantly, looking giddy. “Push me.”

Phil's heart skipped a beat, and he stared in absolute stupefaction. He had suspected Dan was actively trying to force a reaction out of him, but now he knew it was irrefutably true. “Uh . . .”

“What?” Dan raised an eyebrow, looking slightly annoyed. “I'm a guy. You're straight. It's not a big deal,” There was something in his tone that unequivocally challenged Phil. “Right?”

Phil stared at Dan, flustered. “R-right,” he muttered, but he felt strangled as he stepped forward.

Dan smirked, his lips twitching up from the corners and a satisfied sparkle in his chocolate eyes. Phil felt eminently annoyed all of a sudden. Dan was taunting him, he realized abruptly, _mocking_ him, trying to gauge his reactions. Suddenly, his vulgar performances and tantalizing smiles made perfect sense, and Phil's jaw clenched in irritation, something in his groin stirring into awareness. He had an irresistible, crazy urge to pin Dan against the tree and wipe that stupid, victorious smile off his face, but all he did was stand completely still, lips pursed into a thin, nervous line.

Dan raised an amused eyebrow and teased, “So are you going to stare at my ass all day, or are you actually going to help me?”

Phil's stomach twisted and roiled, and he was _angr_y all of a sudden, so angry and frustrated and anxious that he could feel himself beginning to tremble. He wanted Dan to feel what he was feeling, he wanted Dan to _stop_, he wanted to show Dan that he could _make_ Dan stop. With as much determination as he could muster, he raised his hands and placed them directly on Dan's butt.

Phil's heart thudded against his chest, and Dan stilled like the click of a photo, obviously not expecting Phil to actually do it. The silence stretched on, and Phil stopped breathing, his eyes fixated on his hands on Dan's butt. The urge was uncontrollable, the raw hunger almost irrepressible. His perseverance broke like a treasured piece of china, and he couldn't stop himself from giving a tiny little . . . _squeeze. _

Dan shuddered, the smug smirk vanishing from his face as a small squeak left his pink lips. Heat rushed to Phil's groin immediately and he stared in a daze. The skin was so soft, so luscious and round and . . . and . . . Phil breathed heavily, pushing Dan up and releasing him instantly, his heart pounding against his ribs. He saw Dan out of the corner of his eye, gripping the branch tightly and hanging on to it for dear life. His eyes were wide and shocked and he whispered in a shaky voice. “T-thanks.”

Phil should've felt triumphant for making Dan speechless, but he felt confounded and blown away. “It's fine,” he barely managed to whisper back, discreetly adjusting his erection in his pants.

_Fuck. _Dan was _killing_ him, and he wanted so badly to just surrender and die.

~*~

  
Phil had thought Dan would stop his premeditated attempts to bother him, but his indecent and ostentatious acts merely increased after the incident at the egg tree (at least they had grabbed a few eggs that Queen had deemed safe). If anything, he seemed more committed to it now. At the beach, he had kept bending in front of Phil while scouring for wood, pushing his ass into the air far more than necessary. Phil tried to turn away or to_ not look_, but he couldn't help but sneak a glance every once in a while. He was exhausted and infuriated by the time they finished their work and returned back to the hut.

Night had rolled around swiftly while both of them were meticulously immersed in their unavoidable chores. It had almost become a routine already, catching fishes, chopping the vegetables, cooking, cleaning, it happened naturally now. Usually, there was nothing else to do and working soothed Phil's mind and distracted him, but today everything had seemed exceptionally hard.

It was impossible to not pay attention to Dan's deviant acts. It was little things, infinitesimal actions like _accidental _bumps or feather-light touches that irked him, but it seemed like so much more. He knew it was _more. _The graceful movements couldn't be unintentional, he was sure of it.

Dan hadn't spared him even during dinner. Without an iota of shyness, he had graciously continued to lick his fingers and crudely suck them into his mouth, making low, rumbling noises that half sounded like exaggerated moans. The food was extremely palatable, yes, Phil agreed, but he didn't believe it was delicious enough to induce an actual orgasm.

Dan's clever little tricks were driving him mad, and he was hard as a rock by the time they went to bed, lying side by side on the huge mattress. It had to be midnight by the position of the moon, high up in the sky and glowing a bright yellow. The forest was dark and silent, but it was an uncanny, freakish sort of quietude that gnawed at the soul like a persistent itch under the skin. In the unusual quiet of the night, Phil lay silently beside Dan, his back turned to him, his hands unobtrusively slipping down to his groin.

More than the insufferable noiselessness, it was the problem in his pants that disturbed him the most. It was impossible to ignore in the dark of the night. He had been hard all day, adjusting his erection every once in a while to hide it from his haughty companion. He was going mad with need, and he was so painfully hard, he couldn't even tolerate the fabric of his jeans accidentally brushing against his sensitive organ.

Phil bit his lip, exhaling softly as he adjusted his erection for the billionth time that day. He was aching, and his breath stuttered as he palmed himself discreetly. He had been waiting for Dan to fall asleep, and he strained his ears one last time for any kind of noise, but all he heard was the sound of relaxed breathing and the quiet whispers of the night. Dan hadn't made any sounds of shuffling or moving either so Phil concluded that he had finally lost consciousness and sighed in relief, promptly unbuckling the belt of his jeans with shaky fingers. _God_, he was in _pain_.

Nothing ever went according to plan in Phil's life so it shouldn't have come as a surprise when he heard it. His fingers stilled above the zipper of his jeans, eyes widening comically as he halted in his movements like a deer in the headlights. It was a slow, languid sound, a tiny gasp of pleasure from Dan's lips that pierced through his eardrums sharper than a knife. Phil gulped, his breath hitching in his throat as he heard it again; a quiet moan and small noises of lazy, unhurried strokes.

_Fuck._ Phil swallowed suddenly, his breathing increasing rapidly as he realized what was going on. Dan was . . . Dan was . . . _fucking hell. _Phil's hand tightened into fists and he breathed heavily, heat pooling in his stomach. He felt supremely agitated all of a sudden and a mad rush of anger rolled through his body. Dan was relieving his own needs after tormenting Phil for a whole damn day, after putting Phil through a great deal of distress and exasperation, he was pleasuring _himself._ He didn't even care about Phil's necessities and he was placing his own gratification above anything else.

Phil felt a deep, burning resentment towards Dan. He knew Dan was doing this knowingly, purposefully aiming to annoy Phil using guileful, calculated moves. This was all Dan's grand scheme to humiliate him, and he clenched his jaw in anger. He knew he could put Dan back in his place, back where he belonged, if he really wanted to. Phil could shove him into the wall and fuck him until he shut up and then he would think twice before opening his stupid mouth-

A sudden jolt of electric pleasure shot through his stomach towards his aching hardness at the thought, and right then as if on cue, Dan let out a tiny moan. Phil's resolve cracked quicker than a bolt of lightning and without thinking, without even realizing what he was doing, he turned and shouted, “Stop it!” He didn't know whether he was yelling at Dan, or at his own thoughts, but he was breathing so hard, he could hear his heaving breaths in the utter silence of the cluttered mess of a room.

Dan stilled with his eyes wide open like a dead fish and stared at Phil in absolute shock, his right hand hidden inside his open jeans, slender fingers probably wrapped around an erection Phil couldn't see. His shirt was bunched up on his chest and his milky white skin was on full display, untouched smoothness waiting to be bitten and marked. Phil gaped with wide eyes and his chest burned and ached, but he could do nothing but watch and drink in the whole secrecy and intimacy of the moment.

“I . . .” Dan's voice cracked, and he sounded extremely embarrassed and mortified and everything all at once. He was blushing furiously, and his cheeks were a bright, flaming red. “I d-didn't know you were awake.”

Phil's heart flipped at the genuine shame and sincerity in Dan's voice, the utter humiliation he felt evident in the awkward crack of his quiet voice. His cheeks were glowing even in the utter darkness, and the tousled locks of his hair curled around his ears. His long, dark lashes made him look young and innocent as he blinked in embarrassment, biting his lips, every small scrape of his teeth against the plump fullness making Phil's heart leap into ecstasy. Jesus, Dan was _beautiful_, achingly so.

Something needy, something profoundly ardent whirled round and round in his stomach, and he felt unable to stop himself, unable to articulate the strange, irresistible pull he felt towards the person in front of him. They were lying close to each other, Dan's lips just a few inches away. Phil could tilt his head and their lips would meet, and the urge was strong, impossible to overlook. He wanted. He _wanted_ Dan.

Dan blinked and stared at him oddly, like he had noticed something brilliant in Phil's gaze, and he looked so bloody hopeful, like he was expecting, wishing, waiting . . . Phil's heart soured and plummeted in one single breath. Dan swallowed, eyes slipping down to Phil's lips. “Phil, I-”

Phil inhaled a deep lungful of air and shot his hands through the empty space to grab the collar of Dan's shirt, cutting him off, pulling him so hard towards him that their heads butted, but the pain was quickly forgotten as their lips met in a messy, hurried kiss.

He felt like a slave to his emotions as he gave up, ignoring the voice in his head that said this was weird, this was _wrong, _and he surrendered to the _feeling_, to the utter craving he felt for the taste of Dan's sweet, sweet lips.

Dan stilled against him in shock at first but quickly caught on to what was happening, returning the chaste kiss with a fierceness Phil had never noticed in him. He plunged his tongue into Dan's mouth, his hands cupping Dan's jaw tightly as he explored his mouth. Dan let out a tiny whimper and melted like ice against his warm body, desperate hands coming up to grasp at Phil's shirt.

Phil pulled back and shoved him back aggressively, climbing on top of him and reconnecting their lips. Dan let out a desperate sound and his cock throbbed in his pants, straining against his boxer shorts. The taste of Dan's lips and the smell of his skin intoxicated his senses, and he wanted _more_. He wanted to touch more, he wanted to see more, he wanted to _taste_ more.

Maybe it was the spur of the moment, or maybe it was meant to be, but suddenly everything was happening all at once and no one seemed to care. Every emotion, every feeling, every glance that was more than just a glance burst open like an expensive gift, and Phil felt like he had been waiting for this moment all his life.

“Fuck,” Phil cursed as he came up for air, his lips trailing down to Dan's jaw, peppering hot kisses along the way as he lowered his head and licked the long length of Dan's pale throat, sucking at his pulse point and scraping his teeth against the sensitive area. Dan groaned and grabbed his shirt, roughly pulling him down. Phil's body abruptly collapsed on top of Dan and their matching erections fit snuggly against each other. Phil grunted and Dan whimpered, rubbing slightly against Phil's thigh.

Phil's heart leapt out of his chest, and he slammed Dan back against the mattress, pinning his wrists above his head as he whispered gruffly, his breathing heavy. “Patience.”

Dan moaned and struggled against his grip. Phil was shaking, and he couldn't believe what he was doing, but it came naturally to him, and he couldn't stop, couldn't even _think_ about stopping. He tightened his grip on Dan's wrists and crashed their lips together, shoving his knee between Dan's legs and pressing them against his throbbing hardness. Dan trembled and kissed back, his wrists going limp in Phil's hands. “Please,” Dan panted in between kisses that felt never-ending.

Phil's hands were roaming everywhere, exploring, discovering as he slid them over Dan's stomach and inched them closer against his chest. Dan shivered and his lips quivered and Phil could feel the anticipation in every breath he took. Inevitably, his fingers grazed the small nub on Dan's chest, and his cock throbbed as he gave an experimental _tweak_.

Dan gasped and shuddered in his arms. “Please-_please_-Phil, just-”

Phil took the nipple between his fingers and pinched, rutting against Dan, their cocks rubbing against each other. Dan moaned and threw his head back, the skin of his pale, exposed neck inviting Phil in. He lowered his head and sunk his teeth into the paleness, licking, sucking and making Dan whimper.

“Fuck, you're-” Phil panted, placing messy kisses on Dan's lips, his cock straining against his jeans, dripping with precum. “-so hot.” Dan gasped as Phil rolled his hips. “So hot like this.” Phil trailed his lips down to Dan's chest, his shirt bunched up against his neck, his nipples pink and erect. Phil's mind went dizzy at the sight, and he couldn't believe this was happening, that he was doing this, but it didn't matter because his body was filled to the brim with pleasure and he cared about nothing but the euphoria he felt.

Phil closed his lips around the nipple, sucking them into his mouth, and Dan gasped and shuddered, and his hands came up to pull at his hair. “_Nghhh_-_”_ Phil swirled his tongue around the nub, taking it between his teeth and giving it a tiny bite. “Phhhil, no-” Dan moaned loudly, throwing his head back as he panted and squeezed his eyes shut against the blinding pleasure he felt. “Please-_please_, godplease_Ican't_-_”_ he babbled incomprehensively.

Phil instantly pulled away and stood back on his knees, his cock aching and painful, and he felt suffocated inside his tight jeans. Dan whined at the loss of contact and stared at him questioningly. Phil said nothing and quickly unbuckled his belt with shaky, hasty fingers and his mind screamed at him, yelled at him to stop this ridiculous behaviour, but all he could see was Dan, right there, willing and ready, laid out in front of him like a full-course meal. Suddenly, nothing seemed more important than _this. _

Dan sat upright shakily, his need evident in his every movement. He breathed heavily and started unbuckling his belt with trembling fingers. Phil blinked in shock and he held his breath, anticipation clawing at his throat, pooling in his stomach and making him feel woozy. He stared with heated eyes and his stomach burned as Dan's cock sprang free, pink, thick, bobbing against his stomach, a bead of precum gleaming at the tip.

Phil's mouth filled with saliva and he felt his world go out of focus, blurring into disfigured reality. Dan was all he saw and he gaped openly as Dan's hand inched closer to his own cock but before he could touch himself, Phil caught his wrist in a horny daze, his hold so tight, he knew it would bruise the next day.

Dan whined, a desperate sound that sent a jolt of pleasure to Phil's groin. He stared at Dan, his gaze unwavering, and patted his lap, “Come on.”

Dan blinked, once, twice, thrice, his huge brown eyes surprised but pleased. He quickly scooted closer, and climbed to Phil's lap, circling his arms around Phil's neck, and connecting their lips. Phil's breath hitched at the intimacy and fragility of the moment, and there was a hopeless ache in his chest for something he wanted so badly but could never have, and it felt like a cruel curse.

Phil heaved, his stomach churning, his heart beating at a furious pace as he kissed Dan back sloppily. “Right-Mmhh-you were right, _god-”_ He panted in between kisses and Dan moaned. “I want you.” Dan wrapped his arms around Phil's neck. “I want you.” He felt Dan's breath hitch, felt him quiver vehemently. “I want you so fucking much.”

Dan's tongue was relentless, and he sucked Phil's bottom lip, whining slightly when Phil tugged his nipple. His hands trailed down to Phil's stomach and under his jeans. Phil exhaled roughly through his nose and his stomach flipped over, his heart hammering against his chest as Dan's smooth, fragile fingers wrapped tightly around his cock, holding, unmoving, waiting for Phil's approval. Phil groaned and buried his face into the nape of Dan's neck, clamping his teeth down on his bare shoulder.

Dan tugged at his cock and it sprang free, sticking against his stomach and leaking precum into Dan's waiting hands. Dan looked like he was drooling and he stared at Phil's hardness with mouth wide open, his brown eyes huge and astonished. His mouth opened in a daze, and his eyes clouded over as he licked his lips, darting his pink tongue and swiping them over his bottom lip. “Can I–” Heat pooled in Phil's stomach and he _knew_ what Dan was about to ask, he could see it, he could feel it and suddenly, he couldn't breathe. He just stared in utter shock at Dan who looked at his cock like he wanted to devour it. “Please. _Please_, Phil. Can I? Please, I can't-I need-I want-”

Phil's heart pounded unsteadily like the beats of a drum and he nodded like he was stuck in a confusing but arousing dream, standing on his knees and holding out his cock to Dan. Dan didn't ask again, his eyes were wide and lust-filled and shocked like he didn't know what was happening as he lowered his head and dived into it immediately. Phil's eyes widened and his heart jumped into his throat as Dan's pink tongue poked out of his mouth and gave the tip of his cock an experimental lick, the movement so innocent like he was tasting a new flavour of ice cream.

Phil let out a strangled sound and Dan took that as a sign to continue. He wrapped his fingers at the base of Phil's cock and licked at the tip, dipping his tongue into the slit. Phil gasped and his hand shot out to grab Dan's hair roughly. He sucked the crown lightly and moaned from his throat when Phil's hand tightened in his hair, lips obscenely wrapped around his cock. Phil watched, mesmerized, his whole body shaking, as Dan slowly moved his mouth, his head bobbing as he sucked Phil's cock.

“Fuck,” he grunted and panted and he felt like he was dying, “S-so good,” he gasped, and it was. There was no way he would last for very long. He was already close. Dan was an expert at it, and he suddenly understood why at every party, every function, he felt so angry when he saw Dan on his knees, sucking some random guy's dick. In the distant, logical part of his brain, he _realized _that maybe it wasn't anger, it was confused _arousal._

Dan's pace increased, and Phil breathed heavily as he watched the sheer concentration in his hooded eyes. He hollowed his cheeks, and his red, swollen lips were stretched tight around the length of Phil's cock, moving back and forth, sucking and licking, taking Phil deeper and deeper into the wet heat of his velvet mouth. Phil groaned and pulled his hair, fingers buried inside the fluffy curls. Dan blinked around his cock and moaned low in his throat, the vibrations hitting Phil's cock as he moved faster and faster.

Phil stared, panting and heaving, at the deep brown of Dan's eyes, his mouth full of Phil's cock as he took Phil deep into his throat, the softness of his mouth making Phil's knees buckle. Dan's hands gripped his thighs instantly to keep him steady but Phil couldn't think, couldn't feel, couldn't blink. The tip of his cock hit the back of Dan's throat and Dan's nose was taped against his stomach, his eyes unblinking and crystal clear as he looked up at Phil. Their eyes met in a burning gaze and Phil snapped. Suddenly, it was too much, way too much and he wanted to let go, he wanted complete release.

His stomach clenched and he threw his head back as a blinding wave of pleasure hit him, his vision going black, something sparkling and dancing and breaking behind his eyelids as he came in huge spurts inside Dan's mouth, cum shooting out of his cock like never before. His breaths came out in heavy pants and his fingers clenched and unclenched in Dan's hair. Dan stood completely still and took it all in, every last drop, sucking a few more times before pulling away and licking his lips lewdly, looking pleased. Phil breathed hard and he quietly collapsed against Dan's shoulder as his knees gave out beneath him.

A feeling of shame and guilt immediately hit him as the high of his orgasm fell to pieces, and the immense hatred he felt towards himself was hard to ignore. He waited, waited for Dan to make a smug comment or a humiliating remark of 'I told you so' but Dan was motionless, as silent as a stone statue, and Phil's heart ached when Dan suddenly started to move away, no remarks, no complaints whatsoever. Phil stared with wide, guilty eyes as Dan quietly sat a little away from him and stroked his cock without another word, without even asking for the favour to be returned, almost like he had never even _expected_ it.

Phil's throat hurt with all the different emotions that bubbled up his chest and choked him. He carefully swallowed the guilt and the shame he felt and whispered softly, “Come here.”

Dan blinked, and Phil saw the surprise in his large brown eyes when he looked up at him silently, questioningly. Phil kept his gaze steady, confident and patted his lap. Dan's eyes narrowed but he slowly crawled back towards him, looking befuddled and dazed as he sat on Phil's lap, circling his arms around his neck. Phil bit his lip, looking down at Dan's still hard cock, sticking messily against his stomach. When he looked back up, Dan was staring at him oddly. “What?” Phil asked.

Dan looked away. “You don't have to.”

Phil bit his lip and kept quiet because it looked like Dan wanted to say more. His expression was pained, like it was killing him to say this. He took a deep breath and said, sounding numb, “This is what I do. You know that. No one ever returns the favour anyway. It doesn't really matter. It's fine.”

Phil stared sorrowfully at Dan, at the shyness on his face, at the reluctance to admit it, and at the way his lips moved while he talked. He instantly felt a fierce protectiveness within himself towards the person in his arms. He inhaled deeply and cupped Dan's cheeks. Dan blinked at him, his dark lashes fanning against his flushed cheeks as Phil placed a kiss on his lips. “I want to,” he whispered and trailed his hands down to Dan's dick.

Dan took a sharp intake of breath and stared with wide, blown eyes as Phil's rough fingers coiled around his hard length, grip firm and tight. He gasped, his hands clutching Phil's shoulder tightly as Phil swiped the precum with his thumb and spread it all over the hardness. Dan's cock was soft, not unlike his own, smooth and pink and wet. He felt the weight of it on his fingers and couldn't believe his eyes. He had never done this, never touched another man's penis, and he felt a small panic start in his chest, wondering if he was doing it right.

“Fuck, Phil,” Dan breathed, his forehead resting against Phil's shoulder. Phil mimicked the movements he did on his own cock, stroking roughly, twisting his wrist and rubbing slowly, deliberately. Dan moaned and buried his face in the crook of Phil's neck, his shoulder just inches away from Phil's lips. Phil inched closer, pumping Dan's cock, and licked his shoulder, sucking and biting at the spot. Dan breathed roughly and choked out, “Harder.”

Phil tugged Dan faster, moving his hand back and forth in one fluid motion. Dan moaned, shivering and shuddering in his arms. Phil jerked him off with one hand while circling his nipple with the other and Dan gasped, “Please, fasterplease, _Ohholyfuck_-”

“You like that,” Phil observed.

“Yes, _yesGodyes_,” Dan moaned.

There was something beautiful and a little too intimate about the way Dan let go completely and Phil felt himself smile slightly. “Look at me,” he whispered, wanting to see Dan's face when he came.

Dan was shaking with need and he kept quiet, lost in his pleasure. Phil squeezed his cock and Dan gasped loudly. “Look at me, Dan.”

Dan panted and whined desperately, pulling back to look at him. “I'm so close, _please, fuck-” _he babbled. Phil smirked involuntarily and pumped him rapidly, lowering his head to close his mouth around Dan's erect nipples. Dan threw his head back and moaned. Phil sucked it into his mouth, rolling it around with his tongue. “_Nuuhh_, sto-Phil!”

Dan shuddered and Phil pulled his cock one more time, biting down on his nipple. Dan screamed and bucked his hips, coming messily, shooting white, hot spurts into his hands and all over both of their stomachs, trembling violently in his arms. Phil pumped a few more times, helping him ride out his orgasm, and stopped. Dan fell limply against his shoulder, exhausted but sated. He was breathing deeply and quivering, and Phil suddenly noticed the chilly air and wrapped his arms around Dan's naked waist, letting him rest.

Minutes passed in complete silence, and Phil's mind was wholly blank for some unknown reason. He didn't know how long it would last, but at that moment, he felt thoroughly satisfied and content and happy. “Dan?” he whispered slowly when Dan didn't show any sign of moving away even after a full ten minutes of calm silence.

“Mm?” Dan made a small noise from his throat, sounding groggy and sleepy.

“We need to clean up,” Phil said, patting his back.

There was silence again for several seconds, and Phil repeated, “Dan?”

“Don't wanna,” he mumbled, sounding half asleep already, and snuggled against Phil's body. “Just want sleep.”

Phil bit his lip and kept quiet. Dan's voice right then was the most content he had ever heard, and he sounded completely satiated and relaxed, almost like . . . like they were _boyfriends _or something.

Phil's pulse jumped, and he exhaled softly before saying, “Okay, uhm, I'll just wipe us with a cloth for now.”

“Mmm,” Dan agreed quietly.

Phil sighed and held Dan tighter, slowly manoeuvring him to the mattress. Dan made a noise of protest but quickly curled into a ball and went to sleep. Phil shook his head and smiled faintly, feeling something wonderful bloom in his chest as he grabbed an unused cloth from the chair nearby and wiped his stomach with it, cleaning himself. After he was done, he patted Dan's shoulder. “Dan,” he said, “Lie on your back. Let me just wipe that off.”

Dan blinked sleepily and uncurled, lying on his back. Phil wiped the cum off his stomach, trying his best to avoid looking at his cock and threw the cloth to a corner, making a mental note to wash it or throw it away the next day. Dan turned on his side, his back against Phil as he went right back to sleep.

Phil sighed softly and lay down on the mattress, trying his best not to think about everything that had happened that day. He lay in quietness, placing his hands behind his head as he stared outside at the night sky through the open door of the hut. It was an unusual night, he noted, eyes swimming across the distant puffs of dark clouds. They were slowly gliding across the sky, and he wondered if it was going to pour. The strange tranquillity was unsettling him, and he wished it would.

Sleep was slowly invading his mind, and he shivered as the chilly air tore into his skin. He turned on his side, staring at the back of Dan's head for several minutes. He felt a little empty and bit his lip, wondering if he should, but then he rolled his eyes and scooted closer, pressing his body against Dan's back and throwing his hand around Dan. He pulled Dan closer to his chest, cuddling him. Fuck it all, he thought, he literally had his cock in Dan's mouth a few moments ago. This was nothing.

Phil had thought Dan was asleep but he pressed back against Phil's chest and exhaled in contentment. “-ish nice,” he mumbled incoherently.

“What?” Phil asked confusedly.

“This is nice,” Dan said, his words slurring slightly.

Phil remained quiet. He agreed, but he didn't have the courage to admit it. Instead, he moved closer and nuzzled his face against Dan's neck, his soft curly hair tickling his nose, filling his chest with warmth. He closed his eyes sleepily, feeling uncontrollable bouts of affection towards the person in his arms. “You were brilliant today,” he said in a quiet, anxious voice.

Phil waited silently for a reply but all he got was the sound of regular, even breathing, indicating that Dan had fallen asleep. Phil sighed softly in satisfied happiness and placed a small, soft kiss on Dan's shoulder, squeezing him against his chest. “Goodnight, Dan.”


	24. Kisses and smiles

Dan dawdled out of the hut languidly, his movements slumberous as he pulled the blanket closer against his neck, dragging it behind him. He tripped twice on the way, sleepily blinking the drowsiness out of his eyes as he made his way through the thick fog of morning greyness. It was early. The sun had yet to come out of its usual hiding, and the sky was a mellow shade of prussian blue. The air was thick with the crisp aroma of damp soil and blossoming aspirations, cold clouds of mist floating above the treetops.

Dan's eager eyes scanned the empty ground below for Phil, feet earnestly descending the steps. He spotted Phil near the fire, lounging on the log of wood, pitching little sticks into the bright flames. Glowing red illuminated his facial features and warmth flooded Dan's chest. Sleepily, he made his way towards Phil, his mind drowsy but oddly peaceful. The satisfaction and sexual gratification of the day before had appeased him tremendously, and he felt blissfully content.

Phil didn't hear him approaching and looked sideways in surprise when Dan came close. A moment of uncertainty passed between them as they stared at each other in awkwardness, but then the most amazing thing happened. Phil bit his lip, sighing softly before letting a small smile grace his lips.

Dan's anxious heart instantly settled, and he plopped down next to Phil in relief, squishing his body against Phil's side. The heat of the fire made him shiver and he yawned, resting his head against Phil's shoulder without any more unnecessary hesitation. For some stupendous reason, he knew Phil wouldn't mind. He was sure, as sure as the sky is blue, that Phil wouldn't avoid him again. Maybe it was the effect of the emotion-charged moments of the previous night, or maybe it was due to the sincerity in Phil's blue eyes, but something in Dan just _knew_ it was going to be alright.

“Good morning,” Phil greeted him quietly, not looking perturbed by Dan's close proximity but simply a little shy.

“Mm,” Dan said ineloquently, eyes closed.

“You're up early,” Phil observed, adjusting a stick in the fire.

“So are you,” he mumbled, yawning again. Dan had slept better than he had in a very long time. It was comfortable, unlike his nights with Jake or any of his other fuckbuddies. He had felt safe and sated, wrapped snuggly in Phil's arms, ineffably cosy. When the night had ended like it always did, and Phil had moved away, the frosty air had cut into his fragile skin. The typical morning chillness had slowly started to creep inside the blanket, and he had searched around for the comfort of Phil's warm body, huffing in frustration when his hands caught the empty air.

“Yeah.” Phil shrugged helplessly but didn't say anything. Dan's eyes remained closed, but he could feel Phil's cold hands. Without thinking, he extended his arm and pulled the blanket over Phil's shoulders, tucking him in it and pressing himself closer against Phil's body. “It's cold. You'll get sick. You shouldn't be outside,” Dan scolded silently.

There was total silence for a few moments, and Dan felt like he could _hear _what Phil was thinking. In hindsight, he knew it was kind of strange, how these seemingly trivial gestures came to him as naturally as the sun rises and sets, but it was also somewhat magical, grandly beautiful, to be able to care so much about the well being of another human being. He had never felt like this before.

“Yeah,” Phil said quietly after a few minutes, not looking at Dan's face. “Thanks.”

Dan frowned in confusion, lifting his head to look at Phil. “Why are you thanking me?”

Phil shrugged, and he looked sorrowful. “I don't know. Feels nice to hear it. No one says that to me anymore.” His eyes dropped to the ground. “It's been a while since I've heard something like that. Usually, no one cares, you know?”

Dan stared at him, not knowing what to say. He knew Phil had no one to take care of him, and he suddenly felt devastated for Phil. His chest ached, and he couldn't resist doing what he did next. He hoped he wasn't crossing any uncharted boundaries as he leaned over and placed a small kiss on Phil's cheek. “I care.”

Phil blinked in bewilderment and looked at him steadily for a few seconds, his eyes analysing every inch of Dan's face. Something shifted in the air and the tension was almost palpable. Dan bit his lip and looked away first. There was a question he desperately wanted to ask weighing heavily on his tongue, but he didn't know if it was the right moment. He waited impatiently, but when Phil remained silent, he blurted involuntarily, “Do you regret last night?”

The phenomenal, thrill-inducing events of the night before had poured into his mind like expensive wine the moment he woke up. An automatic smile had inevitably graced his pink lips as he had reminisced the night. He could feel the cold press of Phil's rough hands against his skin, the sharp scrape of his teeth against his pale neck, and the desperate touch of his lips. A shiver had run down his spine and he had made his way to Phil, a giddy sort of inebriation grabbing hold of him.

Dan's eyes wantonly remained fixated on the ground, but he could feel Phil's burning gaze drilling a hole into the side of his head. A wonted quiet followed as he waited with his heart in his throat. He wondered why he was feeling so nervous. It didn't matter. He had sex with many guys, he sucked cocks on a regular basis without expecting anything in return. He couldn't understand why this should be any different.

“No,” Phil replied finally, and Dan's heart skipped a beat. He released a breath he didn't know he was holding and turned to look at Phil in surprise and shock. Phil's eyes were serious as he looked at Dan steadily. “I don't.”

Dan swallowed and nodded slowly, suddenly speechless. He could feel something old changing between them, something rearranging and exchanging places to make way for something brand new. Phil smiled softly when Dan continued to stare at him with mouth agape, a lazy, relaxed smile that made Dan's heart flutter in his chest. He leaned closer and it took Dan a few seconds to realize what Phil was about to do. He inched closer and placed a quick, chaste kiss on Dan's lips, pulling away before Dan could respond.

“Wha . . .” Dan blinked in shock, touching his bottom lip with his fingers. “What was that?” he asked, surprised beyond words.

Phil shrugged his shoulders loosely. “You looked cute.”

Dan flushed, a deep shade of red coating his cheeks. No one had ever called him _cute. _He had heard sexy or hot, mostly from guys who he was fucking, but never _cute. _He bit his lip and fell silent, vacantly peering at the fire.

Something had certainly changed between them. He couldn't figure out what it was, and he couldn't understand it. The nature of their unconventional relationship was unspecified and the edges were so blurry, he couldn't understand where the lust ended and real emotions began. He didn't know what Phil was thinking, and most of Dan's inner interpretations about what was happening were inconclusive. He truly couldn't mentally grasp the sudden genuine connection he felt between them, pulsing, throbbing with _life. _

Dan sighed softly, turning to Phil to see him pull a small notebook from the backpack. He opened the first page, pulling out a pen. Dan frowned in confusion. “Where did you find that?”

“It was inside the hut. I've been using it to keep track of days,” he replied, uncapping the pen and making another mark similar to the other marks inside the notebook. “It's been about three and a half months, I think.”

Dan's eyes widened to the size of soccer balls. He was so caught up with his emotions and Phil that he had forgotten he was stuck on an island. “Has it really been that long?”

Phil nodded solemnly. “Yeah.”

A throb of gut-wrenching grief made itself known in his chest, an indubitable ache spreading across the empty chambers of his heart. He thought of his dad and his sister and his friends and felt a deep longing in his chest, a sudden desire to see them and talk to them. He even missed his apartment, his bed and a dozen irrelevant things he took for granted, insignificant things he couldn't care less about, but now they seemed indispensable. He missed little things like holding a warm cup of coffee or falling asleep in his living room to the sound of the television.

Dan swallowed the sudden dread that crawled up his throat, and took the notebook from Phil's hands, flipping through the pages restlessly and fidgeting with it uneasily. Phil watched him silently for a few minutes before placing a warm hand on his thigh. “Stop.”

Dan huffed and stopped shaking his legs. “Why are you so calm?” he asked helplessly. “Aren't you worried? We're completely stuck in this place.”

There was an unsettling silence just then, and Phil removed his hand, turning away. Dan frowned confusedly. “What?”

Phil retained his silence, mouth sealed shut and face turned away. Dan gripped his arm and pulled Phil towards him, making him turn back, but he still didn't look at Dan. “Phil,” he phonated in frustration. “What is it?”

Phil shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Nothing.”

Dan gave him a blank look. Something was obviously in Phil's mind. He knew Phil enough to know that something was bothering him. “Phil,” he said in a warning tone, looking at him meaningfully.

Phil huffed in resignation. “Okay, fine. I just . . . I don't really want to go back,” he whispered in a barely audible voice, sounding ashamed.

Dan stared at him quietly, shocked by the unexpected revelation. Phil avoided his eyes as he mumbled guiltily, “You have a family . . . friends . . . I don't have anyone. No one is waiting for me. I don't think anyone has even noticed I'm missing.” He gave a humourless laugh, and Dan's chest hurt. “I don't really care if I go back or not.”

Dan knew exactly what to say to that; the words were just on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be released into the world. He didn't know if it was appropriate, but they tumbled out of his mouth anyway. “You have me.”

Phil's hands stilled above the firewood, his body going rigid for a second before slowly relaxing. He turned his head and their eyes met in a soft gaze. Phil smiled, a little sadly, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan confirmed, “I won't suddenly stop talking to you after we go back, you know. You'll have me, well, unless you plan to shoo me away. We're friends–” Phil suppressed a smile at that, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Dan instantly realized what he was thinking and amended, “I mean, friends with benefits or whatever. What I mean is you'll have me. You won't be alone.”

Suddenly, Phil smirked and it made Dan's stomach turn. “I will have you?”

“Yeah, that's what I said,” Dan replied without thinking, but then he blinked repeatedly, taking a few seconds to understand. Phil's smirk widened, and Dan's heart pounded, “Oh, come on. Get your mind out of the gutter! That's not what I meant!”

Phil smiled, and it looked so odd, so out of place on his face. His lips were stretched in a lazy way and the deep oceanic depths of his eyes were bright and glowing as the first batch of sunlight hit the side of his face. He looked so carelessly, so freely happy that Dan wanted to kiss him until his lungs ran out of air.

The notebook in his hand slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor with a quiet thud, and Dan blinked out of his thoughts, looking down at the open pages of the notebook. Something suddenly caught his eye, an old inscription on one of the pages, and he immediately grabbed the book and started turning the pages.

“What?” Phil inquired, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I don't know. I think I saw–” He flipped the pages and finally found a small scrawl at the bottom of a page, so tiny that it was almost unreadable. Phil let out a surprised sound and Dan asked, “Didn't you check to see if something was written in it?”

Phil nodded, staring at the words in shock. “I did, but the first few pages were empty so I didn't bother. I thought it was empty.”

“It's not,” Dan muttered, reading the words aloud, “_Go to the caves for more supplies and clothing items.”_

Phil's eyes widened, and Dan stared at the small letters in puzzlement. “What caves?” Phil sputtered, sounding just as perplexed.

“I'm not sure,” Dan croaked gravely, turning the notebook over in his hands. “We should ask Queen.”

“What does this mean?” Phil questioned suspiciously. “I think someone knows we're here.”

Dan blinked fearfully. “What the fuck is this place? We don't know how we came to be here. We remember nothing and now someone is trying to tell us things through a notebook. Doesn't that mean that someone is watching us?” Dan postulated apprehensively. The notebook had managed to somehow obfuscate them even more. Dan felt sick to his stomach. The possibility of them being watched and of not having any amount of privacy at all, was truly alarming and scary.

“I don't think so,” Phil furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. “It doesn't make sense. What would be the purpose?”

Dan threw his hands up in frustration. “I don't know! Maybe this is some kind of reality show or something for rich people. Maybe this is the hunger games! There are probably cameras installed all over the forest, who knows!”

“Oh, come one, Dan. That's absurd.” Phil rolled his eyes.

“Everything about this place is absurd!” Dan bellowed.

Phil sighed deeply and huffed in defeat. “Okay, fine. Let's just go to the caves and find out. Maybe there's a reason we're here.”

Dan frowned. “What if it's a trap?”

Phil gave him a look and Dan protested, “What? It could be a trap. We don't know.”

“We should ask Queen.”

“What if she's with them?” Dan muttered slowly.

Phil groaned, “Stop. You're being ridiculous. She's the reason we're even alive.”

Dan pouted, “Okay, fine.”

Phil chuckled suddenly, looking at him with a soft, affectionate gaze. “You're adorable when you do that.”

Dan blinked and a sprinkle of red painted his cheeks. “Do what?”

Phil smiled a secretive smile and looked away. “Nothing.”

“Okay,” Dan whispered, biting his bottom lip. There was a sudden awkward silence in the air, slowly echoing in his ears and scratching at his skin. Phil's change in behaviour unnerved him, and he didn't know what to do. No one had ever made him feel the way Phil made him feel. No matter how insecure and full of flaws he was deep inside, he always pretended to be unfazed and carried himself with an air of nonchalance and assertiveness. He made sure not to show his imperfections and little blemishes in his personality, but Phil's simple words of praise made him blush like a teenage boy with an unrequited crush.

“Let's ask Queen,” Phil suggested, standing up and holding out a hand for Dan to take.

Dan stared at the hand, the same rough hand that was wrapped around his dick last night. His heart gave a small thud, and he tucked that thought away instantly, grabbing his hand tightly. “Okay.”

~*~

  
“Do we really have to go?” Dan asked for the third time, staring at the dark, gloomy atmosphere ahead. They were stood at the banks of the river, Queen stood at the other side, beckoning them. They had asked Queen about the caves and unfortunately, the caves seemed to be on the other side of the river, a place they had yet to explore. Dan wasn't particularly enthusiastic about discovering what was beyond the river, especially because it didn't look like a place to be seen and inspected.

“Yeah, come on,” Phil said and pulled his arm, jumping over to a rock in the middle of the water. Dan sighed in defeat and jumped with Phil. Queen had led them to a secluded corner a little away from the hut, hidden behind large trees with thick, red leaves. There were large stones placed in the water all the way across to the other side, designed to help them cross the river without getting wet. Dan was starting to believe his own theory about someone watching them. It was like everything on the island was made to accommodate them and help them to survive.

“Why is this place so dark?” Dan whispered as they landed on the other side. There were large, black clouds covering the sky above, blocking the sunlight from touching the ground. He looked back from where they had come from and there was a stark difference in the atmosphere of both the areas. The other side was full of light and colourful nature whereas on this side, everything was murky and grey. It looked like the physical manifestation of feelings like hopelessness or utter despair.

“It's strange, yeah,” Phil agreed, walking through the darkness, following Queen and the white snake who slithered ahead.

Dan looked around in trepidation and walked closer to Phil, sticking himself against Phil's side. Phil stared at him quietly. “Are you scared?”

Dan would've denied if it were someone else, but for some reason, he didn't feel the need to hide it from Phil. “Yeah, a little.”

Phil nodded and extended his hand towards Dan. He blinked and stared at the hand in surprise, not understanding what Phil wanted. Phil's hand twitched and he was slowly pulling it away when Dan finally realized. He reprimanded himself inside his head and quickly clutched Phil's hand, lacing their fingers together. Their joined hands remained between them, and the sudden awkwardness in the air was impossible to bear. Phil looked a little embarrassed, and Dan knew his own face was as red as a tomato. _Jesus_, he felt like a thirteen-year-old virgin.

“You've changed,” Dan whispered.

“Yeah, maybe.” Phil shrugged a little uneasily. He looked like he wanted to say more but didn't know if it would be the right thing to say. Dan waited patiently and finally, he blurted, “I don't know what I'm doing.”

Dan pursed his lips. “That's okay.”

“You make me happy,” Phil mumbled quietly, looking like it was killing him to admit it. “That's all I know.”

Dan was taken aback, and he didn't know what to say so he remained silent.

~*~

  
The walk to the caves was taking longer than expected, and Dan was excessively bored. They had been traversing through the eerie darkness for almost an hour, and Dan had finally gotten over his fear. There were no other animals or creatures in this part of the forest. It was dark, but there didn't seem to be anything else life-threatening around. “I'm tired,” Dan whined for the second time.

Phil huffed and assured like he did the first time, “We'll be there soon.”

“When?” Dan asked deliberately, kicking a random stone. Boredom was killing him and annoying Phil felt like a great idea. He had been talking non-stop and asking random questions for the past half an hour.

“Soon,” Phil promised.

“Soon when?” Dan groaned like a child. “My leg hurts.”

Phil rolled his eyes but thought it best not to say anything. He simply stared straight ahead and ignored Dan. Dan didn't like the silence. There was nothing else to do and he had a habit of babbling nonsense to fill the quiet. He huffed, “I'm hungry.” He looked down at himself and frowned. “I think I'm losing weight.” He pulled his jeans a little. “Or maybe these jeans are too tight and it's making my legs look long. Is it too tight?” He turned around and looked at his butt. “What do you think, Phil?”

Phil stared at his butt, mouth agape, but the moment Dan's eyes caught him, he pretended not to hear and quickened his steps, stopping to look at a weirdly shaped tree and then moving forward after briefly inspecting it. Dan poked Phil's back. “Hey, Phil.” Phil sighed in annoyance and rolled his eyes at Dan, stepping over a fallen tree and trekking straight ahead. “Phil, listen.”

Dan poked him again, but Phil was made of impenetrable rock and he remained quiet. He shoved Phil. “Stop ignoring me!”

Phil sighed, looking at the sky, and muttered forlornly, “What did I do to deserve this?”

Dan grinned cheekily, amused and entertained at the same time. “Hey, do you think I've lost weight since we came here?” he asked curiously.

“Yeah, a little,” Phil answered finally, “Now shut up and walk a little faster. It's already afternoon. We need to get back before nightfall.”

Dan bristled, “Fine.”

He shut his mouth and remained quiet, fidgeting with his jacket and looking around for the lack of something better to do. Queen was crawling ahead, bumping heads with her mate. Dan sighed and started humming a song as they walked past a small tree with black leaves. In ten minutes, he started getting bored again slowly and chewed on his bottom lip anxiously. His lips were chapped, and he frowned, touching his face. His cheeks felt drier than the Sahara desert, and he knew he desperately needed a moisturizer. He rubbed his cheeks and touched his dry lips, turning to Phil. “Hey, are my lips too chapped?” he asked worriedly. “They feel so dry. I wish I had some chapstick to–”

Phil turned to him angrily and slammed him against the nearest tree, abruptly pinning his hands above his head. Dan blinked in utter confusion, staring up at Phil through his lashes. “Erm . . .”

Phil's breathing was slightly heavy as he asked, “Are you doing that on purpose?”

Dan raised his eyebrows and asked innocently, a small smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Doing what, exactly?”

Phil inhaled cautiously, eyes flicking down to Dan's lips. “You know.”

“No, I don't.”

Phil stared at his lips breathlessly. “You do.”

Dan smirked, “Do I?”

Phil's eyes were fixated on Dan's lips unwaveringly, his fingers tight around Dan's wrist. Dan felt the heat rush to his groin at their position, at the amount of authority Phil was displaying through simple actions. Dan unconsciously licked his lips, and he saw Phil's eyes watching the movement of his tongue like a hawk, pupils dilating to an unhealthy level. He shifted just a little, just so his jeans could rub against his slowly hardening dick, and made a strangled sound in his throat. Phil's eyes widened just a fraction, and then he crashed their lips together, capturing his lips into a lust-filled kiss.

Phil let go of his wrists to cup his jaw, and Dan's hands slid around his waist, returning the kiss enthusiastically. This was what he wanted. This was all he wanted. It felt liberating and wild, and he couldn't believe he had waited so long to kiss Phil again.

Phil traced the outline of his bottom lip and pushed his tongue against his waiting mouth, twirling his tongue with Dan's own. Dan's eyes squeezed shut, and his heart thumped against his ribcage and the touch of Phil's fervent lips was all he felt. He wondered how a kiss could be so mind-shatteringly brilliant, how it could make him feel so helpless and miserable and completely at Phil's mercy. Phil kissed with such heated vigour and mind-bending power, dominating the kiss, making Dan's knees weak.

Dan had never let anyone kiss him. He didn't believe in love or soft kisses, and his sex life included fucking and sucking random strangers. That was all he had known for a long time, and his idea of intimacy had always been leaving after taking what the body needed. It was never stolen glances or desperate lips, but Phil gave him something new, something he didn't know he needed and it was wonderful.

“You think you're so clever, don't you?” Phil panted against his lips, his hands slowly slipping down to the curve of Dan's ass. “I know what you're doing.”

Phil squeezed his ass with both hands, moulding it with his palm, and Dan's breath hitched, a desperate mewl leaving his lips.

“_Christ,” _Phil breathed, squeezing and filling his palm with Dan's plump ass. Dan groaned into Phil's mouth and pulled Phil closer and closer until their bodies were squished together, rutting his aching cock against Phil's thigh. “Oh, _fuck_,” Dan moaned, “Oh god, Phil.”

“You're such a fucking tease,” Phil groaned, slamming Dan back against the tree and unbuckling both of their belts with shaking fingers. He kissed Dan in between, looking down and then back up, placing quick kisses as if he couldn't stop himself, couldn't spend a single second without kissing Dan. Dan was out of breath, and he moaned when Phil's fingers wrapped around his cock, pumping slowly and then increasing his speed. “Come on,” Phil ordered, and Dan realized what he was asking. He slipped his hand down to Phil's cock and coiled his fingers around the organ.

Phil groaned and recaptured his lips, shoving his tongue into Dan's mouth. “Don't–mmhm–don't come until I tell you to,” Phil commanded.

Dan's stomach lurched and his cock throbbed with pleasure. He moaned low in his throat. “Yesfuckyes, whatever you–mhm–say fuck–”

“Move, Dan,” Phil grumbled in frustration, his fingers spreading the precome on Dan's dick. Dan's breath hitched and he started moving his hand shakily. Phil's cock was heavy and thick in his hands, and Dan felt his world go out of focus as they jerked each other off. Phil buried his face in the crook of Dan's neck, his hands moving back and forth furiously. Dan moaned and shuddered and his breaths stuttered. “Ah, fuck–oh Jesus–” he moaned when Phil squeezed his dick. “YesPhil–please–”

“So good, baby,” Phil groaned low in his throat and Dan's heart leapt at the word _baby. _He twisted his fingers and did a motion he liked to do on himself when he jerked off. Phil panted. “Fuck, Dan. Just like that.”

Dan pumped back and forth, his hands moving faster and faster. Phil looked like he was having the time of his life, like this was the most he had enjoyed himself, and Dan couldn't get enough of that face. Phil's breaths came out in stammering pants, and he blurted words like _fuck, yes_ and_ so good, Dan_. He was completely letting go, just like the previous night, and Dan knew he could never have enough of this, could never get tired of this.

Phil's hand tightened around his cock, and his teeth tore into the skin on his neck as he came with a loud groan of Dan's name, thick spurts of white shooting against his hands as he panted. Dan watched the scene with hungry eyes, his cock leaking into Phil's hands.

Phil took only a mere few seconds to recover, and he was instantly restarting his motion on Dan's cock. He squeezed his bum with one hand, and Dan moaned abruptly, his head falling forward against Phil's shoulder. “Fuck, you're so hot,” Phil blurted, staring at Dan who's knees buckled at the words. Phil held him upright and then Dan's vision blurred into a white hot rush of hormones and pleasure.

The only thing he could hear in the quiet of the dense forest was his own panting breaths as Phil increased his pace, the sound of rubbing skin echoing in his ears. Dan shuddered and his whole body shook like a bag of polythene in the wind, and he whined desperately. This was the most desperate he had ever been. No one had ever managed to make him feel this way, so careless and completely free to let go. His mind was full of Phil and his hands, working expertly on his erection.

It didn't take Dan long to come undone and his cock was soon aching and leaking and he wanted to come, needed to desperately release it all. “Please–fuck_please,” _Dan shuddered and his hands shook as he gripped Phil's shoulder.

Phil watched him intently and whispered, “Not yet.”

Phil's hands moved mercilessly, and he kissed and licked down the side of Dan's neck, his eyes full of desire and hunger. Phil looked at him like he was the most important person in the whole world. Dan couldn't take it any more. His lips quivered, and his knees felt like jelly. His whole body burned, and he was trembling vehemently. He let out a desperate, utterly helpless moan.

Phil watched him calmly and then his fingers pressed just a little bit against the crease in his ass. Dan jerked forward and gasped, moaning loudly, his hair sticking against his sweat covered forehead. “Please, please_please–_I need–oh godPhilplease _I can't–” _Dan almost _cried_.

“Look at you whining like a slut,” Phil said. Dan stilled like a dead body, his heart jumping out of his chest. Phil immediately retracted his words, “I'm sorry, that's not what I–”

Dan gasped and let out a strangled moan, coming all over Phil and himself, shooting it out more than ever before. It just kept coming out of him endlessly. He collapsed against Phil's shoulder finally, his whole body shaking as he closed his eyes against the deep satisfaction that settled in his bones. Phil held him close, keeping quiet until both of their breaths returned to normal. “Sorry, I came,” Dan mumbled in a shameful voice after what felt like hours.

Phil's arms hugged him close. “It's fine,” he whispered, “I didn't mean to call you that, I'm sorry.”

Dan sighed and pulled back but didn't move away. He stood close to Phil and circled his arms around his neck. Phil's hands came up to wrap around his waist, and the intimacy and trust in their position was not lost on Dan. “I liked it. Don't worry,” he said with a barely visible blush coating his cheeks.

Phil blinked, “You liked it?”

Dan nodded. Phil looked shocked. “You used to hate it when I called you that.”

“That was before. You hated me then,” he said simply, “It was different.”

“How?”

Dan sighed softly, “When you used to call me that before, you actually meant it.”

Phil raised his eyebrows and his eyes had a special twinkle in them. “And now I don't?”

Dan smiled and placed a kiss on Phil's cheek. “No, you don't.”


	25. Words and meanings

Phil's eyes peered into the utter blackness near the cave distrustfully, Dan ambling beside him with a dubious expression on his pretty face. They approached the cave quietly, stopping just a few metres away and gazing up at the large, looming rocky mountains that towered over them like gargantuan beasts. Wide cracks and gaping crevices ran along the rugged walls, and the mountain looked old and Jurassic. Phil gazed above, eyes searching for an end, but the mountain went up and up into the dark sky, craggy peaks hidden behind thick layers of mist and dark clouds.

“I'm not sure about this,” Dan said suspiciously, a hint of fear in his voice as he came closer, “It's a trap, I'm telling you.”

Phil sighed, and he felt like he could almost agree with Dan. It didn't feel completely ridiculous anymore. The place was a bit too menacing and dark, a direful silence that deafened his ears clinging in the polluted air. He looked towards Queen and her mate who were stood near the mouth of the cave and stepped forward with Dan on his heels. A giant wooden gate stood at the entrance to the cave, the roaring face of a tiger with protruding canines and predatory eyes painted on the surface. It was closed tightly, and Phil's anxiety simmered under his skin as he walked closer.

“Phil,” Dan whispered nervously, “This is really weird.”

Phil nodded, “Let's just take a look and then we can go back.”

Queen slithered towards the side and nudged her head to a piece of square-shaped rock on the ground, blinking her beady eyes at Phil. Phil squinted his eyes and walked closer, reading the words written on it.

_Step on this to open the _ _gate._

Phil obliged, placing his right foot on it and applying light pressure on the rock. It quickly vibrated and disappeared below the ground, the whole place shaking violently. Little stones and mud came tumbling onto his head as tremors ran through the walls. The gate quivered, making loud ripping and breaking noises as it slowly started to rise like a curtain and disappeared inside. The cave finally came into full view, a deep hollow space at the bottom of the mountain, with jagged edges and a high ceiling. Phil couldn't discern anything on the inside. It was dark and silent but hauntingly inviting, urging them closer.

Phil took a deep breath and turned to Dan to see him staring at the dark hole in unmasked fear. It was a testament to how well they were starting to know each other when Phil recognized Dan's slightly wide eyes and rigid posture for what it was; barely suppressed vulnerability and a need for comfort. Phil held out a hand wordlessly, and Dan blinked and looked at him, hesitating for just a second before gripping it tightly.

Phil nodded and turned back to the cave, stepping forward as Queen led the way inside. His unoccupied hand reached through the darkness for the way, but as soon as his foot landed inside, the cave shuddered and torches lining the walls lit up with a crack, burning flames lighting up the entire path in front of them. Phil blinked, and Dan took a sharp intake of breath beside him, looking as shocked as Phil felt as the entire cave flickered with a warm, red glow, the darkness lifting from the shadowy corners.

“What the fuck,” Dan whispered, staring at the bright walls adorned with a million scriptures, paintings and murals. Even the ceiling was embellished with doodles of hearts and stars and moons.

“Wow,” Phil exhaled, “This is unbelievable.”

“Nothing makes sense in this fucking place,” Dan grumbled, eyes wide as he gazed at the walls. He released Phil's hand, and they strayed towards opposite sides, running their fingers along the walls. Phil stared at everything with wide eyes as he walked through the uneven, rough pathway, feeling out of place and strange, like something that did not belong here, in this ancient, mysterious space long forgotten by civilizations.

“Look,” Phil mumbled, running his fingers over a beautiful painting of a young man with a charming smile but sad eyes, a red, squishy thing in his hand as he looked at another man.

Dan came to stand beside him, squinting his eyes to see. He blinked, and Phil saw his expression turning from awed to grave and serious the more he looked at the painting. He raised his hand and his fingertips lightly brushed over the red thing in the man's hands. “He's offering his heart,” Dan mumbled, and there was something in his voice, something like longing or yearning, something Phil couldn't quite comprehend, much less understand.

“Why?” he asked instead, realizing that the red thing was somewhat shaped like a heart.

Dan didn't look at him. “I don't know.”

Phil remained quiet, and the conversation should've ended and they should've moved on, but both of them stood steadily on their feet. Phil felt like he should say something, but he didn't know what to say. There was so much unsaid between them, it was laughable. Phil had never imagined he would ever become this close with Dan, but it had happened and he was still trying to figure out what to do about it. Dan was simply irresistible, and he had stopped trying to ignore the pull he felt towards him.

Phil was tired of pretending and faking and acting like he didn't want to kiss him or touch him. He wasn't . . . _gay, _he knew he wasn't, but there was no one else on the island and Dan was as pretty and delicate as a petal of a flower. His sexual needs had won after all, and he couldn't help but let the desires take control over him and do whatever his body wanted. It was nothing more than bodily needs and taking what he needed.

No one was present on the island to witness it anyway, and so no one had to know about it. Once they go back, everything would reverse back to normal, and Phil would come back to his senses. It was most likely a phase, and it would come to an end like it always did.

At least that was what he told himself when the self-hatred became too much to bear and the little voice in his brain screamed at him to stop thinking of how cute Dan looked when he pouted, or how adorable it was when he rambled on about useless things.

“I won't ever be able to do it,” Phil mumbled quietly, realizing with sudden clarity that the painting meant a lot to the both of them. They wouldn't be staring at it for so long if it didn't. “Placing your heart in someone else's hand, what if they crush it?”

“What if they don't?” Dan countered.

There was silence for a while, and Phil stared at the sad eyes of the man in the painting. “I thought you didn't believe in love,” he said confusedly.

Dan shrugged. “This doesn't have to be about love. This is about trust. Can you ever trust someone enough to give them your most precious thing?” Dan asked silently, “To place your life in their hands? Are you capable of that amount of trust?”

Phil didn't know where this conversation was going, but he felt like it was not as trivial as it sounded. “No.”

Dan nodded and turned. “I won't be able to do it either.”

~*~

  
The torch-lit pathway led them towards a grand hall with a high ceiling and even more exquisite murals on the cracked walls. They had come across five doors on the way, each door leading them further into large, well-furnished bedrooms with plush carpets laid on the floor and glowing stones tied like fairy lights on the ceiling. Each room had comfy-looking beds and wardrobes filled with various apparels of men, women and children. Tables and chairs and sofas were neatly stacked against the walls in a quiet corner, clean and shining, not a single speck of dust to be seen anywhere.

Queen had been impatient, not letting them explore the new surroundings properly. She had hissed and urged them towards the hall, glaring at them with beady little eyes.

“Survivor's guide,” Dan read aloud, walking to stand next to Phil as they stared at the words written on the wall.

The hall wasn't a hall at all, it looked more like a huge storage space with all the furniture and objects crammed against the wall in one corner. The words _survivor's guide _was written on the wall in another corner, bold letters standing out against the dull pewter grey of the wall. Under it was a small table, a notebook placed on top of it. _GUIDE TO SURVIVAL BY __SHANE DAWSON_ was written on top of it in curly, cursive handwriting. Phil picked it up apprehensively, flipping it over in his hands to inspect it.

“Are we inside some kind of weird survival game?” Dan muttered, staring at the book in bafflement, “This just doesn't make sense. I think . . . I think I had an accident and I've slipped into a coma and I'm dreaming. I sure hope someone hits me on the head with a fucking hammer so I can wake the fuck up. There's literally no other reason for a place like this to exist and–”

Dan stopped abruptly when Phil placed his hand on Dan's shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. He was starting to notice and understand Dan's particular behaviours and habits more and more each day. Dan had a habit of rambling ceaselessly when he was bored, restless or anxious, spouting out words into the silence until it cluttered on top of one another. He would go on and on about something nugatory and valueless, stretching a topic for so long that it usually became redundant. It was one of the first things that Phil had noticed about him.

Dan stared at the hand and then at Phil's face, blinking repeatedly. “Let's just read this, yeah?” Phil suggested, holding up the notebook.

Dan pursed his lips dubiously but nodded. Phil nodded back and turned his attention to the object in his hand. The book looked old and worn-out. Its cover was torn at the edges and creased due to reuse after reuse. It had obviously been opened and closed a thousand times. There was a tiny black stain next to the spine of the book and little chunks of dirt stuck at the bottom.

“What are you waiting for?” Dan grumbled impatiently. Phil sighed petulantly and, with a forbidding feeling in his chest, opened the notebook, turning the blank first page to the second one. “What is it?” Dan asked curiously, peering over Phil's shoulder.

More elegant, cursive handwriting filled the whole second page, and Phil stared at it in wonder, blinking repeatedly as he read the words.

_May 19, 1977_

_Hello, survivors! _   
_I'm Shane Dawson and if you're reading this, you are most certainly stuck on the island with no way out. I'm sorry. This book does not contain any information about how you can leave the island. I cannot tell you that, but I promise you, you will find out eventually. The island doesn't keep people hostage. It's a paradise, and believe me when I say, you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to be. _

“I don't understand.” Dan furrowed his eyebrows, staring at the page with curious eyes. “What does this mean?”

“I have no idea,” Phil mumbled, turning the page and continuing to read.

_Tips and tricks_ _ to help you survive_

_1\. Befriend the green snake. If you're reading this, you already know who she is. Keep her close. No one knows the island as much as she does. She's friendly, protective, kind, and she's the only friend you'll make here. You'll be safe with her._

“She's a complete fucking mystery,” Dan muttered behind him, and Phil nodded.

_2\. The caves are the safest place on the island. Animals do not come here and it will protect you from thunderstorms. The only problem is the water. You'll need to walk to the river every day to fetch water. The hut is safe as well, and there's water nearby. _

_3\. Do not _ _EAT_ _ anything without knowing if it's safe._

_4\. If you're here alone and you are lonely, there are books somewhere inside the cave. You can also go talk to the talking tree._

_“_Talking tree?” Dan echoed in shock. “Is that an actual tree that talks?”

Phil sighed, “Probably. We have seen stranger things than that here.”

Dan shook his head in disbelief, and Phil went back to reading.

_5_ _. Do not try to build a boat to cross the sea. The sea is endless. The island exists in a different plane. _ _YOU WILL DIE._

_6__. Stay away from lions, wolves and all other wild animals. They do not care about you._ _DO NOT TRY TO KILL THEM__.__ They're immortal. _

_7__._ _The apples that taste like bananas are packed with nutrients. Make sure to eat one every day. It's good for health, and it's enough to fulfil your nutritional needs for a whole–_

Phil skimmed through the rest of the page and turned the page to find more tips and then more on the fourth and fifth pages. He turned several pages and found that there were about two hundred tips, every single one of them thorough and detailed. He made a mental note to read them all another time and flipped through the pages to find different entries in different handwritings on the last few pages.

“What . . . ” Dan blinked next to him, eyes fixed on the page.

_Don't give up - Veronica, Emily and Rachel_ _,_ _ September 23, 1980_

_You will find happiness one day. Believe in yourself - Felix and Marzia_ _, _ _August 4, 19_ _89_

_Fuck it. Be yourself - Jessica, Michael, Alex, Kyle, Kiara and Ethan_ _,_ _ December 13, 1992_

Phil's eyes scanned the pages full of encouraging words and motivating quotes to find the most recent entry.

_We believe in you. You're not alone. You can do it. Stay safe and keep fighting, friend :) - David and Priscilla_ _, _ _July 20, 2018_

“Just over a year ago!” Dan exclaimed with bewilderment, “What the hell?”

Phil closed the book and placed it back on the table, his lips pursed as he stood quietly and contemplated the things mentioned inside the notebook. He really didn't know what to believe anymore. It was a lot to take in all at once.

“I'm so fucking confused,” Dan huffed in frustration, “What the fuck does this mean? What do we do?”

“I don't know.” Phil shrugged. “We'll do nothing. Let's just take what we need and go back to the hut.”

Dan stared at Phil in disbelief. “This proves that someone is watching us. They know about Queen and the hut. How do they know all this?”

“This proves nothing. It was written in 1977.”

“But–” Dan started to protest.

“Dan, no one is watching us,” Phil interrupted and then assured, “It sounded like it was written from experience.”

“How can you be so calm?” Dan snapped in agitation, “It's like you don't even want to go ba–” A flash of painful remembrance crossed his face and he fell silent, jaw clenching shut.

Phil remained silent and an awkward quiet filled the air. It was true; he didn't want to go back. He had already confessed that to Dan. “I'm calm because there's just nothing we can do. You read it too. Whoever wrote this obviously knows everything about this place. He said we'll find out eventually. There's nothing we can do but wait,” he said quietly, turning towards the heap of cluttered furniture and tools in one corner. “Let's just do what we can for now.”

Phil teetered towards the crammed items in the corner and picked up a large basket from the ground. They didn't have a place to put the vegetables and fruits they regularly collected, and Phil decided to place it aside to take it back with them.

There was total silence behind him, and he turned around to see Dan chewing on his bottom lip nervously. Phil sighed, “Dan.”

Dan huffed and folded his arms over his chest. Phil immediately recognized another habit. Dan always folded his arms when he was upset. Phil walked back towards him and placed a comforting hand on his arm, “Hey, we'll be okay. I promise you,” he said as sincerely as he could.

Dan still didn't look convinced, but he nodded wordlessly. Phil caught his wrist and pulled him towards the mountain of furniture. “Come on, let's see if there's anything useful here.”

~*~

  
Phil glanced at Dan from a distance, eyes flicking up from the plate he was holding and watching him sift through the different objects on the table. Dan picked up a black mug and turned it over in his hands, his brows creasing, his pink tongue peeking out of his mouth as he made a contemplative face. He nodded to himself and placed it in the bag they were going to take back. Phil dropped his eyes back to the broken plate in his hands and threw it towards the rubbish he had collected in another corner. They had been searching through the disarranged things for almost an hour. Dan was sitting on the sofa a little away from him, rummaging through the bowls and mugs and pens on the coffee table, cluttered on top of one another.

Phil placed a small bowl in his bag, his eyes wandering back to Dan. He was wearing tight jeans again, and his legs looked long and lean, inviting Phil in. Phil usually threw on whatever clothes he could find, but Dan always dressed impeccably. His stylish attire and the way he was sitting on the sofa, relaxed back and soft hair curling around his ears, made him look like a model waiting for the photographer to arrive. His flawless appearance looked very odd in the messy room.

“Will you stop that?” Dan said without looking up. His smooth, sophisticated fingers were wrapped around another mug, and Phil gulped. “You've been staring at me for the past hour.”

Phil didn't look away. His eyes were fixated on the way Dan's lips moved when he talked. Dan raised an eyebrow and _fuck, _that was so hot. Dan never shied away from saying _exactly_ what he thought, and Phil admired that about him. He really really wanted to kiss Dan. “I know what you're thinking, but we have work to do.”

Phil realized suddenly that Dan had been teasing him deliberately. _Two can play at that game, _he thought, and smirked, “It's hard to concentrate when such a pretty thing is in front of my eyes.”

Dan blinked, a slow, disbelieving blink that let Phil know that Dan hadn't expected to hear that at all, not even in his wildest dreams. He felt a warm, sweet something spreading through his stomach at the way Dan's cheeks turned a bright shade of red. He looked flustered and kept quiet as he went back to rummaging through the items on the table. Phil smiled inwardly, feeling a rush of affection for his partner. Dan always seemed to blush when he called him words like that. Phil added that to the list of things he knew about Dan.

Phil went back to searching, finding a kettle, scissors and forks. He placed them in his bag and continued scavenging, placing broken tools aside to throw them away. After a while, as he started to get bored again, his gaze drifted back to Dan. It had taken them a long time to reach the caves, and it would probably take them even longer to get back. Queen was sleeping with her mate on a chair next to Dan, and a sudden thought occurred to Phil. “Hey, Dan,” he called, throwing another broken plate into the rubbish.

“Yeah?” Dan replied without looking up.

“We should stay here for the night,” he suggested nonchalantly, trying not to reveal his eagerness. His mind floated towards the comfortable bedrooms and the things they could do on the bed . . .

It didn't mean anything, he quickly added inside his head. He was just horny. Dan didn't mean anything. He was just using Dan because there were no girls around. That was it. Yes. Exactly.

Dan frowned confusedly, looking up at Phil. “Why? It's not that late. We can still reach the hut before night.”

Phil shrugged helplessly. _Dammit. “_Er . . . we're carrying all this stuff back. It's better if we go back in the morning.” He scratched his neck awkwardly and couldn't help blurting out, “There are beds here . . .”

A supremely anxious silence followed his indirect admission, and Phil didn't have to look to know that Dan's eyebrows had almost reached his hairline. “There are also separate rooms,” Dan mentioned with a pointed look.

Phil immediately panicked, “Uh, no. We, er, we need to stay close for–for, you know, in case something happens–”

Dan threw his head back and laughed, a low, adorable sound that made Phil blink repeatedly and stare at Dan, his chest aching with want. How could he have lived twenty-four years without hearing that beautiful sound? How did he manage without those bright brown eyes and dimpled smile? He couldn't even imagine a time without Dan's loud, obnoxious presence beside him, rambling on about his cheeks needing a moisturiser for the billionth time.

“Alright,” Dan answered finally, eyes alight and a mischievous smile on his face. “Let's stay here tonight.”

~*~

  
Dan panted heavily, cheeks flushed and hair sticking messily to his sweat-covered forehead as he collapsed against Phil's shoulder, his chest heaving up and down. Phil lay back on the bed, taking Dan down with him, his own chest burning with exertion. The moment they had walked into the master bedroom, Phil had pinned Dan against the closed door, connecting their lips in a frenzied kiss. After sloppy kisses and a bit of awkward stumbling and stepping on each other's toes, they had fallen onto the bed together. Dan had sucked him off, and he had returned the favour by giving Dan a quick handjob.

“Fuck, that was amazing,” Phil breathed, staring at the coloured ceiling. Clothes lay strewn across the carpeted floor, and they were lying completely naked on the plush bed. He noticed the chilly air for the first time, but he was too comfortable to move.

“Mm,” was all Dan said as he snuggled against Phil's body, his brown hair splayed across Phil's bare chest. Phil stared at the lump of curly hair on his chest and had an uncontrollable urge to touch, to feel the smoothness of it on his fingers. Contentment settled in his heart, and fulfilment spread through every inch, every nook and corner of his body. The sheer brilliance of the moment filled him with warmth, and his lips stretched to form a small smile.

The glowing stones above illuminated the room, and he felt completely at ease as he ran his fingers through Dan's soft hair, filling his palm with the fluffy strands. The world seemed to fade away into nothingness as they lay there in the utter silence of the room, their quiet breathing the only sound he could hear.

“Feels nice,” Dan mumbled quietly, his eyes closed.

Dan's eyelashes were long and black, resting against his glossy cheeks. His lips were puffy and pink, his hair curled over his forehead and over his ears, making him look prettier than any girl Phil had ever seen. In repose, his whole face looked soft and so beautiful that Phil felt his heart stumble and stutter and trip all over the place. Dan truly didn't look real, he looked like he was made by a world-renowned handicraftsman, crafted by hand to perfection.

Dan made a small sound, and he snapped out of his thoughts. Dan slowly lifted himself from Phil's chest and flopped down next to him. Phil stared at his back for a few seconds, wanting to pull him close again but unsure if he was allowed to. He didn't know if Dan had moved away because he was annoyed.

Phil didn't have to wonder for long because Dan scooted back and made an impatient noise. Phil smiled and pulled the blanket over the both of them before wrapping an arm around his waist, pulling him closer against his chest. Dan snuggled back against him, and Phil placed his chin on Dan's shoulder, humming slightly in happiness.

“You seem happy,” Dan mumbled.

Phil couldn't resist placing a kiss on Dan's shoulder. He just felt so giddy and intoxicated. He had never felt like this before. “I am.”

Dan remained silent for a few minutes before whispering quietly. “Never took you for a cuddler.”

“I'm not,” he protested, “I'm just cold.”

Dan snorted and wrapped his own arm over Phil's on his waist. “Is that so?”

“Mm,” he said, nuzzling against Dan's neck. “Your hair has grown longer.”

“Oh, yeah. I'm thinking of cutting it.”

Phil buried his nose in the luscious locks and inhaled the smell of jasmine and roses. “Don't,” he murmured slowly, “I like it.”

Dan was silent for a few moments, but then he nodded slowly. “Okay.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, sleep slowly crawling over Phil's eyelids. He was warm and content, and he noticed the entire room for the first time. He had been too immersed in Dan's thoughts to explore the bedroom, but now he saw that the room was large, with the bed placed at the very centre. There were murals on the walls and shelves full of books in one corner. A table and chair were placed next to it, and a giant wardrobe stood at the very back. Everything appeared new and organized. Even the bed and pillows were clean and colourful, smelling of laundry detergent.

“Phil?”

“Yeah?” he said.

“Can I ask you something?”

Phil blinked, “Yeah, of course.”

There was silence for a few calm moments, and Dan's body went a bit rigid. “What is this?” he asked finally.

Phil stilled and tensed. He knew what Dan was asking, but he didn't know what to say. “What?”

“This,” Dan whispered and his hands squeezed Phil's. “You know.”

“I–” Phil stopped. He knew he should say something, but he wasn't sure he could find the right words, or if he did, he wasn't sure he could even say them. It was strange, needing so much so badly, but not being able to put it into words, or explain the emotions that he couldn't quite grasp himself.

Phil waited, a small fear throbbing in his chest. Dan was as still as a stone, and Phil held his breath. How could he be so hesitant to call Dan his and still be afraid of losing him? He was pathetic, and a small lump formed in his throat, choking him.

“Doesn't matter. Forget it,” Dan said finally, turning around and tucking his face under Phil's chin, cuddling closer against him.

Phil released a breath he didn't know he was holding, and squeezed Dan tightly to himself, closing his eyes in relief. Dan was the only person in the entire world who could make him feel this way, this desperate, helpless and afraid. He had had a few girlfriends in the past, but he had never really felt anything for them. What he felt for Dan was something else entirely; it was a feeling that flowed through his veins and thrummed through his chest in a low rhythm.

In truth, he wasn't fully sure what was happening, or what he was doing. All he knew was that Dan made him happy, and happiness was something he didn't feel often.


	26. Pure and unadulterated

Over the next few days, they settled into a comfortable routine. They would wake up in the early hours of the morning, wholly naked, limbs tangled and arms wrapped around each other. Dan would lie completely still, breathing in the sweet morning silence, and Phil would card his callous fingers through his hair, making Dan's eyes flutter closed. They would remain silent, submerged in the quiet intimacy of the moment until the sunlight trickled in through the broken door and they had to inevitably drag themselves out of bed.

Breakfast was usually a quiet, sullen affair. Dan would haul a chair outside and perch near the fire, sleep-ridden and sulky as he watched Phil prepare their dainty meal, ordinarily scrambled eggs and banapples. Then they would clean themselves in the river, and Dan would pretend not to notice Phil's hungry stare as he took off his clothes. Phil would usually steal a kiss or two, and then they would trek the short distance to the beach, lighting the fire (Dan insisted on it) and proceeding directly to the caves through a different, shorter, route.

They would reach the caves just as the sun shone overhead, continuing the search for beneficial items inside it. They had discovered another storage room hidden at the back of the hall, and Dan's distraught search for a moisturizer had finally come to an end. They had found the moisturizer along with shampoo bottles, soap, oil, salt, coffee beans, kettle and a lot of other efficient things. They stuffed whatever things they thought were functional and brought it back to the hut before evening.

When the sky would start bleeding bright red and the sun prepared to leave, Dan would start to cut the vegetables, and Phil would bring in the fish he had caught. They would make dinner in silence and sit close with knees touching and elbows clacking to eat. By that time, the light of the day would've dimmed and the darkness of the night would arrive like a stealthy intruder. They would cuddle for some time near the fire, bundled up in a dozen blankets as they peered into the soft flickering fire, the only source of light in the utter blackness of the forest.

It was slowly becoming Dan's favourite time of the day. There was something very intense about huddling close to Phil in the quiet coolness of the night with nothing but the moon overhead to keep them company. Phil always seemed more placid in those few quiet hours, a tenderness in his deep blue eyes that was usually absent during the day. There was something just so poignant about it, something a bit saddening, but also strangely appealing. It filled up his heart to the brim, and he felt so full, full of happiness and love and warmth and he could never help but wonder what it all meant. It was so odd to feel so much so deeply and yet not have words to describe it.

After that, they would retire into the hut, jerking each other off swiftly. They hadn't done anything more than a few handjobs and blowjobs, but Phil touched him and kissed him with such raw passion that he couldn't bring himself to care. Phil was always so gentle with him. Dan had never been in love and he had never had boyfriends. Before Phil, he didn't even know that sexual acts could be done so carefully and gently. All he had ever known was hurried thrusts and painful bruises.

“Dan?”

Dan blinked slowly, snapping out of his thoughts as he turned his startled gaze from the fire towards Phil. It was late at night, and they were sat near the fire, an odd silence in the air. “Yeah?”

“Pass me the wood,” he said, removing his hand from Dan's waist and adjusting the sticks in the slow-burning fire. Dan nodded and grabbed two pieces of firewood from next to him, handing it to Phil. Phil inserted them into the fire, flames dancing inside his blue eyes as he stared at it. Dan wondered how someone's eyes could be so beautiful.

“You're staring at me,” Phil whispered and turned his head, a small, teasing smile on his face as he looked at Dan, the side of his face glowing a mellow orange.

Dan's heart skipped a beat, but he ignored it as he huffed and rolled his eyes. “There's dirt on your face, dumbass.”

“Oh, really?” Phil hummed, raising a curious eyebrow. Dan stared as blankly as he could, but his heart was pounding. This was new, the flirting and teasing, but Dan wasn't complaining at all. Phil smiled and shifted closer to Dan, wrapping an arm around his waist. Dan leaned into the touch and snuggled against Phil's body like he usually did. They were getting more and more comfortable around each other, and Dan was starting to notice Phil's charming, caring side.

Dan exhaled softly, sitting in silence for the next few minutes and immersing himself into the serene, undisturbed atmosphere. He was about to close his eyes and rest his head on Phil's shoulder when Phil snuck a hand down his waist and squeezed his bum. Dan squeaked, not expecting the action at all. “Phil!”

Phil smirked, grabbing his ass again. “What?”

Dan smacked his hand away, glaring at him pointedly, but his lazy smirk unhinged Dan. Phil's change truly was inconceivably remarkable. A few months ago, he was bothered by Dan walking near him, but now nothing hassled him. He seemed more confident and cool-headed, and there was always a self-assured, unruffled look in his eyes, the look of a man who knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. He never shied away from kisses anymore and actively initiated most of their sexual encounters. In fact, Dan had quickly realized that Phil was a very touchy-feely person.

Dan was just beginning to unravel Phil, opening him like a tightly wrapped gift, carefully untangling the knotted ribbons one by one until it all came loose and lay spread out on the floor.

“What are you thinking so deeply about?” Phil asked quietly, staring at him oddly.

Dan smiled, “Nothing.”

Phil remained silent and gazed at him, eyes focused intently on Dan. He was about to ask why Phil was doing that but before he could do so, Phil leaned forward and captured his lips into a sweet, slow kiss. Dan sighed into it, the warmth of Phil's lips providing him relief from the chilly air. Phil kissed him slowly before pulling away and murmuring in a daze, “You're so beautiful.”

Dan blinked and his heart leapt at the word, a bright blush creeping up his neck to splatter on his cheeks. He groaned exasperatedly and buried his face into the crook of Phil's neck, hiding in shame. “Why do you do that?” he complained.

Phil laughed, pulling him closer, “Why do you blush so much?”

“I don't know!” he huffed, speaking against Phil's neck. “I'm just not used to it.”

“Well, get used to it then because I'm not going to stop.”

Dan's stomach flipped over and a rush of warmth flooded his chest. He still didn't know the exact nature of their relationship. Phil hadn't specified it, and he appeared far too reluctant to add a label to their volatile connection. Dan wasn't particularly bothered by that. He had had many unlabelled relations with guys over the years, and this was surely just another one to add to that list. He was fine with it . . . or he _should've _been fine with it. Phil was so different from everyone that sometimes Dan forgot that this was just two people relieving their emotional and sexual needs. Their relationship was confusing him.

Dan sighed at his thoughts and turned to Phil to find him grinning brightly. He raised an eyebrow, and he was about to ask why Phil looked so smug, but suddenly, Phil slipped his cold hands down Dan's pants to squeeze his bare ass. Dan jerked forward in surprise, shouting, “Phil, you asshole!”

Phil looked far too innocent as he asked, “What?”

“Get your hands off my butt, you fucking melon,” Dan grumbled, “They're cold.”

Phil shrugged and squeezed him again, pressing his thumb against his cheeks. Dan inhaled sharply, and he knew it was almost time to go inside. “Why are you so obsessed with my ass?” he groaned.

Phil chuckled and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “Let's go inside.”

Dan sighed exaggeratedly, “So you can grope me some more?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Phil replied, standing up and holding out his hand for Dan to take. Dan placed his hand over Phil's palm and Phil pulled him up. They walked up the steps and entered the hut together. The sound of Dan's elated laughter filled the silence when Phil tripped on his own shirt that he had discarded over the floor, sighing and picking it up.

“Your clothes are piling up again,” Dan chastised when he finally controlled his laughter. He watched Phil warily as he threw the shirt towards the heap of dirty clothes on the chair. “Why don't you wash them, Phil?”

“I will, I will. Tomorrow,” Phil assured like he did every day. Dan rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest, giving him a stern look. Phil smiled at him oddly, a warm, soft look in his blue eyes. He placed his hands over Dan's shoulders and walked him back until he hit the wall. Phil cupped his jaw and gave him a long, slow kiss, different from the usual heated kisses he received. He pulled back quietly and continued to smile that strange smile, confusing Dan completely. He waited for Phil to say something, explain the reason behind his puzzling behaviour, but his lips remained sealed.

Dan sighed exasperatedly and relaxed, circling his arms around Phil's neck. His hands came up to wrap around Dan's waist, and something about their close position tugged at his heart weirdly. “You're so odd sometimes,” Dan whispered.

“Am I?” Phil asked, raising his eyebrows. His fingers slipped under Dan's shirt to stroke his sides and Dan let out an unexpected giggle.

“Stop,” he laughed, a hearty sound that came directly from his chest. The look Phil gave him just then was affectionate and loving, and it made butterflies appear in Dan's stomach, fluttering their colourful wings. Phil's eyes were as blue as a bright summer sky and they were so warm, looking at him like he was the only thing Phil cared about in the entire world. He leaned forward and kissed Phil, lips lingering there for a while, not wanting to let go at all.

Phil was smiling when he pulled away. “Why are you smiling?” Dan asked.

“I don't know,” he said, placing his hand on Dan's jaw and stroking his bottom lip with his thumb. “Why are _you _smiling?”

Dan shrugged nonchalantly, and one of his long curls slipped from behind his ear and fell forward to his cheek. “No idea.”

Phil's eyes snapped to his hair, and he brushed it back delicately, tucking it behind his ear and combing his hair with his fingers so naturally like he had been doing it for months. Dan watched silently, suddenly mesmerized by the seemingly simple action. When Phil was done, he lowered his eyes and met Dan's surprised gaze. There was a moment of complete silence where they just simply stood there, wordlessly, like the world had stopped breathing. Something passed between them, awareness, or maybe realization about what was happening between them, and he saw Phil's eyes widen a minute fraction, and then it was gone. Phil dragged him towards the mattress and Dan knew what would happen next.

In a mere few minutes, the room was filled with the sounds of irregular breathing and smacking lips. Dan quickly forgot about the little cognizant moment and got lost in the mind-boggling pleasure he felt.

~*~

  
“Stop doing that,” Dan scolded lightly, looking up at the slate grey sky, a large carpet of stormy clouds laid over it meticulously. This part of the forest was always murky and darkish, but today, it looked even more luckless. It appeared like a storm was waiting behind the clouds, and Dan wondered if it was going to be an ill-fated day.

“What?” Phil asked without looking at him. He was picking berries from a bush in the black forest; the name they had given to the unnaturally dark area near the caves. They had arrived at the caves like always, cleaning the cluttered mess inside the halls and taking back whatever they needed. They had departed before evening, stopping only to pick fruits from the distorted trees. They were on their way back, and Dan could hear the sound of running water, letting him know they were close to the hut.

“Stop biting your lip. It's not good for you,” Dan replied, looking up at the sky as a bolt of lightning lit up the whole vicinage. Dan quickly knew his prediction had been right after all.

Phil shrugged distractedly, continuing to pluck berries from the thorn-filled bushes. Dan looked back down, and his eyes fell on Phil's hands. He immediately blinked in shock. Phil's hands were covered with little scratch marks, and Dan frowned in concern. He walked closer and caught Phil's hands. “Stop.”

Phil furrowed his eyebrows in utter confusion, “What's wrong?”

Dan held his wrists gently and brought them closer to his eyes, inspecting them. He cringed at the tiny, tiny beads of blood on his fingers and shook his head in disbelief. “What are you doing, Phil?”

Phil shrugged, finally understanding why Dan looked so worried. “It's nothing,” he said in dismissal, waving him off.

“It's not nothing. You're hurting yourself,” Dan said sternly, stepping to stand in front of Phil.

“It's just a scratch, Dan. You're overreacting,” Phil assured.

Dan sighed in frustration. “Phil, we really need to do something about your lack of self-care.” He poked a finger at Phil's chest and said, “Stay here. I'll do it.”

“But it's really not a big de–” Phil started, looking bewildered and stunned. Dan cut him off with a stern glare and he immediately shut up, staring at Dan oddly, his mouth agape and an intense look in his eyes.

Dan turned around, plucking light yellow coloured berries from the bushes and placing it in his bag. A slow drizzle started as he worked, another crack of lightning and a roar of thunder breaking the silence in two. He could feel Phil's astonished gaze burning into his back, and he tried his best to ignore it as he picked a few more berries, enough to last for at least two days, and stood up, sighing tiredly. The moment he whirled around to face Phil, Phil walked forward in quick, desperate strides and pulled him forward by the collar of his shirt, crashing their lips together, knocking the air out of his lungs.

Drops of rainwater came cascading down to his head and slid down his face as he kissed Phil slowly. The air was chilly, and his soaked clothes invited in the cold wind, making him shiver, but a rush of warmth spread through his chest as he stood there, letting Phil kiss him delicately, earnestly, like Dan actually meant something to him. Maybe it was wishful thinking or just quiet desperation, but for a second, Dan felt safe and happy and loved.

Phil pulled back after a while, looking at Dan breathlessly. “Do you even realize how amazing you are?” he asked quietly, staring at Dan with an indescribable emotion in his eyes.

Dan blinked, looking at Phil in surprise. Phil was completely soaked, his wet hair clinging to his forehead as the rain poured harder. There were so many emotions on Phil's face that he couldn't even begin to comprehend them. Phil looked sad and happy and torn apart all at the same time. Dan wanted to kiss him again.

Phil sighed in frustration and said, “I just . . . you're so–I can't stop thinking about you, looking at you and . . .” Phil swallowed and Dan's heart skipped a beat. The wind rolled through the trees and rain lashed against his already wet clothes. The sound of the pouring rain echoed in his ears as Phil said, “You make me so . . . you make me want to–”

A loud, ear-splitting boom of thunder cut him off, and Dan never got to hear what he made Phil want to do because right then, as if on cue, Queen came rushing towards them and hissed furiously. Phil turned towards her and said something incomprehensible. Another deep rumble of thunder resonated across the forest floor, and rain pummeled the ground with brutal force. It was hard to hear anything other than the ruthless assault of the rain.

“We need to leave. Now!” Phil shouted over the harsh, screeching noise all around them. Dan realized that they had been far too caught up in each other to notice the sudden change in the weather. “There's something wrong. Queen is acting strange.”

“Okay!” Dan yelled back, wiping the water off his face and squinting his eyes to see the way ahead. Muddy water ran down the path and wet puddles covered the sides, filling up and overflowing as the rain came crashing down. The trees and plants all around them shuddered and cried, desperately wailing to remain rooted.

Dan shivered and rubbed his sides as the wind screamed louder and louder. Thunder shook the earth once more and it was so loud, Dan covered his ears. Phil was looking around for Queen who slithered away in another direction. His eyes were fraught with grave concern as he said, “Why is she going that way? She's leading us back to the caves. The hut is closer.”

The harsh downpour felt like splinters against his fragile skin, and Dan heaved. With a strange sense of foreboding, he leaned forward and clutched Phil's hand tightly. All of his instincts told him that there was something wrong; he could feel it in his bones. The black clouds that lit up with the sinistrous crack of lightning, the lashing wind, the sudden smattering of icy water, everything felt like a presage to a violent storm.

“Hey, we'll be fine. It's just another storm,” Phil assured him, pulling him towards the direction of the hut.

“Queen went back to the caves,” Dan frowned, talking louder so Phil could hear him over the sound of the rain.

“Yeah, but it's too far. The hut is closer. Let's go to the hut,” Phil replied, looking like he had made the decision at the drop of a hat.

Dan furrowed his eyebrows and the feeling of ominous dread in his chest doubled. The forest ground was already awash with muddy water, and it splashed against his jeans as he jogged towards the river. Thunder roared violently, and Dan flinched at the sound, his hand tightening around Phil's. His wet hair clung to his face, and his soaked clothes stuck against his skin.

By the time they entered the area close to the river, he was dirty and covered in mud head to toe. The sound of water crashing and falling reached his ears. It was a harsh, brutal noise that intensified the awful feeling of fright in his chest. The rain was wreaking havoc in the black forest and everything was in an uproar, but the turbulence in the river was still audible to his ears.

Soon they turned a corner and the river came into full view. The stone pathway was submerged under the flowing water. The river was spilling over the sides and overflowing, and the gigantic waves collapsed and collided as it rolled down the stream. The damp smell of the earth filled Dan's nostrils as he stared in fear at the flooded river. “Oh, fuck,” Phil muttered in fear, wiping the water off his face.

“What do we do now?” Dan shouted worriedly, “We should've listened to Queen!”

Thunder rumbled above and Phil flinched, yelling over the noise, “Fuck. It doesn't matter! Let's just go, come on!”

“Phil, we should go back!” Dan said to him, pulling him away from the river. “To the caves!”

“What?” Phil shouted, coming closer as the wind screamed and the tree right next to them flailed helplessly.

Another large wave crashed against the riverbank, and Dan yelled, “I said we should go back to the caves!”

“Dan, it's raining heavily! The cave is too far!” Phil protested, “We'll be okay, I promise you. Let's just cross the river!”

Dan bit his lip, wiping the water off his face for the millionth time. The tree behind him shook violently, and he briefly glanced at it before turning his attention back to the river. He was shaking and shivering in his soaked clothes, and the thought of snuggling with Phil inside the hut was far more appealing than walking all the way back to the caves in the rain. He sighed and nodded, gripping Phil's hand tighter as he stepped forward.

“Okay, let's go!” Phil shouted as he walked closer to the river. “I can see the stones! Walk behind me and don't let go, do you understand?”

“Yeah,” Dan nodded, staring at the humongous swirls and twists of the gurgling river. Phil pulled him forward, jumping onto the barely visible, half-submerged stone. Dan's stomach tied itself in knots as he followed Phil and dipped his feet into the deluge. The rain whipped against his skin, and the wind tore into his clothes, making him cower almost pathetically. Dan followed Phil as he jumped to the second stone. Phil nodded at him in approval, and he was looking around for the next stepping stone when a dreadful sound of rushing water reached Dan's ears.

Instinctually, he turned his head towards the side, and his eyes widened when he saw the huge, vicious torrents of water rushing towards them, crashing and clashing against each other. He screamed, “Phil!”

Phil snapped his head back to look and shouted, “Fucking hell! Go go go! Go back!” Dan's heart pounded and he stumbled back in shock, tripping on the stone. Phil pulled him up powerfully, and his hold was tight and strong as he dragged Dan back to his feet. Dan's hands shook and his feet trembled as he jumped back to the ground, Phil landing right next to him, panting.

The rushing water flowed down the stream, full of debris and mud and broken branches. Phil heaved and Dan let out a breath of relief as he looked at Phil. Their eyes met, and their fingers tightened and a moment of complete peace passed between them. The trepidation in Dan's chest grew and grew and he knew why the very next moment.

The relieved silence snapped in two as a loud ripping noise sounded from right next to Dan. Phil's eyes widened and his mouth opened in a silent scream of complete panic as he stared at something behind Dan's back. Dan was about to turn back and look when he felt something crashing onto his back, knocking him straight into the rushing water. His mouth opened and a terrified scream left his mouth as he felt the impact of himself falling into the water. His fingers held on tightly to Phil's hand as he drowned beneath the waves. He heard Phil shouting but he couldn't make out what he was saying.

Bubbles left Dan's mouth, and he felt himself being pulled up, but Phil's fingers were wet and he felt himself slipping. He emerged from the water once, his lungs aching for air. He saw the look on Phil's face, hurt, fear and everything all at once whirling around in his eyes. At that moment, Phil's face was an open book, and Dan could see every single feeling he had ever felt for Dan etched across his face, real, true and undeniable.

Phil was shouting and pulling, and Dan tried to grab onto the ground with his other hand, but another monstrous wave of water collapsed on top of him, taking him under. His fingers slipped and the last thing he remembered before blacking out was the look of pure, unadulterated terror on Phil's face.


	27. Unsaid and unseen

Phil watched Dan in horrified disbelief, completely paralysed and petrified as he saw Dan vanishing inside the remorseless flood. The brutal waves crashed against his leg, splattering water all over his legs. Rain plunged the earth in huge torrents, and the tides spasmed and convulsed in front of him, making loud burbling noises that screamed like a banshee in his ears. His feet were nailed to the ground in shock and stupefaction, and he couldn't acknowledge what had happened.

A growl of thunder reverberated through his veins, cutting through his benumbed senses. He gasped in pure fear and stumbled forward and screamed, “Dan!”

The rain whipped against his cold skin, and his scream mixed with the shrieking wind and went unheard. His eyes were wide in terror, and his heart pounded against his ribcage, his whole body shaking with incredulity as he took deep breaths. Adrenaline rushed through his blood and without a second thought, he removed his bag, inhaled a deep lungful of air and jumped into the rushing water.

Cold water pricked his skin as he plunged into the river, flailing his hands as the waves crashed on top of him. He tried to maintain balance and swim forward, hands shooting out and searching desperately for Dan. He opened his eyes helplessly, and the water stabbed his pupils. Dan was nowhere to be seen and his heart sank down to the very bottom of his stomach. He swam back to the surface and gasped, inhaling deeply and screaming, “Dan!”

A large log of wood came rushing towards him and crashed against his head. He let out a moan of pain and before he could move away, another set of waves collapsed on top of him. He drowned and helplessly thrashed around to escape. He squeezed his eyes shut and desperately waved his hands, slowly emerging from the water and gasping loudly. “Dan!” he screamed as loud as he could, the sound echoing emptily in his ears.

Phil heaved and his lungs ached, but more than anything, the pain in his chest was unbearable. His heart was dropping faster than the rain, and his eyes burned with unshed tears. Fear gripped him tightly in its clutches, and he couldn't tolerate it anymore. He couldn't lose Dan. He just _couldn't._ Dan was pretty and kind and caring, and he was the only person in the whole damn world who gave a shit about Phil. He couldn't lose Dan. He would never be able to recover from it.

Dan had held his hand and he had trusted Phil, and it was Phil's duty to protect him, but he couldn't and everything was his fault. He knew that. He was the one who insisted on crossing the river. He was the one who promised Dan it would be alright. He was the reason behind this all. The weight of that realization crushed him, and he wanted to scream until his vocal cords burst open. “Dan!” he screamed helplessly, looking everywhere and breathing deeply before diving into the river again.

Phil searched desperately for what felt like hours, his eyes panic-stricken and his movements frantic. He felt completely helpless and he was shaking, far too overwrought to even breathe properly. If anything happened to Dan, he knew he would never be able to forgive himself. He let out a pained sob, and he was about to inhale deeply and dive back into the water when a flash of brown hair caught his eye, drifting away in the water. A spark of hope lit up in his chest, and he instantly plunged into the water, swimming hastily towards a large rock formation next to the river bank.

The rain was still pouring hard, and the water was ice cold. Phil's whole body was numb and he could barely feel anything. His hands had turned slightly blue, but he couldn't bring himself to care at all as he reached the rock, heart pounding in his chest. “Dan, oh god,” he panted, gripping the rock for support.

Dan was unconscious, his hair a mess of wet curls as he lay half-submerged on the rock. His jeans were torn at the hips and caught up in the pile of debris on the surface of the rock. It had seemingly stopped him from flowing away even further, and Phil let out a breath of relief as he hastily climbed onto the rock and pulled Dan towards a safer place. “Dan, please,” he found himself begging as he dragged Dan towards the ground in the rain. “Please be alright, fuck.”

Phil was shivering and shaking, and he didn't know if it was due to the cold or the fear. Dan wasn't moving, and Phil panted as he watched Dan with wide, horror-stricken eyes. His heart dropped down to the ground when he suddenly realized that Dan wasn't breathing. “Oh, fuck. Oh god no. No no no,” he panted, his breathing rapid as he grabbed Dan's shoulders and shook him. Dan remained still. “No, this can't–please no–”

Phil heaved in trepidation as he placed his ear against Dan's chest, dull thumping inside making him jump into action. He would've felt proud of his quick thinking if he could actually feel anything other than fear.

Phil's hands trembled as he placed the heel of his hand on Dan's chest, pressing down for two seconds before releasing and repeating in a numb state of shock. Water ran down his face, and his head was full of huge tidal waves of emotions. He had never dealt with this kind of situation before, and he was terrified. A million different thoughts ran through his head, fear and panic and helplessness coiled together.

_“_Please. Please. Please–” the words fell out of his mouth repeatedly as he applied compressions and then tilted Dan's head, placing his mouth on Dan's lips and breathing into his mouth. “I don't want to lose you, please–” he sobbed, pressing Dan's chest.

Dan remained completely still as Phil continued to breathe into his mouth along with intermittent compressions. He was heaving and panting, his body shaking violently as he sobbed in fear and devastation. He pressed his lips against Dan's and kissed him desperately, his heart heavy as he wondered if it would be the last time. “Please, baby. Please,” Phil murmured helplessly, brushing Dan's hair back and looking at him with a painful, unbearable lump in his throat.

Dan coughed suddenly, vomiting water all over his shirt as he heaved and gagged. Phil's eyes widened and an unfathomable amount of relief flooded his chest. He instantly brought his trembling hand up and rubbed Dan's back, releasing a relieved, shaky noise. “Fuck, it's okay. You're alright,” he babbled as Dan spat out more water. “There you go. You're fine. You're okay.”

Dan coughed some more and collapsed against Phil's chest, heaving slightly. Phil felt choked and he wanted to cry, but he wrapped his arms around Dan and held him close, so tightly that he wondered if Dan could breathe. His whole body was still shaking, and he squeezed Dan to himself, burying his trembling fingers into Dan's hair and closing his wet eyes in relief. “You're safe. You're okay.” Phil didn't know who he was reassuring; Dan or himself. He concluded it probably didn't matter. “You're alive.”

Dan was limp in his arms, but he was breathing. He was alive, and Phil hugged him close, his chest aching, a large lump in his throat. “I thought I lost you,” he sniffed, placing a relieved kiss into Dan's hair, his lips quivering.

Dan's shaking arms wrapped around him slowly as he heaved, his chest rising and falling unequally. Phil swallowed painfully, glancing at the sky. It was still raining hard, water plummeting to the ground and pricking his skin like long needles. Dan's body was ice cold, and his lips tinted blue. He was shivering and wet and tremors ran through his body as he latched onto Phil's shirt with shaking fingers. He was trembling vigorously, and Phil knew he needed to immediately get Dan back to the caves. They were still on the other side of the river, and he was glad he knew the way back. He had been travelling back and forth for almost two weeks now, and he had memorised the path like a map in his head.

“C-cold,” Dan moaned and his body quivered.

Phil bit his lip, his mind a mess as he thought rapidly about the next course of action. Dan was in no condition to walk, and it was still raining heavily. The ground was slippery and there were puddles of muddy water everywhere, making it extra hard for him to carry Dan. The journey would be long, and he didn't know if he would be able to do it. If he went through the usual route, through the area of distorted trees, it would take an hour, but at least it was safer. If he went through the shortcut, they would reach the caves in about twenty minutes, but that route had already been muddy and marshy. It would probably be even more slippery in the rain.

Phil sighed in defeat, making a quick decision and lowering Dan to the ground. Dan's hold on his shirt tightened in fear and he whimpered, “No, no p-please, cold–”

“Hold on a second, baby,” Phil soothed, removing Dan's fingers from his shirt one by one. “I know it's cold, but I'm trying to help you, okay?”

Dan curled into a ball on the ground, his lips quivering as he sniffed quietly. He appeared sick and groggy, and Phil's chest ached. He stood up slowly and bent down to slide his hands under Dan, picking him up bridal style. Dan immediately curled against his body, clinging on to his shirt.

Phil suddenly wasn't sure anymore if he could carry Dan all the way back to the caves. Even if he took the shortcut, it was still a long way, and Dan was heavy.

Another rumble of thunder and lightning echoed in the sky, and Dan flinched, breathing heavily. Phil blinked and then nodded in determination. It didn't matter if he could do it or not, he would have to anyway. The weather was unpredictable, and anything could happen. It was Phil's responsibility now to get them both back to safety.

Phil took a deep breath and stepped forward.

~*~

Phil had managed to carry Dan for about five minutes before collapsing to the ground, taking Dan down with him. He had never been particularly athletic, and his stamina was almost nonexistent. Fortunately, they had still arrived at the caves in thirty minutes. Phil had half carried, half dragged Dan back. Dan had slowly started to feel better after a while, and they had somehow weathered the storm, reaching at the caves safely.

Phil had instantly stripped Dan off his clothes and cleaned him with a wet cloth, making him wear warmer clothing. He had pulled him towards the bedroom and covered him with the comfortable duvet. The air was cold inside, and he had made sure Dan was warm before changing his own wet clothes and cleaning the dirt on his hands and legs. Then he had quickly walked into the hall to make Dan a warm cup of coffee. Queen was stood there, looking utterly furious and hissing frantically at her unruffled mate.

The moment Phil had walked in, she had fixed her death glare on him and launched at him in quick succession. Phil had held up his hands in alarm when she crawled up his chest and slapped him across the face with her tail, hissing so angrily, Phil could do nothing but stare in guilt.

Queen had hissed at him for a full ten minutes, only stopping when Phil told her that Dan had drowned and almost died. She had honoured him with another slap across the face, and he had apologised profusely, trying to appease her. When he had assured her he would never do it again, she moved away with a glare, and Phil started a fire near the gate of the cave, making a hot mug of sweet coffee.

Phil walked into the bedroom, closing the wooden door behind him. “Hey,” he greeted.

Dan looked up from the bed, sitting cocooned inside the duvet, shivering inordinately. Phil handed him the mug. “Here. Queen made me add some herbs into it. It'll make you feel better.”

Dan accepted it gratefully, taking a careful sip. “Thank you,” he said shakily.

Phil sighed softly, staring at Dan quietly with a small relieved smile on his face. He had thought he would never be able to hear that voice again. He was so thankful and happy that Dan was okay.

Phil climbed onto the bed, crawling behind Dan and leaning back against the headboard. Dan scooted back instantly, sitting between his legs and resting his back against his chest. Phil wrapped an arm around Dan's waist, hugging him close. Dan hummed in contentment and sipped coffee from his mug.

Phil's heart soured, and he squeezed Dan against himself, nuzzling against his neck and inhaling the smell of him deep into his lungs. His stomach lurched when he thought about what had happened today. He had almost lost Dan, almost lost this very moment and every other moment they would most certainly have in the future. If anything had happened to Dan, he would've had to come back alone and sleep in the gigantic bed cold and lonely and with the knowledge in his aching heart that his own dumb decision had cost Dan his life. He would've had to live his whole life remembering the taste of Dan's lips and the deep sound of his laugh, knowing he would never get to see Dan again.

The reality of it made him tremble and he held Dan tighter, burying his face in the crook of Dan's neck, a sudden choking feeling in his throat. Dan quietly placed the empty mug on the side table, relaxing into Phil's embrace. He wrapped his own arms around Phil's on his waist and stilled, “Phil?”

He remained silent. Words were waiting behind his tongue, emotions stumbling all over the place inside him, but he didn't know if it would be appropriate to let them out. After all, they were just two people who liked to fuck. Their fickle relationship didn't mean anything and some things were always better left unsaid.

“You're shaking,” Dan whispered softly, rubbing Phil's arm soothingly.

Phil swallowed painfully and mumbled against Dan's neck. “I almost lost you.”

Silence reigned for the next several minutes, but then Dan turned slowly, and Phil loosened his arms so he could turn all the way. Dan looked at him, his eyes a deep, crystal clear brown, softer than usual and full of undeniable affection. He brought his hand up and placed it against Phil's cheek, gazing at him in silence.

Phil sighed and leaned into the touch, placing his own hand above Dan's and closing his eyes against the rush of feelings that threatened to overwhelm him.

“I'm okay, Phil,” Dan murmured quietly and Phil nodded slowly, relishing the warmth of Dan's hand. He opened his eyes, and he saw Dan staring at him intently, an ineffable look in his eyes. Phil was about to ask why Dan was looking at him like that when he moved swiftly and captured Phil's lips into a slow, soft kiss.

Phil kissed him back silently, savouring the divine moment. It was a quiet minute of appreciation and acknowledgement. Something was changing between them, and he felt it deep down in his bones. The kiss was warm and loving and Dan sighed satisfactorily into his mouth. They pulled away after a while, lying down together under the duvet.

Dan sighed contently and snuggled against his chest, and Phil wrapped his arms around him. It was still early to sleep, but both of them were far too exhausted, physically and mentally, and Phil closed his eyes, pulling Dan closer. The last thought he had before falling asleep was how nice it felt to hold Dan against his chest.

~*~

Phil woke up in the early hours of dawn to Dan kissing him all over his neck and chest. At first, he was sure it was a sweet little dream, but he frowned in confusion when awareness slowly crept in and he felt Dan pushing the duvet aside and fumbling with the belt of Phil's jeans. Phil bolted upright instantly, blinking sleepily at Dan who stared at him innocently. “What the fuck are you doing?” he asked in surprise.

Dan blinked in confusion. “Erm, trying to give you a blowjob?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “I know that. But why now? You need to rest. Go to sleep.”

Dan was silent for a few seconds. “No.”

Phil frowned in concern. Dan's mouth was pursed into a thin line, and he looked depressed. Phil brushed Dan's hair back from his forehead and placed a hand on his cheek. “Hey, what's wrong?” he asked worriedly. “Should I make you another cup of coffee?”

Dan smiled sadly and rolled his eyes. “No, Phil. I'm fine. Queen's medicine probably worked.” He circled his arms around Phil's shoulders and said, “I just can't sleep . . . I-I can't stop thinking about it.”

“About what?”

“About what happened . . . ” he swallowed visibly, looking scared.

Phil was quiet for a while. “Hey,” he said, “You're safe now.”

Dan nodded. “I know,” he murmured and sighed, “I know but it's just . . . it happened so unexpectedly, I didn't–all I could think about was that I never got to say goodbye to anyone. I didn't even live that much and there's still so much I want to do and my dad–” Dan's voice cracked, and Phil clutched his hand tightly, coiling their fingers together. “It was–it was terrifying.”

Dan had unshed tears in his eyes, and Phil leaned closer and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Dan melted against him and sniffed against his shoulder. “I just don't want to think about this for a while.”

Phil was silent, and the room felt too small all of a sudden. The lights above flickered as Phil pulled back and asked, “What do you need?”

Dan looked at him calmly, and his gaze was steady as he said, “Fuck me.”

Phil choked on his own spit and spluttered, “Wh-what?!”

Dan rolled his eyes and bristled away. “It's fine if you don't want to. You don't have to act like I just told you to eat dog poop.”

Phil blinked and stumbled over his words, “Er, no, I uh I want to, but are you, ah, sure you can take it?”

Dan's eyebrows shot to his hairline. “Are you challenging me, Phil?” he asked, “I think I should let you know that it's not _that_ big.”

“Hey!” Phil quickly protested but then immediately retracted his words. “I mean no! That's not what I meant. It's just–you almost drowned. Are you okay? Are you sure?”

Dan nodded, “Yeah, I feel fine.”

Phil's heart thudded against his chest, anticipation crawling up his throat as he said, “Okay.”

“Uhm, do you, er–” Dan started awkwardly. “Do you know how to, um–”

Phil blinked. “Yeah, I mean, of course.”

Dan nodded appreciatively and smiled at him smugly, pushing him back seductively and placing a lingering kiss on his lips. Phil breathed through his nose as he lay back against the headboard. Dan trailed his hands down to his belt, teasing the outline of his cock with a smirk. Phil stared with a heated gaze as he unbuckled his belt and pulled his jeans down in one swift motion. He pushed Phil's legs apart and stood on his hands and knees between his legs, lowering his head and nuzzling his nose against Phil's slowly hardening length. Phil's breath hitched, and he watched as Dan engulfed his cock with his lips, sucking him into his mouth.

Phil had never in a million years thought he would even _think _of his dick being anywhere near Dan's lips or backside. He had never specifically focused on such unseemly actions, and he had never been overly enthusiastic about the prospect of sex like every other typical man. Vaginal sex was usually abhorrent, and it was just something he had to do because . . . well, he just had to. But this was different. This was something else; even the thought of it sent an electric shock through his body. He felt euphoric and amazed and impatiently hard.

Dan hollowed his cheeks and sucked Phil skillfully like it was his profession. He twirled and dipped his tongue into the slit and sucked at the crown, making low moaning noises that sent Phil's mind into a frenzy. Phil groaned and his hazy mind ran a million miles a minute. A hundred sordid thoughts invaded his brain, and he panted, blurting, “You're so fucking good at this.”

Phil wanted to thrust into Dan's mouth relentlessly, but he knew Dan was probably still effected by what had happened. He closed his eyes and tried to control himself, but Dan pulled away abruptly.

Phil's eyes snapped open. “Dan?”

Dan looked at him accusingly. “I'm fine. Stop holding back.” He gave Phil a lopsided smirk and Phil's heart flipped. “I like it a little rough if you remember.”

Phil's chest was burning, and he swallowed thickly, heat growing in his stomach. He grabbed Dan's hair and guided him back to his cock roughly. “Shut your mouth. I like you a little submissive if you remember.”

Dan hummed around his cock and made an appreciative noise, swallowing Phil's cock into the wet heat of his throat. He swiped his tongue across the crown and licked and sucked like he did it for a living. “Oh, Jesus,” Phil heaved, throwing his head back and staring up at the ceiling. Saliva dribbled down Dan's chin, and Phil's stomach burned with lust. “Fuck, you were made for this, Dan.”

Dan moaned abruptly, and Phil noticed that Dan had one hand down his jeans, tugging at his own cock. “Do you like it?” he panted out. “Do you like it when I tell you how good you're sucking my cock?”

Dan moaned again, and Phil thrust up into Dan's mouth without warning, the tip of his cock hitting the back of Dan's throat. Dan gasped and gagged, shuddering helplessly when Phil didn't stop his thrusts. “Yes, yes. Just stay like that. Fuck, you're such an obedient little slut,” he groaned, pulling Dan's hair as he thrust into his mouth.

Dan trembled and shuddered, tears gathering at the corner of his eyes due to the effort he was making to stay completely still. Phil's eyes were fixated on Dan hungrily, his body burning with pleasure. Dan looked beautiful with his glossy eyes and red lips and his mouth full of Phil's cock. Dan moaned loudly, and Phil thrust up into his mouth one more time before reluctantly pulling away. His stomach turned over, and everything in him screamed to thrust and thrust until Dan couldn't speak, but he assembled every last bit of self-control in his body and pulled away.

Dan was heaving and he stared at Phil questioningly when he stood up. “P-phil?” Dan's voice cracked, and it sent a jolt of pleasure coursing through his body. He knew he was the one to cause that.

“I'm just going to grab some oil,” Phil assured.

Dan's eyes lit up like Christmas lights, and he appeared eager and impatient as he said, “There's some in the drawer.”

Phil frowned and walked to the bedside drawer, opening it to find a small vial of oil. He raised his eyebrows at Dan. “Eager, are we?”

Dan blushed, avoiding eye contact as he stripped off his clothes, throwing his shirt to the floor. “Sorry, I kind of knew it would happen eventually.”

Phil hummed, pleased. “Of course, you did.”

Phil placed the vial on the bed and took off his shirt, climbing back onto the bed and pulling Dan into a kiss. Dan sighed into it and plunged his tongue into Phil's mouth. Phil sucked on his tongue, his hands trailing down to Dan's cock. He pumped a few times, coaxing it back into an erection. Dan moaned low in his throat, breathing roughly into Phil's mouth. Phil pulled back after a while and moved away to sit between Dan's open legs. He stared at Dan in a trance and then blinked, “Turn around.”

Dan looked at him with a bright blush coated on his cheeks. He looked astonished, and Phil felt hungry with want when Dan obediently turned around and stood on his hands and knees, his cock hard and erect under his stomach. Phil's breath hitched, and his eyes burned as he stared unblinkingly at Dan's puckered hole. He had never seen Dan like this before, never touched him so intimately. He was standing on all fours, ass up in the air, the two pale, swollen globes of his ass begging Phil to touch, kiss, _mark_. He felt dizzy at the sight, and he couldn't help but spank his cheeks lightly.

Dan jerked forward in shock, a strangled sound leaving his lips as he stared at Phil over his shoulder. Phil stared at the red pucker, unable to believe this was actually happening. He was about to do this. He was about to bury his cock in that tight hole, and the thought made him go weak in the knees. “Fuck, stop. Please just–” Dan pleaded, out of breath. “Stop staring.”

Phil breathed irregularly and grabbed the vial, unstoppering the cork and pouring a little into his hands. Dan stayed completely still and Phil could see him holding his breath, anticipation building and building with each passing second like the ticks of a clock. Phil drew in a sharp breath and circled the tight rim with his forefinger. Dan gasped, breathing heavily. “Oh god.”

Tentatively, Phil pushed a finger inside. It swallowed his finger right up to the knuckle and heat shot to his groin as he watched his finger disappear inside the rim. “Fuck,” he breathed, moving his finger back and forth, heat pooling in his stomach.

“Please, fu–stop staring like that,” Dan begged shakily, “Please.”

“You look so good, Dan,” Phil breathed, “I can't wait to fuck you.”

Dan moaned, trembling slightly. Phil moved his finger around, twisting it, working him open. Dan's ass didn't take too long to loosen up and in a mere few minutes, he was adding another finger, increasing his pace, making scissoring motions with his fingers. The inside of Dan's ass was hot and softer than velvet, clinging onto his fingers like silk. “You're completely sucking in my fingers,” Phil said in awe, his cock throbbing with need. Dan moaned and shuddered, his body shaking as he made low pleasure-filled noises.

“M-more, please,” Dan moaned, and Phil added a third finger, moving faster and faster. His slick fingers slipped in and out smoothly, making Dan moan with every movement. Phil's cock ached and he felt impatient and hasty as he fucked Dan with his fingers, relishing the loud moans Dan made.

Soon, Dan was fucked open and gaping and Phil's fingers grazed something inside Dan. Dan lurched forward and threw his head back, releasing a loud mewling sound. His cock was leaking and sticking against his stomach and Phil couldn't help but tease and taunt him. “Look at you just waiting for me to fuck you. Not so sassy now, are you?”

Dan moaned and his ass clenched around Phil's fingers as he threw his head back, sweat making his pale skin glow. Phil could come just from this, but watching Dan's responses made him want more, more than he could handle. Phil wanted to fuck him, own him, make him _his. _“Please–_nghhh!–_please–”

“I'm going to make you come so hard, Dan.” He crooked his fingers inside Dan. “Would you like that? Me filling you up and stretching you wide open? Do you want that?”

“Yes, yesgodyesplease. Fuck me, please, I can't–” Dan trembled violently and Phil saw his eyes fall shut against the pleasure, his breaths coming out in quick, gasping pants that filled the room.

Phil couldn't help but thrust his fingers deep into Dan's tight hole. “Patience, baby. I'll give you exactly what you want,” he spoke in a low, confident voice, “I'll fill you so deep and fuck you till you can barely breathe.”

Dan's knees almost gave out beneath him, and a bead of precum slid down from his swollen cock and fell down to the bed. He let out a frustrated sob, “P-phil, please–oh, _fuck–nuhhhgn, _need you so much.”

Phil's breath hitched, and his heart skipped a beat, pounding against his chest. He pulled out his fingers abruptly and grabbed the vial, pouring oil into his hands and slicking up his cock. He had never done anything so quickly and desperately. His hands were shaking as he crawled to stand behind Dan, pressing his hands against Dan's ass. Dan was heaving and he looked utterly wrecked. Phil stared in shock and disbelief, panting heavily as his cock throbbed violently. Meanwhile, Dan pushed his ass back against Phil's dick, rubbing against him desperately.

A sharp tingle of pleasure coursed through his body and he gasped. He smacked Dan's ass and he moaned, stopping his movements. With trembling fingers, he placed the tip of his cock against Dan's hole, sliding in just a little. Dan gasped and hissed, “_Nuuuh._”

Phil groaned, his vision going dark and the world blurring into a burning rush of thrilling, electrifying pleasure that tingled every sensitive nerve-ending in his body. “_Christ!_ You're so tight, fucking hell,” he gasped as his cock slowly slipped all the way in.

Dan moaned and the sound made Phil want to pin him down and thrust and thrust and thrust until Dan screamed. Phil groaned at the thought, wiping sweat from his forehead as he waited for Dan to adjust to the feeling. This was it. This was everything and nothing at all. It was what he had always desired deeply but didn't realize until that moment. It was liberation and freedom and he couldn't understand how he had lived all these years not knowing how good it could be, how beautiful, intimate and pure.

“Move, please,” Dan pleaded desperately, “Come on.”

Phil snapped out of his thoughts and blinked. He pulled back immediately and slammed back into him. Dan staggered forward and gasped, swearing loudly. “Oh fucking lord, what the–”

Phil groaned and started moving, cutting Dan off as he pulled back and thrust back in. Dan puffed and panted and begged, “Yes, fuckyes, faster–”

Phil increased his pace, his hands burning imprints onto Dan's ass cheeks as he thrust forward, slamming into Dan repeatedly. Dan gasped and shuddered, grabbing at the sheets and moaning like he had lost all control. Phil's lungs ached and he groaned. “Fuck, Dan. So good.” Through the ceaseless surge of heat and pleasure, he found his brain somewhere and remembered to touch Dan's cock. He reached below him and without preamble, starting pumping. “Look at you just taking it all. Such a good little whore.”

Dan's loud moans filled the room and he was babbling something incomprehensible. He repeated words like _pleas_e and _Phil_ and _harder_ as Phil continued to thrust, pleading and begging for nothing in particular. Dan appeared to be lost in pleasure and so was Phil as he thrust blindly.

The bed creaked beneath him, and the sound of slapping skin filled the quiet room. Dan's gasping breaths, strangled moans, fluttering eyelashes and sweat covered forehead made the moment memorable and brought a true essence to a very real experience. He knew then that he would remember this moment until death.

“Come for me, baby, come on,” Phil panted when he felt like he couldn't hold it anymore, slamming and hitting Dan's prostate repeatedly. Dan gasped and let out a sob, shooting white spurts of cum into Phil's hands. He panted heavily but stayed still and Phil's heart soared. Dan was beautiful, with his pale skin and lean limbs spread out in front of him. At that moment, Dan was _his _and Phil suddenly felt choked. For some reason, he had an abrupt thought that he would give Dan _anything__. _He would rip out his heart and place it in Dan's hands if it meant Dan would be happy and safe. The thought left as quickly as it came.

Phil groaned and thrust a few more times, nails pressing against Dan's ass cheeks as he came into Dan's ass, filling him up with his cum. He moved a little more to ride out his orgasm and stopped slowly.

“Fuck,” he cursed as his knees gave out beneath him and he managed to quickly pull out before collapsing on top of Dan, breathing heavily, his whole body shaking with exhaustion and pain. “That was the most mind-blowing sex I've ever had.”

Dan was breathing hard and he said nothing. A silence followed which was comfortable and much needed. The only sound was of their shaky breaths. Phil suddenly realized how loud they were being before.

“Get off me. You're heavy.” Dan mumbled tiredly after what felt like aeons of silence.

“Sorry,” Phil said as he moved away and lay next to Dan, satisfied and sated. “Are you okay?”

“Mmm,” Dan said, turning around and snuggling against Phil's chest. “Cuddle me.”

“Hey, don't fall asleep yet,” Phil complained, “Let me change the sheets.”

Dan groaned sleepily, eyes closed, “Don't wanna.”

“That's disgusting, Dan. You literally have my cum in your ass.” Phil said, smirking a little bit. He glanced at the small dribble of cum sliding down Dan's legs and was pleased.

Dan opened his eyes and glared at him. “And who's fucking fault is that?”

“Oh, C'mon,” Phil smiled cheekily, placing his hands on Dan's ass and squeezing them with his palm. “You loved every second of it.”

Dan rolled his eyes, slapping his hands away. “I'm just a good actor.”

“Oh, really?” Phil laughed, warmth flooding his chest. Gosh, he _adored_ Dan.

Dan hummed and moved away, grabbing the towel from the floor and proceeding to clean himself. Phil smiled at him and watched him for a second, admiring his post-sex body, his unruly curls and his plump ass. “Stop staring at my ass and change the sheets, you dumb potato,” he chided without looking at Phil.

Phil spluttered, astonished by the fact that Dan could tell Phil was checking him out without even looking at him. He shook his head in disbelief and stood up, scrambling towards the wardrobe to find a new bedsheet. As he ransacked the huge drawer at the bottom, he saw Dan out of the corner of his eye, pulling on a pair of tight boxer shorts. He felt his heart flutter. It was such a mundane action, part of a normal day to day routine, but it was also so much more. It showed how comfortable they had become with each other, especially knowing what they had done just a few minutes ago.

Phil's hand stilled above a fresh bedsheet, his chest full of warmth and hope and love. For the first time in his life, he had something to be happy about. He had something to protect and cherish, but most of all, he actually had something to look forward to.

“What the fuck is taking you so long, Phil?” Dan whined, “Come on, I'm cold! Cuddle me.”

Phil involuntarily smiled down at the bedsheet under his palm, shaking his head at Dan's words. He grabbed the sheets and walked towards Dan, wondering how long he could keep pretending that Dan meant nothing.


	28. Pining and longing

Dan snatched his shirt off the floor, pulling it on quietly. He felt Phil's affectionate gaze burning into his back like a warm caress. He suppressed a smile and let out a soft, exasperated sigh. “Get up, Phil. I'm hungry. Let's go back to the hut and make something to eat,” he said fondly without looking at Phil, pulling on his black jeans.

They had overslept and—judging by the light inside the cave—Dan was sure it was close to noon and it had stopped raining. Usually, the bedrooms inside the cave were dark and silent in the mornings, but light gradually penetrated the depths of the cave by afternoon and birds twittered and chirruped sporadically at the mouth of the cave, proclaiming the advent of daylight. Most animals were absent inside the black forest but usually, blue birds appeared out of nowhere every afternoon.

Dan heard a sigh from behind him and turned back to see Phil leaning back against the headboard, watching him lovingly. “Let's stay here.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but the action was filled with fondness. “Don't be ridiculous. I'm starving,” he complained, but he didn't feel annoyed at all. He had had an amazing night—excluding the traumatic brush with death—and he had been more than happy to snuggle with Phil and rejoice in the post-coital bliss. He had gone to sleep with hope in his chest, ardently waiting for a new day and new experiences for the first time in a long time.

Phil sighed in despair, sitting up at the edge of the bed and placing his feet on the floor. He opened his arms and said, “Come here.”

Dan huffed, ambling towards Phil and standing between his legs. Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's waist, placing his chin on his stomach and looking up with a smile on his face. Dan's chest fluttered and he smiled back dopily, combing Phil's hair with his fingers, the action as natural as the flow of a river. Phil stared at him quietly, and then he dropped his head suddenly, biting his stomach abruptly. Dan let out a small laugh. “Phil!”

Phil did it again, and Dan wriggled in his hold, laughing heartily. Phil snickered as he pulled Dan back, both of them tumbling back onto the bed. Phil tickled Dan's sides and he laughed loudly, the sound echoing inside the room. Phil's eyes were a bright blue as he looked at Dan, grinning ear to ear. Dan straddled his waist, stopping Phil's movements with a huge, matching grin on his face.

A few silent seconds passed where they just stared at each other in amazement, looking content and happy. Dan's hand slowly slipped down to cup Phil's jaw and he analysed his whole face, trying to pinpoint the exact moment when Phil started to mean so much to him, so much more than he could comprehend. He sighed in disbelief and he felt like the happiest person on earth as he bent down to kiss Phil on the lips. Phil kissed back and the kiss was sweet and short and everything Dan had ever wished for. Fuck, Dan was starting to care for Phil more than he probably should.

Dan pulled away after a while, shoving his thoughts aside. “Come on, get dressed,” he said softly, pulling Phil's wrist. “Let's go back to the hut.”

Phil huffed, getting up reluctantly. “Fine.”

~*~

  
“Your hair looks absolutely atrocious,” Dan grumbled as he brushed it back and combed it with his fingers, smoothening the cowlicks. “And you've been wearing that shirt for three fucking days, Phil. There are literally thousands of clothes inside the wardrobe! Why do you insist on walking around like a bloody beggar?”

Phil laughed as his hand stilled above the knob of the wooden door, staying still as Dan brushed his hair. Phil had seduced him again and they had ended up making out for another half an hour after Phil wore his clothes. “There's no one else on the island, Dan,” Phil chuckled, “We can walk around naked if we want.”

Dan scowled. “Absolutely not.”

Phil wiggled his eyebrows. “Why not? I've always wanted to have sex under the sky.”

Dan smacked him upside the head. Phil winced, “Ow.”

“Shut up. Is that all you think about?” Dan asked, trying to sound annoyed but he was thoroughly amused.

Phil gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Yeah,” he blurted, shooting him a grin before grabbing the knob.

Dan sniffed, frowning suddenly, “Do you smell that? It smells like ros–”

As soon as the door opened, both of them let out identical shocked gasps, jaw dropping open to the floor as they stared at the scene in front of them with perplexed expressions.

“What the fucking fuck?” Dan blurted, peering into the decorated corridor. There was a brand new velvet carpet spread out on the floor, bright red and embellished with ornate golden embroidery. There were rose petals sprinkled everywhere and the walls were bedecked with fragrant flowers and bouquets. The torches lining the walls were bejewelled with emeralds and rubies, and instead of bright yellow flames, they gave out different coloured flames that lit up the whole corridor like disco balls.

“What's going on?” Phil breathed, looking around in awe. “Where's Queen?”

“I don't know,” Dan whispered, staring at the ceiling that had white flowers blooming at the top, little blue tendrils crawling towards the walls.

“Come on,” Phil said, holding his hand and pulling him towards the hall. Dan stared at the diamonds and golden linings on the walls as he walked into the large hall.

“Whoa,” Phil inhaled sharply. The hall was adorned with even more flowers. They were everywhere, on the walls, on the ceiling, tendrils and leaves curling and coiling together magnificently. The ugly mess of broken objects was gone and every corner was clean and shiny. There were sweet-scented candles placed at the table and rose petals on the velvet carpet. The whole place smelled like flowers and happiness.

“Where is she?” Dan asked, looking around for Queen. She was nowhere to be seen and Phil pulled him towards the exit.

“Maybe she's outside,” Phil said. “This is really fucking weird.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, walking towards the gate and holding Phil's hand tighter. It had somehow become a habit to hold hands everywhere they went. Dan didn't mind. He felt safer when he could feel Phil's rough hand against his palm.

If the decoration inside had baffled them then the view outside completely stumped them. Dan's every thought disintegrated as he saw the black forest which was no longer black. The ever-present gloomy clouds had moved away and bright sunlight now covered every inch of the forest floor. The distorted trees were no longer distorted, they were green and lush with beautiful leaves and aromatic flowers. There was no sign of any storm at all, and the grass was soft and green, tickling his legs.

“This is creeping me out,” Dan mumbled, squinting his eyes. “It's a little too bright.”

“There she is!” Phil announced, pointing to their immediate left. Dan turned his head and gaped as he saw Queen with a basket full of rose petals next to her. She was splattering it everywhere with her little mouth, her mate doing the exact same right next to her.

“Queen!” Dan called in bewilderment, walking towards her. She instantly turned her head at the noise, looking ecstatic as she _ran_ towards them, stopping right next to their legs and doing a weird little dance. Even King (Phil had insisted with a grin that they call the white snake King) looked happy.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” Phil scolded in puzzlement.

Queen twisted her body and wiggled, doing her dance again, her eyes bright. King continued to throw rose petals on the ground, and Dan furrowed his eyebrows. “Erm . . .”

Queen stilled and then looked pointedly at them. Phil tilted his head in confusion. “Did you do this?” He gestured towards the flowers and green trees.

Queen nodded and then she turned her head in a motion that indicated that she wanted them to follow her. Phil nodded and they followed her as she slithered back into the cave, her movements giddy and excited. Dan was once again taken aback by the decorations inside the cave as he tramped through the corridor.

Queen came to a stop next to a wall, the same wall that had the mural of a man with his heart in his hand. They stopped in front of the wall, and Dan saw Phil's eyes widen as he looked at it. Dan stared at the painting and then back at Queen. She stared back, and Dan blinked, looking back at the decorations and rose petals. Realization instantly dawned on him and he asked in shock, “Are you . . . are you planning our wedding?”

The question sounded like it was coming from someone else's mouth. It was surreal and . . . scary, to think about Phil and marriage in the same sentence.

Queen nodded vigorously and then she did her weird dance again, looking at Dan happily. Dan sighed, turning to Phil as he said exasperatedly, “Maybe she heard us last night and she–”

Dan stopped and blinked, looking at Phil who suddenly seemed enamoured with the painting. He was staring at it oddly, a strange look in his eyes. He didn't even seem to notice Dan as he lifted his hand and brushed the heart on the wall with delicate fingertips, his expression solemn. “That's not it,” Phil whispered, dropping his hand suddenly.

Dan frowned confusedly. “What?”

Phil didn't meet his eyes. “Nothing,” he mumbled and turned to his snake. “We're not getting married, Queen.”

Queen blinked in shock, her neck slowly lowering in sadness. Phil wasn't fazed. “I'm sorry, but please remove all decorations. We're not in love. We're not even together. We're just having fun. It's not that serious between us.”

_Not that serious?_

Dan's heart sank for some reason and he lowered his own head, staring at the ground. “Right,” he whispered.

Queen stared at Phil strangely, a knowing look in her eyes. She crawled closer to the wall and tapped on it with her head before looking at Phil again. Phil's eyes widened immediately and he let go of Dan's hand instantly, ignoring her as he turned to Dan. “I, er, I need to go back to our room. I forgot my jacket. I'll meet you back at the gate and we can go back to the hut, okay?”

Dan nodded, avoiding his eyes. Queen hissed at him furiously, looking angry, but Phil stumbled away and disappeared around the corner. Dan deflated the moment Phil left, sighing softly as he stared blankly at the floor. He wondered why he felt so hollow all of a sudden.

Dan really didn't mean anything more than a good fuck to Phil, did he?

A small lump choked him, and he swallowed it back down, resting his head against the wall and closing his eyes against the rush of pain. He breathed softly through his nose, composing himself. He felt something crawling up his leg and hugging his thigh. He looked down at Queen who was staring at him sorrowfully. He smiled at her sadly, stroking her head. “I'm okay. You don't have to worry,” he whispered.

Queen continued to look at him knowingly, and Dan felt even more like crying. He was such an idiot, always wanting things he could never have.

“I'm fine,” he mumbled, and it felt like he was saying that to reassure himself more than anyone.

~*~

  
Dan stomped his way to the hut in anger, frustration clawing at his throat. Phil followed him meekly like a kicked puppy, keeping silent as he trudged behind Dan. He knew he shouldn't be angry at Phil, but what Phil said pricked his heart again and again and he couldn't help but feel supremely irritated. Phil had tried to talk to him but he had been mostly ignored. Phil had left Queen back at the caves, ordering her to remove all decorations.

“Dan,” Phil called again, and he increased his pace, looking the other way. He heard Phil sigh and slip his fingers into Dan's, an attempt to hold his hand. Dan gritted his teeth, struggling out of the grip and walking forward in indignation. “Why are you acting like that?”

Dan suddenly wanted to punch him, but he gathered his self-control and kept quiet. Phil clutched his wrist, turning him around forcefully. “Are you mad at me?”

Dan clenched his jaw. “Why the fuck would I be mad at you?” he shouted, crossing his arms over his chest and huffing and puffing angrily. “I'm not mad.”

Phil raised an amused eyebrow and _god_, he hated Phil so much! “You're angry,” Phil observed, frowning. “What did I do?”

Dan rolled his eyes, grumbling furiously. “I'm not angry.”

Phil wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close to his chest. “I'm sorry,” he whispered sincerely.

Dan blinked and the genuine remorse on Phil's face made him feel guilty. He bit his lip and uncrossed his hands, feeling tired as he stared at the ground. Phil brought his hand up to cup Dan's cheeks delicately. His voice was gentle and caring as he said, “Hey, I'm sorry.” Phil placed a small kiss on his lips and Dan's heart melted into a puddle. “I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did to make you angry. I didn't mean to.”

Dan huffed, “You don't even know why you're sorry.”

“Well, I'm sorry for that too,” Phil said, shrugging. Dan looked at him accusingly and Phil gave him a cheeky grin. Dan rolled his eyes and he couldn't bring himself to feel angry anymore.

“I hate you,” he whispered, looking at Phil. “Just so you know. I hate you more than anyone.”

Phil chuckled. “Is that so?” he said rhetorically and leaned in for another kiss.

~*~

  
They arrived at the hut before evening, and by then Phil had managed to coax Dan into a good mood again. They quickly fell back into their routine of cutting and chopping and cleaning dishes. At night, they sat around the fire and bickered about which mushrooms tasted better, red or purple ones. The bickering rapidly turned into a full-blown debate and then a screaming match which slowly dissolved into a tickling match. It finally ended with kissing and then sex.

When the morning approached, Dan woke up to sunlight on his face and Phil's sweet kisses on his shoulder; the most fantastic way to wake up according to Dan. He made their breakfast while Phil washed his clothes sulkily, throwing Dan pleading looks which made Dan burst into laughs. They cleaned the hut after that, arranging their clothes in an orderly fashion. It should've felt boring and mundane but it didn't. Phil had tripped on an old bra while cleaning, and Dan had laughed hysterically for several minutes. By the end of it, both of their cheeks were hurting.

When night drew near once again, Dan prepared dinner, throwing pieces of vegetables at Phil's face and laughing when he yelped in pain. Falling back into their habitual day-to-day regime was easier this time around and days passed just like that, with nothing particular happening other than the fact that they had sex more often now. Before long, Dan watched Phil mark their sixth month on the island inside his notebook.

Dan was no longer in a hurry to go back, and he didn't understand why he suddenly felt no urge to go back at all. He was happy and content more than ever, and although he did miss his dad and friends sometimes, he knew they would be able to leave eventually. He had started to trust the Survival Guide after reading and applying the survival tips to their everyday life.

Going to the beach was no longer a necessity but an adventure and a peaceful interlude. They would trek the short distance on their own just before sunset, talking and laughing about nothing in particular. They would tease each other and run along the beach sometimes, dipping their feet into the salty water.

Watching the sunset gradually became a relaxing, blissful custom. They would sit close in the sand, matching smiles on their faces as they stared at the red horizon, gazing at the vibrant strokes of colours that melted into the navy blue blanket of the night, leaving a cold chill behind. In those hushed hours, Dan's throat would usually clog up, and he would stay completely quiet, wondering if Phil could feel what he was feeling.

They would return back to the hut before it became completely dark, eating their dinner and talking about anything and everything. They would snuggle near the fire and kiss until late into the night. They were growing closer and closer with each passing day, and Dan didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing.

The caves remained a luxurious place where they stayed every once in a while when they got bored of fucking on the mattress and every other furniture inside the hut. Dan had realized very quickly that Phil was hornier than him and certainly more dirty-minded as well. He didn't mind though, he adored every single part of Phil, even the messy one and the one with the hideous fashion sense.

“Is that good?” Phil asked distractedly, his blue eyes reflecting the fire burning next to him.

“What?” Dan asked, blinking to clear his thoughts. It was a beautiful night and they were having dinner by the fire, sitting on top of the sheet they had laid on the ground. Queen was curled near the fire, and King was sleeping near Phil. The night breeze was just a bit chilly, and the fire burned with warm, orange flames. Dan was feeling lazy and relaxed as he leaned back against the log of wood.

“That new fruit we found today,” Phil gestured to his plate.

“Oh, yeah. It's delicious. Here,” Dan said, holding the fork in front of Phil's mouth. Phil closed his lips around the fork and ate the fruit, licking his lips after.

“Mmm, yeah,” Phil muttered as he chewed, “That's good.”

Dan kicked him in the shin. “Close your mouth. That's disgusting, Phil.”

“You've had my dick in your mouth. Why is this disgusting?” Phil countered cheekily.

“Urgh,” Dan grimaced, “You're insufferable.”

“Hey, you're the one who said you like it when I treat you badly,” Phil accused.

“That's when we're having sex, you utter imbecile.” Dan rolled his eyes. “Not when I'm quietly having my dinner.”

“Whatever. It's the same thing.”

“No, it's not. You're just an idiot.”

“You're the idiot.”

“No, you are.”

Phil huffed and didn't bother to argue anymore. He simply opened his mouth and Dan fed him another piece of the same fruit. Phil hummed, “Wow, that's really fucking delicious.”

“It is, isn't it?” Dan smiled, placing the plate away and crossing his legs.

Phil leaned in to give him a small peck on the lips. “Mm, and so are you,” he whispered, pulling away and turning to place his head on Dan's lap. He stretched his legs and closed his eyes contently.

Dan smiled down at Phil's peaceful face, sliding his fingers through his hair. Phil opened his eyes slowly and smiled back at Dan, raising his hands and pulling Dan down to kiss him deeply. Phil tasted of tea and warmth and everything Dan wished would be his forever. He was starting to _know _Phil. He was starting to _see _Phil for who he was, charming, caring, kind but also messy, short-tempered and clumsy. Phil was lazy but headstrong once he made up his mind. He hated to be alone and loved affection, mostly because he had been starved of it, not unlike Dan himself.

Dan pulled away, staring at Phil quietly as he ran his fingers through his hair. Phil closed his eyes, a small smile on his face as he hummed an unknown tune. The fire flickered brightly as they sat there in silence.

**~*~**

  
The very next day Phil slammed Dan's face against the wall of their bedroom inside the cave, pinning his hands behind his back as he crooked his fingers inside Dan's ass, brushing his prostate. Dan moaned, “Fuckyes, oh my god–_nghhhh__–”_

Phil placed sweet little kisses on his back, trailing his lips all the way from his lower back to his neck, sucking at the already existing bruise on his neck. Phil fucked him with his fingers, and Dan's knees trembled. His cheeks were pressed against the wall, and Phil's hand was around his throat, squeezing just a little and holding him in place. His whole body thrummed with pleasure and his breathing came out in huge pants, reverberating off the walls and echoing inside the soundless room. His mind had turned to mush and he couldn't even think about anything other than wanting Phil's cock in his ass, his mouth on his neck and his body pressed flat against his back.

Dan needed it more than he needed air to breathe. “Please,” he pleaded desperately. “_Mhhmm_–Philfuck–”

“Desperate, aren't you?” Phil mumbled, licking the hickey on his neck. Dan shivered and his knees almost gave out.

“Yes, _ohgod__, _please–” Dan panted out. Phil rubbed his prostate, lowering his other hand to tug his cock. Dan lurched forward and moaned helplessly. “I c-can't–”

“Do you want me to fuck you, Dan?” Phil asked, and a rush of heat shot to his groin. He loved when Phil behaved like this, strong and dominant and treating him like he was Phil's property. He loved it.

Dan moaned, “Yes, please–”

Phil's breath hitched, and Dan knew he loved it just as much. “Say my name.”

“Yes, Phil.”

Phil pulled out his fingers and gave Dan's ass cheeks a light slap. Dan gasped, and Phil lined his cock with his ass. Dan waited with bated breath, but then Phil ordered, “Beg for it.”

Dan shuddered, his hands shaking and his lips quivering as he pleaded, “Fuck me, please–_ngh_. Fuck me, Phil. I need you, please–I can't–_god_Iwanna come please–”

“Good,” Phil breathed, “Spread your legs, baby.”

Dan inhaled sharply, precum dripping from his aching cock as he did what Phil asked him to do. Phil's cock poked his hole just a little, and then his knees buckled as it slipped inside. “Fuck, oh fuck, so good,” he babbled, gripping the wall with both his hands for support.

“Always so tight,” Phil grunted, “How can you be such a whore and still be so fucking tight?”

Dan's breath hitched, and he moaned, “Move–”

Phil grabbed his ass with both his hands and slammed into him, making him mewl. “Do you know how hot you look?” he panted, moving back and forth and groaning, “Letting me fuck you against a wall, you look like you cheap whore.”

Dan gasped and trembled, his whole body on fire. Phil increased his pace, slamming into him repeatedly, his nails digging into Dan's skin as he gripped him tightly. “I like seeing you like this, so open and exposed and begging for my cock.” He used his free hand to tug Dan's dick, and Dan drew in a sharp intake of breath. “You're enjoying this, aren't you? You want me to fuck you like a slut, don't you?”

“Yes,” Dan hissed.

“You want me to pound your ass and fill you up with my cum, is that it?” Phil groaned.

“Oh, gods, yes,” Dan gasped as Phil hit his prostate. “Please.”

“What else, slut?” Phil growled, “Do you want me to fuck you till you can't walk? Want me to make you scream my name?”

“So close, _nhhhh_, so fuc–_ngh_–close, please–” Dan panted, moaning and pleading and blurting out incomprehensible words as Phil fucked him with long, deep movements. The sound of skin slapping skin filled the room and Dan cried words he himself couldn't understand.

It didn't take long for Dan to scream, and he felt Phil placing kisses on his back and mumbling soothing words into his ear. “Come for me, baby. I want to see you come.”

Dan shuddered and came with a shout of Phil's name, his knees almost giving out beneath him. Phil followed soon after, shooting cum into his ass and thrusting a few more times to ride out the high of his orgasm.

The moment Phil pulled out, Dan's knees trembled and he slid to the floor, breathing heavily. Phil collapsed beside him, heaving harshly.

Minutes of silence passed, and Dan's breathing slowly returned to normal. “Fuck, that was amazing,” he exhaled, resting his head against Phil's shoulder. His ass felt sore and he cringed as he adjusted his position on the floor.

Phil stared at him in concern. “Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

Dan placed a quick kiss on Phil's lips and smiled. “Nope. That was brilliant.”

Phil smiled back. “Good.”

“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Dan breathed, “God, it's so hot.”

Phil chuckled, “Well, I love your reactions.” Dan grinned, and Phil leaned back against the wall. “I really want to fuck you against that table right there. Maybe next time.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Already thinking of next time. You're insatiable.”

Phil grinned, “Well, I can never get enough of you. You're beautiful.”

Dan's heart thumped, and he looked away, muttering, “Idiot.”

Phil laughed, “You're adorable, you know that?”

“Ugh, stop,” Dan complained, shoving Phil, a bright blush on his cheeks. “You're going to make me vomit.”

Phil smiled, slowly standing up and holding out a hand. Dan took it and stood up quietly. Phil pulled him into another kiss, and Dan sighed into it, wrapping his arms around Phil and savouring the taste of his lips.

Phil pulled away after a while with a bright smile and a gentle glow in his blue eyes, the colour of the sky on a clear, sunny day.

Dan stared, mesmerized, spell-bound and unable to look away. A desperate ache started in his chest, a deep longing for something more. He looked at Phil and all he could think was . . . _home._

Maybe it was that thought that made him realize it, or maybe it was the way his throat felt choked up with emotions, or maybe it was the desperate pleading voice inside his head that hoped and hoped helplessly for this to be real, for it to be more than just pointless fucking. Whatever it was, he suddenly realized with undeniable clarity that he was slowly, hopelessly, foolishly, falling in love with Phil.


	29. Confused and in love

Phil strolled into the hut with the bucket of fishes he had collected, glancing at Dan who was lounging comfortably on an armchair and reading a book as always. There wasn't much to do on the island, and Dan had taken to reading in most of his free time. He looked up when Phil placed the bucket in a corner and approached him. "Hey, babe," Dan greeted with a smile.

"Hey." Phil smiled back, leaning in for a quick kiss which Dan returned with enthusiasm. Phil hummed quietly and perched next to him on another wooden chair, taking out his notebook from his pocket. He marked the completion of another month and sighed.

"How many months has it been?" Dan asked cautiously. His hair had grown even longer and Phil leaned forward, tucking it behind his ears. Dan smiled at the simple gesture, eyes brown and sparkling.

Phil pursed his lips and said, "Seven."

Dan bookmarked the page he had been reading with a pink ribbon and placed it down on the table, frowning. "Has it really been that long?"

Phil nodded solemnly, and Dan shrugged absently, not appearing to be overly troubled by the passage of time. He simply stood up from his chair and climbed keenly to Phil's lap instead. He straddled Phil's hips, his legs dangling on either side as he circled his arms around Phil's neck, ducking his head to give Phil a long kiss. "I missed you," he hummed when he pulled back.

Phil's heart warmed as he laughed, "I was just outside the door, Dan."

Dan pouted, "Still."

Phil chuckled cordially, coiling his arms around Dan's slender waist. Dan combed his hair like he always did. "Your hair is a fucking mess again."

"Well, fortunately, I have you to make it better," Phil whispered, smiling teasingly as he placed a kiss on Dan's lips, his hands coming up to grip Dan's butt, squeezing lightly.

Dan rolled his eyes, used to Phil touching him all over the place. "So, what should we do today?" he asked instead, "I'm bored."

Phil's eyes immediately sparkled as he suggested eagerly, "Let's go to the caves and fuck."

Dan smacked him upside the head. "Do you ever think of anything other than sex, Phil?"

Phil rubbed his head and winced. Dan continued, "Do you remember how you used to call me a horny fuck? You're the one that's horny all the time now!"

Phil grinned a teasing grin. "Well, I can't help it. Who can resist that perky butt of yours?"

Dan blushed just a little. "You're insufferable."

Phil chuckled, looking at the deep brown of Dan's eyes with warmth in his chest. Gods, Dan was beautiful. Phil couldn't help but _want _him more and more each day. These days, he knew Dan more than he knew himself. They talked late into the night every day, and he noted every single thing about Dan, absorbing every little information Dan revealed, knowingly or unknowingly. Even then he didn't feel satisfied. He needed to know more. He wanted to know _everything _about Dan, and he didn't know _why_.

Phil knew Dan liked to have a warm, too sweet, mug of black coffee first thing in the morning. He knew Dan was considerate and caring and observant, but also stubborn, sarcastic and self-righteous. Dan fought with him over silly, meaningless things and cuddled closer to him at night as apology. Dan hated when things were messy and spend hours cleaning and organizing the hut over and over again. These little things about him made him more interesting, more adorable, more beautiful, and Phil couldn't help but care about him in a way he shouldn't.

"Hey, why don't we go see that talking tree that's mentioned inside the Survival Guide?" Dan proposed suddenly, snapping Phil out of his thoughts.

"Oh. Yeah." Phil nodded. "Sure."

Dan grinned brightly, looking excited as he swung his legs on either side of Phil like a child. Phil's lips quirked into a fond smile, his heart completely at peace as he felt Dan's smile like a tangible thing, bathing him in happiness. Something sweet and wonderful unfurled in his chest, and he repeated over and over in his head that it wasn't _love. _

~*~

  
"Is this it?" Phil asked confusedly. Dan was stood right next to him, their hands joined like always. Queen nodded proudly, slithering towards what was probably the weirdest looking tree they had ever seen. It was medium-sized but oddly shaped. Its wide trunk was a glossy pink and had minute holes in it. Its leaves were lavender with black veins that stuck out like a sore thumb. Some of its branches were a shiny maroon and some were a gross, gooey yellow of vomit. It didn't have any fruits, but dozens of ugly, brown flowers hung in bunches at the top.

"Wow, that is one ugly ass tree," Dan snorted.

Phil laughed. "Yeah."

"Does it talk?" Dan asked Queen. "Can it understand us?"

Queen nodded her head in agreement and Phil sighed, staring at the tree. "Why isn't it talking then?"

Dan frowned, looking back at the tree. "It has to be a joke. I can't imagine this thing talking to us."

Phil shrugged. "Maybe it's sentient. We don't know."

"Well then, when will it talk?" Dan asked indignantly, walking towards the tree and kicking it with his foot. "Talk, you ugly thing."

Silence enveloped them and he turned his head, addressing Queen. "Is there something we need to do before it agrees to talk to us?"

Queen shook her head in denial, and Dan huffed, "I'm serious, Queen. Is this a joke? You're not trying to prank us, are you?"

Queen stared at him blankly, and Phil furrowed his eyebrows. "Why don't we introduce ourselves or something?"

Dan appeared sceptical. "I don't know."

Phil rolled his eyes and said anyway, "Hello, I'm Phil, and this is Dan. Can you talk?"

There was complete silence for a long time, and a crow cawed in the distance. Dan burst into giggles, looking at Phil like he was an idiot. Phil ignored him and repeated, "Hello?"

"Let's go home, Phil. This is stupi-"

"_Hello_."

Dan's jaw dropped, and he whipped his head around to stare at the unmoving tree. Phil smirked, eyes slightly wide in wonder as he looked at the tree. "Are you serious?" Dan mumbled in shock. "This can't be happening."

"Er, what's your name?" Phil asked curiously as Dan stared with wide eyes and a gaping mouth.

"_I don't have a name_." It was a loud, rumbling voice that resounded across the forest grounds, and it seemed to emanate from somewhere deep within the trunk. Dan gaped at the tree, astonishment clear in his eyes, and Phil couldn't help but feel a little awestruck himself.

"Whoa, this is-whoa," Phil blurted, mouth agape.

"What the fuck! What are you?" Dan asked in mystification.

"_I am a tree, can't you see?"_

"Er, we know that," Phil acknowledged, staring unabashedly, completely astounded. "We're just not used to talking trees. How can you talk?"

"_I'm sentient."_ The sound came from inside the tree but there was no movement as it talked, and it was strange hearing the voice of a person coming from a tree.

"How?" Dan asked, frowning, eyes wide. "You're a fucking tree."

"_All kinds of things exist in the universe. You're simply not aware of it."_

Dan furrowed his eyebrows, turning to Phil. "This isn't natural."

Phil sighed. "Maybe it-"

_"You have no right to decide what is natural and what is not. How do you define natural? Your perception of reality is not the only one there is, fool." _This time the voice was thunderous, booming angrily and sending vibrations through the ground beneath his feet. "_This time our visitors are complete idiots, Your Highness."_

Queen slithered closer right at that moment and nodded mirthfully. The tree shivered, sprinkling ugly flower petals onto Queen's head. Queen bowed gratefully, appearing regal and elegant as she lifted her head gracefully. All she lacked was a bejewelled crown.

Dan and Phil stared as she hissed something. There was a humorous sound of laugh and the tree spoke again. "_Yes, it has certainly been a long time since the island has hosted a wedding."_

Phil frowned in confusion and slight irritation. He recollected Queen's outrageous decorations and felt a stab of unease in his chest. He knew exactly why Queen had made preparations for an extravagant wedding. He reminisced the day he had almost lost Dan, and he recalled vaguely thinking he would rip his heart out and place it in Dan's hand if it meant Dan would be safe and happy. He didn't understand how Queen had heard that thought, but her insistence on making Phil see the mural on the wall had helped Phil realize that she knew.

Phil had been overwhelmed and under a lot of pressure, and he had dismissed the feeling of deep affection he felt for Dan that day as the result of stress and trauma. He didn't want to acknowledge the implications behind what he had felt. He _wasn't_ serious about Dan. He cared about Dan as a friend and that was it. He would've _never _touched Dan if Katie or some other girl was here. Dan was the only person on the island, and that was the only reason he was feeling this way. Isolation made the both of them crave affection, and the only option was to use each other to satisfy that craving.

"Can you tell us what this place is?" Dan asked, and Phil shook his head to clear his thoughts. This was not the time to think about these things.

_"It's an island. It has existed for millions of years and it will continue to do so for millions of years to come."_

"Um, when will we be able to leave?" Phil inquired.

"_No one knows."_

_"_Who are you?"

_"I am a tree."_

Dan rolled his eyes. "Yes, but trees can't talk."

"_Then how am I talking?"_

"That's what I'd like to know!"

"Why does this place exist?" Phil interrupted, squeezing Dan's hand, urging him to calm down. Dan glanced at him and huffed, shutting up.

_"No one knows."_

"Um, do you know who created it?" Phil asked slowly.

"_No one knows."_

"What the fuck do you know then?" Dan snapped. "You're completely useless!"

"_We are all useless in the grand scheme of things."_

Dan blinked and then sighed. "What the hell. Why are we even talking to a tree?"

"_Exactly. Why?"_

"Do you at least know how we reached here?" Dan inquired tiredly.

"_Why would I know? I am a tree."_

Phil pursed his lips and remained silent, watching the interaction quietly. Dan still had a sceptical expression on his face. He was looking at the tree with suspicion, and he continued to ask random questions to which he received equally random answers. After a while, as the tree continued to throw Dan's sarcasm back at him, Dan started to get even more agitated than he had been, and Phil wondered if talking to the tree was a good idea.

~*~

  
In the end, they returned back to the cave even more confused and disoriented than they had been before. The island and the purpose of its existence was vague and obscure. It was befuddling his senses, and he felt like the tree's answers were mostly ambiguous and indistinct. It kept giving long, cryptic speeches that made little sense. They couldn't gain any new worthwhile knowledge about the island, and the whole experience was strange and frustrating.

"Want a sip?" Dan asked, holding up the half-finished bottle of alcohol.

Phil sighed, adjusting the sticks in the fire as he nodded, taking the bottle from Dan's delicate hands. It was a cold, dark night, and they were outside the cave, relaxing under the radiance of a million stars. There was a freezing chill in the air, and an encompassing silence all around that pricked his ears like a squeaky chair. It was a night like any other, an everyday routine they were accustomed to. Dan's curls covered his forehead, and his cheeks were rosy pink. His eyes reflected the orange glow of the fire as he stretched his long limbs and yawned, his face relaxed like this was all he had ever wanted in life.

Dan stood up and plopped down next to him. Phil snapped out of his thoughts, giving him a lazy smile. Dan was half-drunk, and he looked at Phil weirdly. "Your eyes are really beautiful, do you know that?" he slurred before dropping his head against Phil's shoulder and closing his eyes. "I love your eyes."

Phil chuckled. "Is that so?" he said before taking another calm sip. Dan fidgeted next to him, fumbling with the cuffs of his shirt. Phil saw the furrow of Dan's eyebrows, the set of his jaw and the look in Dan's eyes, and asked cautiously. "What is it, Dan?"

Dan's hands slowly slid around his waist, half-hugging him. Phil could feel the irregular rise and fall of his chest, and he wondered why Dan was trembling. The wind continued to blow, and he heard the gentle, crackling sound of crunchy leaves floating to a faraway place. The atmosphere was a little too calm and peaceful, and it was making him uneasy for some strange reason. "I just . . . " Dan's voice was barely above a whisper. It was shaky, and he sounded upset beyond comprehension. Phil frowned in concern. Dan was usually playful and horny when he was drunk. He was never sad.

Phil placed the bottle down cautiously, wrapping his arms around Dan, embracing him back. "Are you okay?"

There was silence for a long time, and Phil could feel Dan's shaky breaths, his fists clenching and unclenching next to his stomach. A feeling of wrongness settled in Phil's chest, a weird sense of foreboding. He was afraid of something that hadn't happened. "You . . . you mean a lot to me," Dan whispered finally, his words coming out barely comprehensible due to how drunk he was.

Phil's heart thumped, and he swallowed, searching desperately for just a little bit of courage to say what he wanted to say. "You mean a lot to me too," he mumbled. He did. He meant a lot to Phil. Dan was like his best friend . . .

Dan's hold on him loosened and he pulled back quietly, a relieved look on his face. His eyes searched Phil's face, looking for something Phil hoped was there. "Good. I-I was worried about this. I know we used to be enemies and I never even thought you could be gay, but I really care about you and-"

Almost instantly, the memories crashed into him, all the bad memories associated with the word 'gay'. They had had sex many times, but they had never ever talked about this. They had never talked about being gay or what their relationship was. It came out of nowhere and Phil's heart dropped as he blinked in absolute shock. The overpowering panic started in his stomach and swiftly rose upwards to coil brutally around his throat. Nausea hit him in twisting waves, and all he could do was gape with disgust. "I'm not gay," was what tumbled out of his mouth, was all he could think. It was like a defensive reflex, like a natural instinct to protect himself from possible harm.

Dan's face showed a number of different emotions. At first, he looked taken aback, shocked even, but then it slowly melted into confusion. His long eyelashes brushed against his pale cheeks as he blinked. He looked beautiful under the moonlight. "I'm not sure if you're joking or . . . " he trailed off, looking puzzled.

Phil removed his hand from Dan's body, scooting away from him. Dan's mouth fell open in bafflement, his pink lips curling down in sorrow. The fire flickered and spat smoke into the cool air, clouding over the deep brown in his eyes. "I'm not gay. I don't like men," he repeated, his heart in his throat. He felt out of breath and sick to his stomach. He placed a hand against his belly and breathed as calmly as he could through his mouth.

Dan slowly blinked, his face blank and emotions unrecognisable. His gaze drifted towards the dying embers of the fire, and he swallowed thickly before looking back at Phil's face. He opened his mouth, but then closed it, looking shocked and dejected. "What do you mean you don't like men? Don't you-" A pain-filled expression crossed his face and he glanced at Phil briefly before turning away, biting his lip. His fingers fiddled nervously with the hem of his blue T-shirt, and Phil felt that hurt-filled glance like a hard punch to his stomach. "Don't you like me?" He sounded so small, his voice barely above a whisper as he let go of his T-shirt and fumbled with his fingers instead, staring emptily at his hands.

An owl hooted in the distance, and clouds glided past the moon, enveloping them in an ominous shadow. The wind picked up, and the dying sparks of the fire burst into huge red flames. "I do, but-but that's different," Phil blurted in vexation, staring into the fire. "I'm just not gay."

Dan's mask cracked and he looked slightly angry as he stared at Phil's anxious face. His eyes were serious and resolute, his gaze unwavering. A calm, soothing breeze ruffled Dan's hair, making it curl over his forehead. Phil wanted to brush it back and kiss him. He wanted this conversation to wither and die. "How is it different?" Dan asked, his jaw clenched shut.

The intensity of the situation finally dawned on Phil, and his heart rate slowly escalated. This was not a conversation he wanted to have, but he knew it was inevitable. Dan's expression was grave and sombre, his eyes so brilliantly brown that Phil could not look away from that hard, doleful gaze. "Can we not talk about this?" he implored, his voice a pleading whisper.

Dan stared at him, his feelings hidden behind a cold, hard mask. "No, I want to know." He clenched his fists on his lap, his lips pursed into a thin, shaky line. His body was tense and rigid, the tension in the air so palpable that Phil could probably cut it into small pieces and serve it on plates. "How can it be different? You've had your cock in my ass and you're telling me you're not gay. How the fuck is that possible?"

Phil's eyes widened, his heart beating out of his chest. His whole body shook and he balled his hands into fists. Panic grew and grew in his heart. He stood up abruptly, avoiding Dan's eyes. Moonlight poured onto the ground and circled them like a spotlight. Dan's soft face was suddenly impossible to ignore. "You're drunk. Go to sleep," he said shakily, swallowing the bile that rose in his throat. A part of him wanted to stay and explain, but another part of him wanted to run and hide. There was a knot in his stomach, and a large rock stuck in his throat. He was too much of a coward to stay.

Dan bolted to his feet almost instantly, grabbing his wrists tightly to stop him from running away. Phil's mind was turning, and his entire world was spinning. He wanted to get away, run quickly and unrepentantly from all of this absurdity. If he didn't leave now, he knew he would say something he would deeply regret, something that would hurt both of them equally. He needed to leave. He needed to go. Quick. One. Two. Three. Deep breaths. Leave.

"I'm not fucking drunk, you asshole!" Dan shouted and his words slurred. The blanket tangled around his feet and he stumbled. Phil didn't help him. "Why the hell would you have sex with me if you're not gay, if you don't like men? Why? It doesn't make sense!"

Phil's chest burned and he hated hearing that, he hated hearing the word 'gay'. He absolutely loathed when the word was associated with him. "You didn't look so straight when I was sucking your cock, did you?" Dan sniped scornfully.

Phil blanched and his control slipped. Suddenly, all he wanted was for Dan to shut up. Humiliation spread through every cell of his body, and he _knew_ he wasn't gay. He couldn't be. Anger surged through his veins at the fact that Dan was trying to label him as something he truly _wasn't_, and he shoved Dan. Dan blinked, and his eyes were wide and hurt. "Don't fucking yell at me!" Phil shouted angrily, his vision blurry. He regretted drinking that night, he regretted talking, he regretted everything. "I don't want to talk about this! Why can't you understand that?"

Dan's face was contorted in pain and it took him a moment to recover. He gritted his teeth, and his face was enraged and irascible. He gathered himself and shoved Phil back. "Fuck you!" Dan spat at him. "You're a coward!"

Phil's heart thudded, and he couldn't control what left his mouth. "At least I'm not a fucking whore!"

_Slap. _Phil felt a stinging pain on his cheek and stared with shocked, wide eyes, clutching his face with his hand. Dan was panting, tears pooling in his eyes. Phil felt a deep, resentful emotion crawling back up from the depths of his heart and seeping into his mind like poison. It was suddenly hard to believe that the person standing in front of him was the same person who placed shy little kisses on his lips and made him dinner every night. It was like being transported back in time, and he felt disoriented and furious as he stumbled back, quickly regaining balance and glaring at Dan with hate.

"I'm not your fucking toy!" Dan yelled at him, and his voice was filled with pain and sorrow, but Phil was already too riled up to notice. Dan stepped forward, cheeks red with anger, eyes filled with an emotion Phil didn't want to see, didn't want to acknowledge. He shoved Phil again and he staggered back. "You can't just fuck me whenever you want and then fucking tell me that-that it didn't mean anything to you!"

"It didn't mean anything!" Phil shouted, shoving him back so forcefully that Dan's eyes widened. His mind was full of thoughts he didn't want to have, feelings he had always suppressed. Memories he had buried deeply years ago resurfaced and the ache in his chest was unbearable. Words left his mouth before he could process them. "It didn't fucking mean anything! What? Did you think I wanted a relationship with you? Did you think I wanted to marry you? Did you think it was something more than sex? Are you a fucking idiot? How fucking naive can you be? I only touched you because I was horny and there's no one else here but you! If Katie was here, I would've never used you to-" He stopped abruptly, and his harsh words dropped into the utter silence like heavy, crushing stones.

The moment he registered what he had said, the very moment he realized, his eyes widened and his heart plummeted like never before. He knew he had fucked up. He knew he had annihilated their entire relationship with just a few, hollow sentences. His throat closed up and words cluttered together in his mouth, his stomach dropping faster than a dead bird as he slowly lifted his chin and met Dan's shocked eyes.

Words couldn't describe the look on his beautiful face. His vivid brown eyes were red and puffy, tears pooling at the corners. His mouth was agape in shock, his lips quivering vehemently, his entire body trembling and his fists clenched tightly as he stared at Phil in absolute disbelief, as if he couldn't understand if this was a dream or reality, as if his trust on Phil had been so strong that he was finding the betrayal hard to accept. He looked heartbroken and so completely shattered that Phil couldn't bear to watch.

Phil's throat felt blocked and he couldn't find his voice. He never thought Dan wanted a relationship but looking at that face, it was suddenly as clear as day. His chest ached and he waited, waited for Dan to do something, to yell at him, to shove him, punch him, slap him or whatever he wanted to do. He knew Dan was angry, and he was ready to quietly accept every type of retaliation, but Dan just stood there, looking empty and small and utterly broken. He just stood there, staring at Phil with tears quietly rolling down his cheeks.

Phil's stomach turned ice-cold, and it felt like shards of glass were stuck somewhere deep inside, twisting and turning, digging into the pits of his stomach.

"I . . . " Dan whispered shakily. "I just wanted to mean something to you."

Phil felt choked, and his eyes burned with unshed tears. "I . . . fuck, that wasn't-I didn't mean to-"

"You used me," Dan said, his voice trembling as he backed away from Phil.

Phil's eyes widened and he stepped forward. "No, that's not-please, I didn't mean it, I-"

Dan swallowed, "You used me like everyone else." He turned on his heel, wiping his cheeks vigorously as he started to walk back into the cave. Phil panicked and grabbed his wrists.

"That's not true. Please believe me," he pleaded.

Dan tried to snatch his hand back forcefully, his breathing heavy and irregular. Phil held on tightly, desperation clawing at his throat. "Please, baby, please just listen to me. I didn't mean it. I swear to god, please listen to-"

"Let go!" he cried, sniffing loudly as he shoved him back, wiping his eyes furiously. He turned away and in a few, quick strides disappeared into the cave.

"Dan!" Phil yelled, his voice pained and sorrowful. With a heavy heart, he rushed into the hut to follow him, regretting every single word, every single sentence he had uttered that night that led him to this helpless moment. He wanted Dan to yell at him, punch him, hurt him, but he hated this. He hated the fact that he had hurt the one person who genuinely cared about him.

Dan slammed the door in his face, and Phil banged his fists on the door. "Dan!" he called, "Dan, please. Open the door. Please, Dan!"

Phil pounded on the door repeatedly, pleading Dan to open it, to listen to him, but the door remained shut, and he knew it was useless. He knew how stubborn Dan was. Phil closed his eyes against the rush of tears and rested his forehead against the door, feeling nothing but guilt and shame and sadness. He heard sobs and sniffles from inside the bedroom and swallowed painfully. "Please," he whispered, "I do care about you."

Phil sighed and wiped his eyes, sliding down to the floor and sitting there quietly. Every small sound of Dan's cries made his chest hurt, and he buried his head in his hands and wondered how everything had become such a mess so fast. He knew he was a coward. He had managed to destroy the one thing he actually cared about in his life. He deserved this.

Phil sniffed and sat there for a long time until Dan's sobs turned into the occasional sniffs and then stopped as he fell asleep. Even then he didn't stand up, he kept sitting there, thinking and rethinking his words that night again and again and again until it rang emptily in his ears. His own cruel words echoed in his mind as he fell asleep on the cold, rocky floor.

He woke up after a few hours to the sound of shuffling inside the room. He jolted upright and rubbed his eyes, staring at the door with wide eyes. He waited for it to open, for Dan to step out and drag him inside. He waited for Dan to scold him for sleeping on the floor and hug him tightly to warm him up, but minutes passed and the sound stopped. An eerie silence greeted him, and a bone-deep ache crushed him into a pulpy mess. Numbness grabbed hold of his heart, and his stomach felt hollow.

Phil placed his hand against the door, his heart heavy and his eyes filling up with tears. "Please," he whispered quietly. "I love you."


	30. Confessions and revelations

“Dan.” Phil knocked on the wooden door with his knuckles, tapping softly thrice before dropping his hands and biting his lips wistfully. Regrets and plaintive emotions swarmed his already wounded heart like maggots and fleas. His hands felt numb and cold and sore as he gripped the plate tightly, swallowing the rising guilt that settled just below his throat, stabbing his neck. “Dan, please open the door,” he pleaded, his voice so broken that it surprised him.

There was no sound, not even a tired sigh. There was silence, a deep, empty, piercing silence that screeched in his ears. The torches on the walls flickered with a sputtering, snapping sound, dimming noticeably and then roaring to life, casting long shadows on the carpeted floor. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Phil placed Dan's breakfast next to the door, a plate full of Dan's favourites: eggs, red mushrooms, pink fruits, black mango slices and a hot cup of overly sweet coffee.

The night had felt never-ending, stretching on and on until Phil felt like clawing out his own flesh in irritation and anxiety. When morning light invaded the depths of the cave, Phil had bolted to his feet in trepidation, straining his ears for any kind of sound, any indication that Dan was awake. The moment he heard the noise of shuffling, he had pounded on the door, apologizing repeatedly and begging for Dan to open the door.

He had been greeted with nothing but a mind-numbing silence. Painfully, he had given up after an hour of trying to persuade Dan into opening the door. He cooked breakfast by himself, trying not to feel the absence of Dan so deeply down to his bones. His mind betrayed him unreservedly, playing wonderful moments of them bickering and laughing and stealing slices from each other's plates. Suddenly, the piece of potato in his mouth had tasted raw and disgusting, and he had felt nauseous. He had placed his breakfast away, unable to bear even looking at it.

When he had grabbed another plate, he had done so with hope in his heart, hope that Dan would open the door if Phil brought him breakfast. Dan loved food more than anything. He was always starving and his hunger was insatiable. So, Phil had loaded his plate with everything he knew Dan loved, carefully placing all of Dan's favourites at just the right places: eggs on the left side, mango slices in the middle, red mushrooms on the right side, some berries and pink fruit slices near the eggs. He had made sure to make the perfect black coffee, doing everything with deliberate care.

But even after everything, Dan refused to open the door. Phil stared at the plate, silence loud in his ears. He blinked repeatedly, swallowing the lump in his throat as he said, “Please, just eat something, okay?” He placed his palm against the door. “Don't stay hungry. I-I won't talk to you if you don't want to but . . . ” Phil bit his lip, dropping his gaze to the floor. “I made you breakfast and just–I'm leaving it here, okay? Please eat something.” There was still no sound, no reply, nothing. Phil felt something pricking his eyes. “I'm sorry, Dan.”

Phil turned around and walked away. Every step he took felt a little harder than the one before.

~*~

  
The food remained untouched, and the door remained firmly closed all day. Phil stared emptily at the unconsumed fruits and undrunk coffee that had gone cold hours ago, a deep, excruciatingly painful, heart-rending grief seeping through every pore of his body. In a moment of anguish and complete vulnerability, he grabbed the cup and smashed it against the wall, breathing heavily, his heart heavy and his throat choking. He watched as it shattered into pieces, spilling the contents all over the carpet, causing an ugly, brown stain.

Queen was instantly by his side, curling around his ankle in a gentle manner, looking up at him with kind eyes. She had seemed to understand most of what was going on, keeping her distance and not interrupting whatever conflict they were stuck in. Both the snakes had avoided them, merely watching from a distance and shaking their heads. Phil swallowed, tears stabbing the back of his eyelids as he stared numbly at Queen.

“Why?” he asked shakily, feeling anger and resentment towards himself. “Why are you comforting me? I'm a fucking coward, don't you see?”

Queen gazed at him for a long time, her eyes warm and soft, overflowing with sadness. With a small hiss, she shook her head, and Phil suddenly wanted to snatch the plate off the floor and haul it at the wall. He didn't deserve this. He didn't _deserve _this kindness.

Phil felt a warm pressure on his leg, and he turned his head to see King, the aloof, uninterested, uncaring mate of Queen, coiled around his leg willingly, looking at him with a soft gaze for the very first time. He hissed, and Phil didn't know what it meant, but he wanted to cry. He glanced at the closed door and bit his lip, missing Dan more than ever before.

~*~

  
“Dan, please eat something,” Phil implored, holding the dinner plate laden with food. “If you don't want to see me, I'll leave, but just take the food.”

Silence followed, and Phil closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the door and inhaling deeply. “Please, Dan,” he begged, a heavy stone settling in the pits of his stomach, draining his energy.

Phil had hoped that Dan would at least open the door for dinner. Maybe he was sleeping when Phil brought him breakfast, maybe he didn't know it was still outside the door. So, he cooked what little eatables they had left, arranging them on a plate just like he did in the morning. Unfortunately, there were just a few vegetables, fruits and berries left, but he had made some soup, hoping Dan would open the door. He looked down at the boiled vegetables, banapple slices, berries and some black nuts, biting his lip as he put it down with sedulous care.

“I'm leaving it here, okay?” He said softly. “I'm–I won't disturb you anymore. I–I will go to sleep so just . . . eat it, okay? Don't worry about me. I will leave if you want to. I know you don't want to see me and I understand, but I just want you to eat something.”

Phil turned on his heel and walked away with a heavy heart and stinging eyes.

~*~

  
Phil awoke with a start after a gut-wrenching nightmare, his hands shooting out in search of Dan's warm presence beside him. His eyebrows furrowed, and his lips curled as he patted the bed, finding it unoccupied. There was only a small moment of confusion before memories crashed into his mind like a storm. Almost immediately, his heart dropped, and he opened his eyes, staring numbly at the ceiling. He tightened his trembling hands into fists, his nails digging into his palm. He bit his lip to stop himself from crying, and his heart felt heavy with the mind-numbing aching he felt for Dan. He needed Dan more than he needed his next breath.

A small thudding sound of footsteps pierced his ears, and his eyes widened. It was unexpected and unanticipated, and he jumped up from the bed, rushing to the door and pulling it open. He had slept in another bedroom, but it was close to the room Dan occupied. The moment he opened the door, he came face to face with a weary-looking Dan. Phil's chest hurt as he stared with wide eyes. Dan's eyes were downcast, his hair dishevelled and shoulders hunched. There were tear tracks on his beautiful face, and his eyes were red and swollen. He had seen Dan cry, he had seen Dan scream and yell, but he had never seen Dan so utterly broken.

Dan didn't even look at him, and Phil felt his entire world shatter into pieces. “Dan,” Phil said, his voice shaky.

Dan stood still, his hands clenched into tight fists, his eyes teary and devastated. “I hate you.”

Phil's hands twitched and he wanted to hug Dan, he wanted touch Dan, but his throat squeezed and everything felt like an ending. “Dan, I–please–”

“I hate you,” he repeated in a shaky voice. “I hate that I can't even sleep without you.”

Phil swallowed painfully, and he couldn't control himself. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Dan, embracing him tightly. His unstable heart immediately settled, and he exhaled in deep relief. It felt like freedom. It felt like his world falling back into place.

The moment didn't last. Dan tensed and in the next second shoved him back, rushing down the hallway and disappearing inside the bedroom. Emptiness grabbed hold of Phil's heart again, and he stood there numbly, staring at the closed door for a long time. He stood there until the suffocating silence became too much to bear.

~*~

  
Dan didn't come out the next morning either. Phil made him breakfast and waited but the door didn't open. Phil walked back and forth all day, staring at the door and biting his lip restlessly. He wondered if Dan was hungry or thirsty. He wondered if Dan needed anything. He kept worrying and hurting, bringing bottles of water and food and placing it next to the door. It remained untouched, and Phil continued to fret all day.

By the time night approached again, Phil was exhausted and numb. He knocked at the door repeatedly for several minutes and gave up, feeling hollow as he walked down the hall towards another furnished bedroom, unfastening the latch and slipping inside. Closing the door quietly, he turned around and sighed deeply. His eyes scrutinized the whole room, taking in the humongous bed and cream-coloured walls. It was spacious and well-lit, with a high ceiling and a sitting area at the back. This room was indisputably more luxurious than the one they ordinarily used, but to Phil, it was just empty, too empty and suffocating and lonely.

He quietly climbed onto the giant bed, pulling his knees to his chest and staring blankly at the wall. His shoulders sagged, and he sat there, his mind blank and void of thoughts. There was nothing to do and no one to talk to. The sound of silence was too loud all of a sudden, and he had never felt more alone than he did at that moment.

Numbness surrounded his existence as he pulled his little notebook from his pocket, flipping the pages silently. Another day had gone by and it was time to place another tick mark on the page. He sighed tiredly, exhaustion tearing apart the last, remaining fragments of his energy. He was deeply buried in his sadness, and all he wanted to do was mark another day and lose consciousness for a little while. Yawning, he patted the pockets of his jeans for his pen, frowning and slipping his hand inside to find his pockets empty. He rubbed his forehead in annoyance and asked, “Dan, do you know where I put my–” He stopped abruptly, and his words echoed uselessly in the emptiness of the room.

Phil's heart instantly plummeted and crashed on the floor like glass. His whole body stilled, and his entire being just drowned in the deep, helpless desperation he suddenly felt inside. His face was blank, and his heart was in pieces. He was slowly dying from the pain.

The realization that came next was unbidden and spontaneous, like being jolted awake from a restless nap. His feelings for Dan poured into his mind clearly and plainly, as natural as rain. He stared at the wall in disbelief.

Slowly, comprehension dawned on him, and he understood everything with undeniable clarity. They were not just infatuated with each other. They had been building a _home _here, a _family. _They had become so intertwined with each other that they were almost one, but they didn't even _know._ They had come to depend on each other. They trusted each other; they _knew_ each other. The_y _cooked and cleaned and slept together. They held hands, for god's sake! Without realizing, without even meaning to, Phil had been letting Dan take care of him and doing the exact same for Dan.

Dan picked his clothes for him, combed his hair, arranged Phil's things, and fucking knew exactly _where _Phil always forgot his pen. Phil knew Dan's likes and dislikes and dreams and aspirations and every single sensitive place on his body. Phil knew Dan like he knew himself, and he was an idiot. He was a giant fucking asshole. He kept denying it. He kept fighting it. He kept ignoring it, but unknowingly they had built a perfect home and losing that home was suddenly more painful than facing what had happened in the past. 

Phil jumped to his feet, his heart racing, his pulse beating in his ears as he rushed towards the door. He pushed it open and stalked down the corridor, his mind a whirling mess but determination clear in his rapid footsteps. His breathing was hard and irregular as he pounded his fists on the door harshly, loud bangs slicing through the thick blanket of silence surrounding him. “Open the door!” he shouted.

There was silence, and he knew Dan could be sleeping, but Phil had no time to waste and he stepped back, slamming his body against the door, hard. “Open the fucking door, Dan!” he yelled, kicking at the door. He was riled up and filled with adrenaline. “Or I swear to god, I'll break it!”

Phil walked back and slammed his body against the door. The wooden door shuddered, and he yelled, “Fuck it. I'll just break it!” He hurled kicks and punches at the door, and he was about to body slam it when he heard a small click. The door opened with a noisy creak, and Dan stepped out. Phil's eyes widened as soon as he saw Dan in front of him, eyes still downcast, hair a mess, shoulders tense. There were new tracks of tears on his rosy cheeks, and his eyes were red and wet.

A huge lump blocked Phil's throat, and there was a stinging behind his eyelids as he stared. Dan didn't lift his head as he asked, “What do you want?”

Phil swallowed the outpouring of emotions that clogged his throat. “I . . . I'm sorry.”

Dan clenched his jaw and lifted his chin, staring straight at him with glossy eyes. “Fuck you.”

Phil felt like crying, and he stepped forward to touch Dan. Dan flinched back, breathing heavily. “Don't fucking touch me.”

Phil bit his lip and dropped his hands, his heart sinking. “Dan, please listen to me, I–”

“No!” Dan snapped, barely controlling his tears as he yelled, “I'm fucking done with this! I'm done being your fucktoy. Leave me alone. I don't want to hear anything. I don't want explanations. I don't want excuses. Just leave me the fuck alone, Phil!”

Dan was panting, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. His hands were balled into fists and he was trembling with anger. He wiped his eyes furiously before grabbing the door and trying to close it. Phil's eyes widened, and he placed his leg between the wall and the door, trying to pry it open as Dan pushed from the inside. “Dan, please. Please listen to me,” Phil begged. “Just give me a chance to speak!”

“Go away!” Dan sniffed, “I hate you.”

With a loud grunt, Phil gathered every last bit of strength he had and shoved the door open. Dan stumbled back and Phil quickly slipped inside, pinning Dan against the wall in one fluid movement. His hands held Dan's wrists on either side of his head and he panted harshly. Dan stared at him with wide eyes. “Please,” Phil breathed out, his voice a trembling whisper. “Listen to me, baby.”

Dan's face drained of energy, and suddenly he looked exhausted, like he had given up. His eyes shined with tears, but he remained quiet, his lips curling down in hopelessness. Phil felt his heart ache badly, and he let go of Dan's wrists. He brought his hands up and very gently and carefully cupped Dan's cheeks, making him look at Phil. His eyes were Phil's favourite colour, clear and glossy. Phil wanted to get lost in those eyes and never be found. “I love you,” he whispered, his shaky voice just barely above a whisper.

Dan's eyes widened, his mouth falling open as he gaped in utter shock. Phil felt emotional. “I love you,” he repeated, his lips quivering, his hands trembling uncontrollably. “I want you. There's nothing in this world that I want more than you. I want you, Dan.” Phil analysed Dan's face, burning the memory into his mind. “I feel whole when I'm with you.”

Dan continued to gape, dumb-struck and awed and shocked all at once. “I'm sorry,” Phil apologized, swallowing painfully. “I fucked up. I admit I fucked up and I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Dan. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. You mean everything to me, and I can't forgive myself for hurting you, but I didn't mean it. I swear to god, I didn't mean any of it.” Phil's throat closed, and he shoved the surging emptions back down his throat. “I love you so much. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Please, Dan. I love you. I can't–I don't know what I will do without you.”

Phil sniffed and waited, looking at Dan with hope. Dan stood still, staring right back for what felt like hours. He was breathing irregularly, and his hand came up to grip Phil's shoulder as he whispered finally, “Kiss me.”

Phil exhaled and leaned in, capturing his lips into a soft kiss. Dan was as still as a rock, and Phil wondered if he should let go, but soon, Dan's lips started moving, and he kissed back desperately, making a pained noise as his arms slid around Phil's shoulders, his shaky fingers gripping him tight enough to bruise. All of the hopeless emotions and feelings overflowed, and Phil dropped his hand to the nape of Dan's neck, angling his head and deepening the kiss, a broken sound leaving his lips. _God, _he missed Dan, missed his smell, missed the softness of his lips, missed the curly mess on his head. He tangled his fingers in those fluffy locks, and lost himself in the kiss.

Phil slipped his other hand around Dan's waist and pinned him against the wall, moving closer and closer until there was no space between them. Still, it didn't feel like enough. There was too much gap, too much distance between them, too much longing and missing, and Dan let out a frustrated whimper, burying his fingers in Phil's hair. Phil panted into his mouth and pressed his lips harder. Phil's hands came up to support him, grabbing his backside and lifting him up. Dan coiled his legs tightly around Phil's waist, their chests squished together as Phil pushed him back against the wall, his throat burning and breathless but he didn't want to let go. He was heaving, and his chest burned like there was a wildfire spreading through his skin. Everything felt hot and desperate and not enough.

Phil felt so strongly in love, so frighteningly sure that nothing in the world could keep them apart. Dan was all he wanted. Dan was _his, _and he felt so fiercely protective that it shocked him. His heart pounded rhythmically against his ribcage, his lips aching for more as he kissed Dan for what felt like a millennium.

Reluctantly, Phil pulled away for air after a long, long time, and he was absolutely sure that that had been the most intense kiss they had shared yet. Dan climbed down, and jumped forward, embracing him so tightly and painfully, Phil couldn't breathe. Phil hugged him back, closing his eyes and focusing on the warmth of Dan's fragile body. Time stayed still and relief flooded Phil's chest.

They remained in that position for what felt like hours and hours and hours. Dan pulled back eventually and looked at him with relief on his face and tearful eyes. “I love you,” Phil mumbled. “I love you so much, Dan.”

Dan bit his lip, looking at Phil with that same shock he had on his face earlier. Phil smiled a little sadly and said in a teasing tone, “Well?”

Dan's face cracked and he rolled his eyes tearfully. “Of course, I love you too, you stupid fuck,” he sniffled, punching Phil's chest lightly. “What the fuck did you think?”

Phil let out a teary chuckle, looking at Dan with affection. Dan swallowed. “You fucking broke me. I was just prying because I wanted you to say I-I meant something to you and you just–” His voice cracked, and Phil bit his lip guiltily. “You hurt me.”

“I'm sorry, I didn't–I panicked, okay? I panicked. I know I fucked up, but I swear to god I didn't mean a word of what I said,” Phil closed his eyes, the guilt too much for him to bear. “You do mean something to me. You mean everything to me,” Phil whispered. “I'm nothing without you.”

Dan stared at him for a long while and then rolled his eyes, but he was smiling sadly. “That was really cheesy, Phil.”

“I know,” Phil shrugged. “I don't care. I love you.”

Dan stared at him oddly, searching Phil's face. When he found what he was looking for, he leaned in and placed a kiss on Phil's lips. “I love you too,” he said softly. “ I have for a while now. I was just afraid to say it.”

Phil nodded and Dan smiled, circling his arms around Phil's neck. Phil slid his arms around Dan's waist, pulling him closer. “What does this mean for us?” Dan asked.

Phil shrugged. “Whatever you want it to mean.” He looked into Dan's eyes and felt comforted. “I want you to be happy.”

Dan bit his lip, looking shy and embarrased. “Are we, uhm, are we boyfriends?”

“Yeah.” Phil nodded. “If that's what you want.”

Dan stilled, worry crossing his face. “What do _you_ want?”

Phil pecked him on the lips. “You.”

Dan stared at him blankly and rolled his eyes, suppressing a smile. “Oh my god, we are going to be _that _couple.”

Phil frowned. “What couple?”

“The cheesy couple that everyone hates.”

Phil laughed and placed his forehead against Dan's, looking at his lips and whispering, “Maybe.”

Dan looked at him with a smile on his face. “I love you, Phil.”

“I love you too, Dan.”

~*~

  
Phil traced the bruise he had made on Dan's shoulders with his tongue, licking and sucking lightly. Dan's fingers were in his hair, and he made small, contented noises, already half-asleep. Their limbs were tangled, and they were lying on their sides, facing each other. Phil's face was buried in Dan's neck as he peppered little kisses on Dan's skin, feeling distinctly uneasy about what he was about to do. “Mmm,” Dan hummed, “I missed you.”

Phil stilled and pulled back, his chest filled with guilt. He stared at Dan's tired face and swollen eyes with an aching sadness, feeling an overwhelming rush of love and warmth and affection for him. He ran his fingers through Dan's curly, messy hair and whispered, “I missed you too, Dan.” He bit his lip, his voice filled with nervousness as he forced himself to say the next words. “I–Dan, I need to tell you something.”

Dan must have heard the pain in his voice because he slowly opened his eyes, blinking in concern as he looked at Phil. “What's wrong?”

Phil swallowed, scrambling to collect the strength he needed to do this. He let go of Dan and sat up, crossing his legs and taking a deep breath. “I just want to tell you something. I–I need to do this.”

Dan looked at him for a long time and then nodded, sitting up and taking Phil's hand into his like he knew what Phil was about to say. Phil took a deep, deep breath, the first attack of panic sizzling beneath his skin. “I-I'm–” He inhaled as deeply as he could, filling his lungs with air but it still didn't feel like enough. He felt suffocated, his chest heaving like he had just run a marathon. He wheezed, trying to force the words out, but it got caught up in his throat and choked him. Tears pricked the back of his eyelids, and he closed his eyes, determined as he blurted the words, “I'm gay.”

Dan squeezed his hand tightly and reassuringly, his hold warm. “It's okay. You're okay. It's fine,” he whispered sadly, trying to calm Phil down.

Phil's chest burned, and he knew he was starting to hyperventilate. He took deep, long breaths, counting to ten and forcing himself to calm down. Dan's thumb rubbed soothing circles onto his palm, and he concentrated on that, on the love and warmth and comfort radiating from Dan's body. It took him a long time to calm his nerves, and Dan just sat beside him quietly, not saying a word as Phil slowly assembled his broken pieces and glued them back together.

After what felt like hours, he opened his eyes, feeling a little more in control of himself. Dan's face was twisted in worry, but all he said was, “You don't have to. It's okay.”

Phil shook his head. “No.” He placed his other hand above Dan's, locking eyes with him. “I can do this.”

Dan bit his lip but nodded, waiting patiently for Phil to speak. Phil took a deep breath and began numbly. “When I was fourteen, my dad–” His voice cracked, and Dan tensed, concern clear in his deep brown eyes. “He saw me, uhm, he saw me kissing my friend. It was–” Phil looked away and swallowed. “He didn't like it.”

Dan remained soundless and still, holding his breath, his shoulders rigid. Phil stared blankly at the wall behind Dan, his gaze unfocused as he thought back to all the painful fights and arguments that tore him apart bit by bit years ago. “He–he hated me. He called me a faggot–” Dan flinched. “–and a disgrace. That one incident led to arguments and disagreements and everything was just so–so fucked up, Dan. It was the most dirty I had ever felt.” Phil swallowed the lump in his throat. “Sometimes–sometimes he would hit me and my mom would just stand and watch like I meant nothing to her, like I was–”

Phil's throat closed up, and he shut his eyes tightly, his breathing irregular, his stomach churning vehemently. He breathed heavily and opened his eyes. “Like I was nothing.” His mouth felt numb, and he couldn't feel his lips. “One day, we were on our way to my grandparents' place. My dad was just yelling and screaming at me, telling me how much I disgusted him, and I just–I remember seeing a t-truck and then–”

Dan moved closer to him, as if he wanted to hug Phil tight and not let go, but he stopped himself, swallowing visibly as he stared at Phil in sorrow. Phil let out a bitter chuckle. “The last thing I remember my dad saying is to not be gay. Do you know how that feels?” He asked rhetorically. “And I knew. I knew that there was nothing wrong with being gay, but–but I was just so full of anger, Dan. So full of anger and hatred. After my parents died, I–I was angry at the world, angry at everything. It was so easy to turn that hatred and anger towards myself. It was so easy to loathe myself.”

Dan watched him with pain on his face, lips pursed as he squeezed Phil's hand so tightly it hurt. Phil exhaled softly. “So, yeah. That's how I became this person, this bitter, homophobic asshole.”

Dan shook his head. “You're not,” he whispered softly.

Phil stared at him silently, surprised by the inconceivable amount of care and kindness on his face. “I love you.”

Dan's face softened, and he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Phil, embracing him tightly. “I love you too.”

Phil hugged him back, clinging to the comfort and safety. He rested his chin on Dan's shoulder and closed his eyes, focusing on the warmth of Dan's body. Dan understood his needs and didn't pull back, his arms tight around Phil. His heart swelled and soured. “I love you, Dan,” he whispered emotionally.

“I love you too, Phil.”

Phil pulled away slowly, leaning in to press their lips together, and it felt like coming back home after a long, tiring day.


	31. Surprises and shocks

"King did?" Dan asked as he pulled his pants on, furrowing his eyebrows. They had awoken early in the morning and had sex, lying tangled between the sheets and talking for hours after. Phil had talked about his family, about his trauma. Dan had kept quiet and listened, understanding now how hard it was for Phil to accept that he was gay. Dan's bitter feelings from the day before had melted away and by the end of it, they were back to teasing and joking.

They had to get up eventually, and as they got ready for the day, Phil recited the previous day's events in a sombre voice, recounting King's unbelievably compassionate behaviour. Apparently, he had stayed by Phil's side all day, consoling him and giving him sympathetic looks. "I don't believe it," Dan said truthfully.

Phil buttoned his shirt languidly as he announced, "It's true. He was with me all day."

Dan huffed, combing his hair in front of the mirror. "Are you sure it wasn't some other white snake? King is always so aloof. I don't think he cares about anyone other than Queen."

"Nah, he does care about us," Phil disagreed lightly as he sat on the bed, looking at Dan with a soft gaze. Dan sighed, ambling towards Phil and holding out a hair tie.

"I guess," Dan agreed thoughtfully. Phil took the hair tie from his hands, standing up and proceeding to tie Dan's hair back without another word. "He's like you in a way, did you know?"

Phil frowned as he gathered Dan's hair and tied it back so it didn't fall over Dan's eyes anymore. "What do you mean?"

"Quiet and unfriendly." Dan gave him a lopsided smirk, looking into the mirror and inspecting his hair. When he was sure it looked flawless, he turned back to Phil to find him staring with raised eyebrows. "What?" Dan asked as they made their way towards the door.

"You think I'm quiet and unfriendly?" Phil grumbled, stepping out into the dim corridor. "I'm the friendliest person I know!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Sure, Phil."

"You didn't seem to think I was unfriendly when I had you on your hands and knees this morning," he chortled and mimicked Dan as they walked down the hallway, "_Oh yes! Phil. Right there! Oh, Phil! You're the love of my life!"_

A bright blush appeared on Dan's cheeks and he shoved Phil against the wall. "Oh, fuck you," he groaned. "You're such a fucking asshole, Phil. I didn't even say that."

Phil grinned and opened his mouth to speak, but then he closed it, halting his movements and staring at the wall behind Dan. Dan's eyebrows furrowed, and he turned around. Phil immediately strolled towards the wall, standing beside Dan and staring at it. It was the mural of the man with his heart in his hands. Dan was instantly enamoured with it, and he brushed it with delicate fingertips, a small, hopeful smile on his face. "Do you remember what you told me when we first came here?"

Phil turned to him with a warm smile. "Yeah."

Dan's heart squeezed, and he stared into Phil's bright blue eyes. For a fleeting second, he felt disoriented, like he was in a different universe, or he was an outsider that was merely looking in. He couldn't believe he was in love with Phil Lester. He couldn't believe they were boyfriends. He couldn't be this happy. This was undeniably odd. Life had never been fair to him, always throwing in new obstacles and twists and curves to knock him off his feet, but this was odd indeed. This time he was truly happy, and he actually felt like he belonged somewhere.

The feeling vanished as soon as it came, and he was soon flooded with a deep, aching sense of relief. He let Phil back him up against the wall and kiss him, feeling his entire body tingling with love. When he pulled back, Dan asked breathlessly, "What do you think now?"

Phil stared at him for a long time and then whispered, "I think . . . I would do absolutely anything for you." Phil's hand was on his cheek, and he brushed his thumb against Dan's bottom lip, staring intently. "I don't care. I would probably jump into the ocean for you."

"That's really sappy, Phil," Dan snorted, but his heart was melting into a puddle.

Phil rolled his eyes. "Stop trying to ruin the moment. This is supposed to be romantic, you fucking idiot."

"Mm," Dan hummed, placing a kiss on Phil's lips. "I know. I'm sorry. I love you."

Phil huffed, "I love you too."

Dan threw his hands around Phil's neck, placing kisses in between the conversation. "I just-" Kiss. "Want to-" Kiss. "Stay." Kiss. "With you-" Kiss. "Forever."

Dan pulled back, smiling at him, and Phil beamed, blue eyes sparkling like stars, his face full of genuine happiness and contentment. Dan wondered if it was possible to just stay in that moment forever, frozen in time, just the two of them. He wondered how he had ever lived without being kissed by Phil, without being held by him, touched by him. He couldn't remember a time like that at all. Living without Phil must have been painfully boring and exhausting.

~*~

  
Phil proved he was the most amazing boyfriend anyone could ever have in the days that followed. He was gentle, patient and he understood Dan like he had known him for a thousand years. He made Dan breakfast every morning and ventured out into the unknown parts of the forest in search of exotic and delicious food. He teased Dan unrepentantly but also listened patiently to his pointless ramblings and rantings without any objections.

However, their relationship was not entirely devoid of fights. They bickered and started arguments more often than not. Dan could be irrationally stubborn some days, and those were the days they usually fought over the smallest of things.

The day before their two month anniversary, Dan shouted at Phil for making a mess inside the hut, and Phil stormed out without saying anything. They made dinner in complete silence, but at night, Phil climbed into the bed with him and kissed him sensually like Dan was his entire world. Dan smiled and melted into the kiss and all was forgotten.

Dan supposed this was what a relationship really was all about. Not everything was perfect. They still drove each other mad but they loved each other more than that, and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever experienced.

On the day of their two month anniversary, Phil left early in the morning with his bag and didn't return until evening. Dan spent the whole day prodding and poking King, asking where Phil had gone and when he would be back. King merely curled into a ball and slept like he was deaf.

When Phil returned just a little after sunset, Dan glared at him in displeasure and shoved him. "What the fuck, you asshole!" he shouted, "Do you know how fucking worried I was?"

Phil blinked. "Sorry, I was-"

Dan shot him a glare so furious and filled with rage that Phil shut up. "You could've told me where you were going. I've told you this before, Phil. We're alone here and this place is dangerous. Don't disappear without telling me. What the fuck am I supposed to think?"

"I'm sorry," Phil apologized remorsefully. "I won't do it again."

Dan's shoulders loosened, his anger deflated, and he stepped forward to wrap his arms around Phil, hugging him tightly. "You scared me," he murmured against Phil's shoulder.

Phil squeezed him. "I'm sorry, Dan."

"It's alright," Dan sighed. "Don't do it again, okay?"

Dan felt Phil nodding against his shoulder. "I just wanted to surprise you."

Dan pulled back to look at him, distinctly confused. "Surprise me?"

Phil's smile widened, and he openly grinned at Dan, grabbing his wrists and pulling him towards the slowly darkening forest. "Come on."

Dan furrowed his eyebrows. "It's late. Where are we going? We might run into wolves."

"It'll be fine. Queen's with us," he dismissed Dan's worries immediately. "Just come with me. I want to show you something."

Dan sighed in exasperation. "Alright."

~*~

  
"How far is this surprise, Phil?" Dan whined. "I'm starving."

Phil swerved around a tree, staying quiet, used to Dan's never-ending complaints. The forest was deep and dark and peacefully quiet. There was no light except for the pale moonlight as they trekked the path. Every once in a while there was a small flutter of a bird's wings or a curiously inexplicable sound of rustling from the bushes, making Dan jump. It made him jittery and uneasy. They had never explored this side of the forest before, and wandering around on uncharted grounds at midnight was not something Dan considered safe. "You're not taking me to a creepy place to murder me and dump my corpse somewhere in a ditch, are you?"

Phil rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I have a grave dug for you already. It's here somewhere. Wait a minute till I find it."

Dan huffed. "I'm serious. Where the hell are we going?"

"We're almost there," Phil consoled as they passed a giant fallen tree. The grass here was softer than the rest of the forest. In fact, as they walked, Dan realized with a jolt of surprise that they were in a meadow.

Dan's eyes widened in complete shock as they ambled through the soft, grassy field. Something flickered near his left eye, something like a tiny, glowing bulb. He snapped his head up and gawped at the sight in front of him, his heart swelling with love and pride. His hands tightened around Phil's as he drew in a sharp intake of breath, his chest aching with the emotions he was unable to handle on his own. "Phil, this is . . . " His voice caught in his throat, and he stared with glossy, brown eyes.

The meadow was full of wildflowers, petals open and in full bloom, facing the moon that was a round, bright globe in the navy blue backdrop of the sky. Above them were a billion stars and constellations, twinkling and shimmering like diamond jewellery. But these were not the things that made him want to hold Phil until his arms and limbs ached. What stunned him the most were the tiny, glowing bugs that floated above the flowers like little angels. Fireflies were sprinkled all over the field like glitter, lighting up the place like small, flickering candles.

Dan could do nothing but gape in shock as Phil smiled at him widely, pulling him towards a white sheet laid on the ground. His smile was soppy and affectionate and Dan wondered how he had managed to get so lucky. There were fruits and food in a basket and suddenly, Dan couldn't control his emotions.

Phil blinked in shock and his eyes widened. "Are you crying?"

"No, of course not," he said quickly, biting his lip and looking anywhere but at Phil.

Phil stared at him, and his gaze was soft. "Shut up! I'm not crying, okay?" Dan shouted tearfully.

Phil sighed and gave him a fond smile. "Alright then."

Dan's fingers tightened, and he squeezed Phil's hand, his hold tight. "I love you."

"I love you too," Phil beamed, "Now come on, let's eat something. I'm starving."

~*~

  
"What did you think of me before?" Dan asked, staring up at the sky. They were lying side by side on the sheet, hands weaved together between them as they looked up at the vast, blue sky filled with stars. "When we were in London."

Phil thought for a second, squinting his eyes. "I think I admired you in some way."

Dan turned his head to stare at Phil. "Really?"

"Yeah," Phil nodded. "You were so fearlessly yourself. I was envious of you, I guess. You were everything I wanted to be, and . . . well, when I used to catch you in the middle of a blowjob, I, er, it was hot. I mean I used to think it was hot. Not anymore, obviously. I wouldn't want you touching someone other than me."

Dan blinked in shock. "Oh, wow. I didn't know you-"

"Yeah." Phil shrugged, turning on his side and placing a kiss on Dan's mouth. "I think that was why I hated you. I didn't want to admit that I found it hot."

There was silence for a while, and Dan tried to absorb this new information. "What about you?" Phil asked curiously.

"I don't know. I thought you were an asshole. I didn't hate you, but I disliked you very much," Dan answered contemplatively. "I wasn't . . . happy, back then. I hated my life. Everything was a mess and I-you already know about my mom-" Phil nodded and his gaze softened. "-I wasn't in the right mental state and fighting with you was a good way to release all the pent-up frustration."

Phil remained silent, his blue eyes warm as he stared at Dan. Dan swallowed and refused to meet his knowing eyes. "I don't like to remember that time. I was miserable. I let a lot of people take advantage of me."

Dan's mind was blank, and he stayed quiet. A firefly landed on his nose. He sniffed and it flew away back into the night. "I'm sorry," Phil whispered after what felt like hours.

Dan blinked. "For what?"

"For hurting you," he mumbled, "Back at the library. That Jake guy was bothering you, and I didn't do anything. I just stood there and laughed. I'm sorry."

Dan sighed, turning on his side, facing Phil. He placed a hand on Phil's cheek, looking at him intently. "It's fine. We both hurt each other. You don't have to apologize."

Phil's eyes were focused on his lips as he whispered, "I swear if I see him again, I'll kill him. I won't let anyone touch you."

Dan smiled. "I know."

Phil leaned in and gave him a little peck on the lips. "I've known you for almost four years. I wish I had talked to you before. We missed out on four years of mind-blowing sex." Phil smirked and then his expression turned a little serious. "I wish I hadn't . . . well, there are a lot of things I wish I didn't do, but there's no point in talking about that, but-but we could've made so many memories together. It's just a little sad." Phil's voice turned into a murmur, and Dan looked up into his blue eyes, deep and crystal clear.

Dan bit his lip and said in a quiet voice. "We still have time."

"Yeah," Phil mumbled silently. "We have our whole lives."

Phil lifted himself slightly and climbed on top of Dan, hovering over Dan and connecting their lips. A gentle breeze caressed his hair, tickling his skin. Goosebumps rose on his arms and he shivered, pulling Phil closer and closer until they were chest-to-chest. Dan let out a tiny whimper and Phil sighed contently into his mouth, his hands tangled in Dan's messy hair. "I love you," Phil admitted breathlessly.

Dan exhaled satisfactorily. "I love-"

A loud, hissing noise captured both of their attention, and Dan whipped his head around to see Queen hurtling towards them at breakneck speed. Phil blinked and moved away hurriedly, frowning in concern as she came to a halt next to his leg and started hissing and shaking her head like she had seen a ghost. "What's wrong?" Phil asked with wide eyes.

Dan moved to sit up, brow creasing as he mentioned, "Whoa. I've never seen her looking so panicked." Queen hissed furiously, her tail swishing back and forth like a whip.

"Did something happen?" Phil asked worriedly. "What's wrong?"

Queen twisted her neck and did a motion that indicated that she wanted them to follow her. Dan scrambled around to get up immediately. "Come on. Something's very wrong," he conjectured. "She's never this distressed. It could be an emergency."

Phil jumped to his feet, proceeding to rummage through his bag. "Wait a minute, Queen. Let me find my torch." Dan waited, frowning at Queen who looked impatient and anxious. "Got it!"

Phil strapped his bag over his shoulder and turned on the flashlight, sticking out his hand for Dan to take. Dan clasped his hand tightly, weaving their fingers together. "Let's go," Dan prompted.

Queen gave a curt nod and spontaneously took off. Phil's eyes widened as he looked at Dan. Dan shrugged and they sprinted behind her without delay, following Queen swiftly, eyes full of worry as they jogged briskly through the wide, open grassland, stepping on fragile flowers in their haste. Phil's torch illuminated their muddy path as they swerved around a huge, towering tree and jumped over a rotting carcass of a deer. The sky overhead was bright with little twinkling dots of stars and a round moon.

"What could it be?" Dan wondered aloud breathlessly as they trotted through the narrow trail, flanked on either side by tall, looming trees. The forest was dark and silent, and Dan felt chills creeping up his spine; the only sound was a low whistling of the wind. He was sure he could feel a dozen pairs of eyes watching him from all sides. He knew it was his imagination, but his hold on Phil tightened. Moonlight dripped onto the ground and covered the forest grounds in a pale, white glow. The trees were silvery and ghostly, as if it were waiting for someone to stumble into it and get lost between them.

Queen stopped suddenly, staring straight ahead at something they couldn't see yet. "Come on," Phil urged as they hopped quickly towards the source of Queen's delirium. Dan was out of breath and out of shape, and he stopped as soon as he neared Queen, placing his hands on his knees and heaving roughly. Phil was panting raggedly next to him, and Dan inhaled the cool, night air deep into his lungs, forcing himself to calm his rapidly thundering heart. After what felt like an eternity, he lifted his head and looked up, blinking repeatedly as recognition dawned. "This is . . . "

It was the same clearing, the exact same place they had woken up months ago. Dan remembered waking up and being confused about where he was. He remembered the frustration, the hopelessness and fear. He felt none of that now, but standing in the exact same place disoriented him. They stayed away from this part of the forest, mostly because it was the lion's territory. This particular glade was mentioned four times in the Survival Guide, warning them tenaciously not to wander into the glade unless absolutely necessary.

Phil was stood in front of him rigidly, his shoulders tense as he stared at something in front of him. Dan couldn't see much due to how very dark it was, and he frowned. "What is it?" he asked confusedly, stepping forward to stand beside Phil. Phil didn't look at him, but his hands were shaking as he lifted his hand and pointed the torch towards a certain direction. Dan blinked, once, twice, thrice, and he couldn't believe his eyes. He lifted his hands numbly and rubbed his eyes, but the scene in front of him didn't disappear at all.

"This couldn't be happening," Dan whispered, staring with shocked, wide eyes. "Tell me I'm dreaming."

Phil stayed silent and still as a stone. Dan swallowed. "Pinch me."

Phil lifted his hand and did so. Dan flinched in pain and groaned. "Fuck," he said as he slid to the ground, staring ahead at the faces of people he hadn't seen in months.

Louise, Chris, PJ, Tyler, Troye, Cat, Anthony and Katie were lying crumpled on the ground, their arms and limbs twisted at awkward angles as if they just toppled from the sky and onto the forest ground. "Is this actually happening right now?" Dan asked in disbelief. "How-where the fuck did they come from?"

Phil looked stunned, and he blinked at Dan's question, turning to him slowly and taking a deep, deep breath. "I don't know," he sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "Are they even alive?"

Dan rolled his eyes, turning towards the people passed out on the ground. "I'm pretty sure they-" he stopped suddenly, his eyes widening when they fell upon a large, sturdy figure lying unconscious near Troye. Realization crashed on top of him almost instantly and he jumped to his feet in shock, rushing towards the person, his heart bursting out of his chest. "Dad!" he cried incredulously, falling to his knees near him and staring with wide, nonplussed eyes.

Tears sprang from his eyes as he placed his hands on his dad's chest and shook him, feeling completely flummoxed and speechless. His eyes were wide, and his hands were trembling. Queen slithered towards him and shook her head vigorously, and he knew Queen's wordless gestures enough to understand what she was trying to say. She wanted him to stop trying to wake him, and he was absolutely furious. "What the fuck, Queen!" he shouted angrily. "What the hell is going on! Why is he here?"

Phil slowly came to stand behind him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. Through the confusion and concern, he felt comfort flowing into his body from that small touch. He swallowed painfully and tried to calm down, but it was hard when his dad and his friends were all lying unconscious directly in front of him. They didn't look ill or dead; their chests rose and fell normally and they all looked perfectly healthy, but Dan couldn't help but feel afraid. After all, he only had one dad. "Phil, I don't fucking understand," he voiced, his eyebrows furrowed and shoulders tense as he stood up abruptly. "What is going on? Why is my dad here? I don't want-I-fuck-"

"Hey," Phil soothed, squeezing his shoulder. "Take a few deep breaths. Stop panicking."

Dan bit his lip, staring longingly at the face of his father. Phil turned to Queen. "Are they okay?"

Queen nodded and relief flooded Dan. He took deep breaths and his shoulders slowly loosened. "Will they wake up soon?" Phil continued his questioning.

Queen hissed softly, nodding her head and throwing nervous glances at Dan. He immediately felt guilty. He shouldn't have shouted at her. She had done nothing but help them wholeheartedly, and she didn't deserve to be yelled at. "Why are they even unconscious in the first place?" Dan argued weakly.

"Look around, Dan. This is the same place. We woke up here months ago. We were probably asleep here for a while before we regained consciousness. Maybe people have to be unconscious to be brought here," Phil explained softly, turning back to Queen. "They'll be fine, right? They'll wake up soon?"

Queen nodded. Phil sighed. "Do you know how they got here?" She shook her head sadly. "Can we wake them up?"

Another shake of the head and Dan frowned, worrying his bottom lip. "But my dad-"

"They'll be fine, Dan," Phil clasped his hand tightly. "Don't you trust Queen?"

"I do, but-" Dan sighed. "How did they get here? What is happening? What is this place?"

"Maybe we should wait until they wake up?" Phil suggested cautiously. "They would know how they got here. We can ask them once they wake up."

"I don't know, I-I don't feel-" Dan stopped, frustrated. "I'm scared."

Phil looked at him for a long time, his fingers tightening, his blue eyes glinting in the moonlight. "So am I," he whispered.

Dan stopped short, blinking and looking at him. He realized suddenly that these people were Phil's friends too. The island was as mysterious to him as it was for Dan himself. But still, Phil was standing close to him, holding his hand and comforting him, and he suddenly felt like a completely heartless person. He opened his mouth to apologize. "I'm sorry," he said and bit his lip. "I'm overreacting, aren't I? Sorry, I just-this is a little overwhelming."

"Don't be stupid. It's fine." Phil rolled his eyes. "We weren't expecting for something like this to happen so of course, it's overwhelming."

Dan huddled closer to Phil, mumbling softly. "Thank you."

Phil's eyes softened. "There's no need to thank me, Dan." Queen hissed right then and both of them diverted their attention to her. She nudged her head in the direction they had come from, urging them to follow her. Phil creased his eyebrows. "Are you telling us to go back?"

Queen nodded. "What about them?" Phil inquired in surprise.

"I'm not leaving my dad!" Dan blurted, horrified at the thought. "What if the lion attacks them?"

"Well, they'll probably wake up in the morning, right?" Another nod from Queen and Phil furrowed his eyebrows. "If you're worried, we can sleep here somewhere for one night. Queen will keep us safe."

Queen flicked her tongue and nodded. Gratefulness seeped into Dan's heart and he shot Phil a thankful glance. Phil smiled in encouragement, and Dan quickly looked at his dad, biting his lip and following Queen as she ushered them towards a huge tree with wide branches. Phil unstrapped his bag and took out a blanket, laying it over the ground. He threw a banapple towards Dan and Dan caught it swiftly, blinking in surprise as he sat cross-legged on the blanket.

"Eat it," Phil ordered absently, taking out his notebook and searching for his pen inside his pocket. Dan huffed and bit into the juicy fruit, pulling Phil's pen out of his pocket.

"Here," Dan said, tossing the pen to Phil.

Phil beamed, "Thanks."

Dan smiled and went back to devouring his fruit. As he ate, his mind slowly cleared and the panic subsided. From where he was sitting, he could see Louise, sprawled on the ground with the golden locks of her hair spread out over the dirt, gleaming white in the moonlight. He could see Troye's pale face and make out the shape of PJ's head. It had been so long since he had seen his friends that a desperate ache started in the lowest pits of his stomach.

Dan's throat constricted, and he suddenly realized with a jolt that even though he had become quite accustomed to Phil and Queen and the entire island, he did miss his friends. He missed the warmth of Louise's hugs and the comfort of being with a rowdy group of people, chattering, laughing and just being loud and noisy. There was peace in that, there was satisfaction in that, in the utter chaos that his friends brought.

Phil's hand was suddenly on his thigh, squeezing just a little. Dan tore his longing gaze away from his friends and turned to Phil to find him writing in his notebook, as usual, face focused. Dan placed his hand above Phil's, locking their fingers together and continuing to eat his banapple. He stayed quiet for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Thank you so much for reading!! There are very few chapters left. I hope you enjoyed the whole journey <3


	32. Friendship and affection

“Phil, can I ask you something?” Dan beseeched nervously the very next morning, his hair a curly mess on his head. They were sat cross-legged on the wet ground, the luscious green grass covered in morning dew. They were resting against a tree as they anxiously awaited the inevitable, fingers timidly curling around the soft tendrils on the ground. Both of them were on edge, but Dan especially was a big bundle of nerves as he gazed at his dad with huge, brown eyes. The air was thick with tension and uncertainty, and Phil could feel the suspense hanging in the air like a ticking time bomb, ready to detonate any second.

“Yeah?” Phil phonated thoughtfully, furrowing his eyebrows. He felt like he knew what Dan was about to ask. His shoulders tensed and he gulped, staring straight ahead and avoiding Dan's eyes guiltily. The sun sailed languorously above the horizon and little by little, the eerie darkness melted away, leaving only a few gloomy vestiges here and there.

“Er,” Dan faltered, tripping over his words. Phil wanted to reach out but he stopped himself, suddenly hesitation blocking his throat. “What are we going to tell them?” Phil chewed on his bottom lip nervously, waiting for it. “About us?”

Phil's heart skipped a beat. He let out a soft sigh and racked his brains for an acceptable answer to the question but couldn't find any. “I don't know,” was what he ended up saying. He pursed his lips and waited for Dan to explode, but Dan just sighed and huffed, looking at him with an affectionate gaze.

“It's alright if you need more time, you know,” Dan reasoned softly. Phil blinked and turned to look at him. Dan's eyes immediately fell on Phil's hair and he reached out to smoothen it, fingers slowly brushing his hair back. Phil's eyes fluttered close automatically and he listened as Dan suggested, “I don't mind. They'll probably freak out anyway. It's best if we wait a bit.”

Phil's heart warmed and he smiled softly. Blue birds materialized from nowhere and perched on top of a branch near them, chirruping loudly and melodiously. The first streak of sunlight invaded the clearing, shining directly on Dan's curly head, making his eyes glisten like gold. Phil stared lovingly, his mind drifting to their bed inside the caves. Now that their friends were here, he wondered when they were going to get the chance to have sex again.

Dan scooted away into the shadows and rolled his eyes. “Close your mouth, Phil. You're drooling.” Phil blinked incessantly and snapped his jaw shut. “I bet my dick and balls that you're thinking about sex.”

“Hey!” Phil protested weakly. “I wasn't!”

“Nevermind that,” Dan dismissed absently, “Answer my question. Do you want to tell them?”

Phil bit his lip and sighed. “I want to,” he admitted sincerely. “I love you, okay? I don't want you to be my dirty little secret.” Phil looked away then, staring at Louise's prone form. The birds flew away towards the clouds, wings outstretched and free. “But–but I think–I–is it okay if we wait? I don't really know how to–it's still hard for me.”

Dan's hard gaze softened. “I know.” He placed a hand on his shoulder. “I don't mind. We'll tell them when you're ready, okay?”

Phil turned to Dan and gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

~*~

  
Sunlight dripped through the bright green canopy of leaves directly onto Louise's pale face, and she let out a tiny moan. Phil's heart instantly thumped against his ribcage as he whipped his head up and stared at Dan who was already looking at him with wide eyes. Phil pulled his hand away discreetly, and Dan's sorrowful eyes followed the movement morosely, a small, unmistakable look of hurt flashing in his brown eyes before he masked it with a look of withdrawn acceptance.

Phil pursed his lips guiltily as they rose to their feet gracelessly, both of them stiff with nerves. Another groan sounded, and Louise turned on her side, stretching her arms sleepily and frowning as if she had sensed the abnormalities around her. Dan's face was a picture of indifference as he stepped towards her. Phil's heart slowly began to sink, and his hand shot forward to grab Dan's slender wrist, tight enough to bruise. “I'm sorry,” he said through the sudden, inexplicable lump in his throat.

Dan blinked in surprise, confusion clear in his eyes. “For what?”

Phil glanced at Louise to see her twisting and turning in frustration. Irritated and confused groans and grunts were starting to fill the silence around them, and Phil felt like he was running out of time, quickly and inevitably. “For everything that's about to happen,” he replied hastily. “I'm sorry. I love you. I'll tell them, okay? I promise. I just need some time.”

Dan looked at him for what felt like hours, eyes wide and searching. “It's alright,” he comforted quietly, attempting a small smile and failing. He looked away quickly and snatched his hand back, walking away towards his dad without another word.

Phil breathed deeply and muttered sadly, “Fuck.” He sighed and made his way towards Louise, crouching down beside her and waiting for her to fully wake up. His heart thudded against his chest, slowly at first but increasing with every second as Louise lifted her hand and rubbed her forehead, letting out a groan and blinking her eyes open. Phil's heart leapt to his throat, and he waited patiently as she stared up at the vividly green leaves and blinked in puzzlement. She looked left and right, her eyes wide in astonishment as she noticed all her friends who were slowly emerging from unawareness. She stayed still for a few agonizing seconds, appearing to be deeply disconcerted, but then her eyes widened in shock. “Wha . . .” she gasped, bolting upright.

Phil stared at her, his throat closing up as he came face to face with his best friend after almost a whole year. She looked exactly the same, not a hair out of place. It was hard to believe a year had gone by. She was the same Louise, with her soft face and kind eyes and wavy hair. The moment she noticed Phil in front of her, her eyes widened to the size of golf balls. Her lips quivered and her mouth fell open; tears flooded her eyes as she launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. “Phil!” she gasped emotionally, seeming to ignore her peculiar environment. “Oh my god, you're okay!”

A rush of warmth and comfort and familiarity surged through him as he felt Louise's soft hair against his face. It was so familiar and caring and he was so used to it, he wanted to cry. There was a lump in his throat and he closed his eyes, keeping quiet as he basked in the warmth of Louise's embrace.

“Phil?” he heard another voice and blinked his eyes open. “Oh my god, guys, it's Phil!”

Phil had perhaps been too preoccupied with Louise to pay attention to his surroundings because suddenly he was being crushed to the ground by Troye, Anthony, Chris and Katie. He realized that all of his friends were now awake and conscious, and were squeezing him into a pulp as they cheered and spluttered and cried happy tears. A cacophony of abrupt noises and shouts erupted and a lot of people were suddenly talking all at once. It was hard to discern what any of them were saying.

“What the fuck–”

“How–”

“Where did you go, you fucking–”

“–just went missing, you stupid prick!”

“–so worried, man, you have no idea, and we–”

“–honestly thought you kidnapped Dan or–”

“–killed each other–”

“–looked all over for you–”

“The police didn't even know what to–”

“–so glad we found you both.”

Phil felt too overwhelmed and overcome with an immense amount of undeniable guilt. He had thought for many years that he had no one and he was all alone but the love and care he was being swamped with had finally opened his eyes. They were his friends who were worried about him, who cared about him. How could he ever think he was all alone? He was being bombarded with concerns and questions about his well-being, and all of them took turns to hug him and check him for bruises, their eyes teary and relieved. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dan being fiercely squished to death by his dad and one by one, their friends scattered over to him, embracing him like they did to Phil.

After what felt like hours of joyful tears and relieved sighs, their friends finally calmed down and started looking around, frowning and appearing distinctly uneasy. Their pleased chatter slowly ceased and all of them became aware of their surroundings. It was Chris who spoke up first, “Er, where are we? Why are we here? I can't remember.”

Phil was standing near a tree and all of his friends were standing in front of him, looking at him hopefully. Dan was huddled close to his dad and Phil glanced at him for a split second. He nodded minutely and Phil answered, “Um, this is an island.”

There was a deafening silence. Phil glanced at Dan nervously and then hoots of laughter echoed through the clearing. Phil pursed his lips and Dan came to stand beside him as if to give him strength. All laughter came to an abrupt halt almost immediately. PJ looked between the two of them. “Are you serious?”

Dan nodded quietly. “How did you find us?”

It was Troye who answered, “I told you that house was strange. I warned you–”

“Oh, shut up, Troye. The house didn't do any–” Anthony interrupted with a roll of his eyes.

“Well, they did go missing from–” Cat began to agree with Troye but got cut off by Katie who snapped, “Can we not have this argument about the house anymore?”

“But how did we get here though?” Chris wondered aloud, and suddenly everyone started blurting out speculations and possibilities and Dan covered his ears with his hands, looking frustrated.

“Look, is that a bunny?” Tyler croaked excitedly, watching a fluffy white thing tumble out of a bush. “Troye, look–”

“SHUT UP!” Louise snapped loudly, “Shut up for a second! All of you! Let me explain.”

Phil's lips stretched into a smile at that, and when he looked at Dan, he saw a similar fond expression on his face. This was so familiar, the banter, the noise, it felt so natural and warm. Louise turned to them and they both looked at her expectantly. She took a deep breath and began, “We were so worried about you both, you have no idea. We're so glad we found you.” Several nods followed her admission. Her expression turned gloomy and the atmosphere shifted from cheerful to solemn in the blink of an eye. “We were cleaning the house for the short film, and you both just disappeared without a trace. We looked all over for you. At first, we thought you both had another fight and went home or something but–”

“Phil wasn't at the flat,” Chris, his friend and flatmate, interjected.

“Neither was Dan,” PJ added.

“For a few days, none of us knew what to do, Phil,” Cat admitted sombrely, “We didn't know where you had gone. You didn't leave a note. You didn't say anything.”

“We concluded that you had gone missing, filed a report and started searching for you everywhere,” Louise whispered. Phil suddenly realized how worried they all had been and bit his lip guiltily. “You were nowhere and no one knew anything about where you had gone.” She glanced at Dan and Dan tensed. “Dan, your dad was furious.” Phil looked at Mr Howell, a tall man with warm brown eyes and curly hair. He looked like the older version of Dan. Phil looked away hastily when he caught his eyes. “He was frantic with worry when you didn't return his calls and texts. He was mad at us for taking you to the house. The police couldn't even find you. We had no idea what to do.”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows. “Then how did you find us?”

Louise sighed. “Your dad started asking around and found out about your fight with Jake in the library of the abandoned house. Jake told us what happened. Apparently, he was the last person to see you both before you went missing. He had seen you fighting with Phil and . . . well, this is going to sound strange but–” she hesitated.

Dan blinked and turned to Phil. Phil immediately understood and he bit his lip, a knowing look passing between them. He was sure Louise was going to tell them about a secret doorway. It had seemed absurd before but not anymore.

When Phil looked back to Louise, she was staring at them strangely. She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts and said, “Jake said he had seen you falling through a door that appeared in the library. Initially, we thought he had gone mad or something, but your dad insisted that we take a look. We all agreed to meet at the abandoned house and searched the library continuously for three days.”

“I was the one who persuaded them,” Troye announced proudly. “I knew there was something wrong with that house.”

“Well, I do remember searching the library, but I don't remember finding a doorway,” Anthony stated.

Louise frowned, “I don't, either. I just–everything is blurry in my head. I, er, I remember Shawn–” she glanced at Dan's dad. “–shouting that he found it, but . . . after that, it's kind of–” She furrowed her eyebrows even more. “I don't know, I can't remember.”

Phil frowned, throwing Dan another look which he returned. Dan gave him a questioning look and Phil nodded slightly. When he turned back, Louise was staring oddly again. “Actually, we can't remember what happened either,” Dan affirmed with confidence. “We remember fighting in the library and then we just–we kind of stumbled into the doorway, I think? We woke up here like you did.”

A heavy, rigid silence settled on them for a long, long time. All of them looked sceptical and suspicious. A mixture of different emotions flickered over all of their faces; fear and incredulity were the most common among them. After a few minutes of dubious mutterings and unconvinced glances, Shawn inquired, “So, what you are saying is you've been here this whole time?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah. This is an _uninhabited_ island,” he emphasised, “We're surrounded by the sea from all sides. There's no way out.”

Another wave of hushed, disbelieving mumbles ensued and everyone started talking all at once, loud and sharp voices interrupting and shouting over each other. Phil looked at Dan and sighed exasperatedly. Dan smiled apologetically, mouthing, “_So loud.”_

Phil suppressed a smile, turning back to Louise who was watching the interaction with rapt attention. His smile immediately vanished and he cleared his throat. “How have you been?” he asked Louise, swiftly trying to change the course of her thoughts.

Louise narrowed her eyes. Behind her, Troye shouted at Anthony and their friends argued loudly. “I should be the one to ask you that question,” she retorted, folding her arms across her chest.

Phil shrugged. “I'm fine. This place is great. The food is deli–”

A loud, distant roar pierced through the noise and reached his ears, alerting him quickly. Troye stopped shouting and Anthony's laughter died abruptly in his throat. All arguments ceased and Tyler halted his search for the bunny that had disappeared a long time ago. “Did you hear that, Anthony?” Troye whisper-yelled.

“No, I'm deaf.”

Phil's instincts were awake and he turned to Dan. “We should go back to the hut.”

Dan's face was serious and solemn. He had changed a lot, Phil noticed. When they had first encountered the lion, Dan had been scared shitless, but now he was calmer, more level-headed. “The hut is too small for all of us, Phil. We should go to the caves.”

“It's too far, you know that.” Phil frowned, “There is a shortcut but the hut is still closer.”

Dan sighed, “Alright then.”

Phil really out to be more subtle when talking to Dan because now it was not just Louise, all of their friends were staring at them oddly. Cat even leaned closer to Louise and whisper-yelled in her ear, “Did Dan just agree with Phil?” Louise nodded and Cat gasped incredulously.

Another roar invaded the silence and Phil's eyes widened, “Let's go!”

“What's happening?” Louise asked with wide eyes. “Wasn't that a roar?”

“Are you telling me–” Cat gulped, “–that there is a lion here?”

“Lions, wolves, snakes, all kinds of animals,” Phil explained, “We'll explain later. Follow me. Quick. There's no time.”

Dan and Phil led the way out of the clearing and through the dense forest, passing fallen trees and weirdly shaped flowers and plants. The sky was darkening into a shade of charcoal grey, and a cold breeze rustled the tree leaves as they trudged silently through the muddy pathway. Their friends stared around at everything, eyes wide and terrified as they trekked the forest grounds. They appeared too mystified to speak, and Phil was secretly glad to have a few moments of peace.

“Where's Queen?” Dan asked after many minutes of silence, looking around. “Where did she go?”

“Who's Queen?” PJ frowned, “You said this was an uninhabited island.”

Phil sighed, slowing his pace now that they were no longer in the lion's territory and in immediate danger. “Look, it's hard to explain, okay? This island has a lot of mysteries. You won't believe me if I told you so it's best to see it by yourself.”

Shawn frowned, “How can we go back to London?”

Dan bit his lip. “We don't know, Dad. Do you think we would still be here if we knew how to get back to London?”

Troye frowned, still looking like he didn't believe any of it. “Does that mean we're stuck here for the rest of our lives?”

Phil glanced at Dan nervously. “Er, no.” He sighed, “We'll be able to go back eventually. You don't have to panic.”

Katie frowned, brushing her hair back from her face. “I don't understand, Phil,” she muttered glumly, ambling faster and catching up with Phil. She stepped over a plant and hooked her arm with Phil's, walking beside him unabashedly.

Dan immediately tensed; Phil could see it in the purse of his lips and the look in his eyes. “Well, neither do we!” Dan snapped abruptly at Katie, loud enough to startle all of them unexpectedly.

Katie frowned in utter confusion. “I wasn't talking to you, was I?”

Suddenly, there was an odd sort of tension in the air. Phil could feel it right down to his toes. He inhaled deeply, not knowing what to do. He had expected this the moment he had seen Katie's unconscious face, but he didn't know how to deal with it. Dan's fists were clenched and Phil noticed Louise eyeing them from the corner of his eye. She rolled her eyes at Phil.

“Anyway, I'm really happy that you're both safe. I don't care about the island or whatever. I'm happy to find you both alive and well,” she chirped happily, discreetly squeezing herself between Katie and Phil, defusing the tension at once.

“I agree with that.” Shawn nodded his approval, smiling warmly at Louise.

Louise grinned, and one by one, everyone started to agree, thumping Dan and Phil on their backs.

“To be frank, we thought you had killed each other,” Anthony chortled mirthfully. Louise shot him a nasty glare and he shut up at once.

“But we couldn't find the body!” Tyler exclaimed, “We searched everywhere!”

“Yeah,” Troye nodded, tripping over a fallen tree and quickly righting himself. “We actually checked your closets.”

“What, why?” Dan asked, horrified. They turned towards another clearing, looking around with awe at the greenery all around. Phil headed towards a purple tree and through a pathway flanked by beautiful blue daffodils. Cat gasped and plucked a few flowers, inhaling them and skipping happily.

“We thought one of you had killed the other, hid the body and fled,” Cat quipped and everyone laughed.

“Yeah, there were so many ridiculous theories,” PJ chuckled, snatching a daffodil from Cat's hands and smelling it. “Anthony insisted that Phil had kidnapped Dan. He was so adamant on making us all believe that.”

Phil stared in bafflement, leading them away from the blue daffodils. “Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Because you hate him,” Anthony shrugged, jumping over a fallen tree. “I have no idea how you guys survived here for two months. How did you not kill each other?”

“Yeah, what did you even eat?” Cat asked curiously. “Did you hunt? Did you eat raw flesh, or did you find a way to cook it? You guys look perfectly healthy.”

Cat's curiosity spread through the small group of people like the fragrance of daffodils and everyone started asking questions all at the same time, but neither Phil nor Dan heard anything. They stared at each other with wide, disbelieving eyes, and all they could think was–“Wait, did you say two months?” Dan croaked in a pained voice.

Louise frowned and spoke up, “It's been two months since you vanished off the face of the earth.”

Phil stopped abruptly, and Katie, who was trailing behind him, collided against his back, groaning in complaint. Phil could only gape in disbelief. “Two months?” he repeated incredulously. “We've only been missing for two months?”

“Er, yeah,” PJ confirmed hesitantly. “Why is that so surprising?”

“Because–because–” Dan stumbled over his own words, eyes wide as he gaped at Phil in distress.

Phil placed a hand on his shoulder. “Stop.”

Dan bit his lip, inhaled deeply and sighed, looking calmer almost immediately. Phil could feel Louise's shrewd gaze, and he quickly removed his hand, looking around and making sure that no one besides Louise had seen it. She had always been quick-witted and astute for her own good.

“What's wrong?” Louise asked curiously.

“Nothing,” Phil answered quickly. “It's hard to keep track of days here so we didn't know it had already been two months, that's all.”

Louise nodded, but she didn't look convinced. Dan kept throwing him questioning glances, most definitely wondering the reason behind his little white lie. He kept his mouth shut though, and Phil was grateful for that. Their friends looked exhausted and completely out of place in the forest. They were quite overwhelmed even though they weren't showing it. Phil felt like it was better to lie than scare them even more. Panicking and assuming the worst would help no one.

Phil sighed and restarted his walk. Shawn pulled Dan aside to talk to him. They walked together behind Troye, and Phil glanced back at them nervously. Dan's dad kept glaring at him, and he quickly looked away, sighing and focusing on his current task. He missed being near Dan already. He stared at the sky and briefly wondered how he would survive this.


	33. Jealous and hurt

Dan, overwrought and taut with a sense of foreboding, flumped back onto the wooden porch, settling himself into a comfortable position as he gazed at his group of friends now scattered all over the valley. As soon as they had reached the hut, all of them had gasped and the small crowd had dispersed, awestruck and open-mouthed as they wandered over to opposite sides.

Tyler, Troye and Anthony were clustered near the river, analysing the crystal clear water and pointing out the rainbow fish. Louise and PJ were near the flower beds a little away from the river, plucking and smelling unique flowers they had never seen before. Cat was examining the inside of the hut while his dad and Chris thoroughly scrutinized it from the outside.

Then there was Katie. She was like a strong-willed leech. She clung to Phil like no one else existed except him. She was sat directly in front of Dan on _his _log of wood with _his _Phil. They were huddled close together and Katie had her arm hooked around Phil's, talking softly in hushed whispers. Dan's anger sizzled and boiled like a hot cauldron of poison and he itched to know what they were talking about. Phil didn't look too bothered by how close she was and how intimate she was acting, and it made Dan want to grab Phil and smash his stupid head against the wall.

Dan wiped his sweat-covered palm on his jeans and glared at the ground, his jaw clenched in rage. He was quietly fuming, and he wondered when he would get to talk to Phil alone. He had accepted Phil's desire to come out only when he was ready, and the least Phil could do was stay away from his former fuckbuddy who clearly had intentions to revert back to their previous arrangement.

Phil let out a soft laugh, and Katie giggled in a way that made Dan's skin crawl, leaning over to place a brief kiss on the corner of Phil's mouth. Dan clenched his hands into fists and swallowed, still staring intently at the ground. Fucking hell, why was Phil doing this to him? Why was Phil letting Katie kiss him? They hadn't discussed this! This was agony. Didn't Phil know this was hurting him? Didn't he realize? Didn't he know? How could he be so oblivious?

“This place is weirder than I thought,” Anthony concluded, appearing near Dan along with Troye and Tyler.

“Yeah, it's so strange,” Cat agreed, walking out of the hut and plopping down next to Dan. “Where even are we?”

“You woke up here not having any memory of how you got here and then this hut with all the essential items just happened to be here?” his dad asked, entering the conversation with Chris on his heels. Everyone else seemed to suddenly notice the regathering and made their way towards Dan. Phil teetered over sheepishly with Katie, and Dan ignored him entirely. “That's suspiciously convenient.”

“Yeah.” Cat frowned suspiciously. “There's everything inside. Everything we need. How is this possible?”

Dan shrugged, avoiding Phil's eyes as he acknowledged. “It's weird, yeah, but what can we do about it?”

Anthony shrugged. “Well, you didn't have your phone. That's why you didn't call us, right? We all have our phones. There's no need to panic. We can go back whenever we want.”

PJ nodded, “I'd like to stay here for a few days though. This place is beautiful.”

“Yeah, me too!” Tyler exclaimed excitedly. Troye nodded his acquiescence.

Dan blinked slowly, sweeping his gaze through the small throng of people. They grinned and nodded one by one, and suddenly, Dan realized why they weren't panicking. They were in denial. They didn't truly believe they were stuck. They probably hadn't quite grasped the gravity of their situation. He bit his lip and pondered how to best explain that smartphones probably won't work here as it was already mentioned inside the Survival Guide. The island existed in a different plane and smartphones were probably as useless as a pile of rocks.

Anthony pulled out his phone and, following in his footsteps, everyone began to extricate their phones from their pockets. The assembly swiftly disbanded again as they all shook their phones and tapped it uselessly, raising it high in the air and trying to receive a signal that Dan knew wasn't there. Identical frowns and distraught murmurs spread through the crowd once again, and Dan sighed in exhaustion.

“What the fuck?” Cat mumbled in shock. “My phone is dead!”

“Mine too,” Louise confirmed gravely. The remaining members affirmed the strange phenomena, and all frightened glances turned to him and Phil.

Phil let out a sigh, Katie hanging from his arm. “We told you. There's no way out of this island.”

“How do you know that?” Louise asked.

“We know every single corner of this island,” Phil elaborated, glancing at Dan anxiously. Dan ran a hand through his hair and looked away. “The hills, the beach, the caves and grasslands. There's no one on this island. There's no way to call for help. There's nothing but endless sea beyond.”

A mind-numbing silence fell over them like a smelly blanket, uncomfortable and concerning. Everyone was silent, looking completely shocked and full of dread. Finally, they looked like they had realized the seriousness of their bizarre circumstance. No one spoke for several, long minutes, staring glumly at the ground instead.

“I'll take you all to the beach if you want,” Phil mumbled, breaking the sombre silence. “It'll help you understand what is happening a little better.”

Louise pursed her lips. “It's not like I don't believe you, but I'd like to see it myself.”

Chris nodded. “Yeah.”

Phil sighed. “Alright then.”

“Can I come?” Tyler inquired enthusiastically. Troye nudged him with his elbow and he added, “Troye too.”

“Why don't we all go?” Phil suggested, “There's nothing else to do anyway. I don't mind.”

Dan remained silent as everyone straightened up and prepared to leave, agreeing with zest. He took one glance at Katie, who placed a lingering kiss on Phil's cheek, and stood up instantly, turning around. “I'm not coming,” he declared bluntly.

PJ blinked in surprise. “Why not?”

Phil's stupid actions were driving him up the wall and he regretted agreeing to wait. This was torture, and he breathed angrily. He knew everyone was staring at him in confusion, and he tried to explain, “I'm tired. I've already seen the whole island. Why don't you all take a look around while I make something for us to eat? I'm sure you're all hungry.” He attempted a hesitant smile and got a few eager smiles in return.

“That's a brilliant idea!” Cat blurted. “I want to know what you ate to survive.”

“I saw fruits on our way here,” Chris claimed, “They looked delicious.”

“Will you be alright on your own?” his dad asked in concern, eyebrows creased.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, dad. I've lived here for a whole–” He remembered Phil's lie and instantly stopped. “Yes, I will be fine,” he said instead.

Phil's eyes drilled into the side of his head, and Dan deliberately avoided his eyes. He was about to turn back and seek solace inside the hut when Phil inquired worriedly, “Are you sure?”

Silence reigned supreme, and Cat gaped with wide eyes. Chris and PJ began to move closer in case a fight broke out. Louise merely watched curiously. Dan swallowed, and he wondered why it felt so strange. They were standing so close, only a few inches of gap between them and yet it felt like a wide, gaping chasm was opening up between them. It felt like Phil was out of reach and far away. “Dan,” Phil repeated stubbornly, “Are you sure?”

Dan clenched his jaw and snapped, “You're not my mom!”

Phil blinked in surprise, and Katie glared at him. “What the fuck? He was just trying to be nice. You don't have to–”

“Katie,” Phil warned, “Don't.”

Dan felt incredibly stung by that and without thinking, he shoved Phil back. “Fuck off! I don't need you to defend me.”

“Guys . . . ” Chris said sorrowfully, frowning.

Katie squeezed herself between them and shoved Dan back. “What the fuck is your problem!” she shouted.

Dan's anger surged through his veins as he staggered back, tripping over a rock. He felt insulted and embarrassed and utterly humiliated. He clenched his hands into fists and straightened up, heart full of fury, body trembling with barely concealed rage, ready to retaliate violently, but then he saw Phil's face, the pleading looks he was sending him, and his anger deflated instantly. All his energy drained from him, and he breathed heavily, suddenly tired. “Just go,” he inhaled, controlling himself. “I don't want to come.”

Dan didn't wait to hear a reply. He turned around, walked up the steps and disappeared inside the hut, shutting the repaired door behind him. There was a sound of murmuring and reluctant footsteps and then it faded away slowly as they walked away. Dan sighed softly and sat in silence for several moments. “King?” he called. He knew King was here somewhere, hiding from unexpected visitors. He usually didn't care about people he didn't know.

King emerged quietly from the pile of Phil's laundry, hissing softly. He stopped when he saw Dan, blinking repeatedly. He hissed cautiously and Dan replied, “I'm alright. Don't worry,” he answered the unasked question in the snake's eyes. “Do you . . . do you mind keeping me company until they're back?” he asked hesitantly.

King nodded, crawling towards him and climbing up to coil around his neck. Dan smiled, patting him and rubbing his scaly skin. “You're a good snake.”

Dan was pretty sure he saw King swell with pride.

~*~

  
Phil and his friends didn't return until evening, and Dan ended up preparing dinner for everyone and venturing out into the forest with King to find some more banapples and berries. By the time he returned, there was a fire going near the hut, and everyone was huddled close on logs of wood, plates of delicious food in their hands. They all waved when Dan staggered over to them, eyes downcast as he placed his backpack on the ground.

“What the fuck is that?” Cat gasped in fear, scooting away from him as he sat down beside her. It was only then that he realized that everyone was staring at him with wide eyes.

Dan frowned, warming his cold hands by placing his palms against the flames. “What?”

“T-that.” PJ shivered, making a disgusted face while pointing at his neck.

“Oh.” Dan blinked. “This is King.” He caressed King's pearl white skin that glistened in the moonlight. “King, get down,” he said, and King uncurled from his neck, slipping down to his lap, his head lifted as he stared at everyone with beady eyes. Startled gasps and shocked silence followed, and everyone stared at Dan like he was an alien from another planet.

“You don't have to be scared,” Dan disclosed, “He's not venomous or harmful. He's really nice, actually.”

King preened under the praise but he tried to look disinterested and curled into a ball on his lap, drifting off to sleep immediately. Dan smiled, and Anthony was the one to snatch his attention next. “This place is so fucking weird. How the hell did we end up here?”

“Yeah, apples that taste like bananas and mushrooms that taste like bacon. What the fuck?” Tyler conceded suspiciously.

“Did any of you look at the dates on the products inside the hut?” Cat demanded. Dan blinked in surprise. She had always been quite smart and managed to make everyone else feel dumber than a door-nail. “Some of the books were published just last year. A lot of the packaged stuff is also from last year. Someone is storing these things here deliberately.”

“Why would anyone do that?” Troye asked worriedly.

Cat frowned contemplatively. “Well, I'm not sure. I need more time. These dumbasses have been here for two months and yet they haven't searched this place thoroughly enough,” she muttered, not unkindly. “Probably wasted two months fighting with each other like little children.”

Dan had been trying not to look at Phil, but it was inevitable, and he slowly, cautiously lifted his gaze, coming face to face with Phil and Katie who were sat directly in front of him, snuggled in a blanket. A moment passed where they just stared at each other, something like sorrow flickering in Phil's eyes. Dan looked away.

“You said there are more things in a cave somewhere?” Cat asked and Phil nodded wordlessly. “Take me there tomorrow. We will search the whole place and get to the bottom of this. Unlike you, I plan to go back home in a few days.”

A rigid silence reigned for the next several long moments. Dan eyed Katie's head on Phil's shoulder and clenched his jaw. Phil was looking at him, looking but not doing anything to ease the tension flowing between them like static electricity. The fire flickered and dimmed considerably as everyone quietly ate their food. Tyler moaned something about the delicious food, and Cat studied a book she had found inside the hut. Anthony and Troye bickered over the mushrooms while his dad, Chris and PJ were engaged in a weird conversation about the laxative properties of bananas. Louise was nowhere to be seen.

Everything seemed to be happening in the background, the noise, the conversations. Dan was completely focused on Phil as they began what seemed like a staring contest. Phil hadn't talked to him for a whole day. It was the first time it had happened in over a year, and Dan couldn't tolerate it. He knew he was the one to suggest that they wait, but he had never thought Phil would let Katie kiss him and rest her head on his lap. This was unbelievable.

“If you have a problem, get up and leave,” Katie snapped in rage, gritting her teeth, “Stop glaring at my Phil, alright?”

Her loud screech ended all discussions about laxatives and every pair of eyes were suddenly on him and Katie. Dan's fists trembled. “_Your _Phil?” he whispered quietly, anger crackling beneath his seemingly calm tone of voice.

“He's just fucking sitting here, you stupid asshole,” she continued, ignoring him. “Why do you have to stare at him like he stepped on your puppy? What is your problem?”

Phil took her hand into his, squeezing it. Dan's angry eyes remained fixed on their joined hands. “Katie, stop,” he urged anxiously, glancing at Dan apologetically. “I don't mind. Let him do whatever he wants.”

PJ looked between Dan and Phil curiously. “There's something wrong here that I can't quite understand.”

“I noticed it too,” Cat whisper-yelled in his ear. “They're both being weird. I'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with them.”

“Oh,” Dan let out a disbelieving laugh. “You're giving me _permission_? How nice of you, Phil.” he riposted harshly.

Phil's eyes flashed with hurt. “Dan, listen–”

Dan stood up abruptly and spat, “Have fun with your new girlfriend.” He turned around and left, stomping his way into the hut. He heard Phil calling his name and his dad berating Phil, but he didn't hear any of it. He stormed into the hut and slammed the door shut, the door shuddering with its force. He breathed heavily, tears pricking behind his eyes as he leaned against the door and closed his eyes.

In a mere few minutes, he heard footsteps behind him, and then Phil hurried into the hut, eyes wide and nervous as he closed the door behind him. “I'm so sorry,” he blurted immediately.

Dan swallowed painfully. “Fuck you. You're an asshole.”

“Baby, please,” he pleaded, “I'm trying–”

“Go back to Katie or she might misunderstand,” Dan bit out maliciously.

“You know me, Dan. You really think I care about her more than you?” Phil asked earnestly. “Please. I've been trying to tell them. It's just–”

“I don't want to force you to come out, Phil,” Dan told him tartly, “But at least tell her you're not interested. I don't want to watch my boyfriend kissing and cuddling another person, alright?”

“I've been telling her I'm not interested for the last four years, Dan. She just never seems to get the hint,” Phil confided and sighed, “Look, I'll tell them. I promise you, I will.”

Dan stared at the ground, remaining silent. Phil stepped forward, cupping his cheeks gently. “I'm sorry,” he whispered, moving in to kiss his lips carefully. “I love you, okay?”

Dan swallowed, keeping quiet and undecided. Phil lifted his chin with two fingers. “Hey,” Phil mumbled, “I love you. I want you to trust me. Please.”

Dan's anger slowly fell away, and he sighed reluctantly. “Okay.”

Phil smiled in relief and he was about to say something when a loud voice from outside shouted, “Phil, where's the wood?” It was Chris. “The fire is dying!”

Both of them jumped apart at the abrupt noise, staring at the door which remained closed. They released identical relieved breaths, and Phil rubbed his forehead. “I should go.”

Dan bit his lip. “Okay.”

Phil leaned in to give him a soft, lingering kiss. “I miss you,” he whispered.

Dan nodded. “Yeah.” He sighed and wrapped his arms around Phil, burying his head in Phil's shoulder and inhaling his warmth and familiarity. Phil squeezed him tightly. “Miss you too.”

“Phil!”

Phil jumped back, eyes wide as he rushed to grab chunks of wood from under the table. “I'm sorry. I'll talk to you later. I love you,” he said before hurrying back outside.

Dan stood there in silence for a few minutes, loneliness settling in his chest. He rubbed his forehead and sighed deeply, missing Phil already.

“Well, that was unexpected.”

Dan gasped loudly and staggered back in shock, eyes wide and startled as he stared at another presence inside the hut. Louise was sat in an armchair at the very back of the hut, hidden behind the pile of Phil's laundry, a book in her hands as she sat nestled in a blanket. “What the fuck!” Dan screeched in annoyance. “How long have you been there?”

“I've been here this whole time.” Louise shrugged absently.

Dan's heart thudded violently in his chest, beating so fast, he wondered if it was a heart attack. His mind floated back to the fire and the people flocked together as he tried to find Louise in his memories. Fuck, he hadn't seen Louise there earlier. How could he forget her? “What the hell, Louise. That was a very personal conversation!” he blurted in embarrassment, placing a hand over his chest to calm his rapidly pounding heart.

“I'm sorry, I had a headache and I just wanted to be alone for a while. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on you,” she said sincerely, “It looked important so I didn't want to interrupt either.”

Louise genuinely looked remorseful and Dan huffed, “Fucking hell. Still, you should've said something.”

“Sorry,” Louise mumbled sheepishly. “I was kind of curious too.”

Dan blinked, “About what?”

“You and Phil,” she admitted, a bright gleam in her eyes. She shoved Phil's dirty clothes to the floor and gestured to the now empty chair. “Sit.”

“Why?” Dan asked incredulously, walking towards her and taking a seat.

She shrugged, closing her book. “You were acting weird. You were looking at each other like–I don't know, you weren't like this two months ago.” Her brows creased. “How many months has it been? It's not just two months, is it?”

Dan stared at her in surprise. “How do you know that?”

“Well, you both look comfortable with each other. You look like you know Phil more than even _I _do.” She smiled. “You hated each other before. Hate can't turn into love in a mere two months. You've obviously spent more than two months together.”

Dan blinked at her, slowly taking it in. “Er, well, you're right,” he acknowledged in a quiet whisper. Louise gazed at him earnestly, and Dan sighed. “It's been about a year.”

Louise's mouth opened in utter bafflement, and she stared at him in shock. “Are you serious?” Dan nodded. “Why didn't you say anything!”

He shrugged. “Phil didn't want anyone to panic.”

Louise frowned and agreed with a nod. “So time flows faster here than it does back home? Is that it?”

“It seems so, yeah.”

They were silent for long minutes. Louise chewed on her bottom lip, appearing to be in deep thought. After a while, she took a deep breath and let a small smile bloom on her face. “So you and Phil, huh?”

Dan's cheeks turned a bright shade of red, and he rolled his eyes, trying to hide his embarrassment. “Fuck off.”

Louise's eyes sparkled. “How did it even happen?”

Dan shrugged, cheeks still red. “It just did.”

Suddenly, Louise burst into uncontrollable giggles. Dan wanted to crawl into a hole and die. “What?” he asked irritably.

Louise giggled. “I never thought I would see you guys kissing and being lovey-dovey together.”

“Oh, we've done a lot more than kissing,” Dan blurted, and then immediately regretted it when he saw Louise's wide eyes.

“Oh.” She blinked. “Wow, that's . . . Wow. I didn't think . . . You guys are actually dating, aren't you?”

Dan sighed, a small smile appearing on his face. “Yeah, well . . . ” he rubbed his neck awkwardly.

“It's hard to believe but . . . ” She shook her head in disbelief. “I'm happy for you. You both–you look happy together.”

Dan smiled. “Yeah, we are–or we were.” His smile faded slightly.

Louise stared at him for a long time. “You love him.” It wasn't a question, and Dan remained quiet. “You should trust him. He's . . . he's been through a lot. He obviously cares about you. I saw the way he treated you right now. I've never seen him like that. He's always closed off and quiet but–but he was so gentle with you. It's so strange seeing that side of him, but it's obvious that he loves you.”

Dan carded his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “I know.”

~*~

Dan woke up later than everyone else the next morning, groaning and rubbing his eyes, hands shooting out in search of Phil. He patted the left side of the mattress helplessly, grunting in frustration when he couldn't find Phil near him. He rolled over to his side and breathed sleepily, “Phil . . .”

Silence greeted him initially, but then a tentative voice said, “Dan? Are you awake?” It was his dad.

All thoughts of Phil and sleep faded instantly from his mind as memories crashed into him. He bolted upright with wide eyes, his long hair sticking up in all different directions as he stared at the surprised face of his dad. His dad's lips twitched up into a smile. “Should I call Phil?” he asked cheerfully with a playful glint in his eyes. “He's down by the river with everyone else. He's teaching them how to catch fishes.”

Dan scratched his head sleepily and said awkwardly, “Er, no.”

His dad shook his head at him. “Come on outside. We need to talk,” he said, walking out without another word.

Dan sighed and closed his eyes, taking comfort in the small moment of complete silence. The hut had been so cramped with so many people lying haphazardly here and there that Dan's whole body ached from sleeping awkwardly all night. He was not looking forward to another day of missing Phil. Sleeping far away from him was painful enough already.

They had decided to go to the caves today, and it took a long time for Dan to persuade himself to get up and get dressed. Lethargically, he staggered around the wooden floor, pulling on a new pair of clothes and combing his hair languidly. He grabbed a hair tie from the table drawer and immediately stilled, staring at it silently, his heart sinking into his stomach. Phil always did his hair, and he had never noticed how important that small thing was to him until now. He swallowed and whispered, “Fuck. I hate you so much.”

Dan tied his hair back quickly and hurried outside, not letting himself think too much about it. His dad was sitting on the log of wood, watching everyone else hollering and cheering at Louise's attempts to catch a fish. He quietly sat down opposite him, avoiding Phil who was still glued to Katie's side by the river.

“So,” his dad began after several moments of awkward silence, not looking at him. “What exactly is going on between you and your supposed arch enemy?”

Dan blinked in shock. “Uh . . . that's–well . . .” He sighed. “How did you know?”

“Know what? I just wanted to know if he's bothering you. What's his prob–” his dad stopped as the realization dawned on his face, eyes widening. “Oh, wait. Wait wait wait,” he said, “Are you and him . . .” he trailed off. looking at Dan with concern on his face.

Dan remained quiet, staring at his hands. His dad sighed deeply, thumping him on the back encouragingly. “So that's why you keep snapping at that poor girl.”

Dan immediately knew who he was talking about. “She's not a poor girl,” he snapped, “She's a fucking bitch.”

“Language, Dan,” he chided absently. “You're feeling that way because you're jealous. She's a brilliant girl. She was very worried about Phil.”

“I bet,” Dan replied tartly.

His dad sighed. “Well, I can't change your mind when you're like this,” his dad said truthfully.

Dan huffed and opened his mouth, but closed it immediately when he saw his friends making their way towards the hut, each of them carrying a bucket. They chattered and laughed happily, and Dan sighed, ending the conversation with his dad and putting on a smile for his friends.


	34. Secrets and announcements

Dan sauntered tiredly into his bedroom inside the caves, the noises from the hall becoming distant and inaudible as he closed the wooden door behind him. His sorrowful gaze roamed across the room, a deep, numbing ache for Phil settling in his bones.

Phil was in the hall with the others, searching the place to satisfy Cat. They were all in awe, staring at the beautiful murals and decorations with shock on their faces. Dan had ambled quietly behind them, glancing at Phil every few minutes. At least, Phil had stopped hanging around Katie. Dan didn't know what had happened between them but Katie had stayed away from Phil all morning, avoiding him and chatting with Cat and Louise instead.

Phil had pulled him aside when no one was looking. Apologizing again and promising Dan that he would tell everyone about their relationship soon. Dan had nodded quietly, and Phil had mostly stayed with Chris after that, longingly glancing back at Dan every few seconds.

When Dan was absolutely sure he was not needed, he slipped away quietly and hurriedly, seeking the comfort of his bedroom. Everyone else seemed to be engaged in something. Some of them were reading the Survival Guide, and the others sifted through the mound of miscellaneous items stacked together against the wall.

A small, hissing noise interrupted Dan's train of thoughts, and he looked up to find Queen slithering towards him enthusiastically. Dan gave a huff of surprise when she knocked straight into his leg and hissed excitedly, curling around his ankle and hugging him as if to say that she missed him. His gaze softened immediately, “Hey, there.” He smiled, gathering her up in his arms. She curled against his chest, rubbing her head against his chin affectionately. “Where have you been? I missed you,” he laughed, caressing her smooth skin.

“Were you hiding from our friends?” he questioned softly and sighed when she nodded. “They're not bad people. They won't hurt you.”

Queen stared at him sceptically, hissing cautiously. Dan understood. “You're right. They'll probably freak out. They met King last night and they were scared of him,” he said, “King doesn't care though. I think he's secretly enjoying it.”

Queen nodded, a mischievous look in her small, beady eyes. She snuggled against his neck, tickling him. Dan laughed and his heart warmed. At least, he still had Queen and King.

“King's here too. Don't you want to see him?” he asked. She lifted her small head, nodding cheerfully. Dan smiled and placed her on the rocky floor. She hissed one more time and hurried towards the door, waiting there until Dan opened it and then disappearing down the hallway.

Dan shut the door quietly, accepting the lonely silence that greeted him. Their bedroom was still filled entirely with their things. Phil's clothes and books were lying here and there haphazardly while Dan's things were neatly and carefully organized on the shelves and inside the wardrobes.

The room was absolutely messy even though Dan made sure to clean it every day. There were two empty, unwashed mugs and plates on the table, and Phil's old jacket was hanging from a nearby chair. There were drawings (which Phil had made as a joke last month) stuck lopsidedly on the wall. Dan smiled as he looked at a drawing of two stick figures, ‘Dan and Phil’ written at the bottom. There were a dozen hair ties and other skincare products on a small stool near the cheval mirror, arranged orderly. Phil had somehow managed to hide a small pile of his laundry from Dan by shoving it under the bed, and Dan's immediate instinct was to turn around and chide Phil, but when he remembered their situation, he dismissed the thought quickly.

Dan sighed, staring at everything longingly. This was their home. The home they had built in a year. His chest ached and he was hit with a desperate longing. He missed Phil more than anything, and he was about to turn back and find Phil when the door opened with a creaking sound and closed, the quiet _click_ of the lock sounding loud in the silence of the room.

Dan whirled around to find Phil standing meekly by the door. Dan stared at him for a minute, and then stomped towards him, grabbing his face and kissing him. Phil stumbled back in surprise, quickly regaining his balance and kissing him back, hands coming up to rest below his jaw. Dan swiped his tongue across Phil's bottom lip, sucking a bit desperately and slipping his tongue into Phil's mouth. Phil's left arm slid around his waist, pulling him closer and closer until there was not even an inch of gap between them. “God, I miss you like crazy,” Dan breathed, inhaling Phil's familiar smell deep into his lungs.

Phil peppered kisses on his jaw. “I love you,” Phil said quickly before capturing his lips back into a rough kiss.

Dan truly hadn't meant for the kiss to end up in sex, but somehow, it did. On second thought, it shouldn't have surprised him at all. They were both horny all the time and this was the longest they had gone without sex.

“Fuck, I missed this,” Phil panted into his mouth, hands squeezing Dan's butt. “So much.”

Dan let out a tiny groan, and Phil whirled him around, pushing him up against the nearest wall and kissing him deeply and roughly, pinning him harder against the wall with every push of his tongue. This was familiar and natural and something they did often, and Dan's cock hardened immediately, his hands automatically slipping down to rub Phil's equally hard dick through the material of his jeans. “We–_mmyes__–_can't–” Dan panted out in between desperate kisses. “_Ah, fuck_–the others–_oh, god–_what about–”

Phil groaned, shoving his thigh between Dan's legs, pressing tightly against his erection. Dan whined helplessly, lips aching from the kiss. Phil trailed his lips down Dan's jaw, peppering his neck with kisses.

“Keep moving,” Phil said gruffly, and Dan palmed his cock through his jeans, leaning his head back to give Phil better access to his neck. “They're–_Oh, yes_. Just like that, baby–they're busy in the hall. Don't worry,” he managed to say, pulling back and squeezing his eyes shut as Dan unbuckled his belt and shoved his jeans down, coiling his fingers around Phil's cock.

Phil's head dropped onto Dan's shoulder as he breathed heavily and roughly. “God, what are you doing to me?” Phil panted, voice aroused and gruff.

The next few minutes went by very quickly as clothes came off, one by one, as smoothly as butter on a hot pan, and Dan moaned and shivered as Phil kissed him and slammed him back against the wall, throwing his shirt to the floor, hands pressing against Dan's ass cheeks. “Please,” Dan gasped hurriedly, and Phil coiled his hands around Dan's thin neck, turning him around.

Dan's flushed cheeks were pressed against the wall, his hands pinned behind his back as Phil peppered wet kisses on his shoulder, biting down with his teeth and sucking roughly. “Do you want me to fuck you?”

“God, yes. Please–” Dan panted, bending and pushing his ass in the air, eyes fluttering shut when Phil released him and went to grab the oil from the bedside drawer.

Dan stayed still, waiting with bated breath, palms pressed flat against the wall. He missed this. He missed this so much.

Phil walked back swiftly and reclaimed his place, uncorking the vial, lips trailing down the knots of Dan's spine, licking and kissing all the way from the top to his tail bone. Dan arched his back and keeled over, head dropping, eyes squeezed shut and cock throbbing as he shuddered, “I missed this,” Phil whispered shakily, voice echoing in the silence of the room. “Missed seeing you like this. So desperate and helpless and whining for my cock.”

Dan moaned low in his throat, his whole body shaking. He needed it more than anything. “Please,” he gasped, curling his fingers against the wall. “Need you.”

Phil poured warm oil directly onto his fingers, spreading his cheeks with one hand and working him open. Dan moaned and his right hand slipped down the wall to tug his aching cock, precum dripping to the cold floor. “Oh, fuckyes,” he gasped, “Feels so good.”

Phil moved his fingers in and out, and Dan felt every single press as he moaned and shivered from the pleasure. It didn't take long for him to loosen up and soon, Phil was pulling his fingers out and lining his cock against his puckered hole, kissing along his spine. Their shaking breaths and gasps filled the room and Dan waited impatiently, hands moving desperately on his cock.

“Stop that,” Phil ordered angrily, slapping his hands away. “Don't come until I tell you to. Do you understand?”

Dan moaned, his knees wobbling. “Please,” he shuddered, desperate and aching. “Please just–fuck me, please–” He pushed his ass back against Phil's cock, breathing heavily.

Phil gritted his teeth, coiling his fingers around Dan's neck and pressing him against the wall roughly. “I asked–” he panted in a low, rage-filled voice. “–do you understand?

Dan trembled and hissed quietly, “Yes.”

Phil panted harshly, releasing Dan's neck and grabbing his hips instead. “Good.”

Phil lined his cock with Dan's hole, slowly slipping inside. Dan's eyes fluttered shut, palms sweaty as he pressed them against the wall, hanging his head below his shoulders as he moaned loudly.

The sound of slow, trudging footsteps came from outside the door, noises of talking and laughing floating to his ears. Dan's breath stuttered and he gasped, panting heavily as he felt Phil's cock sliding all the way inside.

Another pleasure-filled groan rose from his throat just when the footsteps neared the locked door, and instantly, Phil's hand came up to clamp around his mouth, muffling it. “Oh, fuck,” Phil breathed, “Oh, fucking hell.”

Dan made a distressed noise and Phil tightened his fingers around Dan's mouth. _“Shhh.”_

Dan trembled uncontrollably, and Phil waited a few seconds before pulling back and slamming back in. Dan gasped, the sound muffled by Phil's hand. “It's fine,” Phil murmured, “The door's locked.”

Dan made a small sound in his throat, and Phil kissed his shoulder, sucking and biting gently as he started to move, setting a steady pace. Dan groaned, forehead pinned against the wall, toes curling and uncurling against the cold floor.

“Why is this door locked?” Cat's voice sounded from the hall as she rattled the knob.

Dan's eyes flew open, his ass clenching tightly around Phil's cock as he let out a keening sound from his throat. Phil grunted quietly, slamming him against the wall. “Does that excite you?” Phil murmured in his ear, licking just below it.

Dan shivered and Phil went on. “Do you want them to see you like this? So desperate and begging for my cock,” Phil breathed heavily, “Do you want them to know how much of a slut you are? How you beg me to fuck you?”

Dan moaned against Phil's hand, and Phil shushed him with a quiet, “Shut up.” Dan's whole body trembled and his cock was aching. He loved this. He loved the thrill of it, and it was driving him crazy.

“All other rooms are open; I checked it myself. Why is this the only room that's locked?” Cat was asking curiously.

“There must be something very valuable inside.” It was Troye who answered.

“I know, right?” There were more rattling noises. “It's suspicious. I'm pretty sure this is our way out.”

Phil's cock slammed into him, hitting his prostate. Dan gasped loudly and moaned. “Dammit. Be quiet,” Phil hissed, hand pressing harder against his lips as he grabbed a piece of cloth from the nearby chair and shoved it into Dan's mouth. “Shut the fuck up,” Phil huffed angrily, grabbing his ass with both hands and increasing his pace, hitting his sensitive spot repeatedly. “Everyone's going to hear how much of a desperate fucking slut you are.”

“Pleas–_hnngh__–_wanna come_–” _Dan moaned around the cloth, shaking violently as Phil's thrusts became almost brutal.

“Look at you,” Phil panted, beads of sweat covering his forehand, skin flushed red from exertion as he tangled his fingers in Dan's curly hair and pulled harshly. Dan arched his back and moaned. “Love you. God, I love you. Love to see you like this, so open and vulnerable. Love to see your pretty face when I'm fucking you.”

“Should we pick the lock?”

“Yeah, well, there's no other way.”

“Louise, do you have a hairpin?”

“No, let's go see if Katie has one.”

Dan's ass clenched around Phil's cock and Phil slammed into him, sucking just below his ear, “You love it, don't you? You filthy slut,” Phil growled, reaching out behind Dan to touch his cock, hands working quickly with fast, rough movements. “Fuck, wanna leave you here like this. Wanna fuck you and leave you on the floor for everyone to see.”

Dan moaned and tears gathered at the corner of his eyes, his heart racing faster and faster with every shuddering breath. Footsteps faded away, and the cloth slipped out of his mouth as he sobbed quietly, “Please. Please. Please. Wanna come.” Dan hiccuped, fingers clenched tightly.

“Tell me you're mine. Tell me you're my dirty little slut and I'll let you come,” Phil panted.

Dan's breath hitched and his cock pulsed as he gasped out in desperation, “Yours. I'm yours. I'm your dirty little slut. Please let me come. Please, please–”

“Go on,” Phil whispered softly, “Come.”

Dan's whole body shuddered, his knees wobbling and trembling violently as he moaned. Phil fucked him through his orgasm, hands moving back and forth as Dan came with a loud gasp of Phil's name. His whole body shivered and he clenched his ass around Phil's cock. With a groan, Phil came as well, riding out his orgasm with a few, lazy thrusts and slumping against Dan's back.

Both of their ragged breaths filled the room, and the silence was all around, making him realize how much noise they were making before. Dan's knees shook and he slipped to the floor, Phil falling on top of him like a dead weight, sticky with sweat.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, revelling in post-coital bliss.

After a while, Dan groaned and slurred incomprehensibly, “–crushing me.”

“Wha?” Phil mumbled tiredly, lying on top of Dan.

“You're crushing me,” Dan accused in exhaustion, shoving Phil away.

“Sorry,” Phil said distractedly, sitting up slowly and scratching his head lazily. He sighed deeply and glanced at the door worriedly. “Get up. We need to go. They'll come back soon.”

Dan groaned. “Dammit, I just wanna sleep,” he complained but sat up slowly with an exasperated huff, wincing when his bum touched the bare floor. “Ah, fuck.”

Phil's eyes widened. “Oh god, did I hurt you?” he asked in concern. “Dammit, I got too excited. Shouldn't have made you–”

“That was the best sex we've had yet,” Dan interrupted. “That was amazing.”

Phil scratched his neck awkwardly. “I think I went a little overboard. I didn't mean to make you cry.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “That was the best part. I've never felt like that before.” He shivered, eyes glazed over as he thought about it. “God, it was amazing.”

Phil stared at him, shaking his head as he smiled, leaning in for a kiss. “_You_ are amazing.”

“And you're cheesy,” Dan retorted cheekily.

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Do you want me to spank you?”

Dan blinked, his eyes widening. A dark blush coated his cheeks and Phil's jaw dropped to the floor. “You mean–” Phil began, gaping at him. “You want to–”

“Do you even know how to pick a lock?” Troye's voice said from outside.

“Yup,” Cat answered haughtily. “There's nothing that I don't know.”

Both of them jumped to their feet, eyes wide. “Fuck. Fuck. What do we do?” Dan asked hurriedly.

Phil stared at him silently, appearing calm and composed. Dan blinked in confusion. “Phil, they're going to–”

“I know,” Phil whispered, locking eyes with Dan. “It's okay.”

Dan stared in surprise. “What do you mean?”

Phil huffed, smiling at him and grabbing his hands. He coiled their fingers together and said, “Let's tell them.”

There was silence for a few, disorienting moments, only a small, clinking sound of the lock being tampered with a hairpin could be heard. Dan's gaze softened. “Are you sure?”

Phil swallowed, his smile fading. “Not really,” he admitted shakily. “I don't think I'll ever be sure. It's okay, though. I want to do this. I love you. I just . . . I know you're hurting. I don't want to–I'm sorry for acting like a coward. I don't want to hurt you anymore.”

Voices could be heard from outside but Dan ignored them. He looked at Phil for a long time and then sighed. “I don't want you to feel like you have to do this.”

Phil shook his head, squeezing his hand. “I know,” he murmured, “But I want to do this. I want to be able to hold you and kiss you and be near you without the fear of being seen. I want to be with you.” Dan wondered why he felt so choked up all of a sudden. “For as long as you'll have me.”

“Is it working?” Troye asked.

“Yeah, just a minute.”

Dan sighed, “Alright, then.”

Phil squeezed his hand again, and Dan huddled closer to him, facing the door as they waited for it to open.

“Wait a minute,” Phil said suddenly, sounding panicked, dropping his gaze to his limp cock. “We're naked!”

Dan's eyes widened. “Oh, fuck!”

Phil let go of his hand and rushed towards his underwear lying crumpled on the floor, grabbing it quickly. With a pounding heart, Dan grabbed a cloth and started cleaning up the mess on the floor, wiping it furiously and hurling the cloth under the bed where it wouldn't be seen. “By the way, I saw your clothes under the bed, you asshole!” Dan hissed as he grabbed his own jeans and pulled it on hastily. “How could you do that? It smells!”

“This is not the time, Dan,” Phil whisper-yelled, shoving his legs into his jeans.

“I did it!” Cat yelled, followed by a dozen screeches of approval. There was a small _click _and then the door opened with a creaking noise.

Dan's hand stilled above the button of his jeans, and Phil's fingers clenched around his bunched up shirt as the door opened wide and they came face to face with all of their friends and his dad.

There was a loud, absolutely dumbstruck silence for several long, _long, _minutes. No one said a single word, and Dan was extremely self-conscious of how they looked. They were half-naked and there were discarded clothes on the floor. There was a small puddle of oil on the floor where Phil had spilt it, and the vial was glinting conspicuously next to it. Both of them looked sweaty and sticky, with their flushed faces and mussed up hair. The air smelled very heavily of sex and cum, and a large wave of embarrassment and humiliation burned through Dan's stomach.

“What–” Cat began cautiously, eyes as wide as saucers. “What the fuck is going on?”

They were all staring around the room now, eyeing the table and shelves and the drawings stuck to the wall. There was a very homely look to the small room, and Dan's breath caught in his throat. He felt extremely vulnerable and exposed.

“This is . . . ” Troye whispered, staring in awe. “This room . . .”

“Guys,” Louise said slowly, sending apologetic looks to both Dan and Phil. “Why don't we go back to the hall and give them some time to, er, uhm–” she hesitated, cringing as she looked at their sweaty faces. “–clean up?” Dan bit his lip, hiding his unbuttoned jeans with his hands. “Come to the hall when you're done. We can talk there,” Louise suggested, eyes stern as if she were challenging anyone who disagreed.

Anthony, Chris and PJ looked away immediately, turning around like in a trance and leaving the room without another word. “When the fuck did this happen?” Cat mumbled in disbelief, muttering something to Katie as they left the room in shock.

Dan and Phil stared at the ground, not daring to look up as they all left the room one by one, leaving only Louise. “You idiots,” she huffed exasperatedly, “Why the fuck didn't you say you were inside? We wouldn't have picked the lock.”

Phil glanced at Dan nervously. “Erm, sorry.”

Louise rolled her eyes. “Just come to the hall. I'm sure you have something important to say, Phil,” she said directly to him, giving him a look. Phil stared at the ground and Louise turned to Dan, crinkling her nose. “And for god's sake, use some perfume or something. You smell like sex.”

Louise turned on her heels and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Dan released a breath he didn't know he was holding and collapsed back onto the bed, sighing heavily. Phil melted to the floor in relief, running a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

They were silent for a long time.

~*~

“Are you sure you're ready?” Dan asked quietly, holding out a hair tie as he stepped out into the hallway. Phil plucked it from his hands and proceeded to tie Dan's hair, eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah,” Phil sighed as Dan closed the door behind him. “Just a little nervous.”

Dan pursed his lips and held out a hand. Phil stared at it and then took it gratefully, weaving their fingers together. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Phil,” he confessed as they walked down the corridor. 

Outraged and doubtful murmurs could be heard from the hall, and Phil took a deep breath, his face anxious and tense. Dan stayed silent as they neared the hall, walking closer to Phil.

“I can't believe it!” Cat was saying, “It can't be real. I mean they hate each other.”

“Maybe it's trauma or something to do with this island. It can't possibly be–”

“Guys, it could be a one-time thing, you know?” 

“But–but they hate each other!”

“There's a fine line between love and–”

All conversations abruptly ceased as they walked in, hand in hand. Phil glanced at Dan and slowly ambled towards the sofa at the back. Everyone was sitting scattered near the sofa, lounging on chairs or on top of the table or any place they could find. In fact, Tyler was sprawled on the carpet. 

Cat eyed their joined hands. Phil swallowed, taking a deep breath and masking his emotions as both of them sat down on the sofa.

“What's going on, guys?” Cat asked curiously, “I knew there was something wrong with the both of you from the very beginning but I didn't expect this.” Her tone was accusing, and she blushed. “I mean, I don't have a problem with it, of course. It's just a little . . . well, it's super shocking actually.”

Everyone agreed, vocalizing how shocked they were and how strange it was to see them like this. There were speculations and sceptical questions and a lot of curious glances.

Dan could feel Phil's hands shaking vehemently and he squeezed his hand tightly. “It's okay.”

Phil licked his dry lips, nodding wordlessly. He breathed heavily, and he heard Phil mumbling “I can do this” under his breath as he stood up, releasing Dan's hand.

Everyone stopped to stare at him, and Louise gave him an encouraging thumbs-up. Dan swallowed, feeling nervous for Phil. Phil closed his eyes, took a deep breath and began, “Actually, I . . .” Phil's hands shook and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. His breaths were uneven and quick as he inhaled. Dan stood up, taking Phil's hand into his, squeezing tightly. Phil looked back at him in surprise, blinking repeatedly. Dan smiled encouragingly and saw determination creeping back onto Phil's face. 

With a small nod, Phil turned back to the small crowd that was watching with fascination and blurted, “I'm gay.” There was complete silence for several, awkward moments. With his newly acquired confidence, Phil went on, “And I'm in love with Dan. We're dating.”

No one spoke for what felt like hours and hours. There was just a disbelieving silence and shocked stares for a long time. Then Louise jumped down from the table she was sitting on and thumped them on their backs. “Congratulations.” She smiled and turned to Phil, wrapping him in a tight embrace. “I'm proud of you, Phil. I'm really happy for you.”

Phil swallowed and nodded, and Louise pulled away. Dan's dad came forward and congratulated them next, eyeing Phil suspiciously. “I have a shotgun,” he said simply.

Phil blinked. “Er . . . ”

Dan rolled his eyes. “No, dad, you don't. This isn't America.”

Dan's dad, Shawn, ignored Dan and stared at Phil seriously. “Treat him well.”

Phil nodded. “I will.”

The rest of their friends just looked dumbfounded as they sat there, staring at them both in disbelief. “Are you serious? Is this a joke?” PJ asked with wide eyes. “When did this happen?”

Dan shrugged, taking a seat on the sofa with Phil alongside him. “We're serious. It's not a joke.” 

“How did it even happen?” Chris asked with wide eyes. “Like _how_?”

Phil glanced at Dan and smiled, seeming to have regained his confidence. “Well, we've been here for a while. We didn't have anyone else to talk to and we had to work together to survive,” Phil explained, “We became friends first and then it just kind of . . . er, happened, I guess.”

Cat gaped at him and Dan said softly, “This place is dangerous. He saved my life more times than I can count. He's amazing, and I realized that he's not the bad guy he pretends to be and well . . .” He smiled cheekily at Phil.

Phil huffed. “You saved my life too. You took care of me when I was sick. You help me all the time. You're more amazing.”

Dan shook his head. “No, Phil. You saved my life multiple times. You confronted a bunch of wolves for me! I think you're way more amazing than me.”

Dan smiled, a warm look on his face. He didn't notice the way everyone was staring at them with astonishment.

Phil sighed. “I'm not _that_ amazing, you know. I do have my flaws.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Well, of course. You're messy as fuck. You hide your dirty clothes under the–”

Phil blinked. “Can we just go back to talking about how amazing I am?”

Dan shoved him with a roll of his eyes and turned back to his friends. “Anyway, the point is–” Dan blinked repeatedly, taken aback by the look on everyone's faces. “What?”

Cat's face split into a grin, and she laughed loudly. Anthony wheezed, slapping his knee as he cackled boisterously. Everyone slowly followed suit. Dan and Phil glanced at each other in confusion.

“Oh my god!” Cat giggled excessively. “You guys are actually a couple!”

“Wow, this is brilliant. Never saw it coming,” PJ laughed. “Really cute, though.”

“At least we can meet up in peace now,” Chris chuckled, “We don't have to constantly fear about you both killing each other.”

“Why didn't you say anything?” Katie asked quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

All laughter dissolved abruptly, and Dan remained silent, jaw clenched. Everyone stared at her, already expecting a huge tantrum and angry accusations. She merely stood up and stepped towards them, coming close to stand in front of Phil. Phil looked up at her defiantly, waiting for her to explode. Dan inwardly prepared himself for insults and outbursts and threats but all Katie did was turn to him and say, “I'm so sorry.”

Dan blinked repeatedly, staring at her, his mouth agape. She huffed and stood akimbo, sighing loudly. “Why didn't you say anything?” she asked Phil angrily. “Dammit, Phil. I thought Dan was bothering you.” Katie turned to him again. “I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I swear. Ah, fuck. I came between you two, didn't I? Is that why you were getting angry, Dan?” Katie groaned and slapped her forehead in frustration. “I thought that was really weird! I should've put two and two together! Why am I such an idiot?”

Phil bit his bottom lip. “I'm sorry. I should've told you.”

Katie sighed, “It's fine. I'm sorry. I can be really dumb sometimes.”

“No, I–” Phil exhaled deeply. “I should've told you. I should've at least told you I wasn't interested. It's my fault. You had no way to know that Dan and I don't hate each other anymore. You thought you were standing up for me.”

“I'm really sorry.” Katie chewed on her bottom lip, glancing at their joined hands. “You look really cute together though.”

That was Dan's cue to speak up and he said, “Thanks, and, er, sorry. I'm always rude to you for no reason. I'm sorry.”

“Well, I mean, you did have a reason,” she huffed. “And I understand that so it's okay.” She turned to Phil apologetically. “I'm sorry, Phil. I really do care about you. I just–I'm fucking dumb, okay? I don't _know _or _see _things until someone actually sits down and explains it to me. I'm sorry.”

Phil's gaze softened and he smiled at her sadly. “It's okay. You're not dumb, Kat. I care about you too, okay?”

Katie gave him a tiny smile. “I know.” She huffed. “You look really happy, you know? I'm so glad.” Katie glanced at Dan awkwardly. “Um, you're not mad at me, are you?”

Dan shook his head, giving her a hesitant smile which she returned. An uncomfortable silence followed and PJ sighed deeply, “Man, so many revelations in one day.”

There was an awkward silence for a while and then Phil asked, “Does anyone want coffee?”

Cat raised her eyebrows. “Is there milk?”

“No.”

“I really need some caffeine in my body right now,” Chris sighed tiredly. “Milk or no milk.”

Everyone started to agree and just like that, the chatter and noises began all over again. Dan sighed fondly, looking at Phil. Phil huffed, leaning back against the couch. Dan scooted closer to him and sat snuggled against Phil, their hands still joined. Phil smiled at him, and a deep sense of relief flooded his chest. Dan inhaled deeply and turned to his friends with a genuine smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh!! I'm so sorry for not updating last week! I tried to, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I broke up with my bf of two years a month ago and I tried not to let it affect my writing schedule but it just kept building and building and last week was just too much. I was about to delete the whole story at one point. SO SO GLAD I was able to control myself. I've worked so hard on this story. English is not even my first language and I spend hours and hours wondering if a sentence is grammatically right or wrong lmao. Anyway, thank you for worrying about me! I'm okay and I'll update as usual now :) ❤


	35. Truth and reality

The rest of the day went by in a blur of curious questions and amused smiles. Most of it was spent inside the bedrooms, searching for whatever Cat was trying to find. By the time the sun slipped down the horizon and the darkness approached, they were all undeniably exhausted and hungry.

Phil had volunteered to cook, following the usual procedure of chopping and slicing and dicing. After swiftly preparing a meal, he had started a fire in front of the cave and called everyone outside.

“These mushrooms taste so good,” Troye moaned around the food.

“That's your fourth plate,” Cat said in disgust. “Close your mouth.”

Phil saw Dan smile as he placed his head on Phil's shoulder. They all were sat around the fire, huddled close together due to the cold. Queen and King were curled near Dan's legs, sleeping soundly. The cool night breeze blew softly, gently caressing his skin. It was enough to make him shiver and he felt Dan tremble near him. “Cold?” he asked quietly.

Dan sighed contently, snuggling closer to him. “A bit.”

Phil huffed, taking off his jacket and throwing it around Dan's shoulders. Dan hummed in satisfaction and Phil wrapped his arms around Dan, pulling him closer against his chest lovingly. “Better?”

“Mm. Love you,” he mumbled sleepily, eyes falling shut.

“Go to sleep. You look tired,” he suggested.

“Cold inside,” Dan mumbled sluggishly, eyes closed. “Wanna be close to the fire.”

“Sleep here. I'll carry you inside later,” Phil murmured softly in Dan's ear.

“Mmm,” Dan breathed deeply, falling asleep already. Phil smiled and stayed quiet. He sighed in contentment and pulled Dan closer, looking up to see everyone watching him. He blinked. “What?”

There was silence for a while, and then Cat giggled. “It's so weird to see you like this.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “I'm just taking care of my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, but we're not used to seeing you both like this, you know,” Anthony explained. “It's strange. I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm just more used to seeing you hurling insults at each other. That's all.”

“It's so cute and romantic,” Katie gushed with an adoring smile, her eyes glazed over. “Like a movie.”

“It's quite cute,” Louise smiled fondly. “The way you look at each other.”

“Just imagine all the fanfictions that will be written about you two now . . .” Katie murmured in a daze, trailing off thoughtfully.

“Er . . .” Phil bit his lip, not knowing what to say. He stayed quiet and the conversation carried on to something else. Dan was already falling asleep on his lap, and Phil's hand instinctively tangled in Dan's hair, massaging his scalp absently.

“He looks content,” Dan's dad whispered after a few minutes. Everyone had diverted their attention to Troye who was arguing with Anthony, leaving Phil alone with Shawn.

Phil blinked in surprise, turning to him. He had never talked to Dan's dad, mostly because he was nervous. Shawn looked pretty intimidating, and Phil was afraid of pissing him off. He really wanted to make Dan's dad _like_ him, but he wasn't sure how to do it.

Phil glanced at Dan briefly, smiling when he saw Dan sleeping quietly. “Yeah.”

“I don't know what you were like before. I don't know what problems existed between you two, but I've never seen him relax like this around another person,” Shawn admitted, eyes fixated on the way Dan was sleeping soundly against Phil's chest. “You must have a very special relationship.”

Phil stayed quiet, and Dan's dad looked at him seriously. “Thank you.”

Taken aback, Phil asked incredulously. “For what?”

“For making him happy,” Shawn smiled genuinely at him. “He hasn't been happy in a long time. You probably know about his mom, don't you?”

“Yeah,” Phil nodded quietly, “I do.”

“He's been through a lot. I'm sure he's still hurt over what happened, but he never says so. He's like that,” Shawn said, ruffling Dan's hair with a smile, and sighed. “Kids grow up so fast. He's old enough to have a boyfriend and be in love. I never realized.”

Phil kept his mouth shut and Shawn continued, “He has always been a good kid, and now he has grown up to be an even better man. Take care of him, will you?”

Phil straightened up slightly and nodded. “Yes, sir. I will.” He was so flustered, he almost saluted Dan's dad.

“You don't have to be so formal with me.” Shawn laughed and he opened his mouth to say something but before he could, Cat asked, “But how the hell did you two get so close in just two months?”

Phil blinked. He didn't know Cat was listening in on their conversation. Surprised by the question, he chewed on his bottom lip, wondering if he should tell her the truth. “Don't panic, but we've been here for almost a year.”

Cat gaped at him, eyes wide, for several moments. “You serious?”

Phil sighed. “Yup. It seems like time flows faster here.”

Dan made a small distressed noise, cuddling closer to him in his sleep. Phil looked down and brushed his hair back from his face as Cat screeched, “Why didn't you say anything!”

Almost everyone jumped due to the abrupt shout, turning their attention to Cat, eyes alarmed. “What the hell!” she screamed, startling Dan awake. “I can't believe this. What is this place? This can't be real, can it? It's just way too strange.”

“Well, it is what it is.” Phil shrugged.

Dan yawned, stretching his arms and sitting upright, hair sticking up in all different directions. “What's wrong?” he slurred drowsily.

Phil reached forward distractedly and smoothed Dan's hair as he advised, “Like I said, there's nothing we can do about it, Cat. What's the use in worrying about it?”

“Wow, he touched Dan's hair and he didn't even realize it,” PJ was whispering to Chris who snickered. “It's so weird.”

“But it's still crucial information!” Cat furrowed her eyebrows in frustration. “You should've told us.”

“Alright.” Phil sighed. “I'm sorry.”

Cat huffed. “You don't have to apologise. I was just saying.”

It was then that Louise spoke up, her shrill voice grabbing everyone's attention. “Hey, Phil. What's this? What does this mean?” She held up the Survival Guide, waving it a little too excitedly.

Phil frowned, squinting his eyes. “What?”

Dan rubbed his eyes next to him, removing Phil's jacket from his shoulders and proceeding to wear it. Phil's eyebrows furrowed as he leaned closer to read the words written inside the Survival Guide.

_These words appear on the page only when one of the visitors on the island strongly wishes to go back to the real world. Please turn to the next page for instructions. _

“What the . . . ” Phil whispered in shock, staring at the elegant handwriting. “How did that . . . It wasn't there before!”

“Give it to me!” Cat snatched the notebook from Louise's hands, scrutinizing the words and flipping the pages impatiently. “These pages are completely blank!”

“Queen!” Dan called instantly, fully awake now. “Come look at this.”

Queen uncurled immediately, lifting her head and slithering towards Dan. Phil grabbed the notebook and showed it to her, opening the blank pages. Queen stared solemnly, strangely serious as she nodded her head a little sorrowfully. “What's wrong?” Phil asked in confusion.

Queen simply bowed formally and nodded her head towards the glowing stone lying a few feet away from the fire. Dan grabbed it swiftly, “What should we do with this?”

“Am I dreaming?” Phil heard Anthony muttering under his breath. “Did that snake just . . . what the actual fuck?”

“How can this snake understand them?” Troye whisper-yelled at Tyler.

“What a strange sight,” PJ agreed with wide eyes.

“Queen, why are you acting like that?” Phil inquired in utter confusion as Queen silently guided Dan's hand which held the glowing stone towards the empty pages. She was weirdly quiet and appeared to be way too tense. Usually, she was absolutely thrilled and delighted to help them.

Everyone gaped with fascination when the glowing stone touched the pages and words started to appear one by one. With wide eyes, Dan began to rub the pages with the glowing stone and eventually the blank pages were filled with words, scrawled by someone in beautiful, elegant handwriting.

“Wow,” Troye whispered.

Queen tapped King's tail with her head, and King uncurled silently. Both of them bowed and then slithered away into the cave, looking extremely sad. Dan frowned in concern. “What's wrong with them?”

“I don't know,” Phil said worriedly, chewing on his bottom lip. He turned back to the book and noticed everyone huddling and scooting closer to read. “Let's just read quickly.”

Dan gave a tiny, hesitant nod, something indescribable in his eyes. The atmosphere was suddenly solemn and noiseless, and Phil's heart ached for some reason. Why was he suddenly feeling so . . . so afraid?

Phil swallowed, turning his attention to the book. Troye and Tyler leaned closer to see better, elbowing Phil in the stomach. Phil grimaced, scooting closer to Dan and peering into the book in disinterest.

**The secrets of the island**

Phil blinked at the title, feeling incredulous. He couldn't believe it was finally happening, that he was finally going to know. It suddenly didn't feel so exciting anymore and he couldn't understand why.

_Hello. _

_I'm Shane Dawson._

“That's the same guy who wrote the Survival Guide, isn't it?” Troye asked inquisitively.

Cat nodded. “Yeah. He seems to have a lot of knowledge about this place.”

_I'm here to tell you what you probably already are dying to know. First of all, let me make this very clear. I'm not here to tell you what this place is, or how it came to be. To be honest, I don't know. No one does. This place just exists. Just like how our world exists. Do not go searching for answers because you'll never get one. That is a dangerous path to insanity you really don't want to take, my friend._

_Now, back to the topic at hand, this island has existed for millions of years, and it gets new visitors almost every year. Don't be surprised, but you and I are both visitors who stumbled into this mysterious place by accident. The only difference is that I'm a scientist and I've spent all my life researching the island and writing books to help new visitors have a good time on this island. _

“Scientist,” Phil mumbled in astonishment, sliding his hand into Dan's, squeezing tightly. Everyone seemed to be immersed in the book, peering into it curiously with wide, shocked eyes. Anthony shoved Troye to the side, squeezing himself between Louise and Cat to gawk below at the pages.

_You might be wondering how you entered the island. For some reason, first-time visitors find it hard to remember. I've concluded that the island can only be entered by people who truly want to be here. You can't stay here if you don't want to. If you're still here, then maybe deep inside you want to be._ _ But if you're reading this then someone on the island, someone other than you, strongly wishes to go back to the real world. _

“That's probably me,” Cat said proudly. “I don't want to be here.”

Phil swallowed slowly, thinking about it carefully. He couldn't believe he was finally going to know how he reached the island, but somehow, it didn't seem so important anymore. Somehow, he knew why he was here.

Because he wanted to be.

_There are doorways to this island in many places of our world. Most of the doorways are never opened because most people don't want to. The island is also quite picky sometimes. It only opens for people who won't destroy it, and people it deems worthy. If you have malicious intent, you'll be kicked out and you'll end up forgetting even your own name._

_You are here because the island saw something in you. If you managed to open a doorway, then that means, at that moment, you were thinking about _ _escaping and the island heard your plea. _

“The library . . .” Dan blurted suddenly, looking up and turning to Phil. “Do you remember our fight?”

“Of course,” Phil answered, blinking in shock. “I . . . I wasn't happy. I didn't want to be there. I wanted to leave.”

“I wasn't happy either,” Dan agreed, eyes wide. “I had been thinking about leaving everything behind and just going somewhere far away at that time. I was so fed up . . . of everything.”

Phil remained quiet, gently squeezing Dan's hand. Cat frowned doubtfully. “It doesn't make sense though. What about us? We don't want to be here. We never wanted to leave our real lives to be here.”

“Actually,” Louise answered thoughtfully. “It does make sense. Shawn was the one who found the doorway. I'm sure he wanted to go where Dan was. We were there so we followed him to the island. So technically, he did want to be here and he was the one who opened the doorway.”

Phil glanced at Dan's dad who nodded solemnly. Troye furrowed his eyebrows near him and explained, “And who said we didn't want to be here? Weren't we all talking about how amazing this place is just a few minutes ago? We don't know what this place is but it's new, fun and adventurous. You can't deny that.”

There was an understanding silence for a few minutes, and Phil turned back to the book quietly.

_I'm not sure what the exact purpose of this island originally was, but over time, this has turned into a safe haven for people who wish to escape from their miserable lives, people who want a_ _ change of pace._

_O_ _ver the years, I have noticed that most of the people who come here leave on their own accord after a few months. They leave as better, happier versions of themselves. _

_I like to think that this island is helping people, saving people who truly need help. That is probably why the snakes are so friendly. They're our guides on this tour. _

_By now, you've probably guessed that not__ everything on this island is created by some mysterious godly being. Most of it was made by people like you and me. __The caves, the hut, the beds and furniture, everything was made by people like you and me, people who once stumbled onto this island and decided to make it an even better place than it already is_.

“This is surreal,” Tyler whispered. Phil's head was spinning. He couldn't believe what he was reading. It was a lot to take in all at once and he was finding it hard to process. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to keep on reading.

_This brings me to my next point, which is: _ _OUR JOB HERE AS VISITORS_ _._ _ We are all visitors on this island. Visitors who've had a hard, painful life. We need to remember that many people came here before us and many will come after us. Our main job when we leave is to keep this place hidden and exactly as it is. _ _And believe me, you _ _WILL_ _ leave. No one can stay here forever. You don't _ _OWN_ _ the island. The island will accommodate you, but _ _DO NOT_ _ exploit it. Once you're ready to face your real world responsibilties, LEAVE! If you keep exploiting the island, you'll be kicked out and you'll never be able to visit again._

_When you leave, make sure to clean up after yourself and put everything back from where you took it. If you broke a tool, a utensil, a piece of furniture, make a new one, or bring one back from the real world and place it where new visitors can find it. It's now your duty to store items in the hut and the caves to accommodate our new arrivals. _ _Remember, someone who came here before you did this for you and now, you must do it for someone else. _ _It's all a cycle. _

“That's it?” Cat said in bafflement, glancing around at everyone who was gaping at the book. “This place is like a small vacation for depressed idiots?”

“That's really insensitive, Catharine,” Louise said, frowning at her. “It's a peaceful, safe place for people who need a little bit of joy in their lives.”

“That's literally what I said,” Cat retorted, raising an eyebrow haughtily.

Katie rolled her eyes. “Cat, stop trying to be a smartass. You sound like a stuck-up bitch.”

Cat bristled, but before she could say anything, Dan spoke up, quietly, sounding resigned. “Guys, there's more.” He sighed and flipped two pages, pulling Phil's attention back to the book.

_Do not ruin the experience for new visitors!_ _ They will be just as confused and angry as you were, but eventually, they too will come to love this place like the rest of us. Don't try to help them. Don't give them clues. Let them find it out for themselves. It gives them a sense of purpose and it'll be a great adventurous journey for them. During my years of research, I've also found that the peculiar food here has amazing health benefits. Let them enjoy it all without being disturbed._

_Old visitors are free to visit the island any time they want, but make sure not to run into new visitors. Don't feel sorry for them. Remember, _ _if they truly wanted to leave, the door would have opened and the green snake would've led them directly to the door. _ _They're here_ _ because they WANT to be. They're here because they NEED to be. They're here because somewhere deep inside, they're enjoying the freedom they have here! Understand this and stay away._

** _ How to leave _ **

There it was, Phil thought, swallowing a lump in his throat. This was what they had been wanting to know for a long, long time, but it didn't seem so significant any more. It felt like a nightmare, like an ultimatum. Phil had come to enjoy the routine they had on the island, the monotonous, ordinary life and chores and the simplicity of a tribal-like life. He had come to prefer the island more than his home in the real world. He loved their bedroom and the caves and the hut and . . . He loved the life he had built with Dan on the island. He wasn't sure if he was ready to leave it all behind . . .

_ **How to leave** _

_If you truly wanted to leave, you would've left a long time ago, buddy. Think about it. Make up your mind. Are you ready to go back? Are you ready to face the real world? _ _Ask the snake. If you truly want to go back, the door should open for you._ _ Find the courage and leave before you're kicked out._

_P.S._ _ DON'T FORGET TO CLEAN UP!_

There was a sombre silence for a very long time. Louise and Cat stepped away and sat back on their seats, urging the rest of the curious group to slide away into their own seats. Dan was completely quiet and hard-faced as he sat, staring at the book in his hands, his fingers tight around the spine of the book.

“Well, that's great, isn't it?” Cat exclaimed happily. “We can go back now!”

Anthony yawned. “Yeah, it's a relief.” He rubbed his forehead tiredly. “We should go to sleep. It's late and I'm tired.”

Phil tuned out their conversation and turned to Dan who was shaking beside him. “Dan,” he whispered, taking the book slowly away from his sight and handing it to PJ who was sat near. “Are you okay?”

“Our snakes,” he mumbled quietly in such a heartbreakingly sad voice that it startled Phil.

He blinked, “What?”

“I . . . I love them. I can't–we can't just leave them. That's not–” Dan swallowed, staring at the fire sorrowfully.

Phil remained quiet, not knowing what to say. He was surprised. He didn't realize how much Dan cared about Queen and King. They had become an inseparable part of Dan and Phil's lives, but Phil was still shocked that the first thing Dan thought of after reading the secrets was what they would do about their snakes. Dan was the one who had hated the snakes initially, but now he seemed to be the most attached to the both of them. Fondness flooded Phil's chest, and he weaved their fingers together, holding tightly.

“But why didn't you want to leave?” Cat asked suddenly, addressing Phil. “Why did you stay here?”

Phil sighed softly, chewing on his bottom lip. “I don't know. I didn't mind staying here. I didn't think anyone would care if I was gone.” A sudden thought hit him and he turned to Dan. “But Dan was really frustrated at first. He wanted to go back immediately. I don't know why Queen didn't show him the way.”

Dan finally huffed and shook his head. “I was worried about my dad and that was it. I didn't really want to go back. I just wanted my dad to know I was okay. I didn't think anyone else would care anyway.”

Everyone stayed silent, but then Louise clenched her jaw. “I'm offended.”

“We are offended too,” Chris and PJ glared. “Why the fuck do you think we're here? What else do we have to do to prove that we all care about you? You fucking idiots.”

Phil blinked repeatedly, looking at the earnest expressions on his friends' faces. With a small, warm smile, he shook his head and sighed. “You're right. We're idiots.” He thought back to how cynical and pessimistic he used to be and cringed. “I'm sorry, guys.”

“It really is true,” Dan agreed quietly in a subdued voice. “This island really is helping people. We . . . we've both changed a lot.”

Phil gave a tiny nod and a small smile. “Yeah.”

~*~

  
After discussing about finding the door and leaving the island for another sleepy hour, most of them decided to end the conversation and continue it later. Cat had made it clear that she would leave first thing in the morning, declaring that she had a lot of obligations in the real world and that she did not have time to lounge around in a primitive cave. Deciding to search for the doorway later, they had all retreated into the bedrooms inside the cave.

It was midnight already; the moon was high in the sky, illuminating the forest ground with a bright white glow. Phil and Dan were the only people left outside, sitting snuggled near the ever glowing fire.

“It's just shocking, that's all,” Dan mumbled when Phil asked him if he was alright.

Phil sighed. “Yeah.”

“We were so curious about it. Do you remember?” Dan asked, absently playing with Phil's fingers. “We discussed this before, didn't we? We talked about a million possibilities.”

“Yeah.” Phil chuckled. “You were sure we were participants in some weird reality show made for rich people. You were looking for cameras, weren't you?”

“Yeah. That was a year ago.” Dan smiled nostalgically. “I can't believe it's been a year. Now we are about to leave and . . .”

Silence reigned supreme, and Phil's heart sank. He gazed into the flickering flames and pulled Dan closer to his chest. Finally, breaking the silence, he whispered, “It's strange, isn't it? This place is like home to us now.”

“Yeah,” Dan let out a humourless chuckle. “And Queen is our family.”

Phil bit his lip, wondering when Dan had started to genuinely love Queen and King. He couldn't remember the exact month when it had happened and he murmured a small, “Yeah.”

Dan hesitated, opening and closing his mouth, but then he asked, “Are you ready to go back?”

“We have to,” Phil mumbled, placing a kiss on Dan's head. “We've already overstayed our welcome.”

Dan sighed. “I know!” He sat up and rubbed his forehead, looking frustrated. “But . . . but it feels weird. It's weird to see everyone after a year. It's weird to think about not living here, not seeing Queen, not talking to a fucking talking tree! It's impossible to imagine not waking up in the hut or–or falling asleep near the fire at midnight or watching the beautiful sunset at the beach or roaming the black forests or watching the fucking rainbow fishes in the river! It just feels stupid to leave a paradise to go back to a small box-like apartment!”

“But at least we'll be together,” Phil told him softly. Dan stared at him, stopping mid-rant. He snapped his jaw shut and remained quiet. “Dan . . .” Phil murmured. “This island doesn't belong to us. You read the book. We're merely visitors. We can't stay here forever. We're okay now. We don't need to be here anymore. But-but we can come here whenever we want, you know. A few days here is only a few hours in our world.”

Dan was quiet, dropping his gaze to his hands and staring glumly. Phil leaned closer. “Hey. We'll be okay. We can't keep making everyone worried about us. We should go back.”

Dan clenched his jaw, swallowing in resignation and sighing deeply. “You're right,” he said guiltily. “I know I'm being unreasonable. I'm just really attached to the life we have here. I'm worried it's going to change once we go back. I'm worried that we . . .” he trailed off, looking away.

Phil huffed in disbelief and rolled his eyes. “That's not going to happen. We . . . we can . . . we can live together if you want.”

Dan's eyes shot up, staring widely. “Really?”

“Yeah, of course. We can have all the things we have here. We do have beaches and forests and mountains in our world too, you know. We can go together to anywhere you want.”

Dan's lips stretched into a slow, hesitant smile. “I'd like that.”

Phil smiled back, opening his mouth to ask something, but he was cut off by the unexpected arrival of Queen. Dan immediately turned to her in concern. Phil watched as she hissed sadly, hanging her head gloomily as she approached closer. “You knew about this, didn't you?” Phil asked softly. She nodded quietly. “What are you?” He sighed.

“We'll never know why you are the way you are, will we?” Dan asked with a sad smile. “How long have you been here on the island? A decade? A century?” Queen shook her head and Dan's eyes widened. “A million years? More than that?”

Queen nodded sadly, little eyes downcast and despondent. Phil was about to comfort her but before he could, Dan extended his hand and caressed her head. She leaned into the touch, slithering towards Dan and curling up against his chest. “You're truly amazing.” Dan smiled, but his lips twitched into a sorrowful frown. “I'll miss you.”

“Where is King?” Phil asked. “Is he moping? Is that why you both left so quickly when we asked you about the book?”

Queen nodded sadly, crawling up to slide around Dan's neck, bumping her small head against Dan's temple. Dan smiled at her fondly, and Phil watched them both quietly. “I'll miss you so much. We'll come back to meet you every week, okay?” Dan was mumbling. Queen hissed softly and Dan replied. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's okay though. We'll visit every week. It'll be like we never left.”

Queen hissed back at him, and Dan continued to talk softly in a calm, drowsy voice. Phil leaned back against the log of wood and watched the interaction with a small smile on his face.


	36. Leaving and forgetting

Queen led them to one of the bedrooms at the very back of the cave, King slithering beside her solemnly, both of their postures tense and filled with sadness. Dan walked behind Louise and the rest of the group, holding Phil's hand and ambling quietly. It was late afternoon, and he was hungry. They had spent all morning cleaning up the island, putting everything back in the shelves. When they were done, Cat ordered them to show her the way back. Dan had sighed an exasperated sigh and requested Queen to show them the way.

It was not like he wasn't excited to go back. He did miss his life in the real world. He missed the rest of his friends and relatives and acquaintances and talking to his subscribers. He missed watching TV and scrolling through his phone and actually cooking in a kitchen without having to gather firewood, but . . . he would miss his life on the island. He would miss King and Queen. That was all. He just needed a little time. He was slowly coming to terms with the fact that they were truly going to go home now. It was exciting and new and a little . . . nerve-wracking.

"Are you alright, Dan?" Phil asked softly.

Dan sighed and gave him a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just a little nervous. What do you think would everyone say?"

Phil shrugged. "We could make up a story to explain everything. I heard from PJ that your dad filed a missing person's report and it was even on the news." Phil chuckled a little. "Famous YouTubers Dan Howell and Phil Lester found to be missing. Friends and family worried." He shook his head with a smile. "Some people on the internet even organized an online search party."

Dan smiled affectionately. "We never realized how loved we were, did we?"

Phil sighed nostalgically. "No."

Dan remained silent for a while as they walked into the hidden bedroom, contemplating quietly. "I think it really is time to leave now," he accepted finally in a quiet voice. "We're okay now. We should give the island to someone who needs it."

Phil smiled at him. "Yeah."

"Hey, Phil," Anthony called, "We can't understand what your snake is saying."

Phil sighed, pulling Dan forward. "Come on." They silently squeezed through the small crowd and managed to safely make it to the very front, where Queen was stood next to a large bookshelf. Anthony by her side.

"What's wrong?" Dan asked.

"Well, she keeps tapping her head on the shelf. What does she want me to do?" Anthony asked in confusion.

Phil frowned next to him, staring at the shelf full of books. Dan bent down to Queen's level and inquired, "Is this our way back?"

Queen nodded, hanging her head sadly. Dan's heart clenched, but he didn't have much time to think about it because of Phil furiously tugging at his arm, his movements hurried. "Dan, look!"

Dan turned his head, noticing the bookshelves. He frowned in confusion, staring at the books in puzzlement. Something niggled at the back of his mind, something important, and he immediately remembered. "The library!" he blurted, and everyone was listening with rapt attention. "It was this book!" He brushed the spine of a book on the upper right corner of the shelf, touching it with light fingertips.

The book didn't look like a book at all, it appeared like a book-shaped rock instead. "You hit your head against this book," he told Phil.

"Yeah, I remember pulling that book." His dad nodded in confirmation. "I thought it was a weird-looking book and touched it. That's all I remember."

Anthony narrowed his eyes thoughtfully and slightly shoved Dan aside, pulling the book. It appeared to be stuck to the shelf, but pulling it seemed to be enough because the shelf started to shake vehemently. Dan stepped back, eyes wide, "Did it work?"

Katie let out a gasp as the ground started to shake, tremors running through the walls. Dan stared with wide eyes, but the expected door didn't appear. The shaking ceased, and everything returned to normal. Minutes passed in quiet disbelief.

"Why didn't it open?" Louise frowned.

"Maybe your pet animal tricked us," Cat mumbled irritably. "What else can we expect from a stupid snake? Honestly, so done with this. I'm a busy person. I don't have time for this."

Phil's jaw dropped and Queen slithered away and peeked from behind Phil's leg, hiding from Cat's glare. "That's-" Phil started.

"What the fuck, Cat?" Dan shouted angrily, interrupting Phil, his blood boiling. "Queen is the reason we're even alive right now! How _dare_ you insult her?"

Cat blinked, and Katie who was standing next to her moved away to stand next to Dan instead. "Sorry, girl, don't wanna catch your bitchy attitude."

Cat stared with her mouth agape. "You have no right-"

"Honestly, what is wrong with you?" Katie asked, frowning, "Why are you acting so superior all of a sudden?"

"Yeah, it's starting to get a little annoying, Cat," PJ chimed in.

Cat swallowed, looking a little ashamed. She folded her arms across her chest and remained quiet, staring at the floor.

"Guys, let's focus on the door," Troye suggested. "Why didn't it open?"

"You have to really wish for it, right?" Louise inquired. "That's what the Shane guy said."

"Yeah," Dan nodded, looking down at Queen who was rubbing her head against his leg. She looked really satisfied with Dan, and Dan smiled at her.

"Er . . . actually . . ." Anthony started apologetically, "Sorry, guys, I was thinking of staying here for another day and eating all the leftover food."

Phil rolled his eyes next to him, stepping forward. "Step aside. Let me try then."

"I should do it," Chris volunteered, walking towards Phil. "I have a lot of work to do so I really am wishing to go back."

"Let Phil do it," Louise blurted, her eyes serious as she grabbed Chris's shoulder and pulled him back.

Chris frowned. "Why? He may not be able to open it."

"Just shut up and let him do it," Louise scolded sternly, looking at Phil with something indescribable in her eyes. "Go ahead, Phil."

"You've grown a lot. I know you can do it," Katie said in support, giving him a thumbs up. Dan couldn't help but smile. He was starting to like Katie more and more.

Phil smiled fondly, closing his eyes and taking a deep, deep breath. When he opened his eyes, he looked determined and more mature than before. Dan felt a surge of pride and squeezed Phil's hand tightly in his own. "I've spent most of my life trying to escape," Phil mumbled quietly, placing his hand on the book. "I think I'm ready to stop now."

Phil pulled the book down and it tumbled onto the floor with a loud thud. Almost instantly, the shelf shuddered and shook, the ground trembling beneath Dan's feet. He merely had a split second to think before he was pulled into a black void of darkness, a feeling of falling overtaking him. He let out a scream, and he felt someone's arms enveloping him before he lost consciousness.

The last thought he had was that he didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Queen.

~*~

Dan groaned, his head hurting like he had been hit repeatedly with a sledgehammer. His eyes were closed, his head resting against a very soft pillow. Instinctively, his hands shot out in search of Phil, patting the bed over and over again. When he couldn't find his partner, he frowned, letting out a distressed noise as he squeezed his eyes and slowly opened them, the bright sunlight pouring through his bedroom window blinding his eyes.

For several minutes, he felt absolutely disoriented, blinking repeatedly as he flicked his eyes around his old bedroom. He sat up in a daze and stared around with wide, disbelieving eyes.

He was back. He was back in his room. It was hard to believe a year had gone by. His room was the exact same, everything placed at the exact same place. Everything was clean and neat and organized. It took him a few minutes to remember that only two months had passed in the real world.

"Dan, are you alright?" PJ's voice came through the door as he knocked.

"Yup, fine," he answered quietly, taking a deep breath and standing up. Even the floor felt different under his bare feet, and he furrowed his eyebrows, looking down at himself. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, but he had never seen it before. He huffed, closing his eyes against the disorientation he felt. Holy fuck, he had forgotten even the clothes he owned. 

Dan opened the door, letting PJ in. "How are you feeling?" PJ asked cheerfully.

"I'm okay. Did I wake up here?" he asked in confusion.

"No, we all woke up in the old library," PJ answered, "You and Phil weren't waking up so we brought you back here. Chris took Phil back to his flat by the way. You were both snoring." He let out a chuckle. 

Dan stared at the floor, mumbling, "I didn't even get to say goodbye."

"What?"

Dan shook his head. "Nothing."

"Hmm, okay." He shrugged. "Your dad just left, you know. He called Ava to tell her you were alright, and after a few minutes, your mom called and asked to speak to you."

Dan's head snapped up, his eyes wide as he gaped at PJ. A small lump grew in his throat, and he stood very still, unable to believe what he had just heard. "W-what?" he asked in a quiet, wavering voice, his fingers tightening into fists. 

PJ chewed on his bottom lip. "Yeah. That's what I heard." Dan gaped at him, trembling. "It's true. Your mom sounded worried. Shawn looked pretty angry and he just got up and left."

Dan was shaking, anger sizzling beneath his skin. What right did she have? How dare she? How dare she show concern after everything she had done? 

_Your mom sounded worried._

Dan swallowed, eyes filling up with tears. She . . . she cared about him?

_Fuck_. Even after everything, Dan still yearned for her acceptance, for her love.

"I need Phil," he whispered, but then he swallowed in embarrassment and mumbled, “I mean I need to talk to Phil.”

"Uh," PJ scratched his head. "Call him? Or maybe not." He let out a sigh. "Your phone's dead and Phil's phone is probably dead too," PJ said thoughtfully and handed Dan his phone. "Just call Chris."

Dan took a deep breath, and it felt weird holding a phone after a year. Fortunately, he still remembered how to use it, and he dialled Chris's number with shaky fingers.

Chris picked up after four rings. "What's up, Peej?"

"Hey, this is Dan. Can I speak to Phil?"

"Oh, sure."

~*~

  
The next few weeks rushed by very quickly and unnoticeably. The panic surrounding their disappearance was no joke. There were truly people organizing search parties and fans sending death threats to anyone who had expressed dislike towards Dan and Phil in the past. Some obsessed fans were cyberstalking and harassing anyone who they deemed suspicious. This had ultimately led to online arguments and debates which in turn grabbed the attention of mainstream media. Their disappearance had turned into a worldwide mystery.

Dan's whole month consisted of talking to news reporters, the police and attending interviews where he answered a million curious questions and tolerated a million more doubtful looks.

It didn't help that they didn't have any travel records indicating they had gone to another country. It made lying harder. "Where did you go?" was one of the most repeatedly asked questions.

Phil answered it by declaring that they wanted to keep it private, assuring everyone that they had been together and in a completely safe place. It didn't appease anyone.

In fact, it raised more suspicions and speculations and more online debates. Conspiracy theories and videos clogged different websites, and some even started ridiculous petitions to find out what had really happened.

It was utter chaos for a whole month, so much that people were walking up to Dan on the streets and asking him if he was part of the Illuminati. It was hilarious the first three times it happened, but when it started happening every six seconds, he completely flipped out and screamed at them to fuck off.

Someone found out their address at the end of the first month, and fans and reporters began to crowd in front of his house.

Completely fed up, Dan went to stay with his dad after a month and a half had passed, returning only after another month. He hadn't seen Phil in over four weeks, and he was really beginning to miss him to death. Everyone, fortunately, seemed to accept their relationship. It was the only thing Dan was happy about.

Phil had gone to stay with his grandparents, and he had told Dan over the phone that his grandparents had cried and burst with joy at seeing him alive and well.

Dan's heart had warmed after hearing that. He was happy to see Phil reconnecting with his grandparents, aunt and other relatives.

Dan didn't know how many more days Phil was going to stay there, but he had decided to return to his apartment. There were no reporters outside, and he sighed in relief. Things had finally calmed down.

"Yup. I'm back at my apartment now," Dan chirped happily into his phone, walking up the steps. "Yeah, no, Ava did tell me to stay for a few more days, but I don't know. It was awkward with my mom there."

"How did it go?" Phil asked softly. "Did you say anything?"

Dan sighed, his heart clenching. His mom had cried. She was never overly emotional, and she usually never showed much affection, but she cried a lot when she saw Dan. Things were still kind of uncomfortable, but Dan felt like she truly was trying to be more accepting. A gay son was better than a dead son, he guessed.

"She hugged me," he mumbled slowly, "Cried a little. Apologized," Dan turned a corner and his door came into view. "It went okay."

"Hmm," Phil said, "That's better than I expected."

"Enough about that," Dan huffed, still not comfortable with this particular topic. "Where the fuck are you? I miss you. I bet you've been lazing around somewhere and letting your grandma do everything for you." Dan felt a little worried suddenly. This was the longest they had gone without seeing each other. "Are you eating properly? Do you even wash your clothes?"

"Nah, I've been wearing the same shirt for about a week now."

"Ew," Dan crinkled his nose, coming to a stop in front of the door. "I'm not your slave, you know. Learn to do your own chores."

"Yeah, yeah, I was joking. Stop your nagging," Phil laughed, "Just open the damn door already."

Dan blinked in shock. "What?"

His heart skipped a beat, and with a wide smile, he pushed the door open, eyes widening with excitement when he came face to face with Phil. Phil cut the call and shoved his phone into his pocket, giving Dan a wide grin. "Surprise," he said brightly.

Dan suddenly couldn't contain his happiness. He pounced forward cheerfully and threw his arms around Phil, making Phil stumble back with a startled gasp. "Whoa," he breathed, wrapping his arms around Dan. Dan inhaled Phil's familiar smell deep into his lungs and embraced Phil tightly, feeling emotional all of a sudden.

"Did you miss me that much?" Phil chuckled. 

Dan buried his face in Phil's shoulder, exhaling in overwhelming happiness. He closed his eyes, felt Phil's warmth enveloping him, and stayed completely still and silent.

“Dan?” Phil murmured, placing a kiss on his head. “Don't tell me you're crying.” He let out a teasing chuckle.

“Fuck off,” Dan mumbled quietly into his shoulder.

Phil pulled back and grinned, pecking Dan on the lips. “You didn't answer my question.”

"Of course, I missed you, you idiot," Dan huffed, not meeting his eyes.

Phil beamed. “I missed you too.” He kissed Dan's lips and peppered his face with little kisses. "Wanna fuck?" 

Dan rolled his eyes. "I should've known. Of course, that's the first thing you say to me after not seeing me for a month."

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan and pulled him closer against his chest. "Relax. I'm just kidding." He laughed but slid his hand down to Dan's butt and squeezed tightly.

Dan gave him a blank look. "Yeah, right."

"Guys, we're still here, you know," Anthony groaned, sitting back on the sofa. “Get a room.”

Dan peered over Phil's shoulder, noticing Chris, PJ and Anthony in the living room, playing video games. He huffed and pulled Phil towards his bedroom. They had zero privacy here. They needed to move out very quickly.

Phil frowned thoughtfully. "I've never seen your room."

Dan shrugged. "It's nothing special. Just a normal room," he said, opening the door and walking in. "When are we going to look at that flat you told me about?"

"Whenever. I'm free all week," Phil said distractedly, gazing around the room in awe. "Everything is so neat and organized. Why am I not surprised?"

Dan poked his stomach, grinning. "We've been living together for a year, you dick. You know how I get."

"Yeah," Phil smiled at him, but it looked a little sad. Dan immediately realized his mistake. They deliberately never talked about the island or Queen or King. Even though, they were completely happy to be back, losing Queen was still very much painful.

"Do you think about it?" Dan asked softly after a few minutes of silence.

"About what?" Phil asked, sighing and taking a seat on the bed. Dan plonked down beside him, wrapping his arms around Phil's waist and resting his head on Phil's shoulder.

"About the island," he mumbled, leaning forward to place a kiss on Phil's cheek.

Phil thought for a bit. "Not really. I haven't had time to think about it. I've been busy," he admitted. "I do miss the snakes though."

"Yeah," Dan said, a little downhearted. "We left so abruptly. We didn't even get to say goodbye."

Phil was quiet for a while and then whispered, "Yeah."

"I wonder what they're doing right now," Dan murmured quietly. "Do you think they have new visitors already?"

Phil stayed silent, eyebrows furrowed. Dan chewed on his bottom lip, a little sad. He was about to end the conversation when Phil said, "Do you want to find out?"

Dan blinked with wide eyes. "What?"

Phil stood up, holding out a hand with a smile. "Let's go."

Dan stared at the hand and then back at Phil's face. "Are you serious?"

Phil nodded with a wide, bright smile. "Yes."

~*~

They had to burrow PJ's car and drive to the abandoned house, but when they parked outside the house, Dan noticed a lock on the giant, rusty gates. He was discouraged initially, but Phil somehow managed to convince him to climb over the fence and squeeze through a broken window. The house was still battered and broken, smelling of dead mice and dust. They stepped over broken glass pieces and entered the library.

Dan's heart jumped to his throat when Phil finally pushed the book-shaped rock. He was surprised to notice that this time it was easier. He merely had to close his eyes and hold Phil tightly. There was a small whooshing of air and then they were stood on the forest ground, enveloped by giant green trees and the fragrance of wildflowers. 

Nostalgia filled him as he gazed around the forest clearing in silence. There were banapples and flowers hanging from the trees, the chirping of birds and the sound of the tides filling his ears. The earthy smell of wet wood and dewdrops and moss awakened a deep sense of longing inside him. But despite all of that, he still felt a strange sense of detachment. For some reason, he could tell that he did not belong here anymore. 

"Come on, Dan. Let's find Queen," Phil said, guiding him out of the clearing.

They found her in the black forest, sleeping next to King under the talking tree, looking very . . . alone. 

She woke up when they approached, rushing so fast and hissing so loudly that it made Dan want to both laugh and cry. She curled around Dan's ankle, quickly followed by King who hissed a bit angrily as if he were scolding them for leaving.

The tree appeared to be sleeping, and they quickly left before it could wake up. The rest of the day was spent playing with the snakes on the beach and strolling through the forest, eating wild, exotic fruits and enjoying every minute of it.

When the night started approaching and daylight started to fade, Phil turned to Dan and declared that it was time to go. Almost immediately, Queen uncurled from Phil's neck and the sadness on King's face was heartbreaking to see. 

After a lot of sad looks and reassuring words, they walked into the hidden room, both of the snakes trailing behind them. "Let's go, Dan," Phil said, hand on the book-shaped rock. 

Dan looked up from where he was saying his goodbyes, biting his lip. "Okay," he said, standing up and moving to stand beside Phil. He turned back to Queen who was stood a little far away, next to the wall. 

"Hey," Phil said, grabbing his attention. "What's wrong?"

Dan shook his head sorrowfully. "It's just sad, you know. People come and leave and they just-" He gestured towards Queen. "They just stay here, always left behind. They're just stuck here for eternity. It's just-it's sad."

Phil chewed on his bottom lip. "I know."

"We're going to be busy now, Phil," Dan admitted, "Especially if we really do the world tour Louise has been talking about. We won't have time to keep coming here. A few months in our world is _years _here."

Phil sighed. "I know."

"We'll be busy with our lives, but they'll still be here completely alone. I don't like that," he muttered.

"I know," Phil said.

Dan huffed in annoyance. "Can stop saying 'I know' and say something to comfort me, you asshole?"

Phil rolled his eyes and said in a sugary-sweet voice. "It's alright, my darling. It'll be okay. You'll get over it eventually. Life is like that sometimes. You might not ever find true happiness but you must try every day to fight the darkness that lives within our souls-"

"Didn't ask for a fucking speech!" Dan groaned, and he almost sounded whiny. "That's something my grandma would say!"

Phil flashed him a grin and turned to Queen, abruptly asking, "Hey, do you wanna come with us?"

Dan blinked in shock, eyes widening. "But she has to look after new visitors, how can she come with-" he stopped when he saw the look on both of the snakes' faces. They looked shocked, like no one had ever asked them and this was the first time.

Phil shrugged. "She can come back every few days to check."

"But we're only aware of one doorway to the island. We can't keep coming to the abandoned house."

Phil shrugged again. "We could buy the whole house."

Dan gaped at Phil. "What?"

Phil smiled at the look on his face. "We'll have to do a lot of work to buy that house. We'll have to find the owner who abandoned the property and talk to him. We could give it a try. It'll need a lot of repairs but it's a good house," he explained thoughtfully. "Actually, I admit I've been thinking about it for a while now. We have enough money to afford it."

Dan's breath hitched at that and he stared for what felt like hours. Finally, he gulped. "That's a huge step to take, Phil," he managed to say. "That's a huge, _huge_ step."

"I know," Phil sighed softly, then in a small, soft voice, he said, "I can do anything if you're with me."

Dan had a sudden urge to cry. "Fuck," he whispered, and his voice cracked a little, "You're so fucking cheesy all the time. I can't stand it. That was actually disgusting, Phil. Give me a bucket. I want to vomit." 

Phil laughed in amusement and held out a hand. Dan took it gratefully, rolling his eyes as he turned to see Queen and King slithering towards them, looking excited. "Are you going to come with us?" Dan asked a little excitedly. "You can come back whenever you want."

Queen nodded easily, looking extremely pleased as she crawled up to curl around Phil's neck. Dan extended his hand, and King climbed to his shoulder. With a wide smile, Dan turned to Phil. "Let's go."

Phil nodded, and Dan turned back to look at the murals on the walls, beautiful and enchanting. He wasn't going to have time to come to the island much anymore, but to him, it was still like home. 

Phil pulled the rock, and in his heart, Dan thanked the island a million times, a wide smile on his face as he closed his eyes and felt the wind on his face, holding on tightly to Phil's hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. This is the last chapter. There is an Epilogue. I wanted to post the Epilogue with the last chapter but it's kind of long and I need to edit it so you'll have to wait another week! Sorry :( Can't believe this is almost over though. I'm so attached to these two!!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! <3


	37. Epilogue

“Yeah, mom, I'm helping her as much as I can,” Dan assured her for the hundredth time, adjusting the groceries in his arms as he walked through the front gates of his excessively large house. “Phil helped her move all the stuff into her new apartment. I'll send him to check in on her today, okay? We'll take care of her, don't worry.”

“Alright then.” His mom sighed, and Dan held the phone closer to his ear. “I don't know why she keeps moving. Why can't she stay in one place?”

“Ava broke up with her boyfriend, mom,” he said exasperatedly, opening the door and walking into the warmth of his home. “Give her a break.”

“I know,” she replied and then added. “You're a good brother.”

Dan huffed and put down the bag of groceries on the floor, hanging his coat and taking off his shoes with one hand. “Where's my son?” she asked.

Dan rolled his eyes. “Probably lazing around somewhere.”

“Tell him to come home,” she cajoled.

“No, you spoil him enough already,” he accused playfully, secretly satisfied inside. Both of his parents seemed to adore Phil, and it was nice to see Phil finally opening up and accepting their love. “And what about me? This is so unfair.”

His mom laughed, and Dan smiled as he got up and grabbed his bag of groceries again. He was about to ask his mom about his dad when two little arms slid around his legs. “Daddy!”

“Is that my little girl? Let me talk to her, Dan,” his mom gushed excitedly. “Who is it? Jade?”

“One second, mum.”

Dan smiled down at four-year-old Amber, ruffling her hair. “Hey, my darling. Where's papa?”

“In the kitchen,” she giggled, pulling away and grinning up at Dan. Queen was sitting atop her head, and Dan nodded at her in acknowledgement. “Ruby made him pretty! Pretty like Elsa!”

“Is that so?” Dan chuckled, handing her his phone. “Do you want to talk to grandma?”

“Gramma!” she shouted excitedly, her long, curly hair bouncing on her head as she grabbed his phone with little, chubby fingers.

“Queen, make sure she doesn't break my phone, okay?” he requested Queen. She nodded at him, wagging her tail. Dan shot her a grateful smile and headed towards the kitchen through his living room, walking past photographs of their little girls on the walls and a dozen toys and storybooks scattered everywhere. The living room was large but cosy, with sofas and chairs and a small fireplace. King was curled near the fire, sleeping peacefully.

“Shit,” Dan yelped as he tripped on a packet of crayons, noticing Jade hunched over near the table. He bent down and smiled, shaking his head as he smoothed her short, wavy hair. “Jade, you're making a mess. Put these away,” he said, pointing at her colours littering the carpet.

“Daddy!” She grinned widely, showing her tiny, baby teeth, holding up a piece of paper. “Look at my drawing!”

“Wow!” he exclaimed, looking at a messy drawing of two stick figures. “That's awesome! Good job, sweetheart.”

Jade grinned cheerfully, and Dan ruffled her hair, wiping a bit of dirt from her cheeks and standing up. He quietly made his way into the spacious kitchen, putting down the bag of groceries on the counter. He heaved a huge, tired sigh and dropped into one of the chairs around the dining table. “Fuck, I'm tired,” he groaned.

Phil cleaned the last remaining bowl in the sink and wiped his hands on the towel, turning around with a smile on his face. Dan stared at him, mouth agape. There was absolute silence for a few minutes and then Dan burst out laughing, clutching his stomach and heaving.

Phil's hair was braided, and his eyes were two big balls of black. There was lipstick smeared all across his face, and he looked like a cartoon. Phil rolled his eyes as he watched Dan laugh and flipped him the finger. “Ruby?” Dan panted out.

Phil sighed, but there was a small smile on his face. “Yeah.”

“Where did she get the makeup from?” Dan inquired curiously.

“It was in Louise's purse,” he admitted. “She forgot to take it.”

Dan laughed even more and Phil glared. “Ruby is a little monster, you know,” he huffed. “She's turning the other two into monsters too.”

“But she's still your favourite,” Dan said, raising an eyebrow teasingly.

“I don't have a favourite. I love all of my daughters equally,” Phil mumbled.

“Said no parent ever.”

Phil sighed exasperatedly and reached forward to kiss Dan. Dan moved away instantly. “No way.” He laughed. “You have lipstick all over your face.”

“What is this life?” Phil groaned, dropping his forehead on the table. “Can't even kiss my husband.”

“Hmm,” Dan said thoughtfully, grinning, “Katie's coming over to see the girls today.”

Phil stilled, lifting his head and staring with earnest eyes. “Does that mean–” He swallowed and licked his lipstick covered lips.

Dan rolled his eyes with a smile. “Jesus, you're always so horny.”

Dan stood up and started putting away his groceries, placing it right where it belonged in a neat and organized way. He could feel Phil watching him and drooling, and he had a sudden urge to whack him with the carrot he was holding. “Phil, we have children in the house. Stop staring at my ass and go clean the toilet or something.”

“But it's been _weeks!_” Phil whined, “Your butt looks delicious in those jeans.” He wiggled his eyebrows, making Dan roll his eyes again.

Dan wasn't expecting the small spank he received in return, and he yelped, “Phil!”

Phil flashed him a grin and stood behind him, sliding his arms around Dan and humming, “I love you.”

“Mm,” Dan smiled despite himself, placing the biscuit packets in the cupboards above. Phil trailed his nose along the length of his neck, and Dan shivered slightly. “Stop.”

Phil's hands inched up his thighs, body pressed flat against his back. His lips brushed down the nape of Dan's neck, hands pulling Dan's T-shirt down his shoulder. Dan gulped, anticipation growing inside him, hands tightening around the cereal box. “Fuck, Phil. Stop it. The kids–”

As if on cue, Amber shouted, “Papa! Papa, Ruby is pulling Kitkat's tail again!”

Phil's lips stilled above his shoulder, and he sighed as he stepped away. “For the last time, Amber! King doesn't like it when you call him Kitkat!”

Dan huffed and straightened his T-shirt as Jade wailed and ran into the kitchen. “D-daddy,” she sobbed.

Dan blinked at the tears streaming down her tiny, round face. He immediately dropped to his knees and Jade ran into his arms, wrapping her little arms around him and crying into his shoulder. Dan patted her back. “What's wrong, sweetheart?”

“Ruby–Ruby said s-she ate–she ate Kitkat,” she hiccupped. 

“She didn't eat Kitkat, Jade, and don't call King Kitkat, okay?” Dan soothed just as Phil shouted in fury, “Ruby!”

A little girl with two tiny pigtails ran into the kitchen, followed closely by Amber and Queen who was coiled around Amber's arm. “There you are, you little troublemaker,” Phil sighed.

Almost immediately, as expected, the accusations started. Ruby puffed up her chest and pouted, “Jade stole my crayons!” She glared at Jade who hid her face in Dan's chest. “So I ate Kitkat!”

“What did I tell you yesterday, Ruby? Good children don't lie.” Phil explained softly. “You didn't eat Kitkat–” Queen stared at him and he amended, “I mean, King.”

“I–I didn't steal her crayons, d-daddy,” Jade sniffed, “I–I–”

“See? You're not a good girl. You lie,” Amber accused, “Santa won't give you presents.”

Ruby blinked repeatedly, looking shocked, but then she yelled, “Yes, he will!”

“No, he won't!”

“He will!”

“Girls,” Phil murmured tiredly, rubbing his forehead.

“Santa doesn't like you!”

“Y-yes, he d-does. He likes m-me,” Ruby sniffed, looking close to tears. She puckered her lips in sadness and shoved Amber, making her tumble to the floor. “He likes me!”

“Hey, don't do that,” Phil scolded, immediately stepping towards Amber and helping her up. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and she sniffed, instantly wailing at the top of her lungs.

“It's okay. It's alright. You're not even hurt. Look!” Phil comforted, turning to Ruby. “Ruby, that's not nice. She's your sister.”

Ruby's eyes were puffy and she ran to Dan. “Papa hates me, daddy!” she cried.

Dan sighed, staring at their crying daughters. “Whose idea was it to adopt triplets?”

Phil grinned at him, hugging Amber tightly. “Yours, of course.”

Dan huffed but hugged his little girls close to his chest.

~*~

“Amber usually wakes up at night to pee. She'll wake you up too because she's scared to go alone,” Dan explained to Katie. “Ruby likes to sneak into the kitchen for ice cream so lock the fridge when you go to sleep.”

“Okay. Alright. Done,” Katie nodded, listening carefully. 

Dan sighed, looking at the girls who were playing with Queen. He watched as Ruby dumped a handful of talcum powder onto Queen's head. Phil rushed to stop her with a shout of, “Ruby, no!” 

Dan turned back to Katie instantly. “You don't have to worry about Jade at all. Just give her some crayons and a colouring book. She won't bother you for the rest of the day,” he said with a smile. “If anyone complains of stomach ache or gets a scratch or something, you know where the first-aid box is. Wait, I'll show you so–”

“Dan, I know,” Katie said with a laugh. “I'll take good care of them. Just go. Don't worry.”

Dan bit his lip. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she laughed. “I have kids too. I think I'll survive for two days with your daughters.”

Dan sighed. “Alright then. KitKat–King will be here. Don't let the girls bother him. Ruby likes to pull his tail. Send him to fetch us if you need, okay? We'll come right away.”

Katie nodded, and Dan called, “Phil? Let's go.”

Phil stood up from where he was sitting with Jade and came to stand beside Dan. Phil looked back at the girls and began, “If Ruby sneaks into the kitchen for ice cream–”

Katie rolled her eyes. “I heard that a thousand times!” she said, “Yes, I will lock the fridge. No, I won't let them eat all the snacks.”

Phil nodded approvingly. “And the first-aid box is–”

“Yes, I know where the first-aid box is!” she huffed exasperatedly. “Just go. Stop worrying. I'll take care of them.”

“Where are you going, papa?” Amber asked with big, innocent eyes. “Can I come too? Please, can I?” 

Phil looked down at her and smiled. “Maybe next time, okay?”

Amber pouted, but she was their most mature child, and so she nodded. “Okay.”

Dan smiled and called Queen. “Queen! Let's go.”

~*~

The island hadn't had any visitors for two years now, and Dan and Phil had turned the room they used to live in before into their bedroom. They visited every few months, staying for a day or two. They made sure to stock up as much packaged food as they could, just in case. It had been eight years since they left the island, and since then, the island had had about four visitors. Usually, visitors arrived every two or three years and stayed for no longer than six months. Queen lived with them in their home, coming to the island only to assist new visitors. 

Their bedroom on the island was filled with their clothes and books and photographs of their wedding. They had had two weddings, one on the island and another in the real world. The whole island had been decorated for it, every single tree blossoming with different coloured flowers. Their friends had come to the island, preparing a huge feast for them with the delicious fruits and vegetables and meat found here.

Dan had travelled the world with Phil. They had gone to mountains and forests and historical monuments all across the world, but despite that, the island continued to hold a special place in his heart. He was waiting for his little girls to grow up so he could show them this beautiful world. They had tried, of course. Phil tried to bring Ruby to the island when she turned four, but since she was too young to wish for it, the door didn't open for her. Phil tried to open it himself, but she just couldn't enter.

Dan had remembered reading that the island couldn't be entered by people who would destroy it or people who had malicious intent. Although he was sure his daughter had no malicious intent, she was still a child. She wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut and would most likely tell everyone about the secret garden in daddy's library. The island probably knew that as well.

After that particular incident, they decided to keep it a complete secret from their daughters until they were old enough to understand. 

Now the island usually belonged to them, and they used it to fulfil their kinks every once in a while. There were sex toys and handcuffs hidden in the closet, and when visitors arrived, they usually had to rush to hide everything. 

“What did I say, Dan?” Phil asked in a low, booming voice. 

Dan snapped out of his thoughts and swallowed, standing on his hands and knees, body trembling, cock aching. “W-what?” he stuttered out, and he knew it was coming. He knew he was about to get it. Phil had given him a blowjob an hour ago, and he had told Dan not to come, but being the disobedient little shit he was, he had come deliberately. He knew Phil wouldn't like it, but maybe that's exactly why he did it. Sometimes, he just wanted Phil to be angry at him. 

“Are you even listening, you fucking slut?” _SMACK._

Dan gasped and lurched forward. “Ah, fuck.” His breathing increased, irregular and panting with every breath. “That felt great.”

Phil gave him another spank, harder than the one before. “Shut up.”

“Okay, Phil,” he murmured deliberately. The anticipation, the thrill, it flooded his veins. He could never tell when Phil would strike, when and how and where. He waited for it, waited with clenching, unclenching fingers and quivering lips. God, he loved this.

“What did I say, Dan?” he asked, rubbing the red globes of Dan's ass.

Dan's breath shuddered. “To shut up.”

“Yes,” he said, pleased, fingers brushing his puckered hole. Dan trembled. Even after all these years, Phil's touch alone aroused something wild in him. “And what did you do, baby?”

“Fuck, I–I–”

_CRACK. _“What did you do, Dan?” Phil growled, slapping him hard across his ass cheeks. Dan's knees wobbled and his breath hitched. The sharp, piercing pain making his eyes flutter shut. “I could tie you up and leave you here. You're a disobedient little whore, you know that? You can't even obey a simple–” _SMACK_. “Fucking.” _SMACK_. “Rule!” _SMACK._

_“_Fuckfuck, please–” Dan gasped and his back arched, fingers curling tightly around the sheets, breaths heavy and shaking, cheeks red and hurting. He was harder than ever before, and he could feel it burning in his stomach. “Please. Please, Phil–”

“I see,” Phil breathed, hands adjusting his own erect cock. “Still begging like a cheap slut. You never learn, do you?” Phil was merciless when he was like this, angry and horny and excited. He was especially ruthless when they went long periods of time without sex. It kept building under the skin, crawling slowly, cautiously, needing release. Dan loved to taunt him all month, taunt, tease, flirt, and he loved it even more when Phil exploded from it.

“Are you happy?” Phil growled, hand connecting with his ass. “Is this what you wanted, Dan?” _SMACK._ “Answer me. Why are you quiet? Go on. Talk. Try to be a sarcastic little shit, and let me see if I can shove my cock into your mouth and shut you up.”

“Please, fuck. P-please. I w-won't do it again. I'm sorry,” he almost sniffed, so desperate that he was squirming. “I'm sorry. Please–”

“Behave, slut!” Phil grunted, smacking his ass cheeks. Dan gasped in pain, cock aching and dripping with precum. He wanted to come. He couldn't do it anymore. He was about to disobey again, and he knew the punishment for that would be harsher next time. The thought sent a strange little thrill through him, and he squeezed his eyes shut, moaning loudly. 

Phil was instantly alert, extending his hand and grabbing his hair, pulling him back to whisper in his ear. “Don't even fucking think about it,” he murmured in a calm, threatening voice. “If you disobey me once again, I'll tie you up and fuck you and leave you here just like that.” Dan moaned, cock throbbing, heart pounding, eyes rolling to the back of his head. Pleasure filled him head to toe like an overfilled glass, and he shuddered as Phil let go.

“I'm not joking,” he warned in a dangerous voice. “Though knowing you, you would probably like that, won't you?”

“Fuck. P-please, Phil,” Dan panted, his breaths shuddering and heart thudding, pleasure clouding his mind. “Please–I w-won't do it again. Please. Fuck me, goddammit!”

Dan moaned, and he needed it, needed it more than ever. His eyes glazed over, and everything in him screamed for release. “Please,” he begged one last time.

Phil finally lubed up his cock and lined it with his hole, sliding inside in one swift motion.

Dan moaned, relief finally flooding him when Phil started to move, fucking him with fast, hard, rough strokes. The sound filled up the whole room, echoing with moans and grunts and panting breaths. Phil slammed into him relentlessly, thrust after thrust that made him cry out in pleasure. He pumped his cock furiously, his orgasm building and building inside him. In just a few minutes, he was at the brink of it, pleading for it, begging for it.

“So good. You feel so good,” Phil grunted, moving fast and deep. 

Dan moaned, gasping and shaking. “Please. Let me come, please–” he almost sobbed, head dizzy and spinning. He felt drowsy. He felt drunk on the pleasure. “Gods, I'll d-do anything. P-pleaseplease–” he shuddered.

That seemed to push Phil over the edge, and he came with a loud groan, his body shuddering. Dan felt it deep inside him, wet and warm, and he couldn't take it anymore. Phil fucked him until he rode out his orgasm and then rolled away and immediately took Dan's cock into his hands, “Go ahead,” he murmured.

It shot through Dan like a bolt of lightning, the feeling piercing through his stomach. His whole body shuddered and shook, trembling vehemently as he came, loud, broken moans ripping through him. 

“It's alright, baby.” Phil murmured softly into his ear, placing kisses on his neck.

Dan heaved roughly, breaths coming out in sharp, heavy pants. His whole body felt weightless and weary and exhausted. He couldn't even lift his finger. He felt absolutely drained of energy, but the satisfaction he felt in his heart was worth it. 

Phil removed the condom and threw it into a bin near the bed. He slowly lowered Dan to the bed, pulling him to his chest and hugging him tightly, placing soothing little kisses down his shoulder. Dan's eyes were closed as he lay there in silence. “You okay?” Phil asked softly after what felt hours.

“Mm,” Dan smiled sleepily, eyes still closed. “You're an asshole.”

Phil chuckled, holding him close. “I am.”

Dan exhaled in contentment, snuggling against Phil's chest. “My butt hurts,” he groaned.

“I'm sorry,” Phil murmured, peppering his shoulder with kisses. 

“Mmm. Wanted you to tie me up,” he slurred. “Maybe next time.”

Dan could feel Phil smile against his shoulder, and he elbowed Phil with a fond smile. “You're insatiable, Phil.”

“What? I didn't even say anything.”

“I can read your mind, darling. How long have I known you for?” Dan said with a quiet, drowsy chuckle.

Phil sighed exasperatedly, pulling away and grabbing a cloth from a nearby chair. He proceeded to wipe the come off of Dan's stomach, and Dan turned so Phil could clean him. “Ow, my butt hurts.”

Phil sighed and put the cloth away, opening the bedside drawer and pulling out the ointment. He patted Dan's arm, “Turn over.”

Dan happily obliged, smiling cheerfully as he let Phil apply the ointment on his bare bottom. “I wonder what Katie is doing,” Phil said conversationally.

“Ruby probably set her hair on fire or something,” Dan chuckled affectionately.

Phil laughed. “Probably. She's so small, but she's unpredictable.”

“Mmm.” Dan stretched his arms a little. “I think we're getting old. My joints hurt.”

“Don't be dramatic, Dan. We're only thirty-two.” Phil put the ointment away and wiped his hands, lying next to Dan and wrapping an arm around him. “Wanna go to the beach later?”

“Mm. Maybe,” Dan whispered, “I want to swim in the river.”

“Okay, we can do that and then go to the beach,” Phil suggested, kissing his shoulder. “A small picnic.”

“Who's going to make the food?” Dan slurred sleepily, guiding Phil's hand to his hair. Phil huffed and ran his fingers through Dan's curls, making him smile in satisfaction.

“You.”

“My butt hurts.”

Dan could feel Phil rolling his eyes. “Okay. I'll make the food, alright?”

Dan chuckled quietly, turning to face Phil. “Okay,” he murmured drowsily and puckered his lips, asking for a kiss. Phil obliged, placing a kiss on his lips. Dan smiled with his eyes closed and said, “I don't know if I can walk all the way to the beach. My butt hurts and I'm getting old so my joints–”

“You're just _so_ over-dramatic. It's unbelievable,” Phil laughed.

“You've been saying that to me for eight years,” Dan smirked and opened his eyes with a smile. Phil was quiet for a long time and his face was so close that Dan could feel his breaths on his face. “Why are you staring at me?” he asked.

Phil smiled, placing a warm hand on his cheek and leaning in to kiss him on the lips. “I love you.”

Sleepy and drowsy, Dan hummed in satisfaction, “I love you too.” He closed his eyes, finally ready to fall asleep. 

Dan felt Phil brush his hair back and place a kiss on his forehead, murmuring, “Goodnight, baby.”

Dan smiled in his sleep. It was such a wonderful feeling, going to sleep knowing that he would wake up the next day to a beautiful day and a beautiful family. Every day for the rest of his life.

~*~

_SURVIVAL GUIDE_   
_Visitor's notes:_

_We were once on this island too_. _Life__ is hard, we know. There are moments when living doesn't seem worth it anymore, moments when you feel unloved and alone. We were there too; we understand. But there's always someone who cares, always someone who will accept you for who you are. __YOU ARE LOVED__. Very much so. In order to see that, you have to let people in. You have to love yourself enough to reach out for help. You are the most important person in your life, no one else. You can do this. There are so many different people to meet. So many beautiful places to see. So much love left to give. Do not give up – Dan and Phil, March 22, 20__20._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh!! I can't believe this is the end of this journey. Thank you so much for reading, leaving comments and supporting me. It means a lot!! :') <3
> 
> This is goodbye... or not. I have a new fic (called Butterfly) that I will now update every Thursday. So if you want, check it out! Thank you. Stay safe. Stay inside and take care of yourself❤️🖤


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